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Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:26:31 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I don't want to hijack a thread but this occured to me over in ask submissive/slaves, and I thought it was better to ask this here.
I have met/chatted with a few submissives who always seem to choose partners that are, shall we say, not liked by the majority. 
The odd thing is that these women are generally liked by the group at large. 
They are popular, funny, show that they are caring and sensible.. and yet, most I have known have chosen to get involved with dominant partners that are most despised. 
Dominants who if you sit and chat with them a while you have to slap yourself to keep your sanity.  People who are sarcastic, argumentative, sometimes threatening, and never understand any opinion that does not fit with their own.
I know that many of us will find that rare as*hole in our lives.  But what would make someone consistantly find themselves with this type of partner over and over?
What is the draw?  What is the payoff?
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:30:10 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		A date for the prom?

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:39:07 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I don't want to hijack a thread but this occured to me over in ask submissive/slaves, and I thought it was better to ask this here.
I have met/chatted with a few submissives who always seem to choose partners that are, shall we say, not liked by the majority. 
The odd thing is that these women are generally liked by the group at large. 
They are popular, funny, show that they are caring and sensible.. and yet, most I have known have chosen to get involved with dominant partners that are most despised. 
Dominants who if you sit and chat with them a while you have to slap yourself to keep your sanity.  People who are sarcastic, argumentative, sometimes threatening, and never understand any opinion that does not fit with their own.
I know that many of us will find that rare as*hole in our lives.  But what would make someone consistantly find themselves with this type of partner over and over?
What is the draw?  What is the payoff?
Kyst


It's pretty obvious not everyone shares your view!  Maybe it's your view that's off.  Something to ponder.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:40:54 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		A lot of people don't like my Master.  He's a man people either really like or can't stand.  All I can say to your OP is that I fell into the "really like" camp. 

As for others...who's to say what touches people.  Perhaps it's the stubborn toughness on the other side that allows them to be the strong people you see reflected here?

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:42:09 PM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		Stupid question time but I'm kinda serious. Is sarcasm ok here? I think I know which thread you're talking about, I've been reading it myself since my post there kinda (ok, so totally) went ignored. Which is probably a good thing.   I'm the first to admit that I think too much and need to lighten up. A good friend on here calls me a dufus.
 
As for the choices some make, I can only assume they see something others don't. The smartass in me wants to say "a big dick?" but it's not always that. Maybe that dominant fulfills a need for them that we can't see. The long term  questions are - how does the relationship end? Does it last? Does it work for them? Are both people satisfied with it? I find some men very attractive that others look at and go "whaattttt?????" and vice versa. It's all a matter of taste. Don't know that I would ever find an asshole attractive but I guess some do. Why is beyond me though. Give me a man who is intelligent, smart, makes me laugh and deserves my respect, love and maybe one day submission.    

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:44:27 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Hard to say without knowing specific individuals.  But here's a general theory that probably applies in at least some of the cases.

We are often governed by our inner self image, which may not match what other see.  A person who is otherwise well liked may not like themselves, their inner self image could be very poor.  This may perhaps be because of some past trauma, some hidden shame or guilt, some past failure, etc.  The end result is that they do not feel they deserve certain things.  As a result they make choices which seem irrational, sometimes sabotaging themselves, accepting less than what they could have, etc.  For example, an popular and well liked young woman may seem shy and uncomfortable with the attention.  Her discomfort may come from the incongruity between how others see her (likeable, desireable, good, attractive, etc.) and how she see's herself (dirty, bad, unattractive, unworthy, etc.).  Such a person might choose certain circumstances, including certain types of partners, as a way of "punishing" herself or otherwise placing herself in circumstances more congruent with what she feels she "deserves" according to her inner self image.

In otherwords, sometimes good girls choose bad boys... because inside they feel bad.

Then again, sometimes its because they just find the bad boys exciting.  Hard to say without knowing specifics.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:47:16 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I would hazard a guess that these women see something in their doms that you don't.

While I'm at it, I'd hazard the guess that they don't choose their men according to what the rest of the world happens to think.  How dare they be so independent-minded!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I don't want to hijack a thread but this occured to me over in ask submissive/slaves, and I thought it was better to ask this here.
I have met/chatted with a few submissives who always seem to choose partners that are, shall we say, not liked by the majority. 
The odd thing is that these women are generally liked by the group at large. 
They are popular, funny, show that they are caring and sensible.. and yet, most I have known have chosen to get involved with dominant partners that are most despised. 
Dominants who if you sit and chat with them a while you have to slap yourself to keep your sanity.  People who are sarcastic, argumentative, sometimes threatening, and never understand any opinion that does not fit with their own.
I know that many of us will find that rare as*hole in our lives.  But what would make someone consistantly find themselves with this type of partner over and over?
What is the draw?  What is the payoff?
Kyst

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:47:33 PM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		I think there are two things at play:
 
One person's trash is another's treasure and I find that at times subs think they will not get the level of domination they seek  from someone deemed as nice---
 
IMHO

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:49:25 PM   
tahlly


Posts: 57
Status: offline 		My owner can be egotistical, snobbish, arrogant, condescending, rude, crude, and sarcastic at times. The first time I met him; I could not stand him. I thought that someone needed to take him out behind the 'proverbial barn' and rearrange his britches
 
As time went by though, I began to see past the outside to the good that was on the inside. He grew on me; so to speak; to the point that I no longer even notice his snobbery, arrogance, rudeness, sarcasm, cynicism, etc. They are all just small parts of him that don't even come close to making up the whole.
 
As to the attraction or payoff. I really could not say because as I said, at first I could not stand him. I don't know what it was that began to wear down on me so that I was noticing other things; or even when it began to happen. I just know that one day I saw him and thought; what a wonderful man he is.

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:49:38 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		In my opinion, perhaps the person comes off in a certain way when in groups, but when alone with the person he cares about, he is more free to open up?  Kinda like a defense mechanism type thing. 

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to LadyRainfire)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:52:04 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		FR:  There is an unfortunate misconception that "Dominant" = "asshole".  And the more one needs to prove how Dominant he (or she -- this "Dom disease" is surely not limited to men!) is, the more of an asshole one becomes.  So perhaps the women the OP is referring to are simply mistaking rudeness, aggressiveness, selfishness and stupidity for "Dominance".  It happens all the time.
 
There are two maxims taught at certain superb old-line Southern US military schools that people interested in power-sharing and power-taking might remember:
 
1.  A gentleman is never unintentionally rude.
2.  Never mistake kindness for weakness.
 
E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 3:57:11 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Interesting observation.  One lady I know in particular has chosen at least 3 men that fit that bad boy criteria.  Each relationship failed, horribly, often leading to her being stalked, threatened, and all who supported her were also at risk.  I do know that when she was with each of these men that she was different.  Oh.. superficially she was still upbeat, friendly, ect.  But her dark side would come out in other guises.  Often taking the rest of us by surprise because of the degree of visciousness.  And when they would be over.. she would be sweetness and light.. and the "victim" of her oppressor.
I was thinking it must be some sort of need to be the victim.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag


In otherwords, sometimes good girls choose bad boys... because inside they feel bad.

Then again, sometimes its because they just find the bad boys exciting.  Hard to say without knowing specifics.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 4:00:57 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Love it

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

There are two maxims taught at certain superb old-line Southern US military schools that people interested in power-sharing and power-taking might remember:
 
1.  A gentleman is never unintentionally rude.
2.  Never mistake kindness for weakness.
 
E.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Emperor1956)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 4:02:30 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		The woman I know in particular says that about her choices.  "He isn't like that when he is with me"  I do think that some people might puff up as a defense.. but wouldn't that be the default personality when things went wrong?
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

In my opinion, perhaps the person comes off in a certain way when in groups, but when alone with the person he cares about, he is more free to open up?  Kinda like a defense mechanism type thing. 


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 4:09:05 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Well clearly the women who make those choices don't share it.  But when the majority do, then sometimes hot IS hot.  Not just perception.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
It's pretty obvious not everyone shares your view!  Maybe it's your view that's off.  Something to ponder.

BadOne


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to SailingBum)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 4:09:16 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		People make choices subconsciously to affirm how they feel about themselves and what they feel they deserve. If they were brought up abused and didn't deal with the abuse in a healing way, then they repeat these cycles because it gives them this "at home" feeling. Recognizing abuse as love because that is what they were taught.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 4:11:14 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Interesting observation here too.  I do know that the one woman I see doing this consistantly has defended her choices by pointing out their strength in defying how others perceive them.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
As for others...who's to say what touches people.  Perhaps it's the stubborn toughness on the other side that allows them to be the strong people you see reflected here?


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 4:33:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well is it that several friends are choosing the same socially undesireable type of guys...or a few friends who consistently choose socially undesireable guys?

If it's the latter- well perhaps the girls aren't choosing very well for themselves and it takes them a bit longer to figure it out than their friends who have the luxury of distance.

I have had this problem a few times- and I have found if I am able to maintain my friendship with the person fairly separately from the undesireable, that it doesn't become a problem.  If I respect my friend, I respect their choices, even if I can't understand them.  However, if the friend starts to take on the traits of the indesireable, or starts to take on their perspectives, or the undesireable forces him/herself into every part of their lives, including their friendship...well that has led to the friendship dissipating over time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 4:49:22 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		In particular I am thinking of my neice, who is on her 6th engagement as of last week.  She has been married 5 times so far.  Only one of those guys was decent and he lasted the shortest amount of time with her.  But in viewing the threads on other boards I was reminded of other women who make those same choices over and over.  It is almost like it becomes a mission to save someone from their unpopular status. 
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Sacrificial lambs? - 2/24/2008 4:54:05 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

In particular I am thinking of my neice, who is on her 6th engagement as of last week.  She has been married 5 times so far.  Only one of those guys was decent and he lasted the shortest amount of time with her.  But in viewing the threads on other boards I was reminded of other women who make those same choices over and over.  It is almost like it becomes a mission to save someone from their unpopular status. 
Kyst



Trust me...The problem is with your neice. She needs to put down the dick.

_____________________________



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