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stella41b -> RE: Making assumptions and casting blame (5/9/2008 6:42:56 AM)
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I don't know, but it would appear that some people see other people as dispensible and relationships pretty much in the same way they see jobs. There seems to be a line of thinking that a considerable number of people adopt where you either have to meet all the criteria in a relationship or get out. Dating appears to have become almost the same as a recruitment process, a series of interviews with candidates for a position as the other half of a relationship. I don't get this way of thinking.
A relationship is not a job. But again you see the same abdication of responsibility. Some people are more interesting in knowing how they should feel than in examining themselves, the relationship, and dealing with what they actually feel. Rather than talk to the person they share a relationship with they would much rather come onto the Message Boards and get a general consensus from other people as to how they should feel and what they should do in the relationship. I sometimes wonder if these people would, in the absence of the Internet and these Message Boards, put their questions down on paper, attach a clipboard and pen and go out on the streets to ask other people. It seems to amount to the same thing. "Honey I don't love you any more, and my decision is based on a survey I've been conducting over the past few weeks in which 78% of all respondents said that I should leave you."
How would we feel if we walked into a relationship counsellor and we got the response "Ditch him" or "get rid of her"? Would this be a successful relationship counsellor? Only here on these boards we don't have the benefit of having both partners in front of our faces. We get a posting which only gives us a part of the whole relationship, and it's also only one side of the story. What's the other side? What has been tried? It's very easy to jump to conclusions, form an opinion, apportion the blame and make a judgment, but is it the right one? Why does there always have to be someone at fault? Why is apportioning the blame and finding fault the be all and end all? What happened to understanding, asking questions, finding out more information? Whatever happened to finding the solution to the problem and moving on without focussing who's at fault?
Deceiving others in relationships is one thing, but you can oh so easily deceive yourself in a relationship, and what is more when you do deceive yourself it can be so hard to see it. Often not always the other person can see it until it's too late. You often work it out when it's too late, after having made several mistakes. Reality checks are a good thing.
When it comes to postings people tend to make judgments based on their own experiences or from their own perspectives. It can be hard to see something from someone else's perspective.
This is why it's always better to judge the action, the deed, and not the person behind it.
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