Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Stepford people


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Stepford people Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Stepford people - 4/13/2008 11:19:36 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		It might just be a lack of sleep. I haven't had a really good night's sleep in about a week now. An old injury has been tormenting me in a not so good pain kind of way. I know it's my fault because I've been pushing it when I know what I really need to do is just rest it...but shit's gotta get done ya know. Ever notice how things seem to hurt more in the middle of the night?

Anyone, I can't sleep so I thought I'd do some reading on the boards to help me "get" tired enough to override the pain. I find though that tonight a large number of posts just make me feel sad.....and very, very blessed. There seem to be sooooo many people out there trying to jam themselves or their relationships into the boxes that fit their "perception" of what they think they are supposed to be. No room for individuality, no room for flexibility, no room for fallibility, no room to just be human. If you want to be a _____ you have to do_____ and accept_____.So many unhappy people. So many frustrated people. So many people who seem to be trying to follow some unwritten set of rules. They are trying to find a _____ partner, trying to make a relationship work with a _____ partner. It seems that in that process, so many seem to lose sight of who they are, what they want, what they need.....what fulfills them.

Oh I know that none of this makes sense. But I just wanted to let people know....it is possible to be submissive or Dominant from a place of joy....to know love....acceptance....to find someone that you can share a life with....a life that isn't so rigid that you can't live up to the expectations of your partner....a life that allows for mistakes, growth, sharing, give and take. A life that doesn't require you to hide, neglect or forget parts of who you are or what you want, need or desire. Just saying.......

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 4/13/2008 11:23:49 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Stepford people - 4/13/2008 11:27:23 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The problem is, sadly, there are many who wouldn't have a clue what to do with a good relationship.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Stepford people - 4/13/2008 11:28:58 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Oh, I love this post erin.
Did you see my post yesterday?
http://www.collarchat.com/forumid_20/p_2/tmode_1/smode_1/tt.htm

Basically, I was asking how much time do most of us put into BDSM related activities,
compared to "other" self-actulization activies.
How many here work, participate in a BDSM "lifestyle" and accomplish their dreams,
goals, and hearts desires in worthwhile OTHER area's of life?

I have recently begun focusing on other areas of my life and it is so exciting, that I have less
time or inclination to piss and moan over certain issues.

I understand how you feel, do you want to tell some people, "Go get a fucking life?"
lol

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/13/2008 11:31:31 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Stepford people - 4/13/2008 11:28:59 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		I am reminded of this everytime I look in My Love's eyes. Thanks.

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Stepford people - 4/13/2008 11:37:47 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Greetings erin.

Truth be told, I was about to post something very similar to this, but I was going to call Mine, "Doesn't anybody just play anymore?"  I might post it still, because that is where My mind is just now.

I wonder, Myself, sometimes, what ever happened to just ever having fun in this sort of life?  I can't exactly put My finger on it, but I often think of how I learned about a lot of My topping skills.  There was that thrill of a new toy, the time spent on practicing on an object, and then finally expanding into playing with another person.  To feel that rush together.  To have that excitement. 

At times, I think it is a lost art.  Too few are interested in what might be experienced in the moment.  To have that pivital, positive moment in time, where it is just all about the play.  Not what is found on the net, or by written research.  Instead, to find that thing, that one thing, that might not compare to anything else a person might have encountered.  That joy, that love, that acceptance can be found.  It is there in one shining moment in time.

Unfortunately, too many will never seek it outside of their own front door.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Stepford people - 4/13/2008 11:49:48 PM   
Luciferica


Posts: 231
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Greetings erin.

Truth be told, I was about to post something very similar to this, but I was going to call Mine, "Doesn't anybody just play anymore?"  I might post it still, because that is where My mind is just now.

I wonder, Myself, sometimes, what ever happened to just ever having fun in this sort of life?  I can't exactly put My finger on it, but I often think of how I learned about a lot of My topping skills.  There was that thrill of a new toy, the time spent on practicing on an object, and then finally expanding into playing with another person.  To feel that rush together.  To have that excitement. 

At times, I think it is a lost art.  Too few are interested in what might be experienced in the moment.  To have that pivital, positive moment in time, where it is just all about the play.  Not what is found on the net, or by written research.  Instead, to find that thing, that one thing, that might not compare to anything else a person might have encountered.  That joy, that love, that acceptance can be found.  It is there in one shining moment in time.

Unfortunately, too many will never seek it outside of their own front door.



Amen!...

_____________________________

We always hurt the ones we love, the difference is how much they enjoy it.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 12:53:03 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

It might just be a lack of sleep. I haven't had a really good night's sleep in about a week now. An old injury has been tormenting me in a not so good pain kind of way. I know it's my fault because I've been pushing it when I know what I really need to do is just rest it...but shit's gotta get done ya know. Ever notice how things seem to hurt more in the middle of the night?

Anyone, I can't sleep so I thought I'd do some reading on the boards to help me "get" tired enough to override the pain. I find though that tonight a large number of posts just make me feel sad.....and very, very blessed. There seem to be sooooo many people out there trying to jam themselves or their relationships into the boxes that fit their "perception" of what they think they are supposed to be. No room for individuality, no room for flexibility, no room for fallibility, no room to just be human. If you want to be a _____ you have to do_____ and accept_____.So many unhappy people. So many frustrated people. So many people who seem to be trying to follow some unwritten set of rules. They are trying to find a _____ partner, trying to make a relationship work with a _____ partner. It seems that in that process, so many seem to lose sight of who they are, what they want, what they need.....what fulfills them.

Oh I know that none of this makes sense. But I just wanted to let people know....it is possible to be submissive or Dominant from a place of joy....to know love....acceptance....to find someone that you can share a life with....a life that isn't so rigid that you can't live up to the expectations of your partner....a life that allows for mistakes, growth, sharing, give and take. A life that doesn't require you to hide, neglect or forget parts of who you are or what you want, need or desire. Just saying.......


First of all Erin, <Gentle hugs> for your pain. And bravo for your post!! 

I happen to be one of the lucky ones who enjoys bdsm just for the joy of it. I am also blessed to have a man who shares the same love and acceptance as I do with regards to wiitwd, as well as life in general. Whether we are doing something simple like putting a puzzle together or I have him restrained, each is the same amount of pleasure. We make our own box, and if we step outside of that box, it is because we wanted to, not because some post on a message forum said that it was wrong or immoral to do anything different than what it is that we are doing. I agree with your observation. There are so many unhappy people on here, but you know, I see just as many happy people here too. Those who do not apologize for who they are or what they do, nor should they have to! I love folks like that. I love to hear the happiness of a newly collared submissive or a Domina who is wrapped up in the joy of finding that certain "one" that will accept her kinkiness as well as her gardening plans. I realize that people may get tired of hearing my pup rave about me or go on about how happy he is, and a few times I have almost stopped him from posting yet another "I love Mistress" post <big smile>, but it is how he feels, why should I deny him the right to share his feelings, besides if folks don't like what he says or how he shines in happiness, they can skip his post  

Any way...Erin   Thanks for a great thread! I hope you are feeling better. Pain, not the good kind, is a bitch. My sympathies!

MoGa


_____________________________





(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 12:58:24 AM   
daddysblondie


Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		It made perfect sense to me.

Sorry about your pain. I can sympathize. Hoping you're able to get some rest and feel better in the morning.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 1:35:42 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		a beautiful post, and i really hope youre pain eases soon, you must take your own advice and rest, the shits gotta get done, but later... health more important.

im off on a big adventure soon, well, next weekend.  ive been fannying and fussing away about it, worrying myself half to death, ... and that isnt how it should be. 

maybe its the internet, the microcosmic little world where thoughts and dreams tumble around in your head and where only good friends and good posts like this remind you to get a grip and enjoy yourself!! - laughing to myself.

heres a big hug, take care of yourself. xx

(in reply to daddysblondie)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 5:51:29 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
There seem to be sooooo many people out there trying to jam themselves or their relationships into the boxes that fit their "perception" of what they think they are supposed to be. No room for individuality, no room for flexibility, no room for fallibility, no room to just be human. If you want to be a _____ you have to do_____ and accept_____.So many unhappy people. So many frustrated people. So many people who seem to be trying to follow some unwritten set of rules. They are trying to find a _____ partner, trying to make a relationship work with a _____ partner. It seems that in that process, so many seem to lose sight of who they are, what they want, what they need.....what fulfills them

Good points and it reminds me of a discussion I've had at least twice just recently.  I just recently read/re-read all four of the books again in the "Post Secret" series.  By Frank Warren, it's a great series filled with pictures of postcards the author has received from people baring their innermost secrets.  Here's a link:

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

In reading them, a couple recurring themes keep coming through and probably the most blatant one is just how many people in committed, long-term relationships are simply miserable and virtually total strangers to their spouse/SO.  Very sad, unhappy, frustrated folks as you said above, Erin.  I was really a little surprised at just how many people in the small group of participants really seemed to have no real amount of honesty or connection with the person who is supposed to be their closest confidant and companion.  It honestly doesn't have a thing to do with d/s or "vanilla" or "kinky," it's just people.  So many people settle for less than what they need and then spend their whole lives unhappy and putting on some mask.  Sad indeed............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 6:15:51 AM   
felicitousdove


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/7/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Erin;
Hope you are feeling a little better and were able to finally get some much deserved rest.

As to your post; my daughter calls those types of people: sheeple. Great wisdom from my young guru! Just thought i woudl share that. :)

Smiles: Well with Spring now here- MH and i are enjoying the adventures of the open road via the motor cycle. Our second girl and i are doings omething you would probably enjoy- we are putting in a fairy garden outside. Just living day to day, enjoying LIFE! Took the boy skating for his very 1st time. Me, i havent been on skates in 24 yrs.. that was scarey, fun, terrifying and hilarious! If i can't laugh at myself - who can?

Good post!

_____________________________

"I have often heard the phrse: ‘Sub/slaves are a reflection of their Dominants.’ So if our Dominants are strong, assertive, decisive, fully capable human beings, why should we as slaves be any different?"
~felicitous dove {MH}


(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 6:20:23 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I agree with your post OP.
I'd say more but, I'm skeeered.
*lol*

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to felicitousdove)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 7:52:50 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

 I find though that tonight a large number of posts just make me feel sad.....and very, very blessed. There seem to be sooooo many people out there trying to jam themselves or their relationships into the boxes that fit their "perception" of what they think they are supposed to be.


erin,

There's a whole bunch of projection in the posts. There is also a big dose in your observation.

Posting, "what should I do about...", or starting a post; "My Master/slave did (_____) what should I do?"; have a common element - insecurity. When you don't know yourself there are a lot of blanks to be filled in by doubt. When the first issue comes up, a new experience, an unexpected sensation, or any factor not present or considered when the relationship was initiated self doubt occurs and answers are sought from the 'more experienced'. Reality is - it is impossible to disclose the totality of the issue in writing to make any suggestion useful unless/except if it initiates a desire for more self-awareness.

One person not really sure of what they want but interested in a new sensation stumbling upon WIITWD can be easily confused by the emotional experience. Put two similar people together and the confusion becomes exponential. It's natural to seek an easy reference to 'solve' problems and seek to fit in to an 'ideal' model. But as you point out - that's the worst thing you can do. Trying to be someone else takes you further away from who you are. Again, as you point out, the usual result is less happiness, less contentment, and much more frustration.

To enjoy a contented night of sleep and benefit from rest, you need to be content with yourself and your life. But to do that you have to know and more important, accept yourself. Hopefully you'll also LIKE yourself. If you don't before getting into any relationship, that is the first thing you should change.

There are no 'ideals', no perfect or even good examples of what you should be or what a relationship should look like. There is no dogma. For a relationship to succeed long term it requires a self generated, and unique, dogma. Obtaining that is where you'll find that "joy" and "fun" you seek. It's there in the contentment and confidence of being self aware. No one can tell you HOW to achieve that - the important part is knowing that you have to.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 9:00:34 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I enjoyed and agree with your post Erin. There have and will always be people who lose themselves thinking there is some mythical destination in a power exchange relationship that often people can lose touch with what is best for them. It is one of the reasons I always find it troubling to see a person exploring this life to see what is best for them but at the same time only want to explore with the person who could be their one. It is too easy to get lost.

But this is really not different but maybe just a higher percentage in this life then a more regular dynamic. You see people time after time striving for some mythical destination or thinking they have to be like this or that when all we have to be is ourselves and find someone that loves that.

Lin

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 9:11:47 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

There are no 'ideals', no perfect or even good examples of what you should be or what a relationship should look like. There is no dogma. For a relationship to succeed long term it requires a self generated, and unique, dogma. Obtaining that is where you'll find that "joy" and "fun" you seek. It's there in the contentment and confidence of being self aware. No one can tell you HOW to achieve that - the important part is knowing that you have to.


Merc, if you weren't such a well, man, I would be very very hot for  you! 

I never made a relationship work at the level that made me deeply happy and satisfied till I let go of all the dogma, of "what should be" and started forging my own path.  I think there are elements that PEOPLE must have, such as emotional maturity, self awareness, etc but I think that is vastly less true of relationships.

Plenty of people would have run screaming from what BSB started with and with what we have now.  We however, have never been happier.  While part of that is because we are great together, I think it is also because we both realize what things can be and that we only limit ourselves.  She is my slave but she is a Domme and doing Domme shit turns her on.  I let her fuck my mouth with her high heals while I was fucking her.  She came like a bomb going off.  We are secure enough with each other we can do shit like that with each other.  For US, my occasional "gifts" show her how truly important she is to me.  She knows I don't have to do anything and that I am ONLY doing it because I love and adore her.  It makes her MORE submissive.

For others, reading I did that for her probably lessons my stature as a "pure" dominant, others aren't going to think one thing or another, others are going to see it as evidence of how amazing I am.  They are ALL right for THEM.

And back to the OP, there are some of us who are rather blissfully happy.  Having spent enough time with Mercnbeth, they are too.  So, thanks for another chance to brag!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 10:27:09 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
There are no 'ideals', no perfect or even good examples of what you should be or what a relationship should look like. There is no dogma. For a relationship to succeed long term it requires a self generated, and unique, dogma.


Exactly! If there is anything that we could look at as an "ideal model" it would be a relationship that enhances the lives of the people involved, that the partners compliment each other. It should be fluid and the people involved should allow for the fact that no one is perfect. There is no standard way that a sub/slave/Dominant/Master should be. In every relationship there will be good and bad, there will be happy and sad, there will be moments that call for apologies and forgiveness.

I just cringe when I read the posts that start out with things like "my Master/sub did this....is it wrong?". I cringe when I read responses like "as a (insert orientation) you should _____". I hate it when I see things like "is it ok to communicate to or ask my Master ______", or "because I am a _____ do I have to ______?".

Folks, your partner in life should be the one person you can discuss anything with. They should be the one who you don't have to hide your emotions from. They should be the one who you can feel free to be completely yourself with. We seek to find partners to enhance our lives not to complicate the shit out of them....not to hold us back....not to have to pretend with or put on an act every time we are in their presence.....not to make you feel like you have to be rigid with or feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells around. Your partner should be someone you can LIVE with....not just exist with.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 10:33:28 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I feel the same way that you do - some of the posts make me want to cry, either from their situation or their lack of understanding.  It hurts me when I see someone asking for help and instead they get flamed or made to feel insignificant because of it, or because they didn't use their words perfectly.

I have posted some "what should I do" topics simply because I have no close friends in the lifestyle and feel that I have no place else to turn, but I am extremely happy in my relationship.  I have never felt more fulfilled, and feel more emotionally healthy than I ever have before.  I think that people tend not to post much of that - how happy they are - but instead it is the people who are discontent that are more likely to air it.

As for the sleeping, I have dealt with post accident pain for over 30 years.  (I was only 16 when I was in a car accident.)  One of the best pieces of advice I have ever read said that when you are having problems sleeping think of just one topic - push the others away.  Make it something that you really enjoy and let your mind play on just that.  Don't make a mental to do list, or dwell on things that frustrated you during the day, but allow yourself to relax as you think about your peaceful thing.  When I have pain to deal with I find that by laying absolutely still, not allowing myself to move other than to breathe, that I can put myself into an almost self hypnotic state where the pain starts to float away (as long as it is constant and not sporadic, like when my sciatic nerve acts up).  Those things might help you.  I hope so.

_____________________________



(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 10:44:00 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Greetings erin.

Truth be told, I was about to post something very similar to this, but I was going to call Mine, "Doesn't anybody just play anymore?"  I might post it still, because that is where My mind is just now.

I wonder, Myself, sometimes, what ever happened to just ever having fun in this sort of life?  I can't exactly put My finger on it, but I often think of how I learned about a lot of My topping skills.  There was that thrill of a new toy, the time spent on practicing on an object, and then finally expanding into playing with another person.  To feel that rush together.  To have that excitement. 

At times, I think it is a lost art.  Too few are interested in what might be experienced in the moment.  To have that pivital, positive moment in time, where it is just all about the play.  Not what is found on the net, or by written research.  Instead, to find that thing, that one thing, that might not compare to anything else a person might have encountered.  That joy, that love, that acceptance can be found.  It is there in one shining moment in time.

Unfortunately, too many will never seek it outside of their own front door.



(I'm addressing the thought of "just play" in the OP- not directing it at the poster.  Good topic, btw :)

Perhaps people don't "just play" because of the human element they are playing with.  People get emotionally involved especially when they make themselves so vulnerable.  So for those that want to "just play".. go bowling.. play baseball ..., because the object of your attentions (bowling balls and baseballs) will not mind being put back on the shelf when you are done with them.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 10:50:45 AM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you kindly for Your post which makes a great deal of sense.  i hope that you get to feeling better and get more rested.
it is spectacular and highly scary to find that there is no "One fixed set of rules."  it is one of the easier things to lose sight of, as there seem to be so many about that claim to have found them.  i sometimes forget that one's happiness does come from within.  and thanks for the reminder.
   i hope that you get to feeling better and get some sleep.  Honest, whatever you don't do will still be there when you are ready to face it.  be well and thank you.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Stepford people - 4/14/2008 10:51:07 AM   
Floggings4You


Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline 		I think the 'rules' are a starting place, nothing more.  I think that people, when looking for a relationship, try to define what they want as a way to have structure, when looking for a relationship isn't a very structured process at all.  There's no way to know how long the search for a partner will take--or what form the partner might take!
 
Once you find a partner and decide to pursue a relationship with this person, then Y/you can begin tailoring Y/your understanding of the 'rules' to fit the particulars of the relationship--as it forms and changes.
 
Until then, at least a sense of the 'rules' gives one an idea, a concept, of what is hoped for.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Stepford people Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094