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the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 11:14:16 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		After reading a few threads this morning, a thought came to me.

I have always abhored the boxes that people tend to gravitate towards, the republican box, the religious box, the female box.... and it would seem to me that many of the people here would agree and they would proclaim that they are not to be put into a box.

But it seems that while they are staying away from boxes, they've put themselves into a box by default.  It seems to me that when people decide that they are not "vanilla" they cas aside any relationship lessons learned during experiences that they had while being vanilla.

They react to a man differently because he's a "Dom" or a "Master" (or Domme/Mistress) rather then seeing him as a man (or woman) first, they don't adhere to rules or guidelines they followed before because they are now a "submissive" or a "slave" forgetting that they are female (or male) first.

So many times questions are posted on these boards asking how to deal with particular instances where perfectly good "vanilla" reasoning has been tossed out the window.  Would you get engaged to a man you haven't met yet and just started talking to?  Why would you get collared?  Would you hand over your bank account numbers, send scintilating pictures, agree to preform an outrageous request were it not for this mythical BDSM bubble that seems to make black turn to white and up become down.

I guess I'm pondering because when I stumbled into this place I was still me and I still retained my common sense and I didn't do or agree to anything that I wouldn't have agreed to or done before.  Sure I have had new experiences but I retain my memories and my growth as well.

So many questions can be answered simply by looking back at the "vanilla" box that people discard, that box that is filled, usually with a lifetime of experiences and lessons.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade
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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 11:19:31 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		People are silly, and tend to think that BDSM is a nice padded room, where you can't get hurt if you throw your common sense out with the garbage.

Just because you are kinky, does not make you special.


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HBIC



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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 11:20:16 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I think that our vanillia experiences are always applied to this lifestyle. There is a limit tho as to how many you can apply to here. This lifestyle brings a whole new set of experiences that don't pretain to the vanilla lifestyle. I don't think that your discarding any experiences. Just learning new ones. You try to incorporate them together when you can.  

(in reply to OmegaG)
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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 11:29:34 AM   
MusicalBoredom


Posts: 620
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: Louisiana/New York
Status: offline 		In relationships I tend to treat them as just that -- relationships.  I prefer some degree of D/s in those and I prefer some specific things when it comes to sex but if it's a relationship then I try my best at open communication, respect, understand that we both have "issues" and so on.  If I'm some event or play party then roles and interactions tend to be dictated by the event and I try to respect those as well.  But I'm not one that defines much in the "traditional" sense.

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 11:30:48 AM   
MusicalBoredom


Posts: 620
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: Louisiana/New York
Status: offline 		I'm kinky and special dang it 

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 11:47:10 AM   
MstrVik


Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Just because you are kinky, does not make you special.



LOL true indeed!

About 'boxes' in general: for sure, applying a certain label to yourself (like Dom or sub) makes people expect a certain approach from you - there's usually a lot of different projections that come into play with this --- I guess sorting through all that is part of the fun actually, though of course sometimes it's just a drag...

But I agree: no need to throw insights already earned out of the window, though at the same time acknowledging that there is actually a lot more to be learned and be ready to put aside any preconceived notions. That's part of the exploration -- if you risk nothing, then you're going nowhere...

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~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:00:35 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I am just a person like there are million...guess that makes it a large box..with little space..lol

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:06:25 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MusicalBoredom

I'm kinky and special dang it 


Ditto!
But I'm not kinky coz I'm special, or visaversa.
 
the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:07:19 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		umm i happen to love the female box and desire to be put in it as often as i can hehehe.I think i can not seperate myself into little boxes nor would i want to , i like myself whole .Life and  Bdsm D/s  as well as  the kinky fetish sides are all a  grand  journey and lessons always seem to keep getting learned and growth happens , personally i just do not feel a need to box it or label it .

(in reply to MstrVik)
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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:11:22 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Geee... this is something I've been noticing for some time now.  Apply Common sense, slap on forehead... We all are human beings, BDSM is no excuse to not be human...

OK.. we all are twisted sicko pervy people.  We still are human beings.

I wonder at times what planet some people came from, and who bitched slapped them into this Galaxy.

I have had some very interesting experiences in my Twisted Vanilla relationships that apply to something called reality.  OH wait, that's because it was reality and not some porno set.

I think some people really are shy at showing they have ever had a Vanilla anything, even a Vanilla milkshake.

Just as much as there are Doms that are sadomaso.  I mean what self respecting Dom will admit they enjoy a little pain every so often.

Do vanilla people only get to see our vanilla sides, and BDSMers get to see only our BDSM side?  Is it really ok, if I mix Pepsi and Mountain Dew together and Drink it?  I've seen parents get upset with their children at Burger King for doing that.  OK, so this is Burger Kink and our parents ain't here.   

(in reply to OmegaG)
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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:15:32 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		not only do I let my kid mix sodas, I actually taste his concoctions when he asks me to.  Why would a parent stop that?

Damn, I forgot about that parent box that I never felt comfortable in too.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:15:43 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I'll never understand why people can't live their lives without worrying about what is "lifestyle", "vanilla", or "kink". 

For example, I am different things to different people, but even so,  I live my life in its entirety, I don't break myself into a million little pieces in order to get through the "vanilla" part, the "lifestyle" part, the "parent" part, the "employee" part, etc, it's all part of who I am and it's all important.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:18:12 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I also want to add that as far as people doing "strange" things from the onset, I think that in general, like tends to attract like.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:19:37 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

So many questions can be answered simply by looking back at the "vanilla" box that people discard, that box that is filled, usually with a lifetime of experiences and lessons.

Ayup... its been that way for as long as I can remember.  Someone comes to some forum, chat room, munch, or where ever and asks... "My dom/sub/master/mistress/slave did this or that... what should I do?"  An ya just wanna smack them... hard... and not in a fun way.  But ya can't... so whatcha gonna do.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:20:22 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Thats too funny , a counter person asked what kind of drink mine would like and she smiles and said ALL .

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

not only do I let my kid mix sodas, I actually taste his concoctions when he asks me to.  Why would a parent stop that?

Damn, I forgot about that parent box that I never felt comfortable in too.

(in reply to OmegaG)
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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:21:48 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		We used to call that a Suicide.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:23:16 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		that's only when the liquids are all alcoholic

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:23:40 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I am a nonconformist weirdo. I cant be put in a box!

Oh wait, I think I put myself in to a box, huh?

Well at least I'm not in a box on a hillside. A box made of Ticky tacky.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:26:06 PM   
MstrVik


Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
An ya just wanna smack them... hard... and not in a fun way.  But ya can't... so whatcha gonna do.


Hmm, well, perhaps smack someone else...?

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 12:37:12 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Thats what we used to call it  when we made a drink out of the bar catch mat . All the booze that spilled chilled and poured . Talk about a mixed drink , it was even on the bar wall  for 2 buxs .

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

We used to call that a Suicide.

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 20
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