RE: Sacrificial lambs?

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/25/2008 12:30:08 PM

CreativeDominant

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I find it one of those interesting perplexities. The two statements made about 1. A gentleman is never unintentionally rude and 2. Do not mistake kindness for weakness are interesting for me because I try to follow the first and have made the second to many.
I am in the profession I am in because I like people...like to help them feel better...like the challenge of helping someone achieve a better state. To work with people in that way, I have to be nice and I have always tried to be a nice guy. But its' funny how often being kind or being caring and/or having feelings while still being a guy is considered by many to be weak.
Yet, I know the evil, twisted, sick, sadistic sumbitch that I am. I know the caring but firm, patient but stubborn, bend-but-don't-break-on-basic-principles, complex dominant I am.
It seems that many see the kind, joking, caring dominant and cannot imagine the dark thing inside that lights up when it hears a whimper, whose furred chest begins to heave with each tear and cry, whose tail begins to sway delightedly with the more she trembles, whose heart swells when she says "Yes, sir" not necessarily because she likes what I have told her to do or have taught her to do but because she says it because she knows that it best serves not only her but me also and therefore the dynamic.

So I can understand the reverse...the men and women who come off as assholes and who really aren't. Or those who come off as assholes and are BUT it is only one aspect of a complex, many-sided person. But let's face it...in many of the cases where there is a trainwreck....it is because while one of the folks involved may be many different sides, the other one does not. The jerk may be nice/patient/kind/demanding/sulky/loving but the truly, truly nice one cannot deal with the bad aspects. or vice-versa. Or you have one that thinks they can "fix" the other and, as noted, they cannot.

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/25/2008 1:12:33 PM

Missokyst

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I agree. I grew up in a world where people expected to be civil and fit in. I don't know when things changed .. probably back in my teens when we were struggling so hard not to be our parents. Somewhere along the line it became cool to be rude. Cussing is a lot more regular speak than it used to be. Things change. I know, I was part of those changes.
But, it still boggles my mind that people stop to take the time to learn what makes the sullen and uncooperative tick. They have more patience than I, I guess.
There is so much less effort in finding a man who is friendly and dominant for me. Well, as I am not with one at this time, maybe it is harder than it was, but I would still only find that type acceptable. There certainly would be a lot less bloodshed because my first response is not to lay them flat, out of frustration.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/25/2008 2:41:45 PM

Alumbrado

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I would still like to see some support for the assertion that 'not liked by the majority', and 'sarcastic, opinionated, etc.' is the same as physically abusive stalker material.

Otherwise you are just gossiping about someone I don't even know.

In my experience, the times I've dealt with someone abusing their partner, the abusers have been 'Mr. Popularity' more often than not (Which still doesn't support drawing a conclusion in that direction either, without something more to support it).

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/25/2008 3:02:14 PM

Missokyst

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Wow this is totally Off the train of thought. My original post referred to people who are not liked by the majority. Not sociopaths, who tend to be outgoing and present a good front to most people.
I was talking about people who just rub people the wrong way. Either they find things to argue about, or they feel the need to make other people feel inferior, wrong, stupid, ect, if they can accomplish that. I used to visit and aol chat room where one man would disrupt the room, threaten, ect, until a good 1/3 had to block him. This is the sort of man my niece tends to date. Unpleasant people, yet she finds good in them until the relationship crashes and burns, and suddenly he is the assh*le and she was the victim.
A sociopath, is someone who fits in to society because he knows how to work it. A jerk is just a guy who cant seem to find the world compatible but can find that one person who finds them valuable.
Sociopaths are hard to spot. Jerks are easy. My question was would someone look beyond that initial unpleasantness, to find what they need? I hear people say that all the time "I didn't like him. I thought he was rude. He made me mad at first." Yet, they stay, and look beyond it. It has to be some sort of patience that I do not possess.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/25/2008 3:08:34 PM

atursvcMaam

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imho, the payoff is to reform someone not liked or accepted by the community. it is the same as the payoff for fixing birds with broken wings, or "rescuing" stray animals. if what one does, works, it is a spectacular reward, but to see them fly away, or run away hurts a great deal.

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/25/2008 3:09:52 PM

Alumbrado

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OK, sorry for the confusion, I was taking the

quote:

Each relationship failed, horribly, often leading to her being stalked, threatened, and all who supported her were also at risk.

comments as also being traits that sarcastic, opinionated, unpopular people are bound to exhibit should anyone date then, which didn't jibe with my observations.

< Message edited by Alumbrado -- 2/25/2008 3:10:21 PM >

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/25/2008 4:04:57 PM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I have met/chatted with a few submissives who always seem to choose partners that are, shall we say, not liked by the majority. The odd thing is that these women are generally liked by the group at large.
They are popular, funny, show that they are caring and sensible.. and yet, most I have known have chosen to get involved with dominant partners that are most despised.
Dominants who if you sit and chat with them a while you have to slap yourself to keep your sanity. People who are sarcastic, argumentative, sometimes threatening, and never understand any opinion that does not fit with their own.
I know that many of us will find that rare as*hole in our lives. But what would make someone consistantly find themselves with this type of partner over and over?
What is the draw? What is the payoff?

I for one have never cared too much for the shared perceptions of the pack. It's quite likely the women you speak of feel similarly. It is of course no mystery that the key to a certain notoriety is through having enemies, through courting controversy whenever possible. Many people are drawn to these types.

I think many of us can come to a consensus about what it "reasonable" or "healthy" in a relationship, but then again, this is the BDSM community, and most of us are well aware how many of the things we like are considered abusive or obscene or "unhealthy" by common society. So seriously, who are we to judge what people do with their own free will?

< Message edited by amayos -- 2/25/2008 4:08:16 PM >

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