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RE: masochism - 3/13/2008 8:53:45 AM

fluffyswitch

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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

The problem is that sadists generally don't prefer masochists like me. If i am with someone who hurts me because i like it and their goal is my satisfaction, while i appreciate it, the experience isn't as intense or satisfying.

that's part of my issue too, though at the same time if we move too far into the other direction i get angry (which feeds my psyche in other ways) and i start toing that line of wanting to top them.

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RE: masochism - 3/13/2008 10:50:49 AM

MistressRouge

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Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Masochism is enjoying pain you can be a masochist and not a sub, girlie is a HUGE masochist really really gets off on it, its due to the endorphins and such like, I am more like you in that I get off submitting to it because I know it brings Sir pleasure, but as im a bit of a sadist (in the BDSM way) I can kinda see the mentality, I have had full on giggling fits after making girlie yelp, god knows why

I agree :) Many masochists that I see, are players and not submissive at all. :)

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RE: masochism - 3/13/2008 10:55:11 AM

Wheldrake

Posts: 477
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I don’t enjoy pain. It doesn’t matter whether it’s stingy or thuddy, continuous or intermittent, and it doesn’t matter whether the pain comes from stubbing my toe or being meticulously tortured by a sadistic lover. I don’t get an endorphin rush or a passport to a mysterious place called subspace – it just hurts, and I want it to stop. As Lucky Albatross said, pain is scary.

So I guess I’m not a masochist, by most definitions. On the other hand, I find it incredibly exciting and arousing to be tortured, especially by a sadist who positively delights in my fear and enjoys seeing me suffer. The part I find exciting is the sense of powerlessness, the perception that horribly unpleasant things are going to be done to me and that I have no way of escaping them (short of a safeword, but I find it easy to relegate that option to the back of my mind, where it doesn’t intrude very much). Submissive satisfaction in giving pleasure to the sadist is a part of what appeals to me, but only a small part – the main thing is that I simply like being helpless under the control of a cruel person who enjoys inflicting pain and suffering.

Apparently I’m not a classic masochist, since I’m not getting off on the pain itself. And my desire for torture isn’t primarily submissive, since I’m not so much hoping to please the other person as seeking out a situation that excites me. Perhaps I need to borrow another phrase from Lucky Albatross, and start calling myself a “fear junkie” – that captures the idea better than any other term that comes to mind. Or does anyone have other suggestions?

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RE: masochism - 3/13/2008 11:10:34 AM

chellekitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
i would also like to add that the energy flow between partners is a very important component to the experience. If i am with a dom who is inflicting pain to make me endure something for him as a token of my submission it is a vastly different experience than with a dom who truly desires to inflict pain and see me suffer for his enjoyment. As a masochist i relish the true sadist because his energy feeds me in a way the others can't and i feel that my pain feeds his lust not just his desire to have an obedient and submissve sub willing to endure for him. The problem is that sadists generally don't prefer masochists like me. If i am with someone who hurts me because i like it and their goal is my satisfaction, while i appreciate it, the experience isn't as intense or satisfying.

i am all with you on this one...when i am playing for pain (i play for other reasons too) i want someone who gets off on the fact that he is giving me pain, not that i am submitting to him giving me pain...while yes, in the big picture, it matters whether i am enjoying it or not, but the energy i need to feel back from him is not that he is enjoying it because i am enjoying it, but rather that he is enjoying it because i am in pain...if that makes sense? and this is an extremely hard thing to do in a relationship, i have not experienced it yet...i don't know if it is possible...to be able to detach in that way...because i can feel the energy of love too...i tend to get my pain fixes from people i am not in relationships with, in fact, they are often people i don't know at all on a personal level...

one to beam, scotty
chelle

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Post #: 44

RE: masochism - 3/13/2008 12:47:10 PM

SeaDogret

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Ah, thank you all, have answer some questions I had on this subject, I know of a new sub's who gets off on pain, seems to love it, she was termed a "pain slut" by an older experience sub. am interested in comments and observations, we have at present a cyber relationship, she is with a group where she is at, seems to thrive oon floggers and spankings more intense the better. thoughts?

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RE: masochism - 3/13/2008 12:57:10 PM

nwcutie102

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Joined: 1/13/2008
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i can do without the flogging, like/love the bare hand sting on my behind. face is lovely also, done with control and knowledge

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Post #: 46

RE: masochism - 3/13/2008 1:04:04 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
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quote:

we have at present a cyber relationship, she is with a group where she is at, seems to thrive oon floggers and spankings more intense the better. thoughts?

Just because you are a different places doesn't mean you cant talk. So talk! Encourage her to talk! You know, IME, the best friend isn't someone who says wise things that I'm supposed to respect. It's someone who lets me thrash through it all for myself and gives me a warm, safe place to be after the shit hits the fan (I'm talking emotionally safe).

Stange thing: You think you "know where it's at" when you are 20.
You think it at 30.
You think it at 40 (but having doubts now)
You dare to believe at 50.
You pretend to believe at 60.
By 70, who gives a shit what *you* believe. The only one who cares is you.

Looking back from age 70, would you consider this cyber-drama to be a waste of time?

Yikes, I'm really old. I relate to how people two decades my age think ... and I like it. I'm doomed.

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Post #: 47

RE: masochism - 3/13/2008 1:47:23 PM

SeaDogret

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ahh, you know someone else in the life said same thing, am her safetynet, the one who doesn't judge, listens to her, yes am very fond of her, never met her in person

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Post #: 48

RE: masochism - 3/13/2008 8:11:21 PM

joy2u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

I'm not one to enjoy just any ol' pain. When I get a pain in my phantom limb, that is NOT enjoyable. It doesn't arouse me; I don't have a sexual reaction to it.

This is exactly the same with me. Phantom pain strikes without warning and is very intense and is, literally, crippling. Fortunately, it doesn't happen to me very often and it is usually brief, although very painful in those brief moments. But, it isn't in any way enjoyable or sexually stimulating.

quote:

I enjoy pain inflicted for the purpose of sensual gratification of both parties.

Same with me. There are different types of masochists and different types of sadists, just as there are different types of submissives and different types of Dominants. i consider myself to be a sexual masochist, in that my pleasure from pain is only derived when it is experienced in the context of being administered for the purpose of sexual stimulation of both myself and my Master.

The mental aspect of my sexual masochism is more important to me than the physical aspect. It's getting into the 'head space' of knowing that i am being 'used and abused' for sexual pleasure and, not just for the sake of causing me pain.

Pain isn't the 'ends', for me, it is the 'means'. It's knowing that i am being made to whimper and cry and squirm and plead, while knowing that my cries won't cause my Master to stop and He will only stop when He's ready to stop and i am powerless to make Him stop and feeling the humilation of hearing my Master laugh at my suffering and hearing Him call me a wimp and a wuss and a candy ass and more. It's the whole package, not just the pain, that gets me sexually stimulated and ready to orgasm, as soon as He lets me.

The same is true for my Master. He is a sadist, but He is a sexual sadist. He doesn't have any desire to go around causing people pain just to cause them pain. And, He doesn't enjoy seeing me in pain, unless He is inflicting it. He is a very caring person and doesn't enjoy seeing people (or animals) in pain. He just enjoys inflicting pain on the person He is having sex with.

There is no way i would seek out a sadist to submit to, if i weren't a masochist. There are plenty of Dominants who aren't sadists.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

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Post #: 49