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Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 12:45:00 PM   
MontrealPhoenix


Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		**Note: This was originally posted on another site. I now have it in my journal but i thought it would do more good as a cautionary tale on the boards. I'm not looking for either sympathy or a good telling off. My purpose here is to educate those who think they don't need to get to know someone before playing - especially at their residence. I've since moved on and i'm not longer traumatised though i AM far more careful**
 
About a week ago, on this site, i met a  man who called himself a dominant. The next night we got together at my place and he gave me a good (consentual) beating. Yes i took a horrible risk and it paid off, or so i thought.We got together the next two days, and had more fun. He took lots of pictures. I thought i had gotten lucky. He was wonderful, kind and yet the sadist i've been looking for.
 
Then  he turned ugly. He called me after i had sent him an email, asking him to respect my limits, which he had tried to talk me into. He was furious and basically yelled at me until i was reduced to tears. Needless to say, i questioned what i had gotten myself into, BUT i thought okay yelling one time, while horrible is one time. Everyone loses their temper and he had told me he had had a bad day. No he shouldn't have taken it out on me but he had and i would give him the benefit of the doubt - one time.
 
I heard nothing from him for 2 days and figured that he was done with me and i wouldn't hear from him again. I sent him another email telling him that we had done things backwards and needed to take a step back and get to know each other. I also made it clear that i wouldn't tolerate being yelled at the way he had on Wednesday. He called me that evening and basically laid into me again. He told me that i needed to be taught a lesson and that he would be posting the pictures he had taken all over my place of work.
 
Neither yelling nor pleading has done any good.  He is determined to punish me and will not be disuaded. I made a horrible mistake, first of all by letting him come over, secondly by being open and honest and telling him details about myself whereas he has told me NOTHING. Let this be a warning to all of you who think it's daring to just meet up with someone you don't know. Yes it's possible for this to happen even when you've taken time to get to know someone but less likely as their refusal to talk about themselves would be a red flag. ALWAYS make sure to learn about them and make sure what they tell you is verifiable.I made horrible mistakes and now i'm paying for it. Don't make the same mistakes i did, it's not worth it.
 
Phoenix
 
UPDATE: He has now threatened me physical harm, i have therefore dialled 911 and filed a report.

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 12:47:55 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Are you saying you met him one day and played the next?  Seller beware.  It takes months to know someone.  Especially to learn their various dysfunctions.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MontrealPhoenix)
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RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 12:49:57 PM   
MontrealPhoenix


Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Are you saying you met him one day and played the next?  Seller beware.  It takes months to know someone.  Especially to learn their various dysfunctions.

WORSE the day we met was the day we first played...trust me i've learned

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267



(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 12:55:13 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Well people meet and play for the first time.  I'm not going to go all safety police on anyone, but you need to consider risk management and caution too.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MontrealPhoenix)
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RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:09:21 PM   
MD1Master


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline



He has pictures of you and you made a mistake.  Do not hide from this individual, take the fight to his doorstep.  Hire an attorney, start with letters to him (from your attorney), and HIS employer (again, from your employer).  Admit fully what you did and admit to the allowance of the photographs.  You took a chance, which I commend, but lost.  Now it is time to protect yourself. 

My advice is always, when it comes to attorneys, bring a gun to a knife fight.  Come out of your corner swinging and swinging for the fences.  Many times in civil cases, and this is civil though you have called 911 and filed a complaint which is criminal, it is the person with the deepest pockets that wins.  You made a $10,000 mistake, go hire council, the best council, pay your retainer, and let legal hell break loose. 

Play within the law but play to win!  Have him served at his office.  Request a meeting with your attorney, his boss, his HR department, and yourself.  Hopefully he has responded to you by e-mail from his workplace.  Bring pictures of yourself, as humiliating as it may be, put it all back on him.  Trust me, his employer will not tolerate e-mails from his work computer. 

Do not lay down, take action!!!  Remember, REMEMBER, when it comes to attorneys, bring a gun to a knife fight. 



(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:14:31 PM   
MontrealPhoenix


Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MD1Master





He has pictures of you and you made a mistake.  Do not hide from this individual, take the fight to his doorstep.  Hire an attorney, start with letters to him (from your attorney), and HIS employer (again, from your employer).  Admit fully what you did and admit to the allowance of the photographs.  You took a chance, which I commend, but lost.  Now it is time to protect yourself. 

My advice is always, when it comes to attorneys, bring a gun to a knife fight.  Come out of your corner swinging and swinging for the fences.  Many times in civil cases, and this is civil though you have called 911 and filed a complaint which is criminal, it is the person with the deepest pockets that wins.  You made a $10,000 mistake, go hire council, the best council, pay your retainer, and let legal hell break loose. 

Play within the law but play to win!  Have him served at his office.  Request a meeting with your attorney, his boss, his HR department, and yourself.  Hopefully he has responded to you by e-mail from his workplace.  Bring pictures of yourself, as humiliating as it may be, put it all back on him.  Trust me, his employer will not tolerate e-mails from his work computer. 

Do not lay down, take action!!!  Remember, REMEMBER, when it comes to attorneys, bring a gun to a knife fight. 




All very good advice but not doable since, as i mention in the post, i know NOTHING about him...that's why i posting this as a cautionary tale, to prevent this from happening to anyone else.
 
To those who think it can't....neither did i...

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267



(in reply to MD1Master)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:15:54 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Call your lawyer immediately. Have him send a letter stating that you will sue him if any photos are sent or published, uploaded, without your permission.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MD1Master)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:19:48 PM   
MD1Master


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline



You have his e-mail, you have a phone number, I presume.  Subpeana the records for the webhost of the e-mail.  Subpeana the records from the phone company to divulge his identity.  If this is what you have, then your problem is not $10,000 it is $20,000 but regardless your safety and security are priceless.  With enough money there is no anonymity.  Go after him and make us all safer.  Do not be a victim, individuals similar to what you have identified, hide in the shadows.  Shed some light on him and disallow victims. 



(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:23:49 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I guess she can't send him a letter if she doesn't know his name.  By her own admittance she knows nothing about him.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MD1Master)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:32:34 PM   
MD1Master


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline



I do not believe this for one second.  She has an e-mail, she has a phone number, she has something.  Afterall, they did make contact.  An unwillingness to pursue indicates to me that there is another side to this story which has not been portrayed. 

The lesson to be learned here is disallow total anonymity.  While chances in life are exciting they can have consequences.  If you meet someone, write down his/her license number.  Do some very basic checking.  There is a reason someone hides in the shadows.  This may provide some excitement but worry for your own safety. 



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RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:34:56 PM   
MontrealPhoenix


Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MD1Master





You have his e-mail, you have a phone number, I presume.  Subpeana the records for the webhost of the e-mail.  Subpeana the records from the phone company to divulge his identity.  If this is what you have, then your problem is not $10,000 it is $20,000 but regardless your safety and security are priceless.  With enough money there is no anonymity.  Go after him and make us all safer.  Do not be a victim, individuals similar to what you have identified, hide in the shadows.  Shed some light on him and disallow victims. 




Get a subpoena? Based on what exactly? All of it would be - is - hearsay there is nothing written. I very much doubt that they would issue one just because i say so.
 
I am FAR from being a victim but since know NOTHING and i mean that literally, there isn't a thing i could do.....as i have said before, this post is merely to warn my fellow subbies against doing what i did, to show there are consequences.
 
As for making us all safer, i would be happy to share his nicknames both here and on Alt as well as provide a description on the other side.
 
Phoenix

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267



(in reply to MD1Master)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:41:44 PM   
MD1Master


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline



I should have read your profile prior to writing.  You are in Canada.  My comments were based on knowledge within the U.S.  They were also somewhat loose as state law is, obviously, specific to each state.  My council assumed, wrongly, that you were located in the states.  My council also assumed, wrongly, that you wanted advice with regard to how to protect yourself rather than to simply be a warning for others. 

Best of luck to you.  I truly hope your safety returns.



(in reply to MontrealPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:44:06 PM   
MontrealPhoenix


Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MD1Master





I should have read your profile prior to writing.  You are in Canada.  My comments were based on knowledge within the U.S.  They were also somewhat loose as state law is, obviously, specific to each state.  My council assumed, wrongly, that you were located in the states.  My council also assumed, wrongly, that you wanted advice with regard to how to protect yourself rather than to simply be a warning for others. 

Best of luck to you.  I truly hope your safety returns.




It's all good MD, who knows maybe your advice will help someone else in a similar situation. I do feel perfectly safe, my search continues...

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267



(in reply to MD1Master)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:49:59 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		IF he really does display your pictures at your workplace, play the victim role, claiming that you were attacked, raped, abused, etc.  ( choke out a few tears & sobs at this point ) and go on about how this has brought it all back again ( sob deeply ).
Or, get a t-shirt printed up with something mentioning your being a dumb slut ( I am not saying you are a dumb slut ) to remind you of what YOU allowed to happen.

All the best to you.  

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to MontrealPhoenix)
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RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:57:11 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I'd like to hear the other side of the story.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MontrealPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:58:53 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I've met and played at that meet with more than a few dominant men and never had a problem even remotely like what you described.  I also would never have anyone to my home or have my personal info unless I knew them much better and I'd never let them take any pictures of me (ok one did, but he was the reason I joined collarme and he took them with my camera and I left with the pictures).  You made many mistakes and walked away with issues whereas many had similar experiences and walked away with hot memories.

edited for typos

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 3/24/2008 2:01:31 PM >

_____________________________



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RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 1:59:18 PM   
MontrealPhoenix


Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

IF he really does display your pictures at your workplace, play the victim role, claiming that you were attacked, raped, abused, etc.  ( choke out a few tears & sobs at this point ) and go on about how this has brought it all back again ( sob deeply ).
Or, get a t-shirt printed up with something mentioning your being a dumb slut ( I am not saying you are a dumb slut ) to remind you of what YOU allowed to happen.

All the best to you.  

Well given the fact that 2 weeks have passed since this happened i very much doubt he will follow through with his threats. The fact that i work in a very busy hospital would make it virtually impossible anyway.
 
I have never, nor do i now dispute that i let this happen. I'm just hoping to prevent it from happening to someone else...

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267



(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 2:03:42 PM   
MontrealPhoenix


Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I'd like to hear the other side of the story.

BadOne

Honestly BadOne i'm not bothered as to whether or not you believe me. The sad fact is that things like this DO happen....and i do fully accept responsibility for my mistakes.
 
Phoenix

_____________________________

"Only in a collar can a woman be truly free"
~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267



(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 2:10:55 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MD1Master





I should have read your profile prior to writing.  You are in Canada.  My comments were based on knowledge within the U.S.  They were also somewhat loose as state law is, obviously, specific to each state.  My council assumed, wrongly, that you were located in the states.  My council also assumed, wrongly, that you wanted advice with regard to how to protect yourself rather than to simply be a warning for others. 

Best of luck to you.  I truly hope your safety returns.





You know I kind of assumed that, you know, MONTREALPhoenix, Montreal being a rather large Canadian city?

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RE: Learn from my experience - 3/24/2008 3:21:06 PM   
Daddyslilpookie


Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline 		Well I have to admit I have been in a similar situation before. You should of been very cautious I would never play with someone I just met. As for the pictures we all make mistakes it is best to just learn from them. I would also never tell anyone about myself until they have told me about them first. It would help you if you could get a hold of those photos and deleat them some how. Anyways best of luck to you.

_____________________________

Princess Andie


"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

(in reply to MontrealPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 20
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