Need help on an issue of Harrasment

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SadistCpl4fslv -> Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 3:31:39 PM)
Ok so I am starting this thread out of reluctance and without giving away too much information for privacy issues but also in hopes of getting some real meaningful advice because I find myself at wits end over the following situation. Here is the scenario: A girl places a profile on CM because her Dominant which she has already known and been collared to for a good bit is here. After a short period of time she closes her profile because of the creeps that can't get it thru their minds that she belongs to someone else and won't leave her alone about it. Since that time the girl goes thru a series of bizarre and tragic circumstances in her personal life the likes that very few would be able to endure without totally cracking up. She also becomes gravely ill, literally undergoing numerous operations and fighting for her life for several months. She endures all of this most couragesly and the result of which brings her and her Dominant to such a close bond and connection the likes as neither ever expected and also causes the same bond and connection between her Dominant and her family. However, along the way a few so called Doms and Domme's from CM contact her Dominant under the guise of simply wanting to know how she is doing but under false pretences are really wanting to try to wrench her away from her Dominant for themselves. They request personal contact information from her Dominant and as she tells her Dominant she is just not up to renewing old contacts he forwards the message to them. They end up contacting her secretly and even after she has told them she is not interested nor is up to continuing conversation with them, they continue to harras her via email and other messenger services. When she blocks them they continue to harras her establishing new addys as soon as she blocks them and even employee partners, submissives, and associates to do the same. Even after her Dominant and members of her family try to reason, warn, and even threaten legal action nothing seems to work. One of these dominants is of a different sexual orientation and is even trying to force her to change her orientation simply to satisfy her. Now for a few disclaimers: Her Dominant is not afraid that somehow they may convince her to leave him......the bond is too strong and too deep for that to happen. Nor is he suspicious that she might be doing something with them behind his back. He has complete confidence in her honesty and knows by the continued behavior of these people that is not happening. What he is afraid of is the fact that her physical and emotional condition is very very fragile and frankly this is stress that she doesn't need. It's unwanted, irresponsible and to be honest dangerous to her recovery at this point. These people have shown that they have no interest in her recovery or well being and are selfishly and delusionaly only trying to get her for their own use without any regard as to what she wants, what this is doing to her and to her family. Even simply ignoring them is not working. This whole situation has esculated to what is tantimount to cyber stalking and harrasment the likes I have never seen. Now I desperately need some advice if any of you have dealt with this before. I have had some experience with this sort of thing but it always died down fairly quickly. However, in this situation these people just can't take no for an answer and seem to be set on making their lifes mission to make her life hell on top of what she is dealing with since she won't give into their demands. I also have to give a little rant at this point for my own piece of mind. There was a time when within the BDSM community this sort of activity was looked on as being entirely sleezy and this type of scummy behavior was shunned. The idea of Honor, Respect (including respect for what others had) and most of all Consent were paramount and guarded by the majority of those in the community. At least those I have always been associated with. However it seems those attributes especially Consent has gone out the window for an ever growing number of sleeze balls prevading this site and the community at large. In my opinion, and Im not making this as a blanket statement, but it seems more and more the philosophy of choice is all about what "I" want and getting it any way "I" can with total disregard as to consent, consequences and even legal issues. Maybe I am a bit too idealistic and this is just the way it is but personally it stinks and only serves to undermind the legitamacy and integrity of the BDSM community at large. Thanks for reading my post and please help with constructive advice on this issue.

CalifChick -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 3:36:27 PM)
So she just cancels all her existing IM and email accounts and makes new ones. This isn't rocket science. Cali

BitaTruble -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 3:38:30 PM)
Tell her to turn off the computer.

SadistCpl4fslv -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 3:48:52 PM)
Thanks for your advice thus far.......... Yes I have talked to her about changing her accounts but that would mean her having to make all those she wishes to keep contact with aware of the change and causing them to wonder why the change. And to be honest I don't think she is really emotionally up to that as well. The point I guess I keep coming back to is why should she even have to resort to something like that in the first place. However, if that is the only solution then the advice is well worthy of more consideration and possible action. On the point of turning off the computer this would be totally unexceptable unfortunately because except for telephone that is the only means of communication she has with myself and other members of her family and its just too risky. Once again for matters of privacy I won't go into why this is just trust me that it is.

fluffyswitch -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 3:51:39 PM)
having been in that position in both vanilla and scene, i agree with just changing the contact info and only letting the people who can be trusted have the new ones. also-- have you actually complained to your email and IM servers? while it might not change the harrassment being kicked off the site once or twice can put a damper on anyone's day. if it gets serious enough i would collect whatever is sent to look into cyberstalking laws-- and i'm speaking from the perspective of having been yelled at by law enforcement for not collecting mine just because i could simply turn off the computer and not wanting to get more involved than that.

SadistCpl4fslv -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 3:57:00 PM)
Thanks fluffyswitch. To be honest it had crossed my mind to contact the email and messenger services however I really didn't think much action would be taken. I did know that new precedents were being made concearning cyber stalking and harrasment and so I shall look into that further. I have saved all the conversations I personally have had with these people but don't think my girl has. I will direct her to do so now. Thanks again.

windchymes -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 3:58:39 PM)
I was going to say shut off the computer, too.....ok, log out of CM and don't go back in. Then, like someone else said, create a new email and messenger (Yahoo, MSN, AOL, not one linked to any private sites) account and don't give out her name to anyone except her personal circle who she absolutely must keep in touch with. It really isn't that hard to avoid people if you really want to. I can't help but wonder what she has done to make these supposed stalkers want her THAT badly.

CalifChick -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:01:04 PM)
Why do you feel she needs to explain new accounts? Just say, I was having problems with the old ones. Cali

BitaTruble -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:01:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SadistCpl4fslv Thanks for your advice thus far.......... Yes I have talked to her about changing her accounts but that would mean her having to make all those she wishes to keep contact with aware of the change and causing them to wonder why the change. I think you're making a lot of assumptions about people. I know, personally, I often get notices from friends and family that they have a new email account and I've never wondered, not once, why they got a new one. quote: And to be honest I don't think she is really emotionally up to that as well. Perhaps her Master will take that on for her. It's not as though it's a difficult thing to accomplish. quote: The point I guess I keep coming back to is why should she even have to resort to something like that in the first place. That's a completely different question .. but your OP appeared to be asking for solutions, not explanations. quote: However, if that is the only solution then the advice is well worthy of more consideration and possible action. I'd give the OP more time in the stew pot. There are bound to be more folks chiming in with their opinions and someone may come up with something that hasn't already been mentioned which may be a perfect solution. Little patience and a little hope.. don't give up too quick! quote: On the point of turning off the computer this would be totally unexceptable unfortunately because except for telephone that is the only means of communication she has with myself and other members of her family and its just too risky. Once again for matters of privacy I won't go into why this is just trust me that it is. Telephone is too risky? ::shrugs:: Sounds like an excuse and, really, is it your decision to make? Isn't it the decision of the Master? You are talking about a group of people (co-workers, partners, submissives, associates) all involved in harrassing this sick woman which sounds like a conspiracy .. and um, a whole lot of drama. You might want to consider mentioning what ideas you've already thought of and rejected. It could save time.

CalifChick -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:05:26 PM)
Oh, and how did this happen?: They request personal contact information from her Dominant and as she tells her Dominant she is just not up to renewing old contacts he forwards the message to them. They end up contacting her secretly How can they "contact her secretly", if her Dom (who I am guessing is you) didn't give them any contact info? Something smells fishy, there is something going on somewhere that we're not being told (whether you know what that "something" is or not). Cali

pinksugarsub -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:08:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SadistCpl4fslv Ok so I am starting this thread out of reluctance and without giving away too much information for privacy issues but also in hopes of getting some real meaningful advice because I find myself at wits end over the following situation. Here is the scenario: A girl places a profile on CM because her Dominant which she has already known and been collared to for a good bit is here. After a short period of time she closes her profile because of the creeps that can't get it thru their minds that she belongs to someone else and won't leave her alone about it. Since that time the girl goes thru a series of bizarre and tragic circumstances in her personal life the likes that very few would be able to endure without totally cracking up. She also becomes gravely ill, literally undergoing numerous operations and fighting for her life for several months. She endures all of this most couragesly and the result of which brings her and her Dominant to such a close bond and connection the likes as neither ever expected and also causes the same bond and connection between her Dominant and her family. However, along the way a few so called Doms and Domme's from CM contact her Dominant under the guise of simply wanting to know how she is doing but under false pretences are really wanting to try to wrench her away from her Dominant for themselves. They request personal contact information from her Dominant and as she tells her Dominant she is just not up to renewing old contacts he forwards the message to them. They end up contacting her secretly and even after she has told them she is not interested nor is up to continuing conversation with them, they continue to harras her via email and other messenger services. When she blocks them they continue to harras her establishing new addys as soon as she blocks them and even employee partners, submissives, and associates to do the same. Even after her Dominant and members of her family try to reason, warn, and even threaten legal action nothing seems to work. One of these dominants is of a different sexual orientation and is even trying to force her to change her orientation simply to satisfy her. Now for a few disclaimers: Her Dominant is not afraid that somehow they may convince her to leave him......the bond is too strong and too deep for that to happen. Nor is he suspicious that she might be doing something with them behind his back. He has complete confidence in her honesty and knows by the continued behavior of these people that is not happening. What he is afraid of is the fact that her physical and emotional condition is very very fragile and frankly this is stress that she doesn't need. It's unwanted, irresponsible and to be honest dangerous to her recovery at this point. These people have shown that they have no interest in her recovery or well being and are selfishly and delusionaly only trying to get her for their own use without any regard as to what she wants, what this is doing to her and to her family. Even simply ignoring them is not working. This whole situation has esculated to what is tantimount to cyber stalking and harrasment the likes I have never seen. Now I desperately need some advice if any of you have dealt with this before. I have had some experience with this sort of thing but it always died down fairly quickly. However, in this situation these people just can't take no for an answer and seem to be set on making their lifes mission to make her life hell on top of what she is dealing with since she won't give into their demands. I also have to give a little rant at this point for my own piece of mind. There was a time when within the BDSM community this sort of activity was looked on as being entirely sleezy and this type of scummy behavior was shunned. The idea of Honor, Respect (including respect for what others had) and most of all Consent were paramount and guarded by the majority of those in the community. At least those I have always been associated with. However it seems those attributes especially Consent has gone out the window for an ever growing number of sleeze balls prevading this site and the community at large. In my opinion, and Im not making this as a blanket statement, but it seems more and more the philosophy of choice is all about what "I" want and getting it any way "I" can with total disregard as to consent, consequences and even legal issues. Maybe I am a bit too idealistic and this is just the way it is but personally it stinks and only serves to undermind the legitamacy and integrity of the BDSM community at large. Thanks for reading my post and please help with constructive advice on this issue. Unless she has business needs that require it, she should stay offline awhile. There are better keyloggers, worms, viruses,etc. than there is firewall protection, etc. i am sorry to hear yr friend is so distressed, and wish her well. pinksugarsub

RedMagic1 -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:11:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick there is something going on somewhere that we're not being told I agree. Life is not this complicated. I could change to "RedMagic2" tomorrow. Mail everyone, "Hi, I'm now using RedMagic2." It would take maybe 5 minutes. Could you ask her to post to this thread?

SadistCpl4fslv -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:17:18 PM)
Ok to clear up confusion, and yes I understand it seemed convoluted to speak in the third person about all of this, I am in fact her Dominant. To clear up another matter that sounds fishy, they were able to contact her because they did in fact have her IM addy on a messenger that also gives email information (I did not know that pertinent fact when they messaged me here). Because of the devious manner in which they have conducted themselves I have wondered why they contacted me with request for info in the first place. The only reasoning I can come up with is that perhaps they wanted to appear innocent. As far as the "drama" of a conspiracy is concearned, I never said co-workers were involved. I did use the term associates meaning other people of their aquantience that I suspect from their emails are involved in the lifestyle and perhaps have profiles on CM as well. If you don't think "conspiracies" such as what I am describing can possibly happen all one has to do is spend a day in BDSM chatrooms on servers such as bondage and see that this happens all the time at least in a cyber way.

DrkJourney -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:18:38 PM)
From what you are saying, I don't see that she has a choice, but to change her accounts. She can do a mass mailing informing people of the change, and she doesn't owe anyone any explaination. I just did this myself, for a different reason...people just started using the new one, no fuss at all. as I said, I really don't see that she has another choice...and Dom or not, I hope her Dom does not give out her personal info again....for any reason. You would think he would respect her wishes in this matter. Also, I was wondering, am I missing something here? Something seems missing from this story.

fluffyswitch -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:20:23 PM)
well like i said before i would still change all contact info and block all teh info that you have on that account (like i said i'm playing this game with someone right now, they've followed me to every account they can possibly think of short of this one). beyond that still hold everything because if anything some sites want examples of breach of TOS.

SadistCpl4fslv -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:21:10 PM)
I never did give out her personal info, I was only asked for it.

DrkJourney -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:23:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SadistCpl4fslv I never did give out her personal info, I was only asked for it. ok, maybe I misread something...is this about you (the Dom?)...I thought this was about someone else?.....I'm totally lost here..lol[sm=gaah.gif]

ProtagonistLily -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:23:41 PM)
quote: If you don't think "conspiracies" such as what I am describing can possibly happen all one has to do is spend a day in BDSM chatrooms on servers such as bondage and see that this happens all the time at least in a cyber way. So that makes me wonder , why would you be spending all your time in BDSM chat rooms, or any chat room for that matter. Drama doesn't bother me unless I let it. Conspiracies need fuel for their fires, and clearly you are fanning the flames. So often, OPs want to argue with people, say "but you don't know the whole thing" and "You don't understand". Maybe, it's not the communities job to solve problems that you've clearly created. If you want to take yourself out of the drama, you will. You will take the suggestions that were made to you, and solve your problem. If not, no amount of bandwidth will satisfy you. PL

CalifChick -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:23:48 PM)
You're still making this too complicated. If it's yahoo messenger, all she has to do is block and delete, and make her settings to ignore messages from anyone not on her friends list. The other messengers have similar features, I just can't remember what terms they use for it. For email, set the filters so that anyone not in her address book goes to bulk mail. Oh, and why would she open the emails and read them anyway? They need to just be deleted unread. Are you with her physically? I'm getting the feeling that she is shooting herself in the foot. Cali

fluffyswitch -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/9/2008 4:26:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick You're still making this too complicated. If it's yahoo messenger, all she has to do is block and delete, and make her settings to ignore messages from anyone not on her friends list. The other messengers have similar features, I just can't remember what terms they use for it. For email, set the filters so that anyone not in her address book goes to bulk mail. Cali further all of them-- AIM, pidgeon, meebo, yahoo, etc have a setting that keeps you invisible so it looks like you're never signed on.

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