RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

pinksugarsub -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 6:13:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs FR~ I see threads like this every so often and I don't get it. She just had a kidney infection and you are concerned with who is IM'ing her? What I want to know is why you aren't down there by her side with her computer turned off. To me, it really does sound like a lot of drama - like so many have said before if you wanted it to stop you could. Its very simple: Step 1: Purchase air, train, bus ticket to wherever she lives or get in a fucking car and drive to where she is Step 2: Turn off her computer once you are there C~ i think S/some members who have posted here are not very asute about using the 'net. i myself cannot go offline completely -- i have real life business to attend to that cannot be managed elsewise. i think that's gotten to be pretty commonplace. There also seems to be a bit of ignorance in some posts about what an online stalker is capable of and how A/anyone online might acquire' one. It isn't always because Y/you joined a dating site or entered a chat room. It can happen because Y/you once published a book or article in any genre or because Y/you happen to live in a particular area. Hell, it can happen because some asshle chose Y/you at random. Once Y/you have a stalker online, Y/you may as well have one offline as well, because everything* Y/you do will be available to the asshle if he/she is really interested in bothering Y/you. No matter what solution(s) Y/you choose to try, it will likely take months to get rid of the asshle -- and most of the time, it isn't because Y/you finally succeeded at protecting Y/yourself. It's because the asshle got bored and moved on to his/her next victim. Online harrassment can be extremely serious. There are very few ways of assessing the level of risk. However, if Y/your stalker starts sending Y/you pictures of Y/your house, etc., it's time to buy a gun and learn to use it, because Y/you have then entered the deep* water. http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/relationships/story/0,,1986981,00.html pinksugarsub

fluffyswitch -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 6:32:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub quote: ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch having been in that position in both vanilla and scene, i agree with just changing the contact info and only letting the people who can be trusted have the new ones. also-- have you actually complained to your email and IM servers? while it might not change the harrassment being kicked off the site once or twice can put a damper on anyone's day. if it gets serious enough i would collect whatever is sent to look into cyberstalking laws-- and i'm speaking from the perspective of having been yelled at by law enforcement for not collecting mine just because i could simply turn off the computer and not wanting to get more involved than that. i didn't get enough detail from the Op to determine if any law has been broken. However, even if a crime has been comitted, my past experience is that no law enforcement agency will file charges. ..... pinksugarsub sorry just to cut it for length. like i said before i never actually contacted the cops personally (though not to get into details someone else did for me) and i was told that they take it slightly more seriously than before, though it may be a locality thing as opposed to a general procedure thing. and i agree that complaining to the site isn't a perfect fix, but if you keep the info that's sent it makes it easier to argue against he said/she said (again it may just be a locality thing bu this is what both college campuses i've lived on has taught us to do). there is no easy fix to this type of situation if there's something legitimate going on- and while i don't know that there is, i don't know that there isn't as well.

Wildfleurs -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 9:21:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub i think S/some members who have posted here are not very asute about using the 'net. i myself cannot go offline completely -- i have real life business to attend to that cannot be managed elsewise. i think that's gotten to be pretty commonplace. He said that she was only online to talk to him and her family, not to earn a living. I realized that I misspoke when I said that she had a kidney infection, according to the OP she recently had a kidney transpant. And for fucks sake if there's anytime to be physically in the room with someone helping them mend physically, its after an organ transplant. The last place they should be talking is online. C~

pinksugarsub -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 9:32:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub i think S/some members who have posted here are not very asute about using the 'net. i myself cannot go offline completely -- i have real life business to attend to that cannot be managed elsewise. i think that's gotten to be pretty commonplace. He said that she was only online to talk to him and her family, not to earn a living. I realized that I misspoke when I said that she had a kidney infection, according to the OP she recently had a kidney transpant. And for fucks sake if there's anytime to be physically in the room with someone helping them mend physically, its after an organ transplant. The last place they should be talking is online. C~ Have any authority for your opinion that post-transplant patients cannot use a computer? Know what stage of recovery she's in? Or how long it's been since her operation? What precisely is it about computer use that you believe is contra-indicated for a post-transplant patient? Sitting in a chair? The Op says we are to accept she cannot get offline completely. He chose not to go into detail as to why this is. So? pinksugarsub

CelticPrince -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 9:33:42 AM)
sadist, Calichic got to the point really fast! Just do it as it is alot easier then the original post. CP

Wildfleurs -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 9:40:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub Have any authority for your opinion that post-transplant patients cannot use a computer? Know what stage of recovery she's in? Or how long it's been since her operation? What precisely is it about computer use that you believe is contra-indicated for a post-transplant patient? Sitting in a chair? The Op says we are to accept she cannot get offline completely. He chose not to go into detail as to why this is. So? pinksugarsub Okay you aren't reading the words I'm saying. I'm saying this. He should go and be physically with her since she is sick. She is online to talk with him and her family. If they all got off their asses and actually took care of her physically then she wouldn't be online and thus wouldn't have to bother with whoever is bothering her. I don't think there is any circumstance in life where cyber bullshit like he described is ever worth a second. I cannot understand if someone claims to be in a relationship with someone who is obviously sick and they aren't there physically present and taking care of them - it literally makes zero sense to me. C~

orfunboi -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 9:55:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub Have any authority for your opinion that post-transplant patients cannot use a computer? Know what stage of recovery she's in? Or how long it's been since her operation? What precisely is it about computer use that you believe is contra-indicated for a post-transplant patient? Sitting in a chair? The Op says we are to accept she cannot get offline completely. He chose not to go into detail as to why this is. So? pinksugarsub No, I have absolutely no experience with post-transplant patients, however, common sense should tell you that if your temp reaches 103, maybe you should shut off the computer and go to bed. Edited to add: and yes it would be nice if someone was with her.

Missokyst -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 10:02:09 AM)
You are making a lot of supposition about the "harrassment". It isn't that they are threatening her. It is that they are trying to in his words "wrench" her away from her dominant. It is her choice to read them or not. If in IM it is her choice to answer it, or block. If they continue and she doesn't wish to see it, it is her choice to leave it up or shove the box down to the taskbar. She is making the choice. She may be making that choice due to her weakened condition, or because she wants to see what they say. I work in computer security. Yes, people can stalk (I have stalked back which was fun!), yes people can harrass.. but come on.. there are fewer psychos out there than your post assumes. This is not a case of harrassment. This is the dominants fear that someone might convince his sub to leave him. Kyst

Icarys -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 10:54:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub If i had had a keylogger on my pc when i reformatted, it would not have been removed. i needed help from Dell to accomplish the reformat and asked the tech that specific question. i'd assume the same is true of worms, trojans, viruses and the like. pinksugarsub Bugs 99.9 percent of the time WILL be deleted on a format.i've only had one that wasnt removed using the format option and thats because it actually made a seperate partition on the hard drive for which to hide in.maybe you got the same one?lol

CalifChick -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 11:05:01 AM)
Amazing how people jump from "email harrassment" to online and offline stalking, keyloggers, worms, cyber crimes, etc. When you hear hoofbeats, look for horses not zebras. Cali

Icarys -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 11:05:35 AM)
oh i might add that it was 1 in 15 years.

KatyLied -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 11:06:39 AM)
You can't "wrench" away someone who doesn't want to be "wrenched". A dominant with any authority would've suggest to his submissive a long time before now to: ignore, delete messages unread, and limit your time on the computer. You are welcome. I would make an awesome domina. Any subs out there who want to suck on my toes? [:D]

Icarys -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 11:10:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Amazing how people jump from "email harrassment" to online and offline stalking, keyloggers, worms, cyber crimes, etc. When you hear hoofbeats, look for horses not zebras. Cali or you could just choose to ignore the sound altogether.

Madame4a -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 11:17:59 AM)
I agree with you.. and call me skeptical... but I think he's being played... she's been thru so much, but a bunch of 'theys' (how MANY could there be?) she can't ignore online? make herself invisible, block them, delete their email or designate it spam? something is fishy here quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs quote: ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub Have any authority for your opinion that post-transplant patients cannot use a computer? Know what stage of recovery she's in? Or how long it's been since her operation? What precisely is it about computer use that you believe is contra-indicated for a post-transplant patient? Sitting in a chair? The Op says we are to accept she cannot get offline completely. He chose not to go into detail as to why this is. So? pinksugarsub Okay you aren't reading the words I'm saying. I'm saying this. He should go and be physically with her since she is sick. She is online to talk with him and her family. If they all got off their asses and actually took care of her physically then she wouldn't be online and thus wouldn't have to bother with whoever is bothering her. I don't think there is any circumstance in life where cyber bullshit like he described is ever worth a second. I cannot understand if someone claims to be in a relationship with someone who is obviously sick and they aren't there physically present and taking care of them - it literally makes zero sense to me. C~

Icarys -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 11:21:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied You can't "wrench" away someone who doesn't want to be "wrenched". A dominant with any authority would've suggest to his submissive a long time before now to: ignore, delete messages unread, and limit your time on the computer. You are welcome. I would make an awesome domina. Any subs out there who want to suck on my toes? [:D] My views are my views.i wouldve simply said if it had gotten to a point that it was troubling her and her health, that she needed to close the accounts..your right you cant make anyone do anything they dont want to but we do enter into these relationships each with our duties.make of it what you will.

OmegaG -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/10/2008 11:29:30 AM)
OK, enough people have been cynical before me, I can offer another perspective. The sub and dom in question sound like really nice people, too damned nice. They read every e-mail sent to them and what's more, they respond. They seem to have a very difficult time blocking, ignoring and deleting those which they really don't want to deal with. I would presume that they've asked for a discontinuation of communication and are frustrated that the people on the other side of the big www don't respect their wishes. If this is the case, I'd like to suggest that each of them take a bitch pill. Start ignoring, start blocking, start telling people to fuck off and that further communication will go unanswered if they want to feel that they are still nicer people then the annoying maggots that can't take no for an answer. There are people that come into our lives who seemingly have no better purpuse then to try to yank our emotional chain and it seems that those people who've been placed in this OPs life are doing a fine job of playing the puppet masters. Emotions are something that can be given away for manipulation or they can be controlled. Only the people involved can decide how much energy they want to invest in this manner. I find that it takes far less negative energy to simply poof away these emotional vampires. I don't play their game, they never know if they yanked my chain or not because I don't respond (but then I've had kids and my mommy ignore button is fully funcional). As someone else said, if you don't hit the ball back into their court, they will have to go elsewhere to play.

Silkendream -> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment (6/12/2008 11:56:50 AM)
i, too, have a different perspective. First of all, Gavin de Becker's book, The Gift of Fear, is absolutely the book to read about stalkers - he says that if you respond to these people once, it buys you SIX WEEKS of more stalking, so that gives you some idea of what you're up against. (It took two years for one man to give up contacting me, so that gives you another idea of the time scale these people work to ) However, if you do refuse to respond to them in any way, they do eventually give up. But - for me (and in my opinion only) the main issue here is that she is really ill, and when you are ill, you do become weak, fretful, easily afraid, wanting reassurance, and things which normally you could shrug off, assume mammoth terrifying proportions. I've done this myself, fixated on an issue and loaded it up with all the fear and anger and pain from the illness. Getting terrified about stalkers can be easier or less frightening than being terrified about what's going on in your body. What i would advise the OP to do is not worry about the emailers, but simply sit and listen to his slave crying, let her get it out of her system, and be strong for her. Reassure her, tell her he cares, and share his strength with her - let her lean on him for a while. If he could physically be with her, that would be wonderful. Illness and pain knocks us all for a loop, and makes us all weepy and querulous - DON'T PANIC!!! Just listen to her and comfort her. Tell her you're in charge and in control and everything will be alright soon. Don't even suggest things to do anymore, just let her get it all out. I bet you after a while she'll stop focussing on the emailers and start talking about how she feels about her illness. I hope she feels better soon, and i know how awful it can make you feel when someone you love is ill and crying - how helpless, and you want to rush off and do something physical to take care of them. Sometimes that isn't possible, but - just being there for her and caring is enough. Good luck.

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125