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Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 6:16:31 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		This thought came to me while I was at the copy machine this morning. I notice a lot of post on here from old subs/slaves on here saying that they can't find a Dom/Domme. I don't mean age wise just the ones who have been around here for a while. Seems most of them have had past relationships with Dom/Dommes already.

My question is does it influence your dession to pass them over because they have had a relationship with another Dom/Domme.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 6:38:00 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Hell no! a slave with little or no experience (ok she won't be a slave yet), has its advantages with no previoust training to undo, yet a slave trained and experienced is also a very attractive proposition. We can lrearn from each other there. The only down side with a slave with prtevious owner/s is possibly any baggage. But this too can be handled and should not be a derterent if she seems to be the right person suited to my requirements.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 6:39:34 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		nope. experience is not a factor in that way. (actually prefer they have some experience.) now, mind you that is a general thing.  I am not into subs that are over 45, and prefer those that are closer to 42-43, if not younger/my age.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 6:56:34 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		While virgins are fun (That "gee I can really do this" look) if I limited myself to those who had never played it would be a boring life.  Think if it as tennis.  It's fun to teach but for a real game you need an experienced player

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 7:24:23 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I was thinking about the baggage aspect of it when I asked the question.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 7:28:02 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I was thinking about the baggage aspect of it when I asked the question.


Doesn't everyone have baggage?  Including you?  So, should a sub/slave pass you up because of your baggage?
When you figure out your answer you have the answer.


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 7:28:13 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		well if you take a sub or slave....and her old Owner is around...that can cause soem problems.
On the other side when you take a girl and your ex slave/sub is around...she might feel uncomfy too.
I guess it plays a role to some degree. I surely don't want to hurt anyone that way.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 7:55:39 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		It, for me, depends on the volume and type of baggage involved. Some I can deall with with no negative impact and some I will not tough as i may see it is a potential threat to myself or (more importantly) my wife. These days I really don't feel like kicking down doors to deal with some asshole who gave the slave a hard time and who threatens her. I wil;l put her in touch with the appropriate asuthorities and services to help her and then lend my support or if neccary I could, could mind you, rally spme good experienced lads who will happily take out a fdoor or three and teach thew SoB a lesson he'll never forget before he is evicted from my turf. Probably old age catching up but I'd rather spend the time doing things I enjoy listening to my collection of Bach's Organ Pieces. I'll usually help those who seek or need my aid but that doesn'e mean I'll whip a collar avbout their necks after. .

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 8:03:31 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		sub4hire. What type of baggage would I have that would deter a sub? I make my choices on  personality and interest. I asked  thequestion because I see a lot of subs floating around with nowhere to go.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 8:14:51 AM   
Constrictor1


Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I was thinking about the baggage aspect of it when I asked the question.




I feel that we as humans are a culmination of experiences ( both good and bad) that lead up from our past until now making us into what and who we are. If that is baggage, then yes I will accept someone with baggage. I also see training someone and molding them into what I want as an opportunity to discover more about who they are. I also see this exchange as time for them to see who I am. Hopefully at this point of the exchange the s type will see that I am not the person who did the bad thing(s) to him/her in the past and that we can grow beyond the harbored negativity so that I can do the bad things that I want to do.
   That is a very short answer compared to what I really want to say, but my slave is not here to type for me and I am about a 4 word per minute cro-magnon at the keyboard.

Constrictor1

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 8:32:07 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you constrictor. It is hard to ask something here in writing because it can be taken in so many ways. You think that you have thought out your question then see the different types of answers. I did'nt mean to imply that baggage was a bad thing. Some types of baggage can be worked thru. Seeing that personalities vary some people won't accept any baggage.  

(in reply to Constrictor1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 8:37:05 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

My question is does it influence your dession to pass them over because they have had a relationship with another Dom/Domme.


A partner's level of experience doesn't influence me as long as said s-type doesn't mind having more than I do.  I'm not a newbie but neither am I some Uber Pro Domme who has her own personal dungeon with more gadgets than Toys R Us and who knows more tricks than Ringling Bros.  If the s-type wants something I haven't done, I'm more than willing to learn, barring something I consider a hard limit.  However, there's going to be a natural learning curve there.  I'm not going to have the skill straight out of the gate.
 
More experienced subs tend to look for someone who has the same level of experience as they do and many (though by no means all) are not willing to demonstrate patience while the D-type learns a new skill.  I wonder how many of those older subs doing the complaining have passed over a less experienced Dominant for that reason.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 9:09:21 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I actually prefer to remain unattached.  Or at least I prefer it to being with someone just to have someone in my life.  For me a relationship is beyond kink.  Having other things in common with someone, whether it be politics, education, style, personality, ect., already makes finding a partner more difficult.  But when you add in the kink.. you have to think of type, styles, compatibilty in what you are looking for, ect. 
The odds of finding someone to match that, or come close are not as great.  I think it has less to do with baggage than knowing who you are and that you can be content on your own.
Passion can be found if it is needed.  But finding that person that makes you joyful inside, is a surprise that surpasses all others.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

sub4hire. What type of baggage would I have that would deter a sub? I make my choices on  personality and interest. I asked  thequestion because I see a lot of subs floating around with nowhere to go.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 9:13:26 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

sub4hire. What type of baggage would I have that would deter a sub? I make my choices on  personality and interest. I asked  thequestion because I see a lot of subs floating around with nowhere to go.


I am a female sub..and when I was searching for the right dom for me.  I saw a lot of male doms having nowhere to go.  I came out of a ten year relationship with my dom.  At that time...the net wasn't as prevalent as it is now.  I think we had mirc and prodigy, which had something like one chat room if I recall.
I was in my late twenties and everyone who even somewhat matched my experience was in their late 50's-60's and wanting someone I could grow old with..well it wasn't going to happen. 
In all relationships we have to deal with baggage..sme less than others.  I think it is baggage that makes us better people overall and therefore more valuable to others. 
Subs with nowhere to go, I'd say they don't know what they want yet.  They need to do some soul searching.


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 9:13:46 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		i dont care who you are...but we ALL have baggage...fortunately mine is on my chest...wait..thats boobage....

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 9:25:32 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I was thinking about the baggage aspect of it when I asked the question.

When they want a clone of thier Ex Mistress, it becomes a problem !!!!

Da rest is quite alright


GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 10:13:42 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I notice a lot of post on here from old subs/slaves on here saying that they can't find a Dom/Domme.
Using your reference, "a lot" don't want one.

What they want is a facilitator who can provide the sensation. Its the sensation, be it mental or physical that they seek. Their preference to the receiving end of the sensation requires they search with a self applied label of "sub/slave". When it gets to the dynamic, their requirement for dominating the type, intensity, and specifics of interaction represent their ultimate requirement of maintaining full control. People who are Dominant won't tolerate it, although there are "a lot" who take advantage of it. Ending it once they tire of the facilitating the sensation, moving on to another.

CM is a very good place to find facilitators; especially males who, by their nature, adapt and are chameleon like in their ability to assume any role to achieve their goal of being with a female. (Sorry guys!)  

It works both ways, and frankly, there is a lot of positives that come from a facilitating interaction. As long as both parties know their role there is plenty of fun and fulfillment to be had in the interaction. Problems only arise when one of the parties want, or worse - think they have, something more than the physical sensation, or want the dynamic to extend beyond the parameters originally agreed upon. 

Remember the term used was "a lot"; not ALL, not even most.

quote:

My question is does it influence your decision to pass them over because they have had a relationship with another Dom/Domme.
Why should it? Past relationships, lifestyle or vanilla, effected the person in the past. You represent the present and the future. As the present unfolds, dwelling on the past is the best method of not having a future. At least that is the way it goes with me.

"Baggage" is a rationalization for anticipating future failure. People don't come with "baggage" they come with experience; some good - some bad - most neutral. None critical to me outside any physical limitations or disability and even that is only critical in consideration of health and comfort. 

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 10:15:22 AM   
katGS


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline 		Since we are the partly the sum total of our expierences I don't believe that anyone reaches adulthood without some baggage. But as Iron Bear said it depends on the baggage. That goes for both Doms and subs.

I've seen many Doms who carry their own baggage. They can't get over past subs they have owned. They domineer instead of dominate. They have no sense of reality in that D/s M/s is a relationship and not a fantasy.

I guess I'm not as optimistic as I once was that in time perhaps those Doms will outgrow their negative experiences and put closure on their own baggage. I do know that I will not be the one to change them, only they can do that.

Therefore since all people have baggage and Doms are people then Doms will have baggage as well as subs.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 10:25:44 AM   
ShatteredSoul123


Posts: 29
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline 		I think a lot of the problem is that the older one gets, the longer they are in this lifestyle, and the more things they see go wrong, the more cautious they are. And whereas this may not be bad, it is not exactly good either.

A lot of newer subs/slaves havn't heard all the horror stories that comes from meeting online, meeting a total stranger, and meeting others in the lifestyle. Many have, but a lot havn't. Many have heard them and think "that will never happen to me".

So they take the risk of meeting a dom in a hurry (which like it or not a lot of Doms want... no matter how much warning and danger goes with it). Many of these new comers find horror stories, but many find the partner they wanted.

Had they been more seasoned, they likely wouldn't have rushed into things and thus, not met their dom because he wanted something quicker.

I would never suggest put caution to the wind, nor would I suggest rushing things, however this is why some long time subs are still single while the new ones have no problems finding a match.


_____________________________

ShatteredSoul of http://www.alternativealbany.com
and http://beingadaddy.wordpress.com (not kinky)

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Copy Machine - 5/21/2008 10:37:36 AM   
Skully7000


Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

This thought came to me while I was at the copy machine this morning. I notice a lot of post on here from old subs/slaves on here saying that they can't find a Dom/Domme. I don't mean age wise just the ones who have been around here for a while. Seems most of them have had past relationships with Dom/Dommes already.

My question is does it influence your dession to pass them over because they have had a relationship with another Dom/Domme.


I'm a natural student. I seek to learn things and explore my curiousities to their fullest. while I do love imparting my knowledge on those who seek it I much prefer to find someone who is barely a step ahead..causing me to step up my game. keeping me on my toes and pushing myself. if you slack you fall behind if you keep up you can have fun but only if you truly push yourself can you surpass.

that is what I'm attracted to most. I think I also like to be the underdog sometimes;)

Cheers
Skully

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 20
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