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RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 4:05:48 AM   
greyangelus


Posts: 192
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline 		6 years? Pffffftt.  Try 11 + then you can start vhining, girly man .

At the end though, you will meet someone of some kind, shape, or flavor that you like.   I've just started the intial dance with a woman I met on alt.com of all places, and I'm fairly well stoked about the prospect of her being mine.

(in reply to MBear)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 4:10:57 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		And to think, I thought this thread was going to be about traps subs set out to catch a Dom. 

(in reply to MasterSteve57)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 4:34:43 AM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57
But it's a trap because your odds aren't good - sometimes I feel like I do when I buy a lottery ticket. At first I'm full of hope but deep down inside I know in the real world my chances are, for all practical purposes, zero.


My experience was very different.  Once I found kink and started dating submissive men, the odds started looking much better for me.  That's when I became convinced that I would be able to find the fellow and relationship that I'd been looking for - dating vanilla fellows prior to finding kink just served to remind me why I'd stayed single so long and nearly had me convinced to stop looking.  In the kinky world I was certainly fishing in a much smaller pool, but that's where the right fish were.  I narrowed the pool further by sorting out what I wanted and needed (I spent a lot of time and effort on this) and not dating fellows who didn't meet the "need" criteria, even if they seemed really great in other ways.  It took a couple of years for me to find him, but I did and we've been happily married for over 7 years now.


(in reply to MasterSteve57)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 4:41:53 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		I suspect it is more your problem than that of the submissive women you have come across. You say you have had many submissives in casual relationships, but can’t find one to meet your criteria of being able to function in a vanilla romantic relationship, also. I don’t mean this as a knock, but when people say they can’t find someone in whatever setting, it is invariably their own insecurities causing the problems.

What is probably happening is that the women are the ones actually pulling away from you. You see that happening, move on and blame it on them not measuring up. Look inward. You are in your late 50’s and not with anyone. What is your history with women of all types in the past?

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to MasterSteve57)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 5:24:35 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hi MasterSteven57,

No real advise here, just warm wishes and a hope you don't give up.  

I do have one comment, I hope you will not take as snarky or insulting. 

Your profile and your post mentions your dream partner being a lady and vanilla in public, and a submissive in private.  When I'm viewing profiles, something like that ranks right up there with "must be discreet".  I'm not sure exactly what it is about the phrasing, but it vaguely implies a vanilla man who just likes to be a little kinky in the bedroom.  Which may be the case, and is certainly ok if it is. 

Submissive women tend to be searching for an entirely different beast than that, however, and while I can't speak for the whole of s-ville.  I can tell you that I might find your profile charming, but not really feel inspired to contact you because bedroom kink is at the bottom of my priorities.  You share a great deal of what it is you've done and have, but not really a lot about who you are, which also vaguely implies a certain motivation.  As if you might believe that the best thing you have to offer a submissive woman would be cruises and a little slap and tickle.  These are just the first impressions I received glancing over your profile and aren't meant as a slight or an insult in any way.  If I'm off base, or there's more in your journal and I should have taken the time to read it before posting, you have my genuine and sincere apology.

Best wishes in your search and again - Don't give up!

Winsome

PS added:  I'm sure that CollarMe isn't the only tool you are using to find that special one you are seeking!  Which would put my little insight right up there with barely of value, I'm sure.  After posting this, I worried that I might haver further discouraged you from searching, and wanted to add this disclaimer, and say just ignore the munchkin behind the curtain.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 7/21/2008 5:42:05 AM >

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 5:52:42 AM   
seababy


Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

And to think, I thought this thread was going to be about traps subs set out to catch a Dom. 




Damn and I spent all this time researching it to.
Example given below of a Dom being trapped using a spicy little sub as bait.

http://www.lostpedia.com/wiki/Image:2x19_Jack_Kate_net.jpg

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 7:26:06 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		I have one word for you:  compromise.

(in reply to MasterSteve57)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 8:34:26 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

I have one word for you:  compromise.


Spoilsport! 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 10:52:57 AM   
nwcutie102


Posts: 162
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline 		i understand your problem... i am more of a bedroom submissive, vanilla i need and want as well, although a D/s dynamic is very important to me. finding that balance in an individual who also shares intellect and regular activities with me seems close to impossible. i seem to attract poly Doms, and enjoy speaking with them, but i am not poly...... so back to the drawing board. keep hopeful though... it can sneak up on ya!

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 10:56:23 AM   
tenderplant


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence

Sitting around waiting for the perfect person to fall out of the sky is a search in vain. There are so many wonderful submissives who would give their right arm to be in a loving relationship, meanwhile many Doms are looking for the 19 year old beauty queen with the 22 inch waist,(I see you're not, but you get the idea),  the IQ of Einstein, and the sexuality of the highest paid porno star, (and she's a D/s virgin). There's certainly nothing wrong with having standards, but how many amazing women have you passed by because they didn't fit some set of particulars you may have? The pool is small enough already when you want a kinky woman,  but taking out the subs that are too old, too young, too far away, too educated, not educated enough,  too fat, too thin,  already in a relationship, never been in a D/s relationship and so on.....and your search becomes more difficult. The more particulars you demand, the smaller that pool becomes. Be willing to be open to a woman you might not have considered before- you widen your pool of candidates, and you might just be pleasantly surprised.  
Edited to add...took me 7 years to find the "perfect" relationship, and it was far from perfect when it began. You have to work for perfect.


Chained Existence  I couldn't have said it any better.

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 3:14:38 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		my "perfect Dom" would be 6'2", stinking rich, handsome as all get out, a devil in the bedroom and dungeon, and a perfect gentleman in public,  extremely intelligent in many areas and very articulate, charming, graceful,  pleasant voice, very clean, extremely healthy, did I mention independantly wealthy - and not cheap? very well versed in BDSM, a leader in the local community and nationally respected, intuitive, compassionate, sadistic,  and so on and so forth.

My Sir is real - and therefore not all these things -   in fact, he is only some of these - and the ones he is are the most important ones.
Everyone has a shopping list for a  partner, and most of us probably compromise in what is acceptable and what is not. Just because we don't look perfect, or act perfect doesn't mean that we couldn't be a great partner. It just means that we are human instead of fantasy.

(in reply to tenderplant)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 4:19:45 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		I disagree about the trap.

Let me simplify by analogy.

Imagine that life was simple, there innies and outies.  Simple geometric shapes with either a protrusion or a hole.  They come in all kinds of shapes - cylindrical, cubical, pyrimidial.

Innies could mate and reproduce with any outie. 

But for both innies and outies, the closer their genitals match shape, the more pleasure.

Now assume everyone is blind and don't know the shape of their genitals.

You finally discover you a perfect cylinder outie.  For a couple seconds you REJOICE, for you know exactly what you need.

Then you have the same idea you have in real life.  You wonder what if you don't like the right shaped innie?  How do you even find that person?

-------------------
Your position has not changed for the worse, it has improved.   You know more about what you need and want.  You can accurately describe it.   You just have to find it.
Most importantly, you have thought that the woman's sexuality is not connected to the rest of her personality.  That is wrong.  Be honest, do you think a woman that is for example anti-pornography and thinks anyone that reads it is devil-spawn would 'click with you'?

Your sexuality is part of you.  It is also part of the woman you are looking for.

You are in a BETTER position than most people because you know more about yourself.    As long as your standards are reasonable, your dominanace makes it EASIER to find the right woman, because you know right off the bat to ignore dominant women and vanilla woman that have no interest in your kind of sex.

Knowledge is power.  The people that do not have the proper words to describe their sexualtiy are in a worse position.  They are groping around, trying to find the right woman with very little awareness of the shape of their own soul

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 6:08:42 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility
You have it backwards. A man suffering from a madonna/whore complex doesn't want to or is afraid to find his perfect wife sexually attractive. The whole "mother of my children" schtick. This guy sounds perfectly comfortable to find a June Cleaver with a dark side... there just aren't that many out there and lots of competition for them.

Literally yes.  But I use the term whenever a male seems to want to divide a woman into different parts and acts as if one can be hidden away for their own sense of moral convenience.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 6:25:11 PM   
ViciousCycle


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		Zen view...embrace possibility while avoiding the trap of expectation. Each submissive I have had the pleasure of meeting and spending time with has given me great pleasure. I do not try to make them fit into my mold...I try to experience the uniqueness found in each individual. That is how I prefer to manifest my dominance...by creating a place where a submissive feels compelled to show her true self in entirety. The only trap is found in rigid expectation. Breathe life into the relationship and encourage it to evolve. It is far more than the thrills found in  unlocking emotion...it is the sacred trust found in where you lead its growth.

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 8:56:23 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57

I've been searching for a LTR for several years now and am no closer to my goal than I was when I began.


I'm afraid you're wrong.  You are, in fact, several years closer to your goal. 



(in reply to MasterSteve57)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/21/2008 10:02:56 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		BRAVA, Treasure!!

(smooch! how are you, gorgeous?)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/22/2008 12:53:13 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57
I've been searching for a LTR for several years now and am no closer to my goal than I was when I began.

I'm afraid you're wrong.  You are, in fact, several years closer to your goal. 

Well put
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To the OP.

I moved to a sleepy town in Florida and have not had a successful long term relationship partner since.  Like you, I felt frustrated trying to find somebody compatible on a long term basis. 

I think it is a little bit like gambling.  The odds don’t change over the long run but you can have short term streaks of luck.  It often occurs to me that I am fishing in a small town pond. When I lived in a city of more than 3 million I had 30 consecutive years of bliss in three consecutive long term BDSM relationships.  I moved to the Sarasota, Florida I’ve had 3 short term (2 year long) relationships.
 
The BDSM relationship percentage of success does not seem lower than the vanilla success ratio to me.  Whether it is your personal skill or the environment you’re hunting in, I just don’t see BDSM as being harder to satisfy in a relationship style then vanilla.
 

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/22/2008 1:07:59 AM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Stop looking and start living.


Agreed.
It's not about sifting through a pile of people and being dissatisfied with all of them, while waiting for "the one." Get out there, meet new women, and have relationships. Not every person you date has to be your one twue, 2gether 4ever love. It might turn out that you never do the til-death-do-us-part thing with anyone. But if you shared your life with various cool people who care about you, would not ever getting married be the worst thing ever?

People are attracted to those who aren't desperately looking for a relationship. The less you look, the more you find.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/22/2008 3:03:18 AM   
silkncarol


Posts: 318
Status: offline 		GREAT advice!!     It's also the reason why i'll date or have relationships many call vanilla...but then i'm attracted to dominant type-A personalilty men....so even if it's not a lifestyle relationship i have my D/s need met.....but i will keep going to the local munches and being active in the community, hanging with friends and networking....lol
Life goes on, and i wont sit on the sidelines and wait........

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Stop looking and start living.
 
the.dark.


_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The DOM Trap - 7/22/2008 4:05:23 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

BRAVA, Treasure!!

(smooch! how are you, gorgeous?)


*curtsies*  Thank you, GT.  

(*smooches back*  I'm doing great.  Finally company free after a month.  Speaking of which... when you comin to GA?  )

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 40
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