RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession.

RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/3/2008 11:28:57 PM)
I have to agree with this, also. Probably one of the best compliments that I've ever received from a bottom that I've played with was a very well written letter, where he compared Me to an artist. That each strike I had laid on him was like a paint brush to a canvas. I'll never forget that one.

Prinsexx -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/3/2008 11:50:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag quote: ORIGINAL: DominantJenny Are there other lazy sadists out there, perfectly happy to NOT be up on the latest complicated techniques? Me as well. I'm more about the ends than the means. I don't do public play, so there's no one for me to impress with how well I can crack a whip or swing a flogger or what have you. I'm more interested in the effect what I am doing is having on the intended subject, and whether that effect is what I wanted or not. I'll learn some specific technique, if and only if, it expands my ability to achieve those desired ends. That's just me though, its how I work. Now I read crack a whip or swing a finger......[:D]....it's very early, I need glasses but it was also perhaps wish-fulfilment. One of the laziest sadists I know does it emotionally without any effort whatsoever. He also did flick a finger on the most sensitive part of me. It bought me to a standstill instantly. That was his intention and it was sublime.

Stusmobile -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 3:15:20 AM)
You've consider yourself an artist with certain things, I consider myself an artist with a word. Neither is better nor worse than the other, at the end of the day they are techniques to achieve an end and we each have our own preferences in how we manage that. Having a personal "style" is not lazier than anyone else, it's your choice, it's what works for you and the person you are with. Some people enjoy the wielding of an instrument to edge a person closer and closer to their limits, some like to use pain to take them there yet others use their voice or a gesture. There is a time and a place for each, but not being "artistic" in one area doea not negate the intamacy of the whole. I sat and wrote something in the middle of last week, spent a lot of time in my own head finding the words to achieve my aims. The result was a tightening of the bond between her and I, a closeness that with each new line moved the two of us into a shared space. The emotional high and subsequent come down are as real as having been in the same room for all of those hours it took to write. That is what fulfils me, fulfils her as well and I don't consider it lazy because it works for us, fits our mindsets and ultimately strengthens us. I would love to be able to wield a crop or a cane, a flogger or a paddle with the skill some of you show and over time will find the ones that suit me, but they will still only be a smaller part of the whole. They will never replace the intrinsic need for words, gestures and thoughts that define me, who I am and how I behave. If that equates to lazy, sign me up, I'll add it to all the other parts of being a Dom that I missed in the handbook [;)]

StrangerThan -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 4:06:13 AM)
I don't know if I consider myself lazy or not, and I don't consider flogging as a sadist's activity. Everyone has different techniques and styles and the intent behind what you do varies at times so for me, it's as often what I want her to feel as what I want to do. In that vein, this discussion becomes a little skewed depending on what you're trying to acheive. The problem I have with the weaves is controlling the falls or tails of the flogger. I like them all together when they hit. I don't have stray falls landing places I don't want them to land, and it helps control wrap by making me more accurate. Wrap, by the way, can be easily dealt with by snugging a pillow up on the opposite side of him or her assuming your subject is lying on his or her stomach - which is my favorite position for those happy place spankings. Time can be somewhat limited here as parasthesias can develop after a while, but there are problems maintaining any position for an extended period of time. Use the pillow as a guide to your own accuracy. Every time you hear the flogger slap against it, you're avoiding things you really don't want to do. I don't necessarily agree with any weave as a beginner's thing. Accuracy is more important to me. I live by things I was taught a long time ago about where to strike and where not to strike, avoiding places like kidneys, spine, places with raised bone, you know, the basic let's not do that kind of places. That's where the tendency to like the falls all together comes in with me - not to mention the fact that I like the thud and can deliver some pretty hard strikes once she's in la-la land. I think any video that had beginner in the tag line should stress accuracy more so than how flashy one can be doing it - just my 2 cents. Then again, everyone has their own technique and what works for them, works for them. I enjoy the shows as much as the next person, but whether I adopt it into my play depends on the value I see in it... and really, that's what this lifestyle is all about, the value something holds for you and your partner(s).

HalloweenWhite -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 4:07:59 AM)
I think I'm kind of somewhere between got to know everything and lazy!. I think it's always worth putting time and effort into something so that You know what You're doing, You know You know what You're doing, and can demonstrate you know what You're doing as and when You need to (like when You get the chance to show off infront of a spectacularly desireable sub/slave!). The rest of the time I think You can be a bit more relaxed in Your approach.

epiphany -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 4:36:38 AM)
There are times when I am just going for a certain effect, and I guess take the shortest route. On the other hand....my canes! They are my babies. I have a round 30 of them in different finishings and lengths as well as weights / thickness. I have a love affair with them. When I am really into topping with them, I get a special headspace of my own, and it's absolutely a creative headspace. I cane equally well with both hands and have several matched sets for that purpose. I can create a variety of feelings and patterns with so many differnt feelings. Someone said something about not needing to impress someone...it's not about that for me, it's about the love of the art of it, getting caught up in it. People are often surprised that caning can be done without pain and be very erotic, it vcan even feel like therapy...naturally, it can be done with pain and be very erotic too! It is my favorite tool to top with or bottom too. epiphany

HalloweenWhite -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 4:43:48 AM)
Good grief 30 canes! now that's what I call a collection :). You seem to know a lot about canes and, more importantly, how to cane to create different feelings (both sensation and emotions) if You ever write a book on caning, please be sure to let Me know! ;).

MzMia -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 4:51:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stusmobile You've consider yourself an artist with certain things, I consider myself an artist with a word. Neither is better nor worse than the other, at the end of the day they are techniques to achieve an end and we each have our own preferences in how we manage that. Having a personal "style" is not lazier than anyone else, it's your choice, it's what works for you and the person you are with. Some people enjoy the wielding of an instrument to edge a person closer and closer to their limits, some like to use pain to take them there yet others use their voice or a gesture. There is a time and a place for each, but not being "artistic" in one area doea not negate the intamacy of the whole. I sat and wrote something in the middle of last week, spent a lot of time in my own head finding the words to achieve my aims. The result was a tightening of the bond between her and I, a closeness that with each new line moved the two of us into a shared space. The emotional high and subsequent come down are as real as having been in the same room for all of those hours it took to write. That is what fulfils me, fulfils her as well and I don't consider it lazy because it works for us, fits our mindsets and ultimately strengthens us. I would love to be able to wield a crop or a cane, a flogger or a paddle with the skill some of you show and over time will find the ones that suit me, but they will still only be a smaller part of the whole. They will never replace the intrinsic need for words, gestures and thoughts that define me, who I am and how I behave. If that equates to lazy, sign me up, I'll add it to all the other parts of being a Dom that I missed in the handbook [;)] I was hoping someone would write something like this. I am NOT a Sadist, so I can get by with using my hand, brush, words, or whatever. I entered into this lifestyle because I was attracted to the Dominant/submission aspect. Many of us are more into the D/s side, rather than the S/m side. Eventually, I MIGHT decide one day to improve some of my skills and techniques. But for ME, it is not an issue, because for what I enjoy doing, it is not a factor. I rarely, use a flogger, so learning all these techniques again, is not a factor. I am not a lazy sadist, I am only mildly interested in learning or performing those techniques. Many, of us can enjoy and live this lifestyle without learning advanced techniques, engaging in medical play, edge play, risky play or anything remotely similar. Some of us get off on obedience, service and submission. THAT is my kink, and I don't need any fancy techniques to enjoy what makes ME happy. Actually, I am glad I enjoy what I do. When I am tired, old or sick, I can still enjoy my service and submission kink. I work hard enough at my job, and in my very full life. I am not a performer, if anything I want to sit back and watch my submissive PERFORM for ME. I Do enjoy watching skilled players and demo's, it is great to learn.....but I don't feel I HAVE to or SHOULD learn these techniques is the point I am making. Lately, I have been looking at a lot of advanced bondage video's and saying "WOW", how do they do that? Problem is, all I want to do is watch.[:D] All relationships can use a little spice now and then. It just depends on what you and your partner enjoy and what makes you happy. For me, mental and emotional Domination have always been what I get off on. I agree words and deeds can go a long, long way.[:D]

mistoferin -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 5:00:05 AM)
FR..... I have to disagree that there is no difference between the two styles on the bottom end. The difference is night and day. One style is playing with you....the other is playing you like you're an instrument. I would take the Top who learns and practices the fancier techniques every time over the Top who just wants to whack away with no real rhyme or reason. The energy emitted by a Top who is really getting into the rhythm and motion of a scene is palpable even when blindfolded. It's not about putting on a show in public, although I am sure that is why some choose to learn the fancier stuff (and to be really honest, I suspect that for some of them it's the ONLY time they play). I do play in public but 99% of my play is behind closed doors with just my Sir and I...and I LOVE that he puts just as much energy, style and intricacy into our private play as he does our public play. Actually, our private play tends to be much more intricate than what we do in public. It also sounds like most people are saying that submissives are unaware of the visual effect of a dominant's play style, presumably because it is going on behind their back? I'm not sure how others do it but Sir also likes to play with my front and when he does that visual only adds to the excitement of the scene. It's like poetry or a dance that ebbs, flows and builds into a crescendo. If I'm going to dance I want to dance with someone who can fluidly glide and twirl me around the room....not someone who has no rhythm and is going to constantly step on my toes. Watching it and feeling it play out upon your flesh is for me, hypnotic and intoxicating. Not to mention that watching a dominant practicing techniques is just fricking HOT!

HalloweenWhite -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 5:15:22 AM)
Great points, you've given Me something to think about. Nicely put, too, I like how you describe how a sceme feels for you when you play with your Dom. [sm=goodpost.gif]

Missokyst -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 5:19:16 AM)
Umm... been there. I have been flogged by pros, and by amateurs. Admittedly many people who do not know what they are doing at all do not do a thing for me. I find no space, there is no ride, for me it is just "ok what is next?" However, that is not the majority. Most people have a handle on how to flog. I have also been flogged by people who do the fancy tricks. I could not determine a pattern .. but I was not expecting a pattern. Most people I know dont have a routine. It did not make me feel like a canvas. Ideally I do not want to FEEL like a canvas. I just want to feel. As a bottom I want to feel, not be art, I want to space, and that is incredible. If I was feeling like a piece of art I am not reaching space, I am reaching performance. However, if I am in the audience, the fancy footwork is beautiful to watch. As an observer, I can space on someone elses sensation, just on the visual. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: fungasm You feel like a canvas, a work of art to be used. Even if you are dominant, I highly recommend getting flogged by someone with these skills. It's incredible.

DominantJenny -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 6:21:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin FR..... I have to disagree that there is no difference between the two styles on the bottom end. The difference is night and day. One style is playing with you....the other is playing you like you're an instrument. I would take the Top who learns and practices the fancier techniques every time over the Top who just wants to whack away with no real rhyme or reason. The energy emitted by a Top who is really getting into the rhythm and motion of a scene is palpable even when blindfolded. It's not about putting on a show in public, although I am sure that is why some choose to learn the fancier stuff (and to be really honest, I suspect that for some of them it's the ONLY time they play). I do play in public but 99% of my play is behind closed doors with just my Sir and I...and I LOVE that he puts just as much energy, style and intricacy into our private play as he does our public play. Actually, our private play tends to be much more intricate than what we do in public. It also sounds like most people are saying that submissives are unaware of the visual effect of a dominant's play style, presumably because it is going on behind their back? I'm not sure how others do it but Sir also likes to play with my front and when he does that visual only adds to the excitement of the scene. It's like poetry or a dance that ebbs, flows and builds into a crescendo. If I'm going to dance I want to dance with someone who can fluidly glide and twirl me around the room....not someone who has no rhythm and is going to constantly step on my toes. Watching it and feeling it play out upon your flesh is for me, hypnotic and intoxicating. Not to mention that watching a dominant practicing techniques is just fricking HOT! I don't fit the extreme you describe on the lazy end...I wouldn't say I flog (or hit with anything) "without rhyme or reason" and I certainly have rhythm and don't step on toes. But, no, I don't get that complicated. I'm more straight-forward, I suppose. And I have zero desire to lull or hypnotize my partner...I want them alert and kicking and screaming, preferably. While I have my moments, I'm not generally a sensualist. I'm a dominant and a sadist. I've gotten all distracted by a sudden interest in canes now, brought on by this thread and the one "women flog, men cane?" thread.

DominantJenny -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 7:52:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: epiphany There are times when I am just going for a certain effect, and I guess take the shortest route. On the other hand....my canes! They are my babies. I have a round 30 of them in different finishings and lengths as well as weights / thickness. I have a love affair with them. When I am really into topping with them, I get a special headspace of my own, and it's absolutely a creative headspace. I cane equally well with both hands and have several matched sets for that purpose. I can create a variety of feelings and patterns with so many differnt feelings. Someone said something about not needing to impress someone...it's not about that for me, it's about the love of the art of it, getting caught up in it. People are often surprised that caning can be done without pain and be very erotic, it vcan even feel like therapy...naturally, it can be done with pain and be very erotic too! It is my favorite tool to top with or bottom too. epiphany Okay, now I want to know more about canes. Not that I haven't looked at them before, but sometimes then wasn't the right time and now is. Although I'm not in the least bit interested in not causing pain. :P

mistoferin -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 9:09:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominantJenny And I have zero desire to lull or hypnotize my partner...I want them alert and kicking and screaming, preferably. While I have my moments, I'm not generally a sensualist. I'm a dominant and a sadist. quote: Although I'm not in the least bit interested in not causing pain. :P Well it sounds as though you lean much more heavily toward the pain end....and that's fine. My Sir is in heaven when he is splittling my skin open with some implement. He is a dominant and a sadist too. To be honest, he is probably the most sadistic partner I have ever had....when it's his desire to be so. He is also the most sensual partner I've ever had....when that is his desire to be so. He can seemingly have a heart of ice as I beg, cry, scream and plead....and he can wrap me in his arms like he never wants to let go too. He knows what my needs are and he knows that as much as I love pain and get off on it....I need that to be balanced with sensuality, love and care. He knows that while I might be a serious masochist, it is not the entirety of who I am. He knows that I wouldn't stay 5 minutes in a relationship with a dominant who only wanted to get their sadistic fixes while ignoring my other needs. (not saying that is what you do) In my opinion, when it's all about one it can't be a partnership. Those kinds of scenes have their purpose and can be exactly what both parties want in the moment....and there may be some people out there who only want someone to constantly hurt them and never show a tender side or a sensual side. That's cool as long as they are getting fulfilled. I, however, would not be fulfilled with such an arrangement. Maybe in a play partner...but not in a life partner.

FRSguy -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 9:24:34 AM)
Where did you see this video (big admirer of her)

mistoferin -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 9:58:37 AM)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=JXGkWHzZJBs

DominantJenny -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 10:01:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: DominantJenny And I have zero desire to lull or hypnotize my partner...I want them alert and kicking and screaming, preferably. While I have my moments, I'm not generally a sensualist. I'm a dominant and a sadist. quote: Although I'm not in the least bit interested in not causing pain. :P Well it sounds as though you lean much more heavily toward the pain end....and that's fine. My Sir is in heaven when he is splittling my skin open with some implement. He is a dominant and a sadist too. To be honest, he is probably the most sadistic partner I have ever had....when it's his desire to be so. He is also the most sensual partner I've ever had....when that is his desire to be so. He can seemingly have a heart of ice as I beg, cry, scream and plead....and he can wrap me in his arms like he never wants to let go too. He knows what my needs are and he knows that as much as I love pain and get off on it....I need that to be balanced with sensuality, love and care. He knows that while I might be a serious masochist, it is not the entirety of who I am. He knows that I wouldn't stay 5 minutes in a relationship with a dominant who only wanted to get their sadistic fixes while ignoring my other needs. (not saying that is what you do) In my opinion, when it's all about one it can't be a partnership. Those kinds of scenes have their purpose and can be exactly what both parties want in the moment....and there may be some people out there who only want someone to constantly hurt them and never show a tender side or a sensual side. That's cool as long as they are getting fulfilled. I, however, would not be fulfilled with such an arrangement. Maybe in a play partner...but not in a life partner. My partner gets LOTS of love and care and plenty of sensuality...I just don't choose to provide those things with the tools I use for pain. It is most definitely crucial that both partners in a relationship are happy and fulfilled; I wouldn't have been happily married (to my slave) for 12 years if I wasn't well aware of that fact. He would laugh out loud at the idea that I'm not tender. I'm just not tender (beyond a moment here or there) with a flogger. BIG difference.

mistoferin -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 10:30:58 AM)
If you're doing what makes you both happy then that's awesome. I hope you understand I wasn't trying to judge your particular style. I was presenting an opposite opinion to what many on this thread have said. I'm fairly sure I'm not the only one who appreciates the skill and efforts of "non-lazy" sadists is all. I'm one who would have no interest in what you term a "lazy" sadist...although I must admit I think that the term implies that being such is negative in some way...and I don't think it necessarily is. I think it's more about differing styles...not that one is better or worse.

FRSguy -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 10:47:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin http://youtube.com/watch?v=JXGkWHzZJBs Thank you!

softness -> RE: The Lazy Sadist, a confession. (6/4/2008 11:15:17 AM)
Sir is a self confessed lazy sadist ... He has a great anecdote about His lazy sadism winning regional recognition but I doubt He will make the effort to post it

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