Owner4SexSlave
Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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Everybody has their own set of kinks and limits. Many people love and enjoy the intense sex and all the sexual aspects to this lifestyle. Power Dynamics also is major aspect to BDSM lifestyle. All of these things blending together.
Power Dynamics, is perhaps a better label to play with when it comes to BDSM. Many people are stuck on D/s as the only power dynamic.
Now, I realize that labels carry different meanings to different folks around here. At times, this results in a bit of conflict, confusion or misunderstanding.
For instance what's the Difference between M/s vs. D/s. It's a bit like bringing up the infamous "Slave vs. Submissive" topic. For me personally, it's a matter of TPE or not. This had been the line of difference in my mind, for years now.
I've only owned one true slave in my lifetime. This statement I just made is subjective to my own personal views on what a slave is or is not. My image of what a true slave is or is not, is based on my own interactions and experiences, with another human being from a 24/7 live in relationship. I can honestly say, up until this point in time, I did not know what it felt like to actually be somebody's Master. At least not on this level.
In many regards, I was the one who had to make adjustments and learn her mindset, because the level of submission was something greater and something more then I had previously known. Actually, the freedom of not having 101 limits, qirks, and headbutting self interest bullshit. Perhaps, I digress here in this post. This level of submission was not something that was forced, it just was.
Now, I actually engaged her at great length in conversation regarding her level of submission, in terms of her ability to set herself and herself interests aside. Probing, exploring and seeking to full understand this. At times, I have made posts and have had submissives or slaves email me and say WOW, what you just wrote nails how I think and feel to a T. It's because I have taken time to climb inside the mindset of submission itself.
For me, it was kind of like learning to drive a brand new car. Exploring all the different features and options, new buttons and knobs. Personally, for me, I need and want to spend hours getting inside somebodys mind and exploring their soul. Sure, exploring thier body too.. hehehe.. I am a wicked dirty Pervy Sex fiend after all.
My point, here is that I experienced something called FREEDOM, basically freedom to be who I am. I honestly don't see too many DOM's mention this word when it comes to D/s or M/s. Actually, if anything I see on many sub/slave profiles. But I oh so totally relate to it, and understand exactly what is meant by it. It's a bit of a Paradox that a M/s relationship is or can be full of Freedom. It's a strange sort of Oxymoron. It's something however, until you have lived it, you really don't understand nor can you appreciate it, let alone desire it fully again. At least for me, this was the case.
I find it mind boggling at times, that there are Masters out there, that Don't nor are incapable of appreciating their slave(s). But that's another topic.
Anyways, Sure... lot's of crazy wild kinky sex and using somebody from here to Hell and back again, that's a given. But it way way way, so much deeper then just that.
Now, at the time I could have Shared her with others, I could have threw one big fucking GangBang party if I wanted to, I could have done a lot of things with her at the time, but I did not. In many regards, it was knowing that I could, that really made me feel the M/s Power Exchange. I did not have to have a GangBang party for the sake of proving I had power over her. It was the knowing that I could. If this makes any sense to anybody out there.
Actually, if anything, I was the one with the limits, not her. I found myself exploring my own limits and boundaries on new activities at times. Taking myself to new levels. Ironic, you might be thinking to yourself. Is it not supposed to be the other way around. The Master taking a slave and pushing her to new limits. This is not always the case. I really don't see very many sub/slaves offering the fact that they offer a prospective Master the ability to explore their own limits. LOL... Most of the time, it's simply phrased as "no limits" slave.
I think some Master/Dom might piss themselves at the thought of having "no limits", wondering if they can be that hardcore all using Master or not. LOL. I really don't know, and can't honestly speak for others.
OK, I still have some fantasies, that I may or may not want to turn into reality. I have not felt nor had the FREEDOM in awhile. The Freedom to execute this fantasies should I so desire. To feel this extent of Ownership over another human being. I hope this makes sense to somebody. It's the just knowing that it could happen, that is my point here. Hell, it does not have to actually happen. It basically an Option that may or may not be used. It's the feeling of standing on the edge of cliff whenever the subject is brought up in conversation. The thought in of itself a Major Mental turn on! Just not a sexual turn on, but a Mental turn on... why? Because it involves power. At times, just using it as a threat, wow.
Now, time to PULL a complete 180 degree spin on everybody! Dom/Domme Power Couples. There is an element of Power Dynamics at work. OK, it's not M/s or D/s. Still there is this Crazy Engery Level at work. There is a Power Dynamic, that is not normal, and it can be a bit off the wall. Many vanilla people can't wrap their minds around Dom Couple relationships as much as the can D/s or M/s. In fact they tend to think you are fucking crazy in the head for being in an abusive relationship.
Dom couple relationships are not for everybody. Just like M/s TPE relationships are not for everybody. I can honestly say, that a DOM couple relationship, is probally the closest thing I have experienced to a real 50/50 relationship. I literally mean 50/50 across the whole damn board. Not some half ass 50/50 here and there, with a touch of D/s there and elsewhere. No bullshit with something that was D/s in one department, and then a Head Butting 50/50 match game in another department. Basically, many Vanilla relationships are full of Strange Power Gear Changing. Might be 80/20, then 100/0, perhaps 50/50... who's is in charge of what again? Who's the leader when it comes down to what again. Head spinning confusion over power, the stupid crazy off the wall fights.
There was a thread on Fights vs. Discussions lately. Now, in the Dom Power couple relationship. We had what I would call debates full of smart ass heated love. Totally different frame of mind. If you can understand words such as Bitch, or asshole being said in a Loving fashion. These Debate don't appear to be Respectiveful on the outside, at least not to Vanilla Heads or people wrapped up in D/s mindsets. Still they are respectful in their own Twisted Warp way. Debates are critical to having 50/50 work out. Also it's important to even have some Protocals for Debate or Disagreement resolution in place. We agreed to using things such as a Coin Toss, Did the Rock, Paper, Sissors thing and other stupid things like that. Now, mind you some of our friends would be mind puking over this! They would hear us Debating for awhile on something, even the loving name calling, then out would come the coin! Flip! Ok settled. They were amazed that it was settled with a coin toss, and all the apparent fighting would suddenly Hault, as if nothing had happened.
There was an excellent post on ZERO SUM games. Where it becomes a sort of Tit for Tat score card of power struggles. Anyways, my point here is many people want to play this game. They can't seem to help themselves. This is why our friends were mind puking over how quicky things ended with a Coin Toss. They were making remarks, such as how can you two live your lives or settle things using a Stupid Coin? LOL... actually, how else would we have settled the matter? The Coin toss, was prevent things from Entering into the Mindless Zero Sum game. If her and I could not come to a Mutal Melding of our minds or agreement, coin toss it was.
Now, like any other relationship, her and I had a hell of a lot in common! I don't care what kind of relationship you are in, you best be of a similar mindset with similar views, or have the ability to be accepting of the other persons, POV and thoughts.. Slave should find an Owner that they can become a reflection of, or vice versa even.
Anyways, I've really tossed out a lot of food for thought here. Personally, I've officially sworn off getting wrapped up with anybody now, who is not into the BDSM lifestyle. Kink and Sex, just don't cut it.
There needs to be clear Power Dynamics, along with kink and sex. I know I have expressed things from two opposite Ends of the Spectrum here. M/s and Dom Power Couples. Still the concept of workable Power Dynamics are there. The understanding of roles is there. There is no fuzzy guess work at the personality other person, nor how things work.
< Message edited by Owner4SexSlave -- 5/16/2008 1:53:22 AM >
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