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RE: Natural Dominance - 7/23/2008 5:06:28 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Well I ain’t gonna’ beg her to come back come back and play with the big dogs.  Either you can hang or you can’t.  Begging is her sub’s job not ours and no one here attacked her or said anything offensive that we owe her any apologies. 
Yo, naturally dominant Domme type person that just put herself in time out and fell off the porch … you seemed like a nice one, wtf? ... a quick but polite death eh? 

I’m personally pissed off that she ran away after I went through all that trouble to take the high road and make a nice reply that ‘splained the math of subdividing groups and how her self image would isolate her from the majority.  It’s all Steels fault for taking the high road with his politically correct reply :
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
**Containing my Snide remarks and attempting to offer positive advice** {……..etc}

Fleck you steel… I can’t believe I let you influence me like that.  I must be getting weak in my old age.  Hmm... wonder what would've happened if anyone took the bait in the OP and ate her alive instead of everyone being so nice and PC about it? 

If someone comes onto these forms declaring their natural twue dominance, then turns tail and runs in the face of some valid, friendly and polite advice about changing her approach, it makes you wonder...

 

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(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/23/2008 5:55:46 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I don't know about natural dominance
I just know of Newton's proclamation
That forces equal to a nominated mass
When multiplied by accelaration
This is the law of motion
Unlike natural dominance unlikely to stump
But there's one more and it's called Sod's Law
When this natural Domme got the hump
These are laws I learned at school and in life
But I think I've discovered one more
We were doing alright until she went off tonight
But you know this is called Sod's Law

Now Einstein might have been a natural Dom
With all the philosophies he shared
He gave us this theory of relativity
Which is 'e' equals 'mc' squared
Where 'e' is energy and 'c' is mass
And 'c' is the speed of light
But it didn't help us much when she kicked us into touch
By resigning from the boards tonight
I'm still not sure of natural dominance
Just makes me think of what I learned once more
We were doing alright till she buggered off tonight
And I guess this is called Sod's Law

The hypotenuse has a square on
Which is equal Pythagoras instructed
Which is equal to the squares on the other two sides
If a triangle is cleverly constructed
This is the first geometric law
Quite frankly I'm still at a loss
Because who gives a shit where the three squares sit
Since the natural Domme quit I couldn't give a toss
I'm still not sure of natural dominance
Just makes me think of what I learned once more
We were doing alright till she buggered off tonight
And I guess this is called Sod's Law

Archimedes shouted out 'Eureka'
Because in English he wasn't too aversed in
When he discovered that the volume of a body in the bath
Was equal to the stuff it was immersed in
This is the law of displacement
That's why shits don't sink
It's a shame he wasn't alive in 1912
The Titanic would have made him think
I'm still not sure of natural dominance
Just makes me think of what I learned once more
We were doing alright till she buggered off tonight
And I guess this is called Sod's Law

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(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/23/2008 6:53:02 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
People, by and large, are generally assholes on discussion boards anywhere on the internet.  Anonymity does not do good things for most people.

Now see I would disagree with this.  Online communication can suck.  No face, no visual clues. 

I have noticed that online can often provide a better window than the same amount of real-time exposure, to be able to assess someone's character.  People can misrepresent their gender, age, weight, marital status... but it's much harder to misrepresent how they deal with confrontation, whether they are able to keep private things private, or, frankly, their general code of honor. 

I am never "anonymous" to myself.  I have to live with everything I say, write and do.  What does it say about someone's internalization of responsibility if they act different just because people reading their words don't know their real name?


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/23/2008 10:26:41 PM   
SurrenderForMe


Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		I naturally take control.  I have freaked out many people. 

Am I a true dominant?  Only to my true submissive.

(in reply to MstrsMaya)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/23/2008 10:38:41 PM   
aleshaDreams


Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I think there are people whom have the capabilities of leading without demanding or proclaiming their status as leader.  History and such often refer to these persons as visionaries; people have a tendency to follow because the person is held fast in their belief system and unrelentlessly go forward dispite the obstacles that continually attempt hijacking their goals.  I don't believe that anyone is naturally submissive or dominant, but I do believe that two when found together can have a connection that follows a somewhat natural connection where most things fall into place without alot of push and pull to make it happen.  But that is my take, and finding the actual natural fit perhaps makes it seem like there are few that fit the bill.  Most people will be lucky if they actually fall in love once in a lifetime, if they do - are considered lucky.  Something like winning the lottery, its all dependant on the importance and what is sought. 

(in reply to MstrsMaya)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 3:05:15 AM   
seababy


Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Ever heard of bait?  I am constantly amazed by all the dominants that expect true subs are going to drop from the trees, when in sight of dominants.  No, I dont think most people are about the kink although many are.  I do think that it takes at least something to get them in the store to check out what you are offering. 
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrsMaya
. I am finding most people I encounter are about the "kink".



Should I stop lurking in trees waiting for passing dominants then?



(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 5:21:20 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LOL what ever works.  Be sure have the ACME net handy.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: seababy


Should I stop lurking in trees waiting for passing dominants then?





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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 6:00:17 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Nope, you aren't alone.

However a person who is naturally dominant.. I wouldn't use terms like "real" or "true' myself, usually does not need to state that. Folks just seem to follow or turn to you and hopefully you keep your pride in check and never forget that being dominant is not a right, it is not a privilege, it simply is part of you and that should entail a responsibility.

I do think it is harder for women still to embrace any natural dominance because if you still live in a patriarchy (and most of us do) you are taught that men are dominant. On the flip side this makes it difficult for naturally submissive men as well. If you live in a society where everyone is supposed to be equals it can mess with us all but frankly I wouldn't want to make all of society like me... I don't think that would be a good thing for the majority of people better to let them find and live what is best for them.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MstrsMaya)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 8:16:16 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		My mate and I both frighten people. I don't think it has anything to do with us being dominant-oriented individuals (which we are), though. I believe that what it is that the people fear is that we choose to live our lives without masks and without pretense. I believe there is a hidden fear that, because we do so, we will somehow force the masks from those who prefer to keep theirs, and, in the process, expose those things that they hide behind their masks for the world to see.

Regardless of their place on the submission--------dominance scale, there are people who live this way -- and inevitably, they will be considered 'scary' to many of the people who encounter them.

Calla Firestorm

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***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to MstrsMaya)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 8:46:20 AM   
MstrsMaya


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		OK First, apparently my headspace was out of sorts yesterday and I was wearing a bruised ego on my sleeve. So for those I took umbrage with I apologize. Generally not my nature.

Now let me rephrase since Calla has put my head in the direction I meant to go with my question.

Remove the words Natural and True from this post....yes it was insulting and I apologize for throwing them out there.

So here is the question:

Am I the only one finding so many who are afraid of the fact I am comfortable and in Full acceptance of who I am as a Dominat woman and am consitant and unwavering in my beliefs?

I will not go as far as to say I live without a mask, because I do. My mother, sisters and most of my friends and collegues do not know that behind the Girl Scout Leader and PTA, Buisness Woman Mom, lies a very Sensual Sadist of a Dominant Woman.

However, My husband who has chosen to stay Vanilla but allow Me to nurture this side of myself allows me to be upfront and fortright in the Lifestyle. What I find from this is it scares the fuck out of people.

Honesty seems to be a far more scarey concept than deception these days which astounds me in what I had found to be a very open minded community.

Maya

< Message edited by MstrsMaya -- 7/24/2008 8:49:51 AM >

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 9:07:25 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Hello again Maya!  It is lovely to see you return.  That rocks.
 
Some people fear the unknown.  It could be they fear you wont be able to commit to their care because you are in a non bdsm relationship.  It might be they need consistancy and fear you can't give that.  Obviously you can, but sometimes it is difficult for some people to see passed non bdsm relationships.
 
The other thing is that they may not be happy with being part of a poly unit.  Particularly if one part of the dynamic is not active.
 
the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to MstrsMaya)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 9:38:27 AM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrsMaya

...snipped...

So here is the question:

Am I the only one finding so many who are afraid of the fact I am comfortable and in Full acceptance of who I am as a Dominat woman and am consitant and unwavering in my beliefs?


I don't know.  I'm sub with my other, but to the outside world, this is not the case.  I've yet to find a person afraid of me for consistency. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrsMaya
I will not go as far as to say I live without a mask, because I do. My mother, sisters and most of my friends and collegues do not know that behind the Girl Scout Leader and PTA, Buisness Woman Mom, lies a very Sensual Sadist of a Dominant Woman.


Likewise, I don't share private matters with many of the vanilla people in my life.  It's just personal preference.  When I'm with those people, I rarely think of myself in D/s terms, even though it is always a part of who I am.  Perhaps when you're more comfortable with it all, this will strike you less and be more fluid.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrsMaya
However, My husband who has chosen to stay Vanilla but allow Me to nurture this side of myself allows me to be upfront and fortright in the Lifestyle. What I find from this is it scares the fuck out of people.


Here's where I pick up something of a problem, frankly.  I wouldn't necessarily be asking questions along the lines of "I scare the fuck out of people - wow, do the other doms find that too??" but more along the lines of simply, "why am I scaring the fuck out of people?  I know I shouldn't be, because fear is often counterproductive to my interpesonal goals.  What behaviors and actions on my part are causing this unhealthy reaction in those around me?"

Once again, I wish you luck.

(in reply to MstrsMaya)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 10:10:47 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		It's all my fault.

Apparently trying to Pull your leg was not something you wanted.

In accordance with one of your other posts I feel the need to point something out.

No one is Attacking you, however you were taught an important lesson about wearing Meat Pants in the Dog Pound. Chances are if you aren't careful you will get bit and if you are completely careless you will end up Mauled.

However as to "why people attack and not Guide" Well I remember making that exact same remark and I was informed and reminded that it isn't anyones responsibility to Guide anyone here, it isn't anyone responsibility but yours to make sure you aren't talking out of your ass.

As to your question I will offer you another piece of advice that I am fond of giving. If you keep doing the same thing and you keep getting the same result then who's fault is it that you are scaring the hell out of your partners? Do you keep hitting in the EXACT same person? if not then did it ever occur to you that maybe it is you and the way you precieve Dominance and not just that people cannot handle a Dominant female?

Just some food for thought. If it isn't them maybe it's you.

Steel

**Pulling your Leg is not in refference to playing a joke on someone. In the Past when people were publicly hung there were situations when the neck would not break and the person would flop around and thier family would watch them suffer. One family member was allowed to jump up to the person hanging from the gallows and pull on his or her leg to finish the job. So Historically when you Pull Someones Leg you are actually doing them a favor by saving them lengthy agony.


< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 7/24/2008 10:14:43 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 10:37:43 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Your basic temperament and desires are not learned.  Any parent will tell you that certain babies were born a certain way, and others were the total opposite.  You can't take a high energy dog and train him to be sluggish and lazy (unless you severely overfeed him).  You can't teach a cat to bark.  Birds will fly unless you cut off their wings.  My desires go back to age three.  I am almost certain that my brother is not this way at all.

(in reply to Diphon)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 11:04:13 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I guess that spankings are a hard limit for Maya. Begs the question can a Domme be to sensitive. Maya I got this way because the same thing happened to me on my first post. Being the aggressive person that I am I  ignored the crap.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 12:46:58 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Lots of folks are freaked out by dominant women. 

Some of them, I mess with, Because I Can.    For the most part, the ones who are scared are not people that are going to interest me all that much, so I ignore them.  In this "group" are the male dominants who think that a femdom just hasn't found the right man yet (just like all those lesbians haven't, either!), the female submissives who see a femdom as a threat, because the male dominants treat us as equals, and the male submissives who are just plain scared.  Fooey.

In the vanilla world, did you ever find that people "disliked" you because you were too competent?  Because your skills were making them look bad?  It's the same here.  Confidence is scary to those who are insecure.  The internets are the HAVEN of the insecure.  The people that are going to like and trust you for your good qualities will find you, and those are the only ones you need to bother with.

Welcome back, BTW.  And just so you know, these are the NICE folks on the forums...  We don't pull any punches, we bite a lot, but we snorgle, too.  At least some do...

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 1:58:19 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Not only, as the.dark said, do people generally fear the unknown (and what is to them, wierd), but I'd go further.  As a pretty vanilla person only recently involved in any of this, I do have to say that the word choices and whatnot that are used almost appear to be coldly calculated to offend as many sensibilities as possible.  Personally, I think that's understandable.  This is a bunch of people who like to think of themselves as kinky and edgy.  Well, you can't be kinky and edgy if you a person who "loves, honors and obeys" your partner because... hey... that's old fashioned.   But you CAN be edgy if you're a slave.

Do I command my girl or do I lead her?
Do I punish her, or instruct her?
Does she obey me or respect my gifts as a leader?
etc.

I actually explained the entire thing to my parents including a pretty accurate portrayal of all the concepts and didn't offend a single one of their very very vanilla sensibilities.

quote:

ORIGINAL:  Canti
Here's where I pick up something of a problem, frankly.  I wouldn't necessarily be asking questions along the lines of "I scare the fuck out of people - wow, do the other doms find that too??" but more along the lines of simply, "why am I scaring the fuck out of people?  I know I shouldn't be, because fear is often counterproductive to my interpesonal goals.  What behaviors and actions on my part are causing this unhealthy reaction in those around me?"

OK canti.  I think I love you.  But don't tell your Master or my girl I said that *laughs*

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 2:28:30 PM   
OnlyHisLovebug


Posts: 56
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline 		Hi there...new to this board myself, but have lurked a while, too.  While I am submissive, I happen to be confident- and have a very strong personality and belief system.  I have found that in certain circumstances, with certain people, it does indeed seem to be unnerving. 

I am awlays myself- not saying that I lay my personal life out for all to see- or that I feel that details of my situation need to be on display in other aspects of my life.  However, I do always call it like I see it, although I'm never ashamed to admit when I come to realize my vision is faulty!  I'm far from perfect; and I'm here not just to enjoy myself- but to learn from the vast knowledge of the others that post here.    

One thing that many years online has taught me is that it's best to have a thick skin- and a good sense of humor.   And yes, honesty can be frightening- remember, this 'community' is made up of the same individuals you will find in the community at large; so I personally never expect people here to be more open-minded than those I'd find anywhere else.

lovebug~

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If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I. ~Michel de Montaigne

(in reply to MstrsMaya)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 4:26:48 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena


Here's where I pick up something of a problem, frankly.  I wouldn't necessarily be asking questions along the lines of "I scare the fuck out of people - wow, do the other doms find that too??" but more along the lines of simply, "why am I scaring the fuck out of people?  I know I shouldn't be, because fear is often counterproductive to my interpesonal goals.  What behaviors and actions on my part are causing this unhealthy reaction in those around me?"




Best comment yet!

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Natural Dominance - 7/24/2008 6:11:23 PM   
MstrsMaya


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: cantilena


Here's where I pick up something of a problem, frankly.  I wouldn't necessarily be asking questions along the lines of "I scare the fuck out of people - wow, do the other doms find that too??" but more along the lines of simply, "why am I scaring the fuck out of people?  I know I shouldn't be, because fear is often counterproductive to my interpesonal goals.  What behaviors and actions on my part are causing this unhealthy reaction in those around me?"

I concur and intend to take it under advisement.

Maya

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 40
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