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WinsomeDefiance -> RE: How deep is the pool (7/9/2008 6:15:01 PM)
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I've been affectionately referred to, by my Gorean friends, as their tainted vanilla friend. My thoughts on BDSM are never stagnant, and I find that at times I only have enough energy and time for splashing about in a sprinkler (thanks chia for that mental imagery!), even if I'm enviously eyeing those fearless surfers out there riding the big ones.
When I first became involved in BDSM - 10 years ago - I was enamoured with the concept. In my mind it was this wonderful community of like minded people who stood for a more honorable way of life. I loved the idea of it being bigger and better than the dreaded "vanilla". I believed that we were all misunderstood and all we needed to do was be better represented. That in our diligence, we could change the mindset of the misinformed and ignorant.
Now that I'm older, perhaps not wiser but definitely less energetic, I am still enamoured with the concept -HOWEVER - I do not necessarily delineate between Vanilla and Kink. My pool is as fathomless as my heart and mind and energy allow. And yet, I do not see slap-and-tickle as wading in the shallow end and full all-out Authority Exchange as emersing oneself in a fathomless depth, because I think sometimes that those in a full Authority Exchange have their feet firmly planted upon a solid substance and their heads held high (figuratively) even when they are bowed low in deference. The analogy is interesting, and appropriate and raises a great philosophical debate. But, as I have said. My thinking may tend to leave me viewed as more Vanilla than not, by many. Simply because I do not see it as any higher, or better or worse or debased than any other relationship dynamic.
I've seen what most would view as a Vanilla marriage, have a strong Authority Exchange dynamic - my parents and my marriage was like this. There were no BDM beatings, nor play nor swapping of partners. But, the man was the head of the household. The wife was submissive to the husband and the children knew who was going to be giving the discipline if they misbehaved. In my mind, this is really no different an Authority Exchange than what people seek to achieve in a D/s relationship. In my mind, D's isn't that big of a deal and hardly 'kinky' because it is performed all over the world. It is natural and right for those who embrace it, and for most of those who do - have no real notion of being kinky or vanilla.
I realize this is not a popular viewpoint on these boards. Many want to believe that WIITWD (did I spell that correctly?) is special. Many want to glorify it. To raise it above the standard. I think that, for those who are true to themselves, that what it is we ALL do is glorious - whether outlandishly kinky, or moderately tame. Again, I'm probably not as extreme minded as many. I can be as content, without kink in my life, as I can be with it in it. So, from the perception of some, my philosophy is more 'wading pool' than oceanic, and I'm ok with that.
Marco.....
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