Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifestyle'?

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Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifestyle'? - 4/15/2008 3:15:43 AM

hydranmenace

Posts: 52
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

In my perusal of profiles, as well as my real life experiences at munches, I have noticed that there are noticeably larger numbers of age 40+ people active in the BDSM 'world' than 18-30somethings. To be forthright, I am more than willing to note that this could be either A. a geographic phenomena local to my area, or B. simply incorrect, and I'll figure that out as I keep looking around. Simply put, I am not trying to start an age-war or a flame fest. This is just an observation I have made and am wondering why this seems to be the case. I have several working theories, assuming my observation is an accurate one.

In general, it is possible that those who are over 40 or so are simply more grounded and connected with themselves and the world around them, and so what other people think about them enters into the equation to a lesser degree. Experience in life and sexuality may also be a factor. In effect, they have had more time to learn what they like, and why. Generally speaking, those who are in the 18-30's category might still be bumping around trying to figure out who they are.
There is also a maturity factor involved, I think. Often, it seems, younger people come into this 'lifestyle' without actively seeking guidance, or researching on their own, or are so self absorbed that they think they need not do either and they know all there is to know. This leads to a backlash in attitude toward them which may push them away. Note that I am not being accusatory here. Often enough that backlash is well deserved.

I'm sure there are more and varied explanations, and that is what I am interested in. Am I just plain wrong? If I am not, what would you say are the major reasons for this?

Post #: 1

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 3:26:32 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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Many of the people I know are under 30, at the fair i went to on sunday there was a wide range of differant ages there in fact it was a better cross section than i have ever seen.

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Post #: 2

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 3:59:39 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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In the communities I've been in, there was a separation of the two age groups. The older folks weren't comfortable with "kids", especially if it happened to be THEIR kids, being in the same group. The younger crowd thought the older crowd was too stiff, unwelcoming and full of labels. Oh, an not to mention the respect issue; the older crowd usually felt that respect should be given, then proven while the younger crowd usually felt that respect should be earned once proven. Neither group is totally right or totally wrong...and both groups have their faults and pluses.

It's the classic "generation gap" thing, more often than not from what I've seen. Look to see if there's a TNG group in your area. If there's not, start one! Younger people WILL show up.

Master Fire

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Post #: 3

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 4:26:26 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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I think that MasterFireMamm put it very well. If you read profiles you will see that the younger ones have an age limit on them. Their mindset is that older people are gross. Mmmm generation gap is one way to put it. Narrow minded or closel minded is another way to put it.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 4

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 4:32:10 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Over 40 you're more likely to be able to get out at night without hiring a sitter and needing to get her home by 11:00. Easier to have teens sleep over at friends. Plus unlike with younger ums, they aren't going to wake up at 6:00AM when you made it home at 2:00AM.

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Post #: 5

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 4:51:23 AM

KMsAngel

Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
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might also be just a simple demographic point. the baby boomer generation (40+) is hitting its stride right now, and thee's a HUGE pear shaped mob of them happening.

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Post #: 6

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 4:57:00 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

there's no correlation between the two; it's just that while i was young, i did what felt good, and now that i'm older, i found out there was a name for it.

(in reply to hydranmenace)

Post #: 7

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 5:14:20 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hydranmenace

In my perusal of profiles, as well as my real life experiences at munches, I have noticed that there are noticeably larger numbers of age 40+ people active in the BDSM 'world' than 18-30somethings. To be forthright, I am more than willing to note that this could be either A. a geographic phenomena local to my area, or B. simply incorrect, and I'll figure that out as I keep looking around. Simply put, I am not trying to start an age-war or a flame fest. This is just an observation I have made and am wondering why this seems to be the case. I have several working theories, assuming my observation is an accurate one.

In general, it is possible that those who are over 40 or so are simply more grounded and connected with themselves and the world around them, and so what other people think about them enters into the equation to a lesser degree. Experience in life and sexuality may also be a factor. In effect, they have had more time to learn what they like, and why. Generally speaking, those who are in the 18-30's category might still be bumping around trying to figure out who they are.
There is also a maturity factor involved, I think. Often, it seems, younger people come into this 'lifestyle' without actively seeking guidance, or researching on their own, or are so self absorbed that they think they need not do either and they know all there is to know. This leads to a backlash in attitude toward them which may push them away. Note that I am not being accusatory here. Often enough that backlash is well deserved.

I'm sure there are more and varied explanations, and that is what I am interested in. Am I just plain wrong? If I am not, what would you say are the major reasons for this?

I recently took out an altogether new profile on alt.com. This was because I wanted to 'hide' from an ex and also to have some fun, see what happened. I also wanted to see if my ex Master was there under another profile. So I paid for a membership for the first time ever in at least 8 years (I don't know when I first joined alt but it was a while ago).
When I joined I didn't fill out the details properly at first and my age and age filters went in as 20 years, younger than I am. I got very few responses. As soon as I put in my age the responses have been in the near hundreds everyday.
Wow there are so many single males out there. BUT wow there are so many single males who must want a mature slave.
Why? Well deep down I know why. It's because, just like a shibari master, or a domme with profficiency with a whip and a pairs of heeled boots, I know a few tricks of my trade.
I'm still an emotional masochist and still, as many have actually said on a public forum here, I'm still fucked up. But I am more aware, and increasingly more aware of the type of sadistic type intelligent mastery I need.
In terms of my physical assuredness; it increases with my age.
I for one would never go back to being in my 29's ever, not for all the tea in China.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 4/15/2008 5:16:49 AM >

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Post #: 8

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 5:28:40 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Nah... It's just that us 40 somethings just decided to stop 'hiding' it. Plus, our kids are grown and gone so we don't have to worry about them finding out that mom & dad are a little kinky.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 9

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 5:42:58 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Well prins I get hundreds on most sites im on and im honest about my age, so differant people get differant experiances

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There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 10

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 6:03:51 AM

Monkeyontuesday

Posts: 357
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

(Please dun flame me? No offense is in ANY way meant...) I wonder... Is there a correlation between mental or personality disorders? For example, I could easily see a girl with a histrionic condition desire to be a slave, or a man with... whatchamacallit... Borderline Personality Disorder (? Ive been up all night and haven't brushed up on my abnormal psych) could be a very violent Dom...

Just curious if anyone had thought about it?

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 11

RE: Is there a correlation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 6:08:23 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

If I am not, what would you say are the major reasons for this?

Boredom.

At 40 you've experienced most of the varieties of 'vanilla' sex. You've gone through a spouse or two. You've done the 'bar' scene, the 'spa' scene. Finding someone to 'fool around' is not a big challenge. The internet provides a plethora of opportunity to meet others. However no matter how many new partners of infinite variety you experience ultimately the experience is the same. You start to wonder, especially at the age of 40 when you appreciate your own mortality, is that all there is? Then you stumble onto a BDSM website.

Suddenly you are presented with a virtual cornucopia of new potential experiences. You can be a 'top' a 'bottom' a 'bi-sexual switch'; a whole new world of sensation is open to you. The new sensations make you feel renewed. The first time you experience a flogger, a paddle, or whatever are processed by the brain similarly to loosing your virginity. You begin to use your mind, and appreciate that physical appearance, although nice, isn't all there is. Mental and emotional intercourse is just as stimulating.

The problem this creates should be obvious. Avoiding the 'real' reference; lets just say that its easy to fake interest. The sensations are amazing and many will use any ploy and take on any persona to experience them. I refer to these people as 'fore-ployers'. Not judging them 'bad' or 'good'; simply distinguishing their motivation. They seek new sensations to alleviate boredom. It can be much fun to share experiences with them.

I don't think the phenomena is limited to a specific age bracket. It is more life experience related as opposed to how many times a person has traveled around the sun. It has been my experience that this represents the majority of WIITWD 'lifestyle' practitioners. But there shouldn't be any judgment implied by that statement, positive or negative. There is nothing wrong with seeking something new and having fun. With some luck, you'll find a compatible complimentary partner and go for it!

Of course, this is all theory. There is no universal absolute being disclosed. However, of all the reactions I've witnessed of those attending a club function or lifestyle event for the first time, I've never seen boredom in their eyes. Fear, amazement, disgust, even running out of the room in a panic; but I've never had them say they were bored.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 12

RE: Is there a correlation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 6:17:13 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Want to see the corrolation? grab a cop of Different Loving it is likely the best researched academic level work on what we do.
It's not simple reading but Glora did some really good research and the findings are well written.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 13

RE: Is there a correlation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 6:50:27 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

We have a fairly young local bdsm group around here, who restricts its age limit to under 40. From what I've heard, the membership has gone up considerably ever since the age limit was put in place. Like some of you have mentioned, there's the older group who wants absolutely nothing to do with the silly youngin's... what the hell do they know anyway? Of course, the 21 year old sub girls are welome, but the dominant guys are generally looked down upon. I attended one munch a while ago with a good friend of mine, and out of the 30-40 people or so there, only 2 spoke to us, and one made it quite clear that we were younger. Thanks.. we are aware.

Now, does everyone act that way? No, there's a lot of people that I've befriended in the bdsm community, regardless of their age. It my opinion that the few that do shun the younger crowd are responsible for the lack of fresh meat in their circles. My friends and I just choose now to attend the functions that those people avoid, which is easy, because we have an awesome dungeon around here that has stuff going on all the time.

I'd rather not go to an age restricted group, just because I enjoy all ages of people, but if it means I don't have to put up with some older guys mouthing off at my top friend, and making sleazy passes at my female friends I bring along, then I'll do it. Again, not saying that ALL older people are "gross" as Dnyomnar put it, but those few can really get under your skin.

Another quick point... just because someone chooses to limit their age range of people they want to date/play with- doesn't mean that they are being close minded. Perhaps they simply click better with someone around their own age. And how many profiles have you seen of ah.. older gentlemen, lets go ahead and say 50+, overweight, with nothing really going for them in life, who limit their search to "18-22 year old model types only!!!"

*Edited because I quoted someone and then went way off topic* >.<

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 4/15/2008 6:53:21 AM >

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 14

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 6:51:10 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Monkeyontuesday

(Please dun flame me? No offense is in ANY way meant...) I wonder... Is there a correlation between mental or personality disorders? For example, I could easily see a girl with a histrionic condition desire to be a slave, or a man with... whatchamacallit... Borderline Personality Disorder (? Ive been up all night and haven't brushed up on my abnormal psych) could be a very violent Dom...

Just curious if anyone had thought about it?

No. Ratios seem to be steady with every other group; students, golfers, soccer moms etc.

The difference here is that in a group of soccer moms, one doesn't talk about your disorders, neither is it a general topic of conversation at the 19th hole.

However, on anonymous sites such as this, people feel freer to talk about their problems. Plus there is an erroneous belief that as we are more open discussing sexuality, therefore we will be more open to hearing about other things. Therefore appropriate boundaries are frequently ignored.

Now, I'm not saying that if you've been put on a new med and have an odd side effect, that it's a bad thing to ask a group of 10,000 if of those who are on that med have had the same side effect. Tells you if it is the med or something different. And except for online, it's not that easy to ask 10,000 people a question and get 50 responses, 30 of which are on topic and almost all in plain English. It is inappropriate to assume that people you discuss the finer points of shibari with are also the people you ought to discuss Borderline Personality Disorder with. Because the odds are against them being experts in both fields.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)

Post #: 15

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 7:03:14 AM

LilMissHaven

Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I think that MasterFireMamm put it very well. If you read profiles you will see that the younger ones have an age limit on them. Their mindset is that older people are gross. Mmmm generation gap is one way to put it. Narrow minded or closel minded is another way to put it.

Hey now not all of us youngens feel that way. J is in his 70's I just don't make it well known because people tend to believe he either corrupted me or forced me into this lifestyle or they comment on how disgusting the mere thought of a man in his 60's touching a 19 year old girl is. He spent a year simply educating me, I knew exactly what would be demanded of me, how I'd be disciplined, how to approach him if I had questions or concerns before ever laying a hand on me (sexual or play wise) and thats why I chose him when it came time to choose my Master.

Now since I reside somewhat in two states I have a couple of groups I associate with, both mostly composed of Dominant men ranging from their 30's to 70's, subs ranging from their 20's to 50's. Right now I'm paying more attention and watching how the older couples interact with each other because I want/need a relationship that lasts the test of time so I'm hoping to learn their secret.

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Post #: 16

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 7:21:41 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

There are also other reasons many of us "Older crowd" don't come over and talk to the younger "fresh meat" Many times it's not a matter of not wanting to welome them but rather not wanting to be misread as the creapy older guy hitting on them. So rather than making the walk over or as happens so many times joining in the frenzy of activity around the "pretty young things" some of the Older crowd want to give them their space and let them join the activities at their own pace.

It's a ballancing act on both sides of the age gap.

(in reply to LilMissHaven)

Post #: 17

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 7:25:52 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

There are also other reasons many of us "Older crowd" don't come over and talk to the younger "fresh meat" Many times it's not a matter of not wanting to welome them but rather not wanting to be misread as the creapy older guy hitting on them. So rather than making the walk over or as happens so many times joining in the frenzy of activity around the "pretty young things" some of the Older crowd want to give them their space and let them join the activities at their own pace.

It's a ballancing act on both sides of the age gap.

True story- and there's a huge difference between giving a little space, and total avoidance. Then again, it's only a few who are rude, everyone else is very warm and friendly.

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 18

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 7:32:51 AM

LilMissHaven

Posts: 734
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

Thats really sad.

I love new people, love to find out what they enjoy and introducing them around to others in our group who enjoy the same activities not just lifestyle activities but everything. I don't think I've ever really paid attention as to whether or not they are comfortable talking to someone 20 years their senior or 20 years younger then themselves...I should really start paying more attention to the small details.

But, usually I'm too busy fluttering around cause I feel a drive to at least say hello to everyone. Maybe some people are just too uptight and into protocol.

_____________________________

I must first learn to master myself, before I can truly be owned by one.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 19

RE: Is there a corellation between age, and 'the lifest... - 4/15/2008 7:36:17 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Monkeyontuesday

(Please dun flame me? No offense is in ANY way meant...) I wonder... Is there a correlation between mental or personality disorders? For example, I could easily see a girl with a histrionic condition desire to be a slave, or a man with... whatchamacallit... Borderline Personality Disorder (? Ive been up all night and haven't brushed up on my abnormal psych) could be a very violent Dom...

Just curious if anyone had thought about it?

I think your desription of a D with a BPD is very funny......

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)

Post #: 20

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