Power Dynamics

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Owner4SexSlave -> Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 1:46:03 AM)
Everybody has their own set of kinks and limits. Many people love and enjoy the intense sex and all the sexual aspects to this lifestyle. Power Dynamics also is major aspect to BDSM lifestyle. All of these things blending together. Power Dynamics, is perhaps a better label to play with when it comes to BDSM. Many people are stuck on D/s as the only power dynamic. Now, I realize that labels carry different meanings to different folks around here. At times, this results in a bit of conflict, confusion or misunderstanding. For instance what's the Difference between M/s vs. D/s. It's a bit like bringing up the infamous "Slave vs. Submissive" topic. For me personally, it's a matter of TPE or not. This had been the line of difference in my mind, for years now. I've only owned one true slave in my lifetime. This statement I just made is subjective to my own personal views on what a slave is or is not. My image of what a true slave is or is not, is based on my own interactions and experiences, with another human being from a 24/7 live in relationship. I can honestly say, up until this point in time, I did not know what it felt like to actually be somebody's Master. At least not on this level. In many regards, I was the one who had to make adjustments and learn her mindset, because the level of submission was something greater and something more then I had previously known. Actually, the freedom of not having 101 limits, qirks, and headbutting self interest bullshit. Perhaps, I digress here in this post. This level of submission was not something that was forced, it just was. Now, I actually engaged her at great length in conversation regarding her level of submission, in terms of her ability to set herself and herself interests aside. Probing, exploring and seeking to full understand this. At times, I have made posts and have had submissives or slaves email me and say WOW, what you just wrote nails how I think and feel to a T. It's because I have taken time to climb inside the mindset of submission itself. For me, it was kind of like learning to drive a brand new car. Exploring all the different features and options, new buttons and knobs. Personally, for me, I need and want to spend hours getting inside somebodys mind and exploring their soul. Sure, exploring thier body too.. hehehe.. I am a wicked dirty Pervy Sex fiend after all. My point, here is that I experienced something called FREEDOM, basically freedom to be who I am. I honestly don't see too many DOM's mention this word when it comes to D/s or M/s. Actually, if anything I see on many sub/slave profiles. But I oh so totally relate to it, and understand exactly what is meant by it. It's a bit of a Paradox that a M/s relationship is or can be full of Freedom. It's a strange sort of Oxymoron. It's something however, until you have lived it, you really don't understand nor can you appreciate it, let alone desire it fully again. At least for me, this was the case. I find it mind boggling at times, that there are Masters out there, that Don't nor are incapable of appreciating their slave(s). But that's another topic. Anyways, Sure... lot's of crazy wild kinky sex and using somebody from here to Hell and back again, that's a given. But it way way way, so much deeper then just that. Now, at the time I could have Shared her with others, I could have threw one big fucking GangBang party if I wanted to, I could have done a lot of things with her at the time, but I did not. In many regards, it was knowing that I could, that really made me feel the M/s Power Exchange. I did not have to have a GangBang party for the sake of proving I had power over her. It was the knowing that I could. If this makes any sense to anybody out there. Actually, if anything, I was the one with the limits, not her. I found myself exploring my own limits and boundaries on new activities at times. Taking myself to new levels. Ironic, you might be thinking to yourself. Is it not supposed to be the other way around. The Master taking a slave and pushing her to new limits. This is not always the case. I really don't see very many sub/slaves offering the fact that they offer a prospective Master the ability to explore their own limits. LOL... Most of the time, it's simply phrased as "no limits" slave. I think some Master/Dom might piss themselves at the thought of having "no limits", wondering if they can be that hardcore all using Master or not. LOL. I really don't know, and can't honestly speak for others. OK, I still have some fantasies, that I may or may not want to turn into reality. I have not felt nor had the FREEDOM in awhile. The Freedom to execute this fantasies should I so desire. To feel this extent of Ownership over another human being. I hope this makes sense to somebody. It's the just knowing that it could happen, that is my point here. Hell, it does not have to actually happen. It basically an Option that may or may not be used. It's the feeling of standing on the edge of cliff whenever the subject is brought up in conversation. The thought in of itself a Major Mental turn on! Just not a sexual turn on, but a Mental turn on... why? Because it involves power. At times, just using it as a threat, wow. Now, time to PULL a complete 180 degree spin on everybody! Dom/Domme Power Couples. There is an element of Power Dynamics at work. OK, it's not M/s or D/s. Still there is this Crazy Engery Level at work. There is a Power Dynamic, that is not normal, and it can be a bit off the wall. Many vanilla people can't wrap their minds around Dom Couple relationships as much as the can D/s or M/s. In fact they tend to think you are fucking crazy in the head for being in an abusive relationship. Dom couple relationships are not for everybody. Just like M/s TPE relationships are not for everybody. I can honestly say, that a DOM couple relationship, is probally the closest thing I have experienced to a real 50/50 relationship. I literally mean 50/50 across the whole damn board. Not some half ass 50/50 here and there, with a touch of D/s there and elsewhere. No bullshit with something that was D/s in one department, and then a Head Butting 50/50 match game in another department. Basically, many Vanilla relationships are full of Strange Power Gear Changing. Might be 80/20, then 100/0, perhaps 50/50... who's is in charge of what again? Who's the leader when it comes down to what again. Head spinning confusion over power, the stupid crazy off the wall fights. There was a thread on Fights vs. Discussions lately. Now, in the Dom Power couple relationship. We had what I would call debates full of smart ass heated love. Totally different frame of mind. If you can understand words such as Bitch, or asshole being said in a Loving fashion. These Debate don't appear to be Respectiveful on the outside, at least not to Vanilla Heads or people wrapped up in D/s mindsets. Still they are respectful in their own Twisted Warp way. Debates are critical to having 50/50 work out. Also it's important to even have some Protocals for Debate or Disagreement resolution in place. We agreed to using things such as a Coin Toss, Did the Rock, Paper, Sissors thing and other stupid things like that. Now, mind you some of our friends would be mind puking over this! They would hear us Debating for awhile on something, even the loving name calling, then out would come the coin! Flip! Ok settled. They were amazed that it was settled with a coin toss, and all the apparent fighting would suddenly Hault, as if nothing had happened. There was an excellent post on ZERO SUM games. Where it becomes a sort of Tit for Tat score card of power struggles. Anyways, my point here is many people want to play this game. They can't seem to help themselves. This is why our friends were mind puking over how quicky things ended with a Coin Toss. They were making remarks, such as how can you two live your lives or settle things using a Stupid Coin? LOL... actually, how else would we have settled the matter? The Coin toss, was prevent things from Entering into the Mindless Zero Sum game. If her and I could not come to a Mutal Melding of our minds or agreement, coin toss it was. Now, like any other relationship, her and I had a hell of a lot in common! I don't care what kind of relationship you are in, you best be of a similar mindset with similar views, or have the ability to be accepting of the other persons, POV and thoughts.. Slave should find an Owner that they can become a reflection of, or vice versa even. Anyways, I've really tossed out a lot of food for thought here. Personally, I've officially sworn off getting wrapped up with anybody now, who is not into the BDSM lifestyle. Kink and Sex, just don't cut it. There needs to be clear Power Dynamics, along with kink and sex. I know I have expressed things from two opposite Ends of the Spectrum here. M/s and Dom Power Couples. Still the concept of workable Power Dynamics are there. The understanding of roles is there. There is no fuzzy guess work at the personality other person, nor how things work.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 8:32:21 AM)
I identify with an amazing amount of your post, at least the part where you are talking about your own experience. You really loose me when you start talking about universal statements and relationships between dominants. BSB has fewer limits than I do and I know EXACTLY what you mean about freedom. I am still testing that freedom, unsure about it, not trusting the feeling (but trusting bsb) and the power it represents. Heady heady shit though!

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 9:40:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I identify with an amazing amount of your post, at least the part where you are talking about your own experience. You really loose me when you start talking about universal statements and relationships between dominants. BSB has fewer limits than I do and I know EXACTLY what you mean about freedom. I am still testing that freedom, unsure about it, not trusting the feeling (but trusting bsb) and the power it represents. Heady heady shit though! The relationship dynamics between dominants, I fear is somewhat of a tricky topic to write about and express at times. So little is wrote about Dom couple dynamics on the message board. I have only been in One relationship like this. So, I am not an expert when it comes to the subject. I'm only an Expert at expressing how the One relationship worked for us. That's the only damn thing I know for certain. I opted to write about, perhaps other people can share their own experiences, thoughts and perspectives on the subject. I actually wanted to present a contrast between these two relationship dynamics. I myself have had a hard time going back and fourth in mind, which one I actually prefer over the other. In all honestly, I believe it's more realistic for me to seek out a submissive partner compared to hooking with that Elusive Domme. When I had my whiplashsmile account, I actually interacted with a number of Dommes. At one time, I clearly stated that I was opening to exploring things with a Domme as a Dom couple. Now, it comes back to D/s again. I had Dommes who expressed they would be willing to submit to the right Dom (ok, scratch them off the list, next), Domme who had more of interest in me submitting to them (scratch them off the list too), A couple of Dommes who understood what I was looking for but our kinks did not match up (Scratch them off the list), The one Domme who I felt we had the most in common with and would be workable (She went poof). For me to think about hooking up with a Domme for a Dom power couple thing, I believe is like looking for grain of salt in a haystack. Anyways, I am digressing off the topic. Originally, I was just going to write about M/s power dynamics, express the freedom of being who I am, along with the full warm and fuzzy sense/knowing/feeling of real/true/actual ownership over somebody. Ok, it's sort of Sappy to a degree... I would have left it at that but, suddenly... there was other memories springing up inside my mind. Damn memory bubbles that pop to the surface when you least expect it. A complete contrast to everything I just wrote. OK, now she was on my mind. Damn it, Damn it, Damn it. So, I started to bang out a few things about the Dynamics there. Perhaps somebody might relate, I can't be the only one, who's experienced this? Perhaps, I'm alone in the world on this one. Perhaps My life has been one big by product of twisted fucked up oddities occuring. I just attempt to describe the oddities and how the Power Dynamics worked out, because nobody passed either one of us "The Guide to building a Dom Couple" relationship. Actually, our relationship got started because of a Practical Joke a Mutal friend tried pulling. He thought it would be cute, to set us up while failing to mention that either one of us was a Dom/me. But that's another story! Basically we met, there was an intense Chemistry between us, and we explored it. She actually thought I was a vanilla that was into kinky sex, and I was thinking the same thing about her too. The Amazing thing was laying in bed together after some mindblowing sex, talking and we figured our mutual friend had tried to pull a fast one on us. I wonder if perhaps people get to wrapped up in their labels that they become unwilling to explore other things. Now, I realize that many people might view a Dom couple relationship as being vanilla. I know for some people, they view it as such. For me, I find it difficult and hard pressed to think of it as being vanilla. A lot of vanilla people were looking at us like we were fucking nuts, and a lot of people did not understand how our relationship worked, and why we were together. We had a number of attempted relationship interventions, by vanilla people trying to lecture us. So we must have been doing something right.

thetammyjo -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 10:48:00 AM)
And some of us would say that it isn't about power at all. It's about authority and maintaining that authority in a dynamic.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 11:42:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave For me to think about hooking up with a Domme for a Dom power couple thing, I believe is like looking for grain of salt in a haystack. Absolutely true! I tried for years to hook up with another dominant, and it never seemed to happen for the reasons you already listed.

DesFIP -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 3:19:59 PM)
I'm not sure how you can reconcile the two statements you made. First one saying that having to deal with her needs, quirks, limits etc is bullshit, and second that you have to get deep into her mind. Because limits, quirks, self protection are things coming from her mind. If you can't deal with them, then how can you get into her to a full degree?

SleepyDom -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 5:19:37 PM)
Well it's not at all clear to me what the power dynamic is in a Dom/Domme couple. You've ruled out it being compartmentalized, i.e. you have power in these matters and I have power in those matters, etc. So presumably anyone can have power in any given matter at any given time, right? So how does that work? If I tell her, out of the blue, "Get down on your knees and worship my cock," then what? She has to decide whether she'll submit to me this moment or not? And if she doesn't feel like submitting, then we'll have to flip a coin whether she has to? Or if she feels like ordering me around in return, what we have to wrestle or something to see who gets to dominate? Also, you mentioned flipping a coin, rock paper scissors, etc. at conflict/argument resolution. I'd like to hear an example of this, a dialog where you argue about something only to be quickly resolved by a coin toss. Hmmm, maybe something like this? "You disrespected me tonight by shamelessly flirting with that waitress, you must be punished." "I was not, you bitch! All I said was "hello." I can't help it if she found me attractive and complimented me." "Yes you were, now take your punishment like a man." "How bout I spank you for making something out of nothing, huh?" "Ok. Coin toss, here we go." "Damn." "Now drop your trousers for your spanking." "All right." ..... (After 30 spankings) "Now, have you learned your lesson of not disrespecting me like that in public?" "Yes, bitch." "Good." Something like that? I must say that's pretty funny, I could write a comedy out of that kind of relationship.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 6:53:04 PM)
quote: "You disrespected me tonight by shamelessly flirting with that waitress, you must be punished." "I was not, you bitch! All I said was "hello." I can't help it if she found me attractive and complimented me." "Yes you were, now take your punishment like a man." "How bout I spank you for making something out of nothing, huh?" "Ok. Coin toss, here we go." "Damn." "Now drop your trousers for your spanking." "All right." ..... (After 30 spankings) "Now, have you learned your lesson of not disrespecting me like that in public?" "Yes, bitch." "Good." More like this... You really had that waitress going, God, I loved the look on her face when you asked "if she was on the menu", poor girl did not even see it coming. Did you notice the way she was biting on her lip afterwards. Wonder if it made her panties wet! Next time we go there, I'll have to hit on her too at the same time. Do you think she's ever had a couple hit on her before? LOL... God she was beautiful. Damn, my cock is so damn fucking hard now! I wanna fuck you like a cheapworthless slut! you just all fucking Horny from looking at that waitresses Ass, Don't me tell your pussy is not soaking wet either I saw the way you were staring at her tits. Ok! Fuck it, you know we're not going to leave the parking lot! You think somebody is gonna catch us? If they Do, we'll just have to give them a really Good Show! What if we came later and parked out back, do you think the waitress would catch us while getting off work! hahahaaha...

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 7:03:35 PM)
Owner, it seems like you and I are the only ones who get it! <G> And here we are with other people.....[8\|]

LadyPact -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 7:40:17 PM)
Actually, I get it, too. Does that mean threesome? On a serious note, I think this goes heavily with the other post you started recently. These things aren't twisted, screwed up oddities. The deal is that they all occur in us at the same time. We are who we are today by the way we got here. I'm part of a Domme/aspiring Dom couple. That's the primary relationship, so I'll talk about that first. It's completely possible to feel that power between the two of us, and also feel it over our experiences with other people. For example, My husband loves to watch Me play. He knows what it does for Me. There's no mistake in what a turn on it is for Me. There have been times, after a particularly good session, that he will thank the bottom that I have had a scene with, because he knows what a turn on it was that he will reap the benefits from. It's not that I had power over him, but that power is still such a driving force. After a good scene, he knows where I am mentally and sexually. It wasn't TPE between My husband and I, but it was still used to heighten certain experiences. Sure, some will say that I am using that bottom primarily as a 'prop' for a hot scene to be the foreplay for the 'after' part, but there are one or two who have been willing to step into that role.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 7:43:28 PM)
Smiles at Lady Pact![:D]

SleepyDom -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 8:11:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave More like this... You really had that waitress going, God, I loved the look on her face when you asked "if she was on the menu", poor girl did not even see it coming. Did you notice the way she was biting on her lip afterwards. Wonder if it made her panties wet! Next time we go there, I'll have to hit on her too at the same time. Do you think she's ever had a couple hit on her before? LOL... God she was beautiful. Damn, my cock is so damn fucking hard now! I wanna fuck you like a cheapworthless slut! you just all fucking Horny from looking at that waitresses Ass, Don't me tell your pussy is not soaking wet either I saw the way you were staring at her tits. Ok! Fuck it, you know we're not going to leave the parking lot! You think somebody is gonna catch us? If they Do, we'll just have to give them a really Good Show! What if we came later and parked out back, do you think the waitress would catch us while getting off work! hahahaaha... Ok, I see how it might be fun for a Dom and a Domme to go around playing, maybe dominating others like tag-team Doms, but I was wondering about the power dynamic BETWEEN them--when one wants to dominate the other. Or is that not part of it? Also I wanted an example of conflict/argument resolution by a coin toss. I see no real conflict in your example, just two Doms having fun.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/16/2008 8:24:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo And some of us would say that it isn't about power at all. It's about authority and maintaining that authority in a dynamic. You said it before I did. As someone who is a polyamorous switch, in a long term committed intimate relationship with the person she lives with who happens to be a monogamous switch and we switch together in what is essentially a vanilla foundational relationship...I tend to be able to flow through a lot of different authority dynamics and understand how they work on an intellectual and personal level pretty easily. Honestly the ones that I don't "get" are the ones where people try to limit what the others can do or be or base their choices on fear. Oh and I've been owned by dominant couples before, so I understand that pretty well also.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/17/2008 3:29:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SleepyDom Ok, I see how it might be fun for a Dom and a Domme to go around playing, maybe dominating others like tag-team Doms, but I was wondering about the power dynamic BETWEEN them--when one wants to dominate the other. Or is that not part of it? It's basically two people dominating each other at the same time. Look, submission in terms activities or day to day life was avoided. Topping and Bottom in activities those things would switch, many times, we'd figure out how to do something where it was fluid and on even footing. <wack> bottom: "Ooooo... What do you call that? A little school girl can hit fucking harder than that.." top: "So you have little school girls hitting you? I think I need to show you how it's really done..." <wack> bottom: "Oooowwwww" top: "How did that feel?" bottom: "Feel what? I wish that fly would stop walking around my back, can you kill it for me please?" <wack> <wack> bottom: "Ohhh........................That fucking hurt! God.... Yes! yes! Yes! That was fucking Great!" top: "you're such a fucking pain whore, want it some more". Ok, the example here gives you a general idea. top and bottom roles, however it's not all D/s in the play. S&M play works with Doms that have Maso streaks. Verbal humilation can be exchanged like machine gun fire. Actually, I think being a smart ass is important to being good at verbal humilation anyways (just my opinion). quote: Also I wanted an example of conflict/argument resolution by a coin toss. I see no real conflict in your example, just two Doms having fun. A good example. When we we're at a deadlock with one another. example: Going to out to dinner, she wanted to go to one place and I wanted to go to another place. Remember, we would like it our our way. Out comes the coin, flip. I realize this example is not about kink. However, we made a game out of something that could have turned into a heated argument or source of friction for the whole damn night. Even the coin toss itself, there was smart ass remarks and a sense of humor going on about it.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/17/2008 4:01:30 AM)
quote: Ok, I see how it might be fun for a Dom and a Domme to go around playing, maybe dominating others like tag-team Doms, but I was wondering about the power dynamic BETWEEN them--when one wants to dominate the other. Or is that not part of it? Also I wanted an example of conflict/argument resolution by a coin toss. I see no real conflict in your example, just two Doms having fun. The things I'm posting here may or may not relate to other Dom couples. Her and I were like two evil minded twins at times, and yes we'd tag team the innocent people out in public. Pure sick twisted fun, but in a good way. It's like having a partner in crime. The coin toss thing really is a very simple concept. Something many people were exposed to as a kid. Using a coin to establish who goes first, or who get's their way. When two people have come to the agreement, a coin toss is needed, it simply gets used. Using a coin toss on everything is not the answer. Two people have to clearly communicate things, be able to sit down and talk about things. You can completely live life by a toss of a coin, some people misunderstood or believed we were doing this. However, this actually was not the case. Real issues involved real sit down debates. Debates meaning a lot of detailed hashing out things back and fourth at times. It was not about winning, it was about finding a common ground, that both people could accept. Now, with that said. I have watched vanilla couples (friends), play the stupid Zero Sum games, and mindless power struggle for the sake of nothing more but keeping score card counts. Hell, I've even been sucked into playing the game from time to time, in my Twisted Kinky Vanilla relationships. In retrospect, I never went through that Bullshit with my domme partner. Actually the whole thread on the Zero Sum game, got me to reflect upon a few things. Asking myself, why is it in these relationships it was not there, but in others it was. In part I feel it has a lot to do with not only personality but also Power Dynamics. Now as a Dom couple, it would be clearly fucked up if either party tried pushing or pressing for the other to submit! So you just don't do it. Mmmmm... this really removes the power struggle from the equation some. You find Mutal Power. Now, her and I did get our kicks by some of the twisted things we'd do out in public. We would come up with some very creative and wicked ideas at times to have fun with people. Tag Team yes.

lateralist1 -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/17/2008 5:08:10 AM)
It's about TPE for me so that I can explore myself with another person completely. At the same time exploring him. Being in a relationship with someone who has very very few limits is the dream. The last thing I want to do is to find someone who is already compatable. It's the potential in a partner that excites me. Someone who can turn on my mind to the possibilities even more than it is already. The right person could be dominant that wouldn't be a problem as long as he didn't want /need to dominate me and he would allow me to dominate him when I needed to. I think that ties into having the authority in the relationship. Him 'What would you like to eat this evening?' Me 'I don't know please decide for me' The ability to take the responsibility or hand it over. If the meal isn't good enough I may decide to discipline him BUT I might decide to enjoy myself instead. Me 'Now come here I want to do incredibly painful things to you' Him 'Yes Ma'am' Is that a D/s relationship? Is he my slave or submissive? Or is he just a man who enjoys my company? If I decide I don't like his job or his friends and he changes them. Does that make him submissive to me? As far as I'm concerned he may never have heard of BDSM. The consent to being in a relationship with me is what matters. So I can be myself. I owned my first 'slave' when I was ten years old. I was just too young to realise it.

Justme696 -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/17/2008 5:21:23 AM)
I am not sure about all theory about lifestyles and such. Don't we do all what we like..just that...and not more? Some times we ends in a stting with one leads and the other follows. Soemtimes it is just sex..sometimes it is nothing at all...or all at the same time. Hence..dynamic?? (was very interesting to read the OP though)

SleepyDom -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/17/2008 5:35:03 AM)
Lateralist, a dominant person would of course want to dominate you because he's dominant! Owner4sexslave, what it sounds to me like is that both are dominating with neither submitting. Kinda like a perpetual fight--even if you do it with good humor and actually enjoy the fight all the way. No D/s dynamic, i.e. no power exchange in any form. A very kinky, sadomasochistic but non-D/s relationship. Actually "both are dominating" is not quite right, like you said, because neither one is trying to get the other to submit (which is what domination is). More like mutual sadism than domination. Really, I want to say there's no power dynamics at all but sadomasochistic dynamics because neither one has power over the other at any time. Because that would mean submission.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/17/2008 6:18:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SleepyDom Lateralist, a dominant person would of course want to dominate you because he's dominant! Owner4sexslave, what it sounds to me like is that both are dominating with neither submitting. Kinda like a perpetual fight--even if you do it with good humor and actually enjoy the fight all the way. No D/s dynamic, i.e. no power exchange in any form. A very kinky, sadomasochistic but non-D/s relationship. Actually "both are dominating" is not quite right, like you said, because neither one is trying to get the other to submit (which is what domination is). More like mutual sadism than domination. Really, I want to say there's no power dynamics at all but sadomasochistic dynamics because neither one has power over the other at any time. Because that would mean submission. It's playing the Domination Game, without submission being part of it. I think enjoyment of "the fight" was an important aspect of the relationship. It's difficult to explain to other people at times. It was fighting but not really. Hence why we'd have our friends making comments like "you two ain't right in the head". Or questioning why we were together because we fought with one another so much. We really were not "fighting", not in way many people "fight". Sure, we could use each other for mental or physical punching bags. That was a given between us. Sadomasochistic dynamics at work between us, yes, without question. For instance, we could be laying on the couch together watching TV, she would be plucking my arm hairs out, and I would be pinching on her nipples hard. Back and forth, a hard pinch of a nipple in exchange for a pulled out hair. We'd be laying there watching the TV. Ok, this is warm sappy memory for me. But some of our friends would see us doing these things to one another. Actually, we got off on blowing other people's minds at times. Seeing the looks on other peoples faces, would frankly could just make our day. It's a twisted powerful feeling sucking other people up, like a black hole, and into our warped universe. Now, what I'm shared mind you, is how things worked for us. Keep in mind that her and I both, a. being sadomaso b. forward personalities c. Smart ass sense of humor d. Enjoyment of "the fight" as you call it. e. would never dream of submitting. There are probally other things, that I'm not thinking about at the moment. As I said before, for me it would me like looking for a grain of salt in a haystack of finding this again. Hell, I actually believe I'd have a better shot at winning the state lottery. I recently dated a girl for a few monthes, that actually came very close to this. However, she has a drinking problem with deep seated anger issues. She was more along the lines of being a "Dominant Switch", I was suprised to find somebody who lived 30 miles away from me, like this though. However, she was just too damn crazy when she got to drinking. It's important to know the meaning of self control at times.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Power Dynamics (5/17/2008 6:52:39 AM)
Sleepydom quote: Really, I want to say there's no power dynamics at all but sadomasochistic dynamics because neither one has power over the other at any time. Because that would mean submission. Stop thinking in such black and white terms, roles are not that rigid in most relationships, things ebb and flow. Ever wake up and look forward to doing something and on another day dread it? Or crave something you don't normally get excited about? Being dominant or submissive can be the same way. Some days I crave control, others I want to be given something, other days I just want to go with the flow. With BSB and I she submits to me, that is our general dynamic. What is beautiful for us is that we feed off of each other's energy and so when she is feeling "frisky" in a power sense, sometimes I will teasingly let her play with it, other times I will overpower her anyway but we seem to be able to do both in a way that feels good to both of us. I don't feel like I am submitting when I let her be more "up" and when I overpower her she gets all hot and bothered feeling my greater power. Forgive the new age cheesiness but think of the yin-yang symbol. It is ostensibly the male and female power, both equal, both containing a spot of the other. However, it is more complex than simply male and female power, it is meant to ebb and flow in harmony. In our dynamic that is exactly what happens. Whatever we do makes the other hot and on some level, isn't that what it is all about?

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