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Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/10/2008 10:40:18 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		I think a lot of people mis read what jealousy really is about. why it is ok to feel that way. It is a  normal reaction to someone we are attracted with or love on a sexual mental level.  I think a little is ok knowing what is to much what is not. In the ds lifestyle because a lot of it is sexual it is easy to get there. On either side of the fence.  SO my question is this. if you made your mate jealous and he or she walked out on you whos fault would it be. respect of someone else.s feelings vs  your own selfish intent or they just need to get over that feeling of insecurity. 

ps remeber wearing the other persons shoes may not fit so well lol
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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/10/2008 11:06:51 PM   
Mastersplitlicke


Posts: 19
Joined: 2/7/2008
Status: offline 		I am pretty jealous and maybe too much at times, but to answer your question. i would never screw around on my partner unless she was there and wanted it as well. or i was not getting any for a period of time, which has happened...........
"Sex is like air, its only important when your not getting any"
so if she was jealous of that and left ...see ya

< Message edited by Mastersplitlicke -- 3/10/2008 11:07:52 PM >

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/10/2008 11:15:31 PM   
SteelofUtah


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Status: offline 		Interesting so is sex the only thing we get Jealous over?

I think that the Sex is a free aspect I have a wife who agrees to a degree. However if she didn't she would not be my wife. However for the sake of argument if she was my wife and still did not agree then I do not believe that I could ever bring myself to Cheat on her I find that the act of Low Men and I try desperately NOT to be one of those.

Steel

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/10/2008 11:58:28 PM   
Mastersplitlicke


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Interesting so is sex the only thing we get Jealous over?

I think that the Sex is a free aspect I have a wife who agrees to a degree. However if she didn't she would not be my wife. However for the sake of argument if she was my wife and still did not agree then I do not believe that I could ever bring myself to Cheat on her I find that the act of Low Men and I try desperately NOT to be one of those.

Steel


well i don't get jealous if my partner disgrees with me, and don't understand why someone would cheat on there partner for that. if my partner agreed with me all the time, i think the relationship would go flat and be pretty boring.

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 12:36:13 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
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Status: offline 		I wouldn't suggest seeing jealousy as a fault anymore than physical pain is a fault when one bangs his knee against a table.

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 1:00:10 AM   
subnstudent


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Status: offline 		Jealousy is what happens when a person sees someone else's stuff, and thinks, "but they *shouldn't* have that stuff, that should be *my* stuff." It's not necessarily a 'natural' reaction.. we're taught at a very young age that we should have X thing and to feel bad for not having it.

That's not to say that there's anything we can really do about having the feeling at this point, but when it occurs the people involved should just talk about it and hopefully the jealous person gets set at ease because sharing doesn't necessarily mean giving away and never getting back, ya?

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 1:10:32 AM   
CuriousLord


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Status: offline 		I'd disagree about the "natural" aspect of jealousy versus its absense.  It seems to me very much that jealousy is an extremely natural, base instinct; that the adversion from jealousy is the taught, social mannerism.

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 2:34:51 AM   
Justme696


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quote:

SO my question is this. if you made your mate jealous and he or she walked out on you whos fault would it be.


If the "made" is onpurpose....then you are to blame. Jealousy can be a damn shitty feeling and mostly lead to the wrong thoughts. (I am an ex-expert on jealousy lol)
The natural kind happens too ofcourse..that happens..and no one is to blame.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/11/2008 2:35:27 AM >

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 2:58:04 AM   
adoracat


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Status: offline 		jealousy is an emotion, like any other.  some people get jealous and anxious about their relationsthip(s) for no reason other than their partner is having a conversation with a person of the appropriate gender.  you cannot "make" someone have an emotion.  your actions can cause that sort of insecurity to rise up, yes.

to me, jealousy is not the issue.  its what you do about that feeling that matters.

kitten

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 3:01:56 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		Jealousy can take a person to the bowels of Hell if they let it.  I've watched it ruin a few people and relationships.   I think because of what I've seen with loved ones and friends, I'm able to rein in my jealous streak.   I think it's a natural reaction but we have to have tight controls on it or it will destroy everything in its path. 

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 3:57:04 AM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		Since I believe we are responsible for our own shit, owning our own emotions and reactions, whomever ever is feeling jealous is responsible for that feeling. They are also responsible for how they react to it.

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 4:12:25 AM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline 		It is a two way street in the way the OP described.

In any relationship.. esp a D/s one.... *communication communication communication* it has to be there.

If one party ( note I did not say D or s..) feels slighted or jealous... and is good enough to tell the other party how they feel, and the other party brushes them off and does nothing to address and soothe it.. well then the party who did nothing to fix it is mostly at fault. If both can communicate well then hopefuly they can resolve thier issues.

Any time someone has enough strength to say I feel *XYZ* and the other party just say tough deal with it... you have to think does this person care enough about me to even stay in a relationship?

realtionships are two way streets... people who have the view of "not my problem" in a relationship either tend to be very emotionaly immature, or simply do not give a fig for the person they are with.

Not good in either case.

Personaly when I pick partners I look for ones who are not the jealous type. I have never dealt with that kind of on going behavior. When it does happen in my partners we soothe things out.. and they are always aware that I am poly before any realtionship starts.

Gwyn

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 4:31:13 AM   
colouredin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Interesting so is sex the only thing we get Jealous over?

I think that the Sex is a free aspect I have a wife who agrees to a degree. However if she didn't she would not be my wife. However for the sake of argument if she was my wife and still did not agree then I do not believe that I could ever bring myself to Cheat on her I find that the act of Low Men and I try desperately NOT to be one of those.

Steel


Points out that in our relationship this is one thing we dont get jealous over. girlie gets jealous about the fact that Sir and I connect mentally and she feels like she cant join in.

I dont think ive ever been jealous about sex really, never bothered me much being cheated on or anything it was the lying I didnt like, I cant stand lying. I get jealous about people who are smarter than me and stuff, but I flirt soo much that it would be silly to get het up over it. I also get jealous of time, if my partner spends a lot of time at teh pub or something that will make me jealous.

Anyways jealousy isnt this all consuming emotion, its no worse than any other emotion, we feel it we move on, it doesnt have to destroy relationships, the only reason it does is because as an emotion it has a huge stigmatism, we arent allowed to feel jealous, so if we do we feel bad for feeling jealous then we have to justify it and yadda yadda bit cycle of emotional mess.


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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 4:44:37 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
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Status: offline 		Jealousy is a form of insecurity  period.

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 4:46:41 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		I get jealous very easily ... hell I get jealous over what people order at lunch ...

but I never let it become an over the top feeling .. it never rules me .. is just stupid ..

I either have someone's heart or I don't ... if they can be taken from me .. then getting jealous wont help

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 4:53:58 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		As far as I am concerned, Jealousy is a useless emotion that serves no purpose. I see it as something that is caused only by insecurity.

with that in mind, to answer  your question...if I went out of my way to make my partner jealous, and he walked out....it's my fault. And yes, I know it contradicts what I just said but...if I am so upset with him that I have to stoop so low as to cause him intentional emotional hurt in this way...I deserve whatever I get.

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 5:00:28 AM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I enjoy my owner being a little jealous over me. It shows to both of us, that he has trained me right that no only others are noticing but are aproaching me in such a manner, I also will feel jealous in return. No matter how much we have, how great we look, how whatever, its human nature, unless you aren't human you cant really fight it. Its natural to feel jealous. Its not natural to throw a hissy fit every time it happens. My owners know me, when they feel that an emotion might get the better of me they reassure me. If a an emotion is getting the better of me a tell tale signed of the me will show, wither it be jealousy, anger, sadness... He will learn these signs and help me with them.

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 5:47:35 AM   
DesFIP


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Status: offline 		If you play on your partner's insecurities, and they said that they were not taking that anymore and left, it would be your fault for having deliberately hurt them.

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 5:57:06 AM   
Justme696


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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Since I believe we are responsible for our own shit, owning our own emotions and reactions, whomever ever is feeling jealous is responsible for that feeling. They are also responsible for how they react to it.


does that mean if some one hurts you. The one hurting you is not to be blamed, but you yourself are..as hurted one?

quote:

  Jealousy is a form of insecurity  period.


yes, but that statement doesn't mean..it can't hurt..or it isn't excisiting or no one can't be blamed.
That sounds like "the world is round"

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/11/2008 6:01:08 AM >

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RE: Jealusy WHos fault is it Dom domme or sub - 3/11/2008 6:01:42 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
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Status: offline 		Some times people can do things that you dont like or that upset  you, how you handle the emotion you feel is your responsibility, for example, if i was angry i have a choice, i can scream at someone and say "you make me feel this" or i can smash things, or i can listen to loud music, or go for a walk, these are my decisions.

I think one of the main problems we have is communication and owning our emotions, im currently trying to learn how to say "i feel" rather than "you make me feel" for example if girlie says something that upsets me, she wont have said it TO upset me thats just my interpretation so she hasnt made me feel anything.


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