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Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 5:41:05 PM   
devotedOwner19


Posts: 47
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline 		Hey out  im  a Nice guy but im still a Dom  do you think it good to be nice and dom...why or why not ive been told sevral time recently it was bad for me to be nice
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 5:44:48 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		All doms should be evil  It says so right on page 93 of the Official Dom Handbook.  (can be bought at amazon.com)

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(in reply to devotedOwner19)
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RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 5:46:49 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		Being nice is fine as long as rules and orders and whatnot are still being followed as you see fit.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 5:55:03 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		you can be nice and be in control of your life/self/sub/ - you can be nice and still be assertive/strong-willed/determined - you can be nice and still wield a flogger/cane/paddle - you can be nice and still be a very effective and much sought after D.

or you can be a horrible, cold, unfeeling, miserable mysoginist,  detached from his subs feelings and his own.

which would you prefer.

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
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RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:00:32 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Hey out im a Nice guy but im still a Dom do you think it good to be nice and dom...why or why not ive been told sevral time recently it was bad for me to be nice


If I were you, I'd investigate the BDSM organization in your area, and meet other dominant people and make friends with them. Find a mentor - someone who's pretty universally respected by others and learn from them. While you may learn concepts on sites like this, you will not pick up many of the skills that are in demand in BDSM relationships in their many varied hues.

My owner is very nice; if he was a dick all the time, he would probably be a single dom. With that said, he understands the dynamics of our relationship and how to illicite the behavior he wants accordingly.

But seriously, anyone young who's seriously believes that this is where their proclivities lie in my opinion does themselves a disservice (and others who they may come into relationships with) by not involving themselves in their local, real time organization, meeting people and finding a mentor who they can learn and grow with.

PL


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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to devotedOwner19)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:00:35 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

you can be nice and be in control of your life/self/sub/ - you can be nice and still be assertive/strong-willed/determined - you can be nice and still wield a flogger/cane/paddle - you can be nice and still be a very effective and much sought after D.

or you can be a horrible, cold, unfeeling, miserable mysoginist,  detached from his subs feelings and his own.

which would you prefer.


Someone can be "not nice" and still not be the negative things you listed here.  What if someone's has a sarcastic, rough kind of personality.  Probably wouldn't be defined as nice, but could very well still be caring.  Personally...I don't like nice. 

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RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:13:49 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		Corrected copy below... ooops

< Message edited by DomDolf -- 8/4/2008 6:16:25 PM >

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:14:56 PM   
devotedOwner19


Posts: 47
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily


If I were you, I'd investigate the BDSM organization in your area, and meet other dominant people and make friends with them. Find a mentor - someone who's pretty universally respected by others and learn from them. While you may learn concepts on sites like this, you will not pick up many of the skills that are in demand in BDSM relationships in their many varied hues.

My owner is very nice; if he was a dick all the time, he would probably be a single dom. With that said, he understands the dynamics of our relationship and how to illicite the behavior he wants accordingly.

But seriously, anyone young who's seriously believes that this is where their proclivities lie in my opinion does themselves a disservice (and others who they may come into relationships with) by not involving themselves in their local, real time organization, meeting people and finding a mentor who they can learn and grow with.

PL




I would love too find a local bdsm organization in my local community and while ive met a few people from my area i cant honestly say i know there is one or where to look for one if i did

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:15:42 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedOwner19

Hey out  im  a Nice guy but im still a Dom  do you think it good to be nice and dom...why or why not ive been told sevral time recently it was bad for me to be nice


You are receiving some good advice here. Here's a piece of advice from me...

Assume nothing, accept nothing at face value, don't be pissed at the world, don't allow others to influence your development unless you know they can AND have backed up what they speak, be yourself, don't accept any ONE person's word as fact, and if nice is what you are then be happy with it. Anyone that is not happy with your style of domination is simply not for you. Not everyone can be for you. And you cannot be for everyone. I personally am nice with an edge, some like it, some hate it. I like some and don't like others.

As PL suggested, get involved with others that are real time and living the life. Be aware that some that go to the events and meetings are full of it at times too, but your chances of finding good information and real guidance is MUCH better there. I once belonged to a group of male dominants that provided mentoring to other dominants. It was a very rewarding group for everyone, mentored and mentors. I have found that most RT folk are very open and willing to share their thoughts and experiences.

Dolf

(in reply to devotedOwner19)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:15:48 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a nice guy.   Well, there are some at work who cross me who might say I'm not so nice. But, my VP likes me.
I'm a nice guy.   Well there was the young man, into drugs and knocking up young ladies, who tried to date mine ... but he's walking fine now.
I'm a nice guy ... until I get that look in my eyes and you say no, but I take you anyway. And enjoy it all the more for your fighting.
But, I think I'm a nice guy.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:16:27 PM   
Sandyshores29718


Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		Theres nothing wrong with nice. The Dom I love is a super sweet man...very loving. I love it! Some do not want nice...you will just have to find the one that does. :) I like a little asshole in my men, but I want someone nice. They can be an asshole to everyone else, but with me I perfer nice.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:20:25 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedOwner19

I would love too find a local bdsm organization in my local community and while ive met a few people from my area i cant honestly say i know there is one or where to look for one if i did


Not sure how accurate this info is, but here is a list of groups. It does have the groups I am familiar with.

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html

(in reply to devotedOwner19)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:39:58 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have it on good authority, that .."nice"...causes.......queef apnea..

OBGYNDOM

(in reply to devotedOwner19)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:44:11 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I have it on good authority, that .."nice"...causes.......queef apnea..

OBGYNDOM



LMAO.... May I borrow that?

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:50:17 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		why not?.. I stole it from thronhappy.............LOL

Jeff

(in reply to DomDolf)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 6:51:00 PM   
HollywoodExecDom


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/12/2008
Status: offline 		Some of the nicest people I know are fellow Doms - and usually the nicer they are, the more capable their subs report them to be.

From what I've found, most "good" Doms, are exceedingly polite and well natured. Personally, I don't consider the antisocial behavior typified by "mean people" as particularly dominant by definition - as it generally is the product of inadequacies and a failure to command society and control surroundings.

But that aside, I too have heard the refrain "You seem too nice to be a Dom." I tend to revel in it, because one, I'm secure enough in myself to not want to change my attitude to reflect a typification of domination. I view it contradictory to submit to an external conception of what a Dom is supposed to be. Secondly, I like to defy people's expectations. I love surprising subs when they find out perhaps I'm more than I seem.

Plus, another advantage of being a nice Dom is that most subs don't want to be in a relationship with a douchebag. Especially the one's who are worth having a more meaningful relationship with. People are going to get their panties in a twirl for me saying this, but from my experience, the subs who look for the "mean Doms" (and I specifically mean the Doms who are outwardly mean, not merely sadistic in the bedroom), usually are immature, with deep seated psychological issues - and generally suffer from patterns of abuse.

I will say this much though, you should still be in control of yourself enough to show your bad boy side once in a while. But honestly, there is someone for everyone and no hard and fast set way to carry out a relationship - even someone nice through and through.

(in reply to DomDolf)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 7:48:53 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have to tell you that my Master is one of the nicest, polite, respectful, caring, loving man I know. Just because you are a Dom/Master doesn't mean you cannot or should be nice.

(in reply to HollywoodExecDom)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 7:56:32 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedOwner19
I would love too find a local bdsm organization in my local community and while ive met a few people from my area i cant honestly say i know there is one or where to look for one if i did


Virginia
  • Arlington: Black Rose; a pansexual educational, support, and social group.
  • Charlottesville: CUFF
  • Blacksburg Munch; email for info
  • NoVA Munch; Northern Virginia Munches, email for info
  • Hampton Roads: Crimson Phoenix; pansexual support & education group
  • Richmond: Release
  • Tidewater: The Power Exchange
  • VA Dommes and male subs; Femdom-malesub group, holds monthly luncheons.
  • Tidewater Individuals Exploring Domination
  • Tidewater Pride; support group with play parties, chats, munches and demo's every month.

    _____________________________

    AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

    (in reply to devotedOwner19)
    • Profile   Post #: 18
    RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 8:59:29 PM   
    leadership527


    Posts: 5026
    Joined: 6/2/2008
    Status: offline     		*shrugs*
    I like to think of myself as nice.  I try to keep a pleasant and polite demeanor.  I greet people with a smile and a handshake or hug as the case may dictate.  I try to help those around me when I can.  And insofar as my girl... I love her ot the ends of the earth with all the "niceness" implied by that.  At the local MAST meeting I attend, I would generally say that ALL the doms there are nice, polite, well adjusted people.  There's some energy from the domme side that I don't quite understand that sometimes reads to me as harsh and nasty but my suspicion is I'm misreading it and I need to learn more.

    The funny thing to me is all these nice guys sit around worried that the subs won't like nice guys.  I'm still trying to figure out where this originates. 

    Just try to remember there is a WORLD of difference between the words "stern" and "not nice".  A lot of subs and I suspect almost all self-identified slaves desire a degree of sternness.  But honestly, for the vast majority of people, nastiness for it's own sake is going to wear thin really quickly if we're not talking about a scene here, but a way of life.

    (in reply to CalifChick)
    Profile   Post #: 19
    RE: Opinions on Dom - 8/4/2008 9:09:49 PM   
    Owner4SexSlave


    Posts: 1311
    Joined: 4/4/2007
    Status: offline     		Don't know what to tell you, find a balance between being a Nice Guy and an Asshole.  If you're too nice or too much of an asshole, you'll have the girls running from you. lol

    (in reply to devotedOwner19)
    Profile   Post #: 20
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