stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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"You might wake up some morning
To the sound of something moving past your window in the wind
And if you're quick enough to rise you'll catch the fleeting glimpse of someone's fading shadow
Out on a new horizon
You may see the floating motion of a distant pair of wings
And if the sleep has left your ears you might hear footsteps running through an open meadow
Don't be concerned, it will not harm you
It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of
Across my dreams, with nets of wonder
I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love..."
Bob Lind, 'Elusive Butterfly' (1966)
So the elusive butterfly is that 'traditional vanilla romantic relationship and a red hot dom sub relationship behind closed doors'?
You know it always makes me wonder about these people looking for perfection in others, just how perfect are they themselves? How much do they themselves measure up? And to be honest if you're looking for that rare woman for a 'red hot' relationship in the bedroom then you're probably a teenager, at least mentally.
I'm going to give an additional perspective here, my own as a transgendered female. I get hit upon with varying frequency by men, and yes, I've tried the transgendered dating sites frequented by a lot of men looking for the above. The thing is the offers are all the same, a stable home, I will treat you 'like a woman' (erm, well actually I am a woman - only I'm transgendered, but if you really want to be specific I'm a genetic hermaphrodite) and they offer the same 'vanilla romance' but expect the same 'red hot' sexual relationship. Only there's zero tolerance when it comes to anything they deem out of 'femininity', they're not interested in how I feel, the difficulties I have to cope with in life, it's really nothing more than a fantasy fulfillment exercise to them, to me it's my life.
I have to be honest here and admit that I pick up the same vibes as the 'admirers'. The off-putting part is that the whole relationship has already been decided and the standards set. Does it really matter then if it's a blonde named Claire or a brunette called Suzanne, as long as she is able to meet both the standards and expectations?
This isn't a Dom Trap at all, it's nothing than a maximum security prison created by the OP in his own mind to which he has sentenced himself to indefinitely on pain of release of this mythical ideal woman.
This isn't something which is rare either. I would assume that everyone here reading this has experienced loneliness, rejection and even fear of getting into a relationship at some point. If you think being a male Dom excludes you from being in a relationship try being overweight, submissive, transgendered, intersexed, the only gay in the village, I could go on - there's as many reasons for loneliness as there are people. Ever tried to find yourself in a relationship when you're a single woman with two young UMs to bring up?
But some people stay lonely, and they stay lonely for just one reason - that they have decided that they have not met their 'match', or 'ideal' person. Their choice. But you know the saddest thing in life to me is to be there lying on your deathbed and having regrets about what was or wasn't in your life.
Most relationships are a total crap shoot anyway.. they are transient, many end in failure, and even more don't start through failure. I look back on my life and much of what I see can be described as failures, misunderstandings, things not working out, broken relationships, and so much more. But all along I had good intentions. But then again there have been successes, good times, things I've learned, people I've got to know and things I have achieved.
I sometimes have a theory that the first few years in a relationship you're either learning to be a better partner and helping your partner be the same just in case the relationship falls apart. I've always wanted to be in a stable relationship, but I've probably never been in one (or if I have I haven't realised it), and I'm assuming that a stable relationship becomes one by definition with either the right person or after so many years.
I'm in no way physically attractive, I'm transgendered, but this doesn't stop me from going out and living, having friends, getting into relationships or even developing my own theatre. I've been working on a play for about four months now, there's been numerous cast changes, restarts and some weeks I didn't think it was going to come off, but now I'm pretty confident it will open in September here in London.
You see nobody comes with a ready made relationship.. I'm not saying go out there and find the first person you see, but you've got to accept that the only thing you're looking for is the potential for a lasting relationship and it all starts from there, step by step, and you work it out together, and you keep working it out together until one or both of you decides you don't want to. This isn't magic.
But yes, trying to find your ideal partner there and then is like buying a lottery ticket, or to me like sitting there waiting for a miracle to happen. I'd go out, meet people, make friends, and be 'available'.
You will probably never meet your ideal person, but you might end up with someone who comes close enough if you give them a chance.
No sense in walking round with a frame without a picture. First find the painting, appreciate the beauty, then make the frame. Or better still buy a fresh canvas and fresh oils and paint the picture yourselves.
ETA final thoughts and check for typos.
< Message edited by stella41b -- 7/22/2008 4:19:53 PM >
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