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Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:31:26 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Here is a scenario:
A Dom contacts a submissive by private email on collarme. It is a short introduction and request to view his complete profile.Both the Dom's and the sub's profiles state that they are poly. The profile describes his likes, dislikes, and areas of expertise and there is a fairly lengthy bio and a number of journal entries.
The submissive replies politely and then sometime later the Dom emails her again. It expresses that they have many other things in common other than their lifestyle. They exchange emails regularly for say a few weeks to a month. He gives her his yahoo addy and she allows him to start chatting.
She expresses a desire to join a poly household. He THEN tells her he owns another slave. She asks if they live together 24/7. He says yes they do. But they do not sleep together. He has had a previous 'third' there with them for a weekend (or two). It bought the couple closer together.
There was no mention of them being a couple in his profile. There was no mention of his first slave until much later after the establisment of contact.
Is this a form of deception?
Is it a form of lying by omission?
Is it therefore a form of dishonesty about which the new submissive needs to be wary?
I ask this because I have experinced this nore than once on collarme.
Have other submissives experinced this?
Are there Doms who would admit to doing this and what would be their reasons?
Are there members of poly households who would place profiles excluding one of the partners?
With thanks for input.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:33:58 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Did you ask right away if He was married or living with or seeing someone else?

Buyer beware.

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:34:18 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If he stated upfront that he's poly, then where's the deception? Unless he's claiming to look for an alpha while already having one?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:37:09 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

... There was no mention of them being a couple in his profile. There was no mention of his first slave until much later after the establisment of contact.
Is this a form of deception?
Is it a form of lying by omission?
Is it therefore a form of dishonesty about which the new submissive needs to be wary?
I ask this because I have experinced this nore than once on collarme.
Have other submissives experinced this?
Are there Doms who would admit to doing this and what would be their reasons?
Are there members of poly households who would place profiles excluding one of the partners?
With thanks for input.


lol... There are many here, dom and sub alike, who omit mentioning an existing partner. 

For me, I believe it's deceptive... even if the current partner is aware and approves of the profile's existence.  Others may not feel that way.


< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 6/3/2008 4:39:20 PM >

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:39:29 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

Did you ask right away if He was married or living with or seeing someone else?

Buyer beware.

CD

Are YOU married?
See how paranoid does that sound as a first question?
This refers to more than one experience by the way.....so is that the first question I should be asking? I'm not being sarcastic in anyway it would just not occur to me why someone would leave an entire person out of their profile, their journal and their communication.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:42:18 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

... There was no mention of them being a couple in his profile. There was no mention of his first slave until much later after the establisment of contact.
Is this a form of deception?
Is it a form of lying by omission?
Is it therefore a form of dishonesty about which the new submissive needs to be wary?
I ask this because I have experinced this nore than once on collarme.
Have other submissives experinced this?
Are there Doms who would admit to doing this and what would be their reasons?
Are there members of poly households who would place profiles excluding one of the partners?
With thanks for input.


lol... There are many here, dom and sub alike, who omit mentioning an existing partner. 

For me, I believe it's deceptive... even if the current partner is aware and approves of the profile's existence.  Others may not feel that way.


The partners have been explained away as being in agreement so they weren't worth mentioning.....and on another occassion (not the ones i was talking about in my opening post) but on another occasion as being a vanilla partner...so that kind of didn't count (?)


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:42:18 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I am a poly Master with a 24/7 live-in slave looking for a third... I didn't think twice about adding her to My profile as soon as I Owned her... Just the way I am. From My perspective if I wasn't seeking then maybe I wouldn't feel a need for honesty reasons, but I would still do so becuase I have no reason to hide her, she isn't some dirty little secret and I am not seeing others behind her back so don't have anyone to hide her from!

Yes I would see the actions you describe dishonest..... reeling someone in before dropping the bombshell rather than being upfront and honest at the start.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:43:46 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

... why someone would leave an entire person out of their profile, their journal and their communication.


It would seem to me that the person in question must not play a significant part in the dominant's life.  Seems strange for someone that lives with him.  It would lead me to believe he wouldn't treat me with any more regard.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:44:56 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		You shouldn't have to ask.
That said, I generally find a way to get around to it.
Such as...what was your last relationship like?
Really? When did it end?
How did it end?
Etc...
Oh, and yes, it is deceitful.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:45:58 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I am a poly Master with a 24/7 live-in slave looking for a third... I didn't think twice about adding her to My profile as soon as I Owned her... Just the way I am. From My perspective if I wasn't seeking then maybe I wouldn't feel a need for honesty reasons, but I would still do so becuase I have no reason to hide her, she isn't some dirty little secret and I am not seeing others behind her back so don't have anyone to hide her from!

Yes I would see the actions you describe dishonest..... reeling someone in before dropping the bombshell rather than being upfront and honest at the start.


On all occasions it has felt exactly like a bombshell. I have always explained that I would never want to cross another submissive/slave/ I have also explained that I do not think my role is to 'hot up' their relationship or to bring two people closer together. (Of course it would hot up the relationship for all concerned *smiles* but that's not the point).


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:46:17 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

... The partners have been explained away as being in agreement so they weren't worth mentioning.....and on another occassion (not the ones i was talking about in my opening post) but on another occasion as being a vanilla partner...so that kind of didn't count (?)


My point exactly.  How would you feel about being a partner not worth mentioning or one that didn't count?

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:48:31 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		"Please let me know if you are single and looking.  I hope you write back.  If you do, I will send you a pic."

Sensible people know that communication is not perfect, and they appreciate open, honest request for clarification.

You are catastrophizing everything.  Again.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:51:38 PM   
fungasm


Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline 		It happens ALOT.  So the profile not containing the information- I can kind of see that...

But if you talked for this person for a month with the idea being that you were edging towards a relationship, and he didn't mention he already had one... that's ^*%%&*  RUDE.  It's not nice to you and it's not nice to his partner. 

And if he and his partner decided they weren't worth mentioning.... don't even get me started.  Do you want to be in a relationship where you aren't worth mentioning?  Poly doesn't mean self-absorbed narcissist who gets to think only of his own wants.

Damn.



_____________________________

"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

Blog: http://antidomme.sensualwriter.com

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:52:03 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


You are catastrophizing everything.  Again.

Well i suppose if it's everything I am catastrophising I would have to do it more than once. and you are negating me. Again,. Still no one's perfect. And the world does not adhere to ideaological imperialism.
I believe I was just raising an interesting point. If you don't like it;: there's the door.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/3/2008 4:54:04 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:53:43 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

Is this a form of deception?
Is it a form of lying by omission?
Is it therefore a form of dishonesty about which the new submissive needs to be wary?

 
Yes, yes and yes in certain circumstances.
Considering in the scenario you give it states on the submissives profile they are interested in poly, it would do absolutely no harm to mention the live in sub in my opinion.
My alarm bells would ring at they don't sleep together but are a couple!! I don't know of many 'couples' who have no sex life.
 
Having said all that i am currently playing with a Dom, maybe starting to play with another and being considered by another.
Do i state this openly on my profile? No.
Is that deception? I guess.
I have no desire though to put under consideration on my profile for it to go pear shaped and me have to remove it.
I have no desire to go in to my other relationships in detail either so i only brush the surface with that one too.
I see nothing wrong in what my profile says but there will always be someone out there who does.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:54:56 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
I have also explained that I do not think my role is to 'hot up' their relationship or to bring two people closer together. (Of course it would hot up the relationship for all concerned *smiles* but that's not the point).


Quite. I spent time to get My current girl stable and secure before looking for a third. You don't ask someone to jump aboard an already unstable boat... it is likely to capsize and a relationship that needs someone to come in to "hot it up" is IMO unstable.



_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 4:58:32 PM   
laura2161


Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

Did you ask right away if He was married or living with or seeing someone else?

Buyer beware.

CD


I agree. If you wanted to know if he was married, in a relationship, etc then you should have asked sooner.  I dont think he was being deceitful because he answered you as soon as you asked the question.

I am pretty upfront. I ask within the first few emails if I see the chat is leaning toward something other than just friendship that would lead to real time.


_____________________________

'I am not infantile, You StinkyButt Poophead!'

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 5:00:36 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		missturbation; I disagree. I don't think that what you are doing is deceptive. This is called dating. As long as the people you are speaking to know what is going on, I see no deception.

If, however, you were in a relationship with one person, and were looking for another to either join the two of you, or just as an extra for you, then yes, I would think it would be best to have that on your profile.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 5:02:38 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		So did he ask you? Did he ask you if you were married or involved with anyone?That is when I would have returned the question. If he didn't ask you then I assume that it is something that isn't all that important to him. Prinsexx, you seem to be having a lot of trouble in relationships that involve a form of poly. Or at least it seems that way from your threads. Perhaps you ought to move in a different direction and see if that solves some of your problems?

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Partner omitted from profile? - 6/3/2008 5:02:48 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

 
Having said all that i am currently playing with a Dom, maybe starting to play with another and being considered by another.
Do i state this openly on my profile? No.
Is that deception? I guess.


No I don't think it's the same thing. For a start a profile's role is to state what happens to be the most sustained element's of one's lifestyle, does it not? I would think that having a 24/7 partner is sustained? what i mean is that if each and everytime I got chatting or playing with a Dom i needed to put that in my profile in order to avoid any deception then i would be forever changing my profila and doing not much else.
But that's not the point.....if the purpose of illiciting a sub's attention is to bring her into an existent poly household then surely that meeds to be mentioned on the profile?


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 20
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