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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 5:58:02 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Seems to me even the Nilla world thrives on boxes, why wouldn't it transfer here too. Someone says “I'm a doctor” or “I'm a lawyer” and we tend to trust that they know what they are talking about. Too often we don't get that second opinion cause they claim to own the box were looking for at the time. It's hard to remain an Individual, being free of thought and action especially when we've been taught to respect boxes for what they contain. Hee heeee, some of us even get called bad names when we question the box or boxes about their legitimacy or their expertise!




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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 6:09:55 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I have never understood when people think just because someone is involved in BDSM that is somehow makes them above all else. We all know that their are predators, idiots, assholes, psychos and generally bad people that are into BDSM. Why would someone not screen them as they would anyone vanilla wanting the same things, like bank accounts, social security numbers etc? Just because they give themselves a label in the lifestyle doesn't mean they are more honest and trustworthy. Weed out the bad ones in BDSM as you would in any other facet of your life.

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 6:42:25 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I think these people are desperate to escape into some sort of imagined Utopia where everything will be just perfect, because they can control EVERYTHING DAMMIT!!!!!
 
 Then they crash like a cat that fell off the empire state building the moment those nasty "vanilla" problems creep in-as they always do. Splat.
 
 This is why I don't engage in this 'seriously".
 
 It makes no sense.

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/19/2008 10:59:38 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		We are just people with similar interest that gather. You can see every person as a box if you like...some contain nice information..some are empty  :P

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 12:49:11 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Humans name things. It's just what we do. With that comes boxes.

Master Fire

PS...I cannot resist...http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/schrodingers-lolcat1.jpg


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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 1:54:05 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
I guess I'm pondering because when I stumbled into this place I was still me and I still retained my common sense and I didn't do or agree to anything that I wouldn't have agreed to or done before.  Sure I have had new experiences but I retain my memories and my growth as well.


New submissives getting into D/s are as dangerous as Alaskan king crab fishing if they have preconceived notions that they HAVE to do things. However, many people want to do just what they do and only blame it on sub frenzy later when they learn there is something to absolve them of their behavior.

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 3:48:47 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

they would proclaim that they are not to be put into a box.



Presumably, we all have values and beliefs on which we place great emphasis and by which we will stand. In effect, this is "being in a box".

I suppose where the box becomes restrictive, is where these values and beliefs are set in stone rather than being ideas and perceptions that evolve over time.

Edited to add: isn't the label dominant or submissive, a box? i.e. this is my core from beginning to end?

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 5/20/2008 3:49:53 AM >

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 3:55:00 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		when is something a box? we can both be Dominant..but will our boxes with that label be the same?


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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 3:58:53 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

when is something a box? we can both be Dominant..but will our boxes with that label be the same?



'Open to debate.

In the event we assume a box is the imposition of boundaries upon ourselves, I'd suggest that "dominant" meets this criteria.

So, it's back to my original post - we all place certain restrictions on ourselves by virtue of holding values by which we stand.

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 4:14:07 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		Not sure...some people feel relived...free....or unboxed when they acepted beeing a Dom or sub.
Also.. my box can be bigger then yours..lol....if you inflict limits on your self..to fit in the box called "dominant".

nice such theories... btw I see a dominant not as a box..but just a lable

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 4:14:26 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Generally, i try to compartmentalise things in life...i suppose having a group of boxes would be more my style.  i am many things.  Sometimes even conflicting "boxes" for example, submissive in my relationships with a Dom, and yet, fiercely strong-willed and independent in all other situations.  The secret is knowing, and keeping track of what characteristics you have, and whether or not they are beneficial to you, or a means of "boxing" you in, therefore,  limiting your potential...and acting accordingly.

< Message edited by lronitulstahp -- 5/20/2008 4:16:52 AM >

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 4:19:42 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

nice such theories... btw I see a dominant not as a box..but just a lable



Fair enough....I suppose it depends on your understanding of what is meant by the term "box". For me, boundaries/restrictions. And, yes, of course you're opening up your mind when exploring dominance; yet, boundaries remain in place.

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 4:25:26 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		exploring means you find new things..and shift bounderies...because by adding stuff to your knowledge...the bounderies changed. Like conquering land. At least that is how I see it.
the more I think..the more difficult the box/lable stuff get..lol

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 4:33:25 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		There are boxes within boxes, the human box then the gender box and possibly the ethnic box followed by the religious box and other sociological boxes fitting into each other including the subculture boxes and specific boxes belonging to those. I certainly fit into two subculture boxes and a couple of sociological boxes. personally I never fir well into the normal suburbian boxes people try to mould me into. I don't like the everyday society but I have to interact with it so I make it a game, a game of power politics in which mostly I can modify the rules to suit me and make them play by my rules. I believe that seeing we can't not belong to a box, we can all at least dictate which box/es we are going to fit into.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 4:42:31 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		I tend to compartimentalise people according to how they come across to me more than anything. In general, there are two boxes: cool, and cretin. Occasionally, one will leap from one to the next. And on the whole, one box is more full than the other.

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 5:18:58 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

exploring means you find new things..and shift bounderies...because by adding stuff to your knowledge...the bounderies changed. Like conquering land. At least that is how I see it.
the more I think..the more difficult the box/lable stuff get..lol


The box remains a box: albeit a modified one.

Presumably, you hold values dear to your heart; by extension, you may place little value on that which others so do.

Assuming the above is accurate, these values act as tools to define whom you are and whom you're not, at a point in time (regardless of whether or not these values are subject to change). 

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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 6:55:35 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Of course many people see a box as having four sides, a top and a bottom, I never seem to fit into those boxes, I've lived most of my adult life outside of the "square" most live in and prefer my box to have multilple shapes and sizes and to evolve with me. (Something like the Tadus woulkd suit me well).

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 7:03:22 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Ever see the Polish dolls. You pick up the big one and there is another inside of it. and another and so forth.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 7:08:02 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

The box remains a box: albeit a modified one.


We can go on and on..and adjust that model to our lickings and proof some one wrong..and the other right. That is the great thing about theories and models. And yes a box is a box as much as a ball a ball. Doesn't make it true..that I am in it. Perhaps others put me in it.
IF i DO put myself in a box...I have the free will to step out. Yes some one can change the description of the box then..and say..you are still in. But that gets boring in time..lol.
The only box (ball) we live in is planet earth, gladly that is a big box.


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RE: the box that we put ourselves in - 5/20/2008 7:27:07 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		~FR

I don't believe the existence of and association with "boxes" is inherently bad. The box with which I associate--submissive female--can streamline my self identity and others' understanding of this aspect of me in short order. It seems to me the difficulty comes in not individuating me beyond the submissive female box.


quote:

New submissives getting into D/s are as dangerous as Alaskan king crab fishing if they have preconceived notions that they HAVE to do things. However, many people want to do just what they do and only blame it on sub frenzy later when they learn there is something to absolve them of their behavior.

I would agree with ExSteelAgainand add that new Dominants getting into D/s are as dangerous as shark taming in the same way. I would suggest it's possible they have the potential for being even more dangerous because of the power dynamic.

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