Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: That lightbulb moment


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: That lightbulb moment Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 2:07:28 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		~FR~
As alot of others have said, I'm not sure I ever felt it was "wrong" because the desires have seemingly always been with me.  I did feel like it was going to be impossible to meet someone who would understand and share with me what I desired to do.

In college, I had the opportunity to spend the night with an older guy I'd always been hot for.  Before I had the chance to broach the subject, so to speak, of what I fantasized about, he headed that direction.  When he grabbed a handful of my hair and slapped my face so hard I saw stars all while verbally humiliating me for being such a slut, I had found nirvana.  I never dreamed he was into it rough and when I discovered that, not only he, but alot of other guys were too....well, then I knew I had found some kindred spirits.

I never was in a D/s or M/s relationship, however, until Master and I met.  Now it's all the kink plus soooo much more on a deeper level.  How could any of it be "wrong?".  Impossible!...............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 2:10:16 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It never seemed to me as though there was anything out of the ordinary with what I wanted. Of course, I did grow up on one of Fire Island's gay communities so compared to most of the people there, I'm distressingly normal.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 2:13:50 PM   
sasseeNshy


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		Thought provoking indeed.......personally, I still struggle.......there is this world I live in.......and then there is me.  A conflict I continue to fight......a "lightbulb" would be more than welcome, thankfully I can be patient (at times).

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 3:05:21 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LOL Yes I knew that!  I am surprised you didnt gloam on to it being me.  LOL I was always an overwordy doofus.
Andei

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop


wait... Andei?
<- agonyisecstasy


(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 3:18:00 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		No light bulb moment for me...Years and years of  feeling different but having no labels for how I felt, an experience or hint of something here or there that sparked my interest even more, a period of secretly reading any posts I could find on the old Prodigy message boards,( but being too intimidated to post anything myself), and then finally actually WRITING to people in the aol chatrooms (seems quite a few of you were there, too!), reading books and  talking to anyone I could find who had information to offer.  It took me years and years to admit that I needed guidance and direction to feel at home in my own skin. I wouldn't say I was entirely comfortable though until I was in a committed relationship. I didn't have to please the world- I only had to please one person who understood how to bring out the best in me, and let my freakiness feel "normal."
Edited to add
<---smalltowngal, nthrall2u if anyone remembers those

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 6/29/2008 3:21:08 PM >

(in reply to sasseeNshy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 4:50:31 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I would guess that many of us kinky types experienced, way back when, some doubts as to the "rightness" or "normalcy" of our particular kinks, what with society spending vast amounts of time frowning upon us.
 
When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay? Okay being a relative term  Did someone help you see the light?
 
Or, were you like me, and it just kind of came about gradually?


Yes, it came about gradually...in increments...a few "AHA!" moments...several crying jags....lot's of "why me?...how did I get here?" moments....

I wish I could be "normal".

As a male sub, particularly an executive in the white collar world, I can't assume a lot of things.

I can't post my photo as an example, because in my position, it'd be seen as "less than".

Another example of how women control the game (and they do).  A sub woman can post her photo, and if she's seen by local men who know her...she's hot (for reasons men understand, even if women don't)....if a woman posts her photo and she's Domme....forget about it....every man that (claims) to find that offensive....will be on her doorstep....and every man who finds that appealing....will....uhhhhhh....be on her doorstep.

That lightbulb was all the more difficult for me....as a man, I have to be the aggressor...a little difficult to do in a vanilla church environment, even as I want someone to build a future and a past with.

"Excuse me...can you hand me the hymnal please?  Say....uhhhmmm...nice shoes by the way....there's a church picnic coming up next month...at the beach....how would you feel if I picked you up, we go for a nice afternoon walk....and then.....I sit at your feet for the bulk of the afternoon while you stick your toes in my mouth?"

(Doesn't go over well...there...or in a bar).

Being a male sub is a lot of work....

< Message edited by Griswold -- 6/29/2008 4:52:15 PM >

_____________________________

Never make someone a priority...who refuses to do any more than make you an option.

The man on the top of the mountain didn't just fall there.




(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:03:46 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Its been gradual and on ongoing, something along the lines of a two step forwards one step backwards kind of process.  Sometimes, other people help me get a good perspective on things or give me a new way to frame things, other times they make things worse and encourage my doubts.  

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:10:05 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

LOL Yes I knew that!  I am surprised you didnt gloam on to it being me.  LOL I was always an overwordy doofus.
Andei

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
wait... Andei?
<- agonyisecstasy



well shitfire, woman!! why didnt ya hit me up????????????????  *TACKLEGROPELICKSMOOCH!!!!!* 


< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 6/29/2008 5:11:55 PM >

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:13:50 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		Like everyone else I had my ups and downs as a young adult..later in the service while overseas I was invited to a Household..and I was home thereafter...

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:18:00 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold
I wish I could be "normal".

Seriously? You'd "turn it off" if you could, Gris?

quote:

As a male sub, particularly an executive in the white collar world, I can't assume a lot of things.

I understand that. You see it out "there", and you see it "here", that male submissives are on the bottom of the totem pole, fairly often.
 
It goes hand in hand with a thread Lady Pact started this morning, about dominants showing "weakness".... as tough as it may be for all dominants, men have it worse.




_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Griswold)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:25:12 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I would guess that many of us kinky types experienced, way back when, some doubts as to the "rightness" or "normalcy" of our particular kinks, what with society spending vast amounts of time frowning upon us.
 
When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay? Okay being a relative term  Did someone help you see the light?
 
Or, were you like me, and it just kind of came about gradually?


When I walked out of my own ashes.  Amazing what a good teacher like life will burn away from you.  Very liberating.



_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:33:53 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		It's been gradual for me, an unfolding thing. I've had moments lately where I've let shitty parts of myself out and had them gratefully received -- that was a lightbulb moment for me.  It was gorgeous to have it be a positive thing for my submissive counterpart.  I feel like, several years in, that I'm able to integrate my core self and my D/s interests, and it's been a good thing.

Mss

< Message edited by MySweetSubmssive -- 6/29/2008 5:34:39 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:36:02 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		*lick*

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:36:59 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold
I wish I could be "normal".

Seriously? You'd "turn it off" if you could, Gris?

If I could.

quote:

As a male sub, particularly an executive in the white collar world, I can't assume a lot of things.

I understand that. You see it out "there", and you see it "here", that male submissives are on the bottom of the totem pole, fairly often.
 
It goes hand in hand with a thread Lady Pact started this morning, about dominants showing "weakness".... as tough as it may be for all dominants, men have it worse.

Ayepper.



_____________________________

Never make someone a priority...who refuses to do any more than make you an option.

The man on the top of the mountain didn't just fall there.




(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:44:22 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

... with society spending vast amounts of time frowning upon us.
 
When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay?


An interesting question, Level. 

For me, I honestly can't say that I ever felt like I was wrong or that society frowned upon me.  Then again, I'm not a hard core masochist, nor are my kinks terribly out there.  For the most part, the thing that has held the greatest appeal to me is acceptable by society... or at least was acceptable to society in the not too distant past:  being in deference to a strong, capable man who takes charge.

Of course, my interests go a little beyond that, but heck... in that same not too distant past, it wasn't uncommon for movies to have scenes where a woman was thrown over a man's knee and spanked.   And perfectly acceptable romance novels have always had heroines being taken "forcably" by men who eventually become the beloved heroes.  I grew up seeing and reading those things, so I didn't feel odd.  Well... I might have thought I was a little more... *cough* passionate than the average woman depicted, but, after all, I'm an above average woman. 







(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:53:36 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, you certainly are, Treasure
 
By the way, I appreciate all the answers; I think it's cool that so many haven't had a hard time with this.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 5:57:41 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline 		No lightbulb, when first exploring the lifestyle I noticed how articulately and intelligently some people discussed the lifestyle.  It made me see that there's another way to do things, if not mainstream...

_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 6:01:18 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I was afraid that I was going to be harmed or injured by a dom even though I had a desire to submit. I was very fearful of what kind of jepardy I would put myself in. My aha moment came as I was doing deep tissue massage on a client. I was using a 10 point pain scale with them and was very aware of their every move, and making sure they were within there pain limits. I said, "oh my, this is service oriented but I am in control but they are really in charge of the session, Kinda like a Good Dominant would be". Thats when I realized that the good masters were ethical, caring and would not put me in harms way. It was a true aha moment that alleviated my fear.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 6/29/2008 6:41:15 PM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 6:04:25 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		It was fairly gradual overall, but I think the main lightbulb came early on. A guy I met on a vanilla chatsite suggested I would be a good Domme and would I Domme him? It touched something inside ... so I went on a little self-education program and got into it. One day he was being naughty ... so I bet if he heard My voice, he'd behave. He didn't expect Me to phone the USA from Aus LOL ... so was gobsmacked when I did. I put on My best "teacher voice" ... and I heard him drop to his knees! (The muffled thud and resultant OW was a dead giveaway!). That was pretty awesome in itself ... but the lightbulb really came on when later he said "Wow! You can control me from half a world away!" That's when I thought ... not only does this reflect how I feel inside ... hell, I can do it on the outside too! And from then on, no looking back!

Had another mini lightbulb moment when I realised that real people actually live this real time ... and I COULD TOO! That felt SO good!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 6:06:35 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Yes, you certainly are, Treasure  


Why thank you, Level.  

*whispering*  By the way, it takes an above average man to see that. 

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: That lightbulb moment Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094