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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I know I'm usually pretty darn accurate

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We don’t know each other…not really. We can learn about one another from what we post here or from PMs, profiles, etc., but this is a forum of the written word and much is left to be colored in by each of us as readers.

We realize that inflections, facial/body expressions, intonations, moods, in short, the shadings that enhance meaning and thus understanding in a face-to-face conversation, are lacking in this genre.

What do we have to make sense of each other then? Our experience informs our understanding of one another. I can see another’s experience as being like my own, but only through the lens of my own occurrences. After that, we have assumption.

Here then, is my question. Do you believe that the assumptions you bring to the boards are generally “benefit of the doubt,” or do they tend toward negative judgments? Are we harsher toward those we never have to look in the eye? Or do we empathize with their words, imagining ourselves within the frame of what has moved them to draw us in…often with a great deal of vulnerability.

I think that I see more of the rush to judge (which I realize is a judgment in and of itself). It seems to me that the assumptions we bring to necessarily fill in the colors missing by having only written words are often dark. I see harshness and I admit I have not been immune to it myself. I have had 2 separate days of fasting after having posted something ugly, to remind me to think before I open my mouth.

If it is true that we (very generally speaking) tend to dark assumptions over compassionate ones, what does that reflect? Is it simply a matter of the nature of forum reading and postings? Or are we perhaps a society in which it is easier, or socialized, or even endemic to color each other with a brush of disapproving judgment? Is it self-preservation?

If you don’t believe that we assume with judgment toward one another, please paint me that picture too.  

Thank you!

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ORIGINAL: missturbation

Maybe because a lot of people read into things what they want to read and then react off that.

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yeah... but am I being judgemental or am I lying!......or maybe something else.

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin
. Why do we tend to go there so quickly though with so little information?

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ORIGINAL: stella41b

Why does there always have to be someone at fault? Why is apportioning the blame and finding fault the be all and end all? What happened to understanding, asking questions, finding out more information? Whatever happened to finding the solution to the problem and moving on without focussing who's at fault?

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ORIGINAL: windchymes

I agree that there are always two sides to any story and we often only hear one of them, which is usually exaggerated by the story-teller to emphasize .

But...if something looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, walks like a duck, smells like a duck, MAYBE it was someone on their way to a costume party wearing a duck costume who tripped and fell into a scummy pond and now they have anmesia and are wandering around with a weird cough that sounds just like a duck quacking.....I'm afraid I'm going to find that conclusion very unlikely and just plain call it the duck that is really is.

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Why do we tend to go there so quickly though with so little information?

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We usually only get one side of a story and even that is generally very limited as to what the "whole" picture looks like. Sometimes it's pretty clear cut and I can understand how people come to the conclusions they do...have even gone there myself on occasion. I don't want to limit this thread by saying that it is specifically about one or two posts because it's not....I have seen many, many such examples here on CollarMe. But just so everyone has a current reference I will use the threads on the "Ask A Master" board today.

One thread about a guy who lost his job and both his submissives and is having a hard time moving forward. Numerous people automatically jumped toward blaming the submissives for leaving. The OP never said why they left or what led up to that. People just assumed they were shallow women who left because the OP lost his job. They were long term relationships (2 and 7 years I believe). There could be one of a million reasons why they left. Maybe this was the 20th job he lost. Maybe there were lots of other issues and this one was just the last straw.

Another post on the same board by a submissive who states she is brand new, just found a dominant (has only had two sessions so far) and is finding that she needs more vanilla conversation than he has been interested in so far. So from that information it was determined that he is a user who is taking advantage of her. Huh????

As I said, it's not about those threads specifically,  I actually see it pretty often on here. They often end in cries of "You should leave him". I would certainly hope that people would put more thought into ending a relationship and not do so simply because someone on an internet message board told them to. I can also see where in some cases it probably is the best advice. Why do we tend to go there so quickly though with so little information?

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

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ORIGINAL: windchymes

I agree that there are always two sides to any story and we often only hear one of them, which is usually exaggerated by the story-teller to emphasize .

But...if something looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, walks like a duck, smells like a duck, MAYBE it was someone on their way to a costume party wearing a duck costume who tripped and fell into a scummy pond and now they have anmesia and are wandering around with a weird cough that sounds just like a duck quacking.....I'm afraid I'm going to find that conclusion very unlikely and just plain call it the duck that is really is.

Given your signature line, does that make your mind great, average or small?

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

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Why do we tend to go there so quickly though with so little information?

Projection.  I think people sometimes project their worst experiences into these stories, almost as if they are being hurt all over again.  When I read some of the responses they seem personal to me, like it's the person responding to the thread who has been hurt, not the OP.