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RE: Freedom - 3/17/2008 3:42:33 PM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
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Prin, good luck. Yes i know how it feels. Freedom, liberation, mixed blessings indeed. It can be exhilerating and terrifying at the same time.
It doesnt sound as if you feel valued in your relationship or perhaps your ideas of what does and in reality doesnt work for you have evolved. If, after proper disclosure and discussion, its agreed you are no longer on the same page, perhaps its time to restructure your life.
Best to you upon your journey. xoxo many here walk quietly upon the same roads.

(in reply to Leatherist)

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Post #: 41

RE: Freedom - 3/20/2008 2:59:21 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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Well here I am again. This time whether or not i was free was taken entirely out of my hands.
Master Paul and I had had a conversation about three weeks ago. He had been away: i picked Him up at the airport no questions asked.
it was he who asjked me and the question was:
Tell me, IF A MAN FELT HE WAS CONGENITALYY UNFAITHFUL, WHAT WOULD BE HIS kARMA, IF HE KNEW THAT TO TELL A WOMAN HE CARED FOR THE TRUTH THAT IT WOULD HARM HER?
My answer was:
Karma is immutable. We only have a choice over our dharma; and it is correct dharma to choose that which cuases least harm.
Master Paul dissappeared soon after that. Away 'fishing'. Somehow I knew that I should not ring his phone. I managed not to for about four days.
Mis week I ohoned it and it was again an 'abroad' tone...at one point there was a spanish answer phone.
I left it until the end of that week and on saturday rang again: i spoke to Him directly. I was ranting. I was shouting. I was begging and asking why wasn't i special. Why was he always going away and not telling me why? I asked if there were others and He said: oh at least five. Something I had quipped back to Him soon after we first met. I had no evidence that it was true or false.
I was in a bad way: slave mindset, without my Master, screaming I was freeing myself and I continued to send endless texts most of which now I am embarassed to talk about.
On Monday I got a simple text, It said; Have broken my leg, snapped achilles tendon, and tibia. Can't get out of airport, in pain.
Finally and only after another day of waiting did i get an English tone and manage to call Him. Still screaming, crying, raging that i ddn't have Him, or have my edges, or know what i should do. He simply said: You have no rights to free yourself.
Yesterday I went to Him. Master has only one leg. He is an amputee. So an injury like this is very serious. He had gone fishing for the week and simply tried to jump acrioss some rocks. ( This is what i overheard Him telling His brother). His one leg snapped and he said Her was left alone and in pain and had cried and had realised that in a moment everything and evryone could be taken from Him.
I took everything He needed and cleaned and cooked and served and there was a moment when I asked if i could hold Him.
He had been alone. And afraid. And I am all he really has i know to serve His needs in this world right now.
It will be probably a year for this one good leg to heal.
He asked again what was the karma of it.
But then laughed and said he understood why i would not answer.
We lay together and found each others profiles on alt....ones we had before we met. We never met each other on alt.
But we were together as Master and slave when we finally viewed each others' profiles.
He has set me a task and the task is to keep a diary of how to be happy independently each day without Him.
Now that i really have a Master who gives me no rights to be free, being happy independentluy from Him no longer means i have to be happy without Him anymore.

(in reply to mzbehavin)

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Post #: 42

RE: Freedom - 3/20/2008 7:11:39 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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You really are thoroughly fucked up.

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(in reply to Prinsexx)

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Post #: 43

RE: Freedom - 3/20/2008 10:51:16 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

Freedom implies a lack of responsibility, I seek liberty.

k

Freedom is a double-edged sword: liberty and alibi are mutually exclusive.

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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Post #: 44

RE: Freedom - 3/20/2008 11:04:25 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: joy2u

Freedom is overrated, in my opinion. More accurate, the concept of freedom is overrated, since i don't believe very many people are truly free. Pretty much everyone has to answer to someone and is accountable to someone else and must live under the constraints placed on them by someone else, be it their employer or the government or a spouse or the electorate.

An interesting post, but not one I'd necessarily agree with.

On the face of it, we appear to be restricted by government, family, religion, order etc. In fact, we choose these restraints for ourselves; they're not forced upon us. We are free to do as we please - providing we recognise that we are free. People are restrained/restricted/coerced into a lifestyle because they choose to be subservient (to a god, inner soul, government, job etc).

We will always have freedom of choice (including where someone is holding a gun to your head); we choose to hand over power because it is advantageous (to some) to store an alibi.

In sum, having to answer to someone doesn't mean an individual is not free; it means they've chosen to answer to someone.

Edited for spelling

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 3/20/2008 11:05:50 PM >

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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Post #: 45

RE: Freedom - 3/21/2008 4:23:29 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
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Prinsexx
Have you read back over your own words just in this thread alone???
The words that resonate and continue to jump out
" He didin't value all that I had to give, as I gave all that I had to give....

that I was being ab-used, because my devotion was in the way of my living and running my life
but he placed absolutely no value on my service whatsoever. So what was the point....

I began to see myself through his eyes and assume I must ne worthless and unwanted.. And then I realised I simply felt useless and unwanted
there is a point at which to enslave oneself unto lies becomes self-destructive...

Others love me and are not afraid to say so and i could not belong to a master who was ashamed of that which he collared. "

These are your own words Prinsexx..and some from only 3 days ago..
what changed so drastically for the positive to logically have this change of heart happen?

He hurt himself and realized he would NEEEEED someone to take care of him for...........................the next forseeable months,perhaps year.

You obviously have a tender, caring and giving heart.
You want to help him.
He tapped on your button. He knew he could.

You say " And I am all he really has i know to serve His needs in this world right now."

No...there are 5 others....remember?

It is his freedom that has been removed.... his options taken away, until his legs mends and he no longer needs you to take care of him..
Then what Prinsexx?

Nurse-maid and submissive/slave = dangerous for you to confuse the two!
which one is he really asking for from you?

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.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to Prinsexx)

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Post #: 46

RE: Freedom - 3/21/2008 4:35:35 AM

rawkmehard

Posts: 43
Joined: 11/17/2007
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you have an issue with emotional masochism.

good luck in your thoroughly disturbed journey.

i don't even mean that to be rude-but i cannot fathom why you want to be with this man, other than this: if what you're saying about his amputee status is true, you are with him again because you think he needs you and won't leave you. that is harmful to you both.

you should have walked away. if he says he wants you now, it's because he's afraid the other women in his life won't bend over backwards to take care of him. he is most likely using you. worse than this, you WANT him to use you. you don't believe in yourself, in the beauty and joy of your submission, and in the wonderful things that can come of a healthy relationship in which his dominion over you enhances your world.

there is no joy in your relationship, from what you've shared. i wish you luck-you're going to need it.

(in reply to TysGalilah)

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Post #: 47

RE: Freedom - 3/21/2008 5:57:16 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You really are thoroughly fucked up.

thank you so much for the compliment LA
i would have worried indeed if you had said i was straight.
i actually don;'t know where you are at all and wouldn't like to pass judgement without meeting you and getting to know you better.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 48

RE: Freedom - 3/21/2008 6:04:42 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

It is his freedom that has been removed.... his options taken away, until his legs mends and he no longer needs you to take care of him..
Then what Prinsexx?

Nurse-maid and submissive/slave = dangerous for you to confuse the two!
which one is he really asking for from you?

For me there is no difference between the two. It makes no difference how many others there are. we are both poly and therein lies the difference.
It enhances who he is if he has more than me. What was hurting was that i felt someoneelse could serve Him better than i.
When he heals and does what He does then it is not of my concern as i do not own Him and he is a free man, always was and always will be.
I don't have that choice anymore: isn't this the position that any slave would want to be in?

(in reply to TysGalilah)

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Post #: 49

RE: Freedom - 3/21/2008 7:13:55 AM

charmdpetKeira

Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Freedom is a double-edged sword: liberty and alibi are mutually exclusive.

Yes, I decided it would be beneficial to the cause, to start seeking absolutes.

Having my neighbors thinking I might want to kill them, simply because I am unable to state my perspective clearly, could be unbeneficial to the cause. They may not want to be my friend then. ;)

k

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Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

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Post #: 50

RE: Freedom - 3/21/2008 10:50:50 AM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rawkmehard

you have an issue with emotional masochism.
i am an emotional masochist and i cannot be anything other than i am. i don't have an issue with it other than the fact that at times i have to find ways of delineating it from emotional self-harm. The two are very fiferent. i have never been anything other than an emotional masochist as far as i know. It stems from being a twin and from the outset i was the 'one' (there is never really a separate 'one' in a multiple), whose function was to be the 'tentacles' for the other, the be the social face and get the job done. My perverse reward? That is probably outside of the TOS of this forum but needless to say my own reward is that serving another carries with it a sexualised pleasure that runs throughout the entire range of activities which i would be expected to carry out.

good luck in your thoroughly disturbed journey.
collarme forums do not, in my opinion, best reflect or debate the emotional-masochists or indeed the slave's mindset.

i don't even mean that to be rude-but i cannot fathom why you want to be with this man, other than this: if what you're saying about his amputee status is true, you are with him again because you think he needs you and won't leave you. that is harmful to you both.
i am saying that it would be part of my love and regard for Him right now if i could be instrumental in returning Him to full health and independence especially if this included a return to the bdsm scene He and i were involved in as it was through Him that i was further used and found service.

you should have walked away. if he says he wants you now, it's because he's afraid the other women in his life won't bend over backwards to take care of him. he is most likely using you. worse than this, you WANT him to use you. you don't believe in yourself, in the beauty and joy of your submission, and in the wonderful things that can come of a healthy relationship in which his dominion over you enhances your world.

i do and indeed believe in the beauty of my submission...when i was a submissive. i believed in the beauty of my submission and felt that that submission needed to be reciprocated in some way in terms of what my expectations of my dominant were and what he did for me, to me. i think my slavery includes submission, in as much as it would be impossible to be a slave without submitting, but i have agreed to give up that submission in terms of what my Master should or shouldn't or is or isn't doing.

there is no joy in your relationship, from what you've shared. i wish you luck-you're going to need it.

There are moments of pure bliss which are very difficult to write about here and it is the confusion and the difficulties that i have ask for support and insight into. Thankyou for responding.

(in reply to rawkmehard)

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Post #: 51

RE: Freedom - 3/21/2008 11:06:14 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Why do I keep picturing the scene in "Misery" where Kathy Bates hobbles James Caan?

quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

It is his freedom that has been removed.... his options taken away, until his legs mends and he no longer needs you to take care of him..
Then what Prinsexx?

(in reply to TysGalilah)

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Post #: 52

RE: Freedom - 3/21/2008 11:57:48 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: joy2u

Freedom is overrated, in my opinion. More accurate, the concept of freedom is overrated, since i don't believe very many people are truly free. Pretty much everyone has to answer to someone and is accountable to someone else and must live under the constraints placed on them by someone else, be it their employer or the government or a spouse or the electorate.

An interesting post, but not one I'd necessarily agree with.

On the face of it, we appear to be restricted by government, family, religion, order etc. In fact, we choose these restraints for ourselves; they're not forced upon us. We are free to do as we please - providing we recognise that we are free. People are restrained/restricted/coerced into a lifestyle because they choose to be subservient (to a god, inner soul, government, job etc).

In sum, having to answer to someone doesn't mean an individual is not free; it means they've chosen to answer to someone.

This is an interesting argument. There are two forms of freedom as far as i am aware from political study: positive and negative freedom.
Positive freedom is freedom TO DO certain things: ie vote, earn a living , be sexual, aspire etc
Negative freedom is freedom FROM: pain, imprisonment, discrimination etc
in my relationship as slave i have both and i constantly express this in emotional forms which i know is difficult for anyone else to enter into discussion with as emotionality is after all only ever experiential.
However i would say for me that the process, at this moment in time, for me, is that i have willingly entered into FREEDOM from FREEDOM if that makes sense, as without the constraints of my Master i do not feel free to experience sexual ity, to create, to in all actuality feel whole.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

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Post #: 53