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stella41b -> RE: Knowing What Y/you Want (6/14/2008 1:04:36 PM)
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To me life is about perspective, reason, and motivation.
I don't know what I want. In fact I don't even want to know what I want. So many times I wanted something and didn't get it, or thought I wanted it but later when I got it discovered that it wasn't what I expected. I realised that I was the common denominator, wanting is a desire for something I don't have nor have access to, and through my imagination or vision of actually having what I wanted I was setting myself up for believing in unnecessary illusions, or worse, deceiving myself. The problem being is that when you fall into the trap of deceiving yourself, you deceive others. It doesn't matter whether this is intentional or not, it happens.
Therefore I came to the conclusion that I would focus on needs - which would be either a need for something from someone or a need for change. If the first wasn't available I could either hold out and wait, or resort to the second option. This taught me to be flexible, versatile, and it also taught me to look at things differently and to look at everything much more closely.
My perspective on life changed. So did many of my reasons and motivations. I am someone who lives on the basis of hopes and dreams, my own and those of other people. I have an evolutionary approach to life. Nothing I would want comes instantly, unless it can be bought in a shop or obtained from somewhere. Usually there are steps or stages to go through to arrive at that desired place. I may get there, I may not, I like to keep my options open.
You see I know certain things, and with regards to relationships I have an awareness, what I need, what I would like, what I can accept, but also - and equally important - what I can offer, what I am able to do, what I can bring to a relationship, what I am good at doing and what I'm not good at, need to learn or just simply need to avoid. This is about as far as it goes. I know that I need a connection with someone, I know that I need to commit myself, that I also need a commitment from the other person, and that I'm not going to always get what I want or need, because when you're in any sort of relationship with someone else you need to actually take into consideration two people and both needs, wants, wishes and desires collectively or jointly.
Compromise is very important, in fact it's extremely important, as a constant, because this enables the growth and development of the relationship. The input of the other person is important. I am not perfect, nor am I all-knowing and all-seeing for myself. Everything I experience, see and know is distorted by my own perception, and other people have their own perception.
Then there's possibility and availability. If it isn't possible or available then why worry? There's always something which is possible and available. I live in the present, the here and now, I try to be positive, to find reasons for happiness and pleasure from whatever and whoever is around me. My days are colourful, and the sunset brings another night and time to dream.
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