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That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 11:25:45 AM

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I would guess that many of us kinky types experienced, way back when, some doubts as to the "rightness" or "normalcy" of our particular kinks, what with society spending vast amounts of time frowning upon us.

When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay? Okay being a relative term Did someone help you see the light?

Or, were you like me, and it just kind of came about gradually?

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 11:29:02 AM

GreedyTop

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I don't think I ever doubted myself or my desires/needs. Probably a by-product of being raised by my mom - the majority of her male friends as I was growing up were gay, and / or Leathermen.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 11:45:51 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay? Okay being a relative term Did someone help you see the light?

The minute his fist connected with my face...all I could think was WOW, MORE , DO IT AGAIN.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 11:47:38 AM

spinninsweetness

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Nope, always knew I was a bit....... off......

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 11:48:20 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
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When I turned 40 and said "fuckitall"
Tired of trying to be what everyone else thinks I should be like...I am going feel what i feel, express what I think and become on the outside what and who I feel I am inside. I happen to like me and for those that cannot accept that, there's the door.

40 was quite the decade..

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.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 11:49:15 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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With the exception of my rape fantasy, I never internalized any wrongness about who I was or what I wanted. I'm so weird in so many ways that being kinky is really just something to add to the pile- and really one of the easier things to hide versus the so many other things I painfully learned that my peers and society were not ok with me being.

My aha moment came in falling into an aol kinky chat room and realizing that I COULD do it and that others DID do it. The rape fantasy understanding followed almost immediately after- how I could enjoy the experience of rape without having the actual rape.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 11:49:47 AM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I would guess that many of us kinky types experienced, way back when, some doubts as to the "rightness" or "normalcy" of our particular kinks, what with society spending vast amounts of time frowning upon us.

When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay? Okay being a relative term Did someone help you see the light?

Or, were you like me, and it just kind of came about gradually?

Seeing the light has a specific meaning for me.
It' happens when total pleasure goes straight between my eyes.
It has happened from sensation, it has happened from pain, it has happened from a look, from a touch, from a text, from a voice and from giving a blow job, doing the dishes or rimming....
David hope you are reading this:

yeah slow or fast the light is where it's at.

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RE: That light bulb moment - 6/29/2008 12:04:53 PM

crouchingtigress

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i was lucky, i always felt OK about the quirks in my sexuality, but that is not to say i did not feel shame, fear and regret too, i did, but only after i bought into what other people thought.

explaining stuff to them was getting harder and harder, i was feeling judged...then one day while writing erotica for myself, i began writing....and writing...i had never written like this before....it was like i was down loading...and it was word and songs.....lots of songs...each one taking on a different aspect of SM and each one answering the questions of my heart...

in 11 hours i had written a musical...."A sweet leather kiss" and i was amazed....i fell madly in love with my characters...the Domme, the sub, the ball gag girls.....

i finally had a way to explain to other folks in a way that set a context, and was funny, and safe, and educational.....

"this is a cat of nine tails,
it swishes so deliciously,
and when i thrash it down upon your back
you'll hear a crack
but you cant go back
its only to set your mind free"

the biggest test was my mom, she is a Connecticut mom, catholic, well you get the picture level.....anyway, she always was disgusted by anything SMy, and yet i wanted her to see what the journey was like for me....

So one day I sang her the musical....i preformed the whole piece as a one man show, and you know what?

she gave me a standing ovation!

that moment that i knew it was all going to be ok.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 12:14:18 PM

Evility

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I never had a lighbulb moment as you describe it. I always knew my predisposition was different than that of most other folks but I can't ever recall feeling like I was abnormal. I guess that is because it's been with me as long as I can remember. I'm not one of the legions who found their kink shortly after they got internet access.

I did have a mini lightbulb moment in the back seat of a 1970 Chrysler Newport once. The young lady I was with produced her own set of handcuffs and asked if I wanted to "have some fun". The revelation that I was not alone in my desires was monumental. I then knew that where there was one there would be more.

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Post #: 9

RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 12:24:54 PM

Missokyst

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I did this before I knew what this was. I thought everyone did this stuff. Certainly any man I dated was kinked and knew when to take charge. It was surprising to me when I got back out in the dating world around the same time I found AOL chats and I discovered that what we do it considered perversion. That was back when the rooms were still new and the bdsm rooms were a lot of role play. Role play? Holey shit, that stuff was normal sex, wasn't it? That's when I found out I was sick. I think I backed out of chats for a year after that. And I opted not to date even though that was my plan. I had to look at myself through other peoples eyes and it was not good.
And then I had occasion to meet an old lover for a week. We jumped back into the bondage, spanking, control, pleasure and pain.. and I was in balance again.
That felt great!
When I tried online chats again AOL had changed a bit. Role play rooms were shoved aside in favor or real chat. It seemed like there were people doing this and it was ok.
By that time I was ok with who I am (thanks to Steve), and it was very nice chatting among people who kidded about being sick.. but they enjoyed themselves and that is what mattered.
~mywsh2ples, persephone, actiondotandei `et al,
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 12:37:39 PM

obis

Posts: 412
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From: Austin, TX, USA
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I never had a specific moment, because my concerns were not about being an outcast or weird, which I had no problem with. My biggest worry was that I was being anti-feminist, that I was interested in things that were harmful to any partner I pursued them with. It simply took life experience, and experience with women, seeing them leave relationships with me as happier, healthier and more confident people than they were when we began.

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Post #: 11

RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 12:43:00 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

only recently - ive been kinky all of my life but id never have shared that with anyone ever, things i wanted i could never tell any boyfriend ever - i was too embarrassed.

yesterday chatting with a friend who is the sweetest totally non kinky shockable sweet heart asked me about what online dating agencies ive used in the past ~ i smiled~

not for you... i said
why not.. asked she
cos theyre kinky.. i said and i smiled and she laughed and i felt like 'hey - im totally comfortable with this, with me and with whoever ends up knowing (apart from my mother that is! - oh and my brothers and my son and all of my clients)

it was a lightbulb moment though - something settled inside of me right then.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 12:45:59 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I did this before I knew what this was. I thought everyone did this stuff. Certainly any man I dated was kinked and knew when to take charge. It was surprising to me when I got back out in the dating world around the same time I found AOL chats and I discovered that what we do it considered perversion. That was back when the rooms were still new and the bdsm rooms were a lot of role play. Role play? Holey shit, that stuff was normal sex, wasn't it? That's when I found out I was sick. I think I backed out of chats for a year after that. And I opted not to date even though that was my plan. I had to look at myself through other peoples eyes and it was not good.
And then I had occasion to meet an old lover for a week. We jumped back into the bondage, spanking, control, pleasure and pain.. and I was in balance again.
That felt great!
When I tried online chats again AOL had changed a bit. Role play rooms were shoved aside in favor or real chat. It seemed like there were people doing this and it was ok.
By that time I was ok with who I am (thanks to Steve), and it was very nice chatting among people who kidded about being sick.. but they enjoyed themselves and that is what mattered.
~mywsh2ples, persephone, actiondotandei `et al,
Kyst

wait... Andei?
<- agonyisecstasy

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 12:49:08 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I would guess that many of us kinky types experienced, way back when, some doubts as to the "rightness" or "normalcy" of our particular kinks, what with society spending vast amounts of time frowning upon us.

When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay? Okay being a relative term Did someone help you see the light?

Or, were you like me, and it just kind of came about gradually?

I was raised in a pretty sex hangup free home so I didn't have any issues around the "deviance" of my kinks, its always felt normal to me. I would say that it all pretty much clicked from the first scene.

C~

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 1:00:34 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
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when i realized that so many of the people who i respected were involved in it in some way shape or form. i actually had a harder time coming to terms with my bisexuality than my kinks. that and i read a paper for a class when i was a senior that broke down a lot of stats about who does what do whom and i realized that there are a lot of people doing the exact same thing as i do...

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 1:15:34 PM

CelticPrince

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Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

Or, were you like me, and it just kind of came about gradually?

level,

Ditto!

CP

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Post #: 16

RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 1:20:21 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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I've always been an edge person. When you're a freak from childhood, new aspects of freakdom are just part of the landscape.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 1:27:03 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
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until about 8 years ago i always thought i was abnormal in my desires. i don't anymore, but i'm still learning about "me and my fantasies" so i would say it's a gradual thing.

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 1:57:14 PM

ThundersCry

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May 21st....1998

My road to *freedom*...began...

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RE: That lightbulb moment - 6/29/2008 2:02:22 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I would guess that many of us kinky types experienced, way back when, some doubts as to the "rightness" or "normalcy" of our particular kinks, what with society spending vast amounts of time frowning upon us.

When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay? Okay being a relative term Did someone help you see the light?

Or, were you like me, and it just kind of came about gradually?

I would have to say that I was like you. It was something that came on gradually.

I was talking about this in a post the other day and, for Me, it really was linked to accepting My sadism. The role, and the ritual, and the tradition for Me was very easy to see as a beatutiful thing. A great expression of who I was and how I wanted to live. It took Me a lot longer to get to the place where I saw the S/m as a beautiful thing, too. I guess that's why I get so passionate about the subject now.

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