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RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 6:32:25 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
Younguns are drawn to "kewel" things without knowing how to get the most of it. Here's another question.. would you appreciate BDSM as much had you not known vanilla sex?

Do vanillas appreciate vanilla sex without knowing bdsm?

How early would you have caught me? I was having kidnapping fantasies at age 5, full blown rape fantasies by age 10. I didn't even know what "sex" was, but I know I liked touching myself between my legs and those images and ideas made me feel something yummy inside.

Would you have told me at age 10 I was just trying to be "kewl"? Or at age 8 when I tried to kiss a girl and ended up being the complete ostracized freak of the class for years? Yeah, that was so "kewl," no wonder I kept wanting it.

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Post #: 21

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 6:33:41 PM

NuevaVida

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God, LA, I think we shared a brain during childhood!

< Message edited by NuevaVida -- 8/18/2008 6:35:40 PM >

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Post #: 22

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 6:35:46 PM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
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I lost my virginity in the back of a pick up truck in the middle of a bike trail with a guy I was using to just see what the big deal was about. The whole time he just kept saying 'don't worry, it'll be over soon' and I was laying there wondering what the hell was supposed to be so great about sex. ANYTHING would have been better than that, what a waste. I would've loved to have a partner early on who was willing to try more than the standard stuff- I would have been much more sexually satisfied that's for sure. It all just depends on the person and their likes and dislikes. The same experience that's liberating for one person could end up leaving mental scars on another. I just wish society on a whole was more open minded so that people don't end up feeling like there's something 'wrong' with them for not fitting in with what people consider to be 'normal'. Would I appericate BDSM as much if I hadn't known vanilla sex? I'm glad I got the chance to try out different things so I can say without a doubt 'this is what I like' and know it's true.

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Post #: 23

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 6:36:34 PM

LadySilver0523

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I think that it's perfectly natural.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 24

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 7:02:35 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Do you think it is mentally healthy to have your first sexual experiences to be BDSM oriented or should they know the basics of sexual relationships first?

(For example, I see BDSM as an embellishment, not the meat and potatoes of sexual relations. JMO)

Thoughts?

I can only say for myself that while my first experiences having sex were within the context of BDSM and D/s when I was 18/19-ish, I certainly had sexual experiences before discovering BDSM before that time period. So obviously, I had a context for understanding what vanilla sex was and understanding why it didn't appeal to me. Its not like I woke up at 18 with an interest in BDSM and zero knowledge or sexual experience.

C~

Edited to add - I'd rather have had my first and subsequent experience having sex be mixed with BDSM/Ds (which really just works for me and clicks and feels right) rather than spend decades unfulfilled and searching for BDSM.

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 8/18/2008 7:04:33 PM >

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(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 25

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 7:13:53 PM

CalifChick

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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

If that is all you "know".. how would you relate to the rest of the word you will encounter. Not many will take kindly to a nipple tweak as an introduction.

How do know when to separate the hormones from the humanity of it all? I see our young adults as getting more emotionally handicapped at the generations progress.

In or out of BDSM, trying to tweak my nipples as an introduction would most likely involve bloodshed, and it wouldn't be mine. BDSM is not how I relate to the world.

I guess I'm missing the correlation between being emotionally handicapped and experiencing BDSM. I would think the parents didn't do such a hot job if they raised emotionally handicapped kids.

Cali

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(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 26

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 7:16:17 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Do you think it is mentally healthy to have your first sexual experiences to be BDSM oriented or should they know the basics of sexual relationships first?

(For example, I see BDSM as an embellishment, not the meat and potatoes of sexual relations. JMO)

Thoughts?

I really could not say since none of my sexual encounters have been 'BDSM' orientated. However, ALL of them have involved pain in varying degrees...I would not change any of them though.

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Post #: 27

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 7:34:30 PM

blacksword404

Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

If that is all you "know".. how would you relate to the rest of the word you will encounter. Not many will take kindly to a nipple tweak as an introduction.

How do know when to separate the hormones from the humanity of it all? I see our young adults as getting more emotionally handicapped at the generations progress.

In or out of BDSM, trying to tweak my nipples as an introduction would most likely involve bloodshed, and it wouldn't be mine. BDSM is not how I relate to the world.

I guess I'm missing the correlation between being emotionally handicapped and experiencing BDSM. I would think the parents didn't do such a hot job if they raised emotionally handicapped kids.

Cali

That might be because dads in the room tying mommy up instead of spending time with the kids. A lot of parents complain about violent video game when it's the parents who but it for them.Be mindful of your households. No matter how much money the government takes in they will never raise your kids right. Kind of reminds me of some rich kids. thier parents give them everything they want and very little of what they need.

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(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 28

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 7:41:54 PM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan

Is there any reason why it would be mentally unhealthy to have your first sexual experiences containing kink elements?

If that is all you "know".. how would you relate to the rest of the word you will encounter. Not many will take kindly to a nipple tweak as an introduction.

How do know when to separate the hormones from the humanity of it all? I see our young adults as getting more emotionally handicapped at the generations progress.

Personally, I don't see how having vanilla sex is going to solve that problem. I've known people who have only had vanilla sex that can't seperate humanity from hormones. I've watched people think a drunken "vanilla" one night stand means true love and I've seen people handle BDSM sex with ease.

For me, "vanilla" sex - while fun - has simply never been as fun for sex's sake. It's got to be a bit rough unless I'm making love. Why would I settle if I just want the sex? Personally, I think if you want to figure out what is causing today's youth issues about sex you need to look at the misinformation being deliberately fed in schools to try and prevent kids from having sex.

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(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 29

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 7:43:38 PM

MistressPav

Posts: 350
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Do you think it is mentally healthy to have your first sexual experiences to be BDSM oriented or should they know the basics of sexual relationships first?

(For example, I see BDSM as an embellishment, not the meat and potatoes of sexual relations. JMO)

Thoughts?

It might not be mentally healthy, but I'm sure those young men of mine won't mind a bit. *lol*
And to be honest, I don't care if it's not "healthy" (I'm not trying to be rude)....I'm going to have a hell of a lot of fun corrupting!

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(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 30

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 7:56:34 PM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

If we all agree that bdsm and Ds is a normal healthy type of relationship, why shouldn't we encourage youngins to explore that as much as any other normal healthy type of relationship?

I dont think it's that cut and dry. I remember when I was 17... it was my birthday, and I was out with my bf and some friends at a club. I wanted to stay, and he wanted to go. We argued about it, but we ended up leaving. I pouted all the way back to his house. He kept on talking to me, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I was trying my darndest to show him how pissed off I was. Anyway, we got to his place, went to his bedroom, and to my utter disbelief, he proceeded to start to get it on with me. I was flabergasted that he had 'the nerve' to think that I was gonna fuck him when I was mad. So I changed my tactics. I decided that I would just lay there like a dead fish. "I'll show him, I thought!". He went about doing his business. Even kissing me, despite the fact that I didnt returm a single kiss or action. He had his way, and when it was over, he said...."Dont you EVER fuckin do that to me again." He wouldnt talk about it. I ended up just goin home. I was soooo angry! Today, when I think about it, I smile, and I think..."good for him!" Its all a matter of perspective, and , time and experience changes this.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 31

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 8:02:05 PM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Personally, I think if you want to figure out what is causing today's youth issues about sex you need to look at the misinformation being deliberately fed in schools to try and prevent kids from having sex.

Or could it be the religious institutions who for the masses, dictate our moral code?

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 32

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 8:08:20 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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I dont know if it is mentally healthy or not. I was already pretty twisted by the time the rest of my virginity was taken from me. But my first semi-consensual (sort of, but not really) was with my hands secured above my head and no amount of twisting and turning would jostle him loose.
It sort of set the pattern for the rest of our relationship and marriage.
If I had the ability to change it, I might not have had sex for several more years. But, as I said, my psyche was already twisted this way.
I wonder how many people get to choose the manner of their loss of innocence?
Kyst

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 33

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 8:41:15 PM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
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My first boyfriend and I played around with kink in fact very heavily so and niether of us realised it had a name, it was just what we did. We broke up I dated others it was all very ho hum, except for one amazing one night stand which looking back was with a very D type male. Then got back with said first boyfriend, kinky stuff resumed I was happy till we broke up, then boring nilla nilla nilla till I met my amazing Sir.

So looking back it was and always has been part of even my earliest sexuality (like LA I was having kidnap and rape fantasies very early) and even though i have dated quite a number of nilla guys there has always been something missing in those relationships.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 34

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 8:47:43 PM

daddysliloneds

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define mentally healthy.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 35

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 8:52:57 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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I've only known bdsm and nothing else.

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Post #: 36

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 10:45:54 PM

leakylee

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Joined: 7/2/2004
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every fantasy i ever had prior to any experience wasnt quite "right" by what my friends shared with me of thiers. every experience i had pre-sex was a bit out of the norm. the first time though was the mutest sex i ever had. both virgins, in lub/lust, the whole nine yards. it was the worst sex i ever had. needless to say it didnt take long for my curiousity to kick in and for me to go to exploring, and find the funner side of life.

so no i dont think it would be mentally unhealthy. i honestly feel that a person is going to gravitate towards thier natural inclinations, sooner or later.

smooches
lee

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Post #: 37

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/18/2008 10:54:14 PM

Owner4SexSlave

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Does this mean Kinky Sex is harmful? Just what is BDSM oriented sex anyways? I actually was into kink before discovering what BDSM was. Actually, I was doing kinky things first without the sex. Sex was just the iceing on the cake.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 38

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/19/2008 2:11:33 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Do you think it is mentally healthy to have your first sexual experiences to be BDSM oriented or should they know the basics of sexual relationships first?

(For example, I see BDSM as an embellishment, not the meat and potatoes of sexual relations. JMO)

Thoughts?

For me there is no bdsm without sex and no sex (rarely) without bdsm.
This has always been the case for me. And my bdsm doesn't just take place within the bedroom it pervades my life.
So: don't really understand how to follow through with an answer.

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Post #: 39

RE: I wanna know this too.... - 8/19/2008 4:56:23 AM

VioletAshes

Posts: 101
Joined: 1/16/2008
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All of my sexual relationships have had some element of bdsm, even the so called vanilla ones. Its never been a conscious choice to engage in these acts, they just seem to happen. Of course this could be because of my enjoyment level... but I do not believe there is anything wrong with your first time being a bdsm experience.

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Post #: 40

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