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RE: Making assumptions and casting blame - 5/10/2008 11:53:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I agree that there are always two sides to any story and we often only hear one of them, which is usually exaggerated by the story-teller to emphasize .

But...if something looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, walks like a duck, smells like a duck, MAYBE it was someone on their way to a costume party wearing a duck costume who tripped and fell into a scummy pond and now they have anmesia and are wandering around with a weird cough that sounds just like a duck quacking.....I'm afraid I'm going to find that conclusion very unlikely and just plain call it the duck that is really is.

Given your signature line, does that make your mind great, average or small?

Given yours, are you feeling superior, or boasting?

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RE: Making assumptions and casting blame - 5/10/2008 12:14:59 PM

RedMagic1

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I agree that there are always two sides to any story and we often only hear one of them, which is usually exaggerated by the story-teller to emphasize .

But...if something looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, walks like a duck, smells like a duck, MAYBE it was someone on their way to a costume party wearing a duck costume who tripped and fell into a scummy pond and now they have anmesia and are wandering around with a weird cough that sounds just like a duck quacking.....I'm afraid I'm going to find that conclusion very unlikely and just plain call it the duck that is really is.

Given your signature line, does that make your mind great, average or small?

Given yours, are you feeling superior, or boasting?

A good comeback, but not an answer to the question. You are welcome to point out any post I have made that commits the error the OP brought up. The error you make in the post I quoted is that you are not hearing the quacking. You are reading words by someone you don't know, and that person is saying, "I hear quacking all the time." Maybe they do, and maybe they don't. You have a tendency to jerk your knee, instead of delving into the situation.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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Post #: 42

RE: Making assumptions and casting blame - 5/10/2008 2:34:00 PM

StormsSlave

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Joined: 2/6/2008
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I don't engage in a lot of conversation at work, mainly because I'm not into gossip. The downside of this is that I end up HEARING a lot since I don't bring attention to myself. People are like this all the time. As soon as a girl comes to work unhappy about anything in their relationship, 10 people volunteer to break them up. I don't get to overhear the guys as much, the ones who speak to me tell me how their girlfriend's friends would influence their relationship. WTF!?

I call it soap opera mentality. If there isn't something wrong, there must be something wrong. Why not discuss your issue with the person involved and see if it helps? Cause then my friends and family and every human being I ever met will not know about my problems and therefore join in this great drama that is my life. As for advising the break up, I think it's the same mentality.

For me it boils down to: pull your head from your sphincter and look in the mirror, jackass. There's the source of 90% of your troubles. Now, get the hell over yourself and go DO something useful, for fuck's sake. But that's why people at work don't ask me, I suppose.

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RE: Making assumptions and casting blame - 5/10/2008 3:23:16 PM

CreativeDominant

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Joined: 3/11/2006
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Some offer only consolation and that is all they do. Nothing wrong with that...part of it may come from not knowing what to say, part of it may come from recognizing that they have not heard all of the story but they are willing to give the benefit of the doubt and accept that this person is hurting, without noting what fault anyone...the OP or the submissive/dominant they are complaining about...has.

Some immediately take the OPs side and, despite not having heard the other's side, decide that the OP is telling the truth and therefore, should leave...or force the dominant/submissive into therapy...or communication...or jail. These people may be doing it out of projection or out of a "our side" mentality.

Some people empathize but are clear in stating that not all the facts have been presented as the OP's partner has not come on and laid down what their side is. They recognize...when it is true...that all the factors that may come into play in helping the OP make a decision are not in yet. They therefore focus on what the OP has said and their part in what happened. These people do it out of a realization that they do not have all the facts and yet, they are willing to give the benefit of doubt to the dominant/submissive WHILE making it clear that just whining and seeking compassion is not going to make the problem go away and that, like it or not, the OP has some fault in it and asks the tough questions...what do you think YOUR part was and how are you going about fixing you?

I try to stay in that third group. I don't always succeed but I think I do more often than not. On those times that I don't, well... I am human, as is everyone else on here. Some things strike a chord in me and I respond in a way that is not fully coming from the third level I noted above and, in fact, has very LITTLE of the third postulation. But...as I said, I am human and recognize that I am going to make mistakes once in awhile ( I know, I know...GASP, a dominant, an angelic one at that, who makes mistakes!?!).

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Post #: 44

RE: Making assumptions and casting blame - 5/11/2008 6:00:46 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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Joined: 4/4/2007
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Everybody Break Up with Everybody NOW... Being and Staying single is the only truth path to Happiness! Damn it, screw relationships... let's all live in a world of FREE LOVE!... Oh wait, they tried for that in the 60's already.

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Making assumptions and casting blame - 5/11/2008 6:52:37 AM

MladyHathor

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Joined: 4/6/2008
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Misery loves company and we as humans delight in living others lives vicariously--if someone is more miserable then we are, then we are elevated if even for a few moments. Often times people use these scenarios to say or direct people in ways they don't have the balls to do in their own lives---and then just pure meanness.

Don't kid yourself--people DO take some of these suggestions seriously.

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Post #: 46

RE: Making assumptions and casting blame - 5/11/2008 10:06:33 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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As to the "there are always two sides", I find that people who only cast blame and believe themselves perfect are usually more at fault then they realize. Even if their only fault is being incompetent at choosing and having healthy relationships.

As far as a long term relationship ending at the sign of the first problem, I don't believe it. You don't get a relationship to the several year stage without having had sufficient stresses to reveal cracks. I do believe that people refuse to listen when their partners tell them that changes need to be made.

But as I usually say, I am a cynic. Unfortunately my blunt comments too often come across as harsh to those types who want to be told they are blameless. Sometimes it takes harshness to get through. Sometimes it takes years of repeating the same mistakes before people are willing to make changes. And some people never want to deal with the pain badly enough to make changes, I'm sorry for them but I'm more sorry for their partners.

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Post #: 47