RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub

RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

nephandi -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 3:25:30 AM)
Hi What are your definition of abuse? Most Dom's i know care deeply for their submissives even if they do pain play whit them, or use pain as discipline. Others do not use pain at all. As long as things are consensual i do not see that things a Dom do are abusive so no, a Dom do not need to abuse his sub, and can definitely spoil and love her if he wants. i wish you well

Kaiynasha -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 7:34:15 AM)
No one is allowed to abuse anyone. It is against the law. No sub should consent to that. MK

PsyVamp -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 7:49:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 quote: ORIGINAL: firmbutloving27 i want some opionions here on a dom and his sub. some doms feel you have to be abusive to a sub to have her respect you. i diasagree and feel that you still can be firm and authoratative when you need to and still love and pamper your sub as both are needed on a regular basis. how do you feel about this the girl I mentor right now..just needs my "look" to obey.... If I ask her something...she answers always... or I get the remark..."you will make me answer anyway". I am not an abbusive person anyway... and honestly..if I need to correct a girl like that often...she doesn't want to be my sub...and she will be released. Not gonna beat a girl in shape. btw : I see the word "abbussive"..as something against her will..outside rules one agreed on. I will have to agree here, I do not want anyone that needs to be kicked around in order to serve. I refuse to beat anyone into submission. If they don't want to serve, they can go somewhere else. So my answer is no, a dominant does NOT need to be abusive. If the force is non-consensual, the dominant SHOULDN'T be doing it. I understand that some people have heavy violent play in their dynamic, but it isn't true of all relationships. I like to be able to spoil my pet, laugh and be affectionate. If it were all beating and abuse, it wouldn't be for me. Lady Jag

KnightofMists -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 7:56:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firmbutloving27 i want some opionions here on a dom and his sub. some doms feel you have to be abusive to a sub to have her respect you. I can't say that I have ever actually met any Dominant personality that felt that they had to be abusive for the sub to respect him. But... I suppose their is a few out their. But I really hope you not taking what you see on line as any creditible representation of what is out in the off line world.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 8:08:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: firmbutloving27 i want some opionions here on a dom and his sub. some doms feel you have to be abusive to a sub to have her respect you. I can't say that I have ever actually met any Dominant personality that felt that they had to be abusive for the sub to respect him. But... I suppose their is a few out their. But I really hope you not taking what you see on line as any creditible representation of what is out in the off line world. Ditto that for me. It seems to go against the whole Dom concept (if there is such a thing...heh). Doms whip or whatever in a carefully orchestrated sensation and emotion play...even if it doesn't appear so. It is the one behavior that defines us. The abuser is a much different specimen.

eyesopened -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 8:17:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nephandi Hi What are your definition of abuse? Most Dom's i know care deeply for their submissives even if they do pain play whit them, or use pain as discipline. Others do not use pain at all. As long as things are consensual i do not see that things a Dom do are abusive so no, a Dom do not need to abuse his sub, and can definitely spoil and love her if he wants. i wish you well i too would like to hear the OPs definition of abuse. There are some who call themselves submissive who think "abuse" is having to get up earlier to make sure the coffee is ready when the Dominant wakes up. Some think "abuse" is anything painful. There's such a variety of opinions and personal definitions that i don't know how to even begin to answer the question. For example, in my relationship i fully expect that i will do things i don't want to do even 'against my will' and i would never call that abuse. Master and i share the same limits and i trust Him completely. He will use me, He will hurt me, that's for certain but He will never abuse me.

amayos -> RE: Does a dom have to be abusive to his sub? (2/17/2008 9:25:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firmbutloving27 Some doms feel you have to be abusive to a sub to have her respect you. i disagree and feel that you still can be firm and authoritative when you need to and still love and pamper your sub as both are needed on a regular basis. How do you feel about this? Your views will get the collective nod of approval, and on many levels, they are "correct" for the overall majority. Dig a little deeper, get past the politically correct nonsense (and perhaps the furry handcuffs), and you may find this sage wisdom has some cracks and lines.

Kana -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 9:41:10 AM)
Quick response. If I have to abuse her for her to respect me there is something terribly wrong with me. Its just my opinion but she should respect me for the man that I am more than the things that I do to her. Respect is something given, to me its on both sides. If she serves me I will respect her as a person and as mine, but that has nothing to do with dominance, nor does abuse. There are some secondary questions that come to my mind from the OP's post. What defines abuse is the first thing? For some the lack of discipline, the lack of hard consequences, the lack of firmness is much crueler and abusive than anything I may do. In this case it can be the lack of action which is abuse. I also wonder why abuse has come to be equated with dominance in the first place-they are two radically different things, even for a masochist. Abuse is a betrayal of trust, dominance is based on trust. Why has kindness come to be seen by many as weak? What does that have to do with being dominant? If someone is going to always be harsh, never be supportive and never bear kindness to their submissive it is going to get ugly quick. Its real easy for humans to tear down, but it takes strength to build up. Somewhere along the way some of the psychology of BDSM got twisted, its not about fear (well maybe a bit is real nice, but not lots), its about power and authority and the best exercise of those would be what I would call a benevolent dictatorship.The iron fist cloaked in a silken glove. Just my opinion. quote: ORIGINAL: firmbutloving27 i want some opionions here on a dom and his sub. some doms feel you have to be abusive to a sub to have her respect you. i diasagree and feel that you still can be firm and authoratative when you need to and still love and pamper your sub as both are needed on a regular basis. how do you feel about this

Justme696 -> RE: Does a dom have to be abusive to his sub? (2/17/2008 9:42:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amayos quote: ORIGINAL: firmbutloving27 Some doms feel you have to be abusive to a sub to have her respect you. i disagree and feel that you still can be firm and authoritative when you need to and still love and pamper your sub as both are needed on a regular basis. How do you feel about this? Your views will get the collective nod of approval, and on many levels, they are "correct" for the overall majority. Dig a little deeper, get past the politically correct nonsense (and perhaps the furry handcuffs), and you may find this sage wisdom has some cracks and lines. lol why do that..to satisfy even more people? Perhaps you should say your thoughts..instead of asking an other person to look for more.

MsDonnaMia -> RE: Does a dom have to be abusive to his sub? (2/17/2008 10:00:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 lol why do that..to satisfy even more people? Perhaps you should say your thoughts..instead of asking an other person to look for more. * sigh [8\|]

vampchick88 -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 10:01:23 AM)
I'm a Domme with a male pet. I will NEVER be abusive toward my pet. he knows we'll have scenes where flogging and that sort of thing will take place but never outright abuse. It is just for a scene not for his submission. In our relationship his submission had to be earned, he's a non-traditional slave who has a voice that he's not afraid to voice. I encourage this because it shows he has a backbone and guts. I stress Authority whenever I feel that things are going from playfully joking to another level. I never will beat him just to get him to submit to me ever!

Dnomyar -> RE: Does a dom have to be abusive to his sub? (2/17/2008 10:01:38 AM)
You people are all ingoring the obivious. The op is sub hunting.

lateralist1 -> RE: Does a dom have to be abusive to his sub? (2/17/2008 10:23:26 AM)
Lots of male subs are in this lifestyle to find a woman capable of being 'abusive' enough to make them submit. Problem is then who is submissive to whom? Doing what a sub wants to make him submit isn't being dominant. If a sub makes me aggressive and angry I walk away. If I stay involved I really can become abusive.

MsDonnaMia -> RE: Does a dom have to be abusive to his sub? (2/17/2008 10:42:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar You people are all ingoring the obivious. The op is sub hunting. Aren't a lot of people hunting on here? But you know you DO raise a good point... people say a lot of fluffy stuff to get the girls. problem is what type of girl are you going to get who buys into that crap, hook line and sinker? P.s. Edited to add: oh, I know..a girl who is gullible enough to be exploited, lol.

GuidingLite -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 10:42:46 AM)
Quote: vampchick88 In our relationship his submission had to be earned, he's a non-traditional slave who has a voice that he's not afraid to voice. I encourage this because it shows he has a backbone and guts! END quote. Danggit, this here sub of yours has you wrapped around his finger now don't he. So you saying that traditional slaves that choose to throw themselves at the mercy of an owner to be wholly enslaved has no backbone or guts???? Shoot, any sub that throws herself at the mercy of a mistress to be totally enslaved is the total opposite of weak and spineless. ands to be in that state with her owner takes guts and strength. most cant even be that strong so they should just stick to telling their owner how to deal with them like yours.

MistressDawn18 -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 1:42:46 PM)
I don't think that being 'abusive' has to happen at all. You can make someone obey without ever touching them. It's a mind thing I think. If you want complete submission get into someone's head. It's difficult and time consuming but possible. Then again I could be overly wrong. lol. I am new to this. But I think that hitting when it's outside of someone's boundries or just to be cruel then No. Not gonna happen. Everyone has limits and those should be respected. Part of being a Dom. is respecting your sub. If that wasn't part of it. then why would we have safewords? ~Dawn

Paulsgirl -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 2:37:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firmbutloving27 i want some opionions here on a dom and his sub. some doms feel you have to be abusive to a sub to have her respect you. i diasagree and feel that you still can be firm and authoratative when you need to and still love and pamper your sub as both are needed on a regular basis. how do you feel about this Then i agree with your feelings and would like to add that certin descriptors like 'abusive' are used in both consensual and non-consensual relatioahips. i have been abused in both types of relationships. In a non-consensual setting there was no agreement and there was no responsibility taken for the CONTROL OF THE ABUSE on behalf of my (then) dominant vanilla husbands. i knew and i sensed they had absolutely no control over what triggered their behaviours. In my primary relationship now i know absolutely that Master Paul has control over his behaviours and so i cosent to His control....not always, but sometimes, usually, mostly all the time, and how He gets my consent is part of the dynamic. But He kows exactly how to master Himseld in order to pass that control unto me. Thus i consent because i feel safe and place mtself totally at His disposal. It's like absailing (even though it feels like freefall) and i put my life, my body, my mind and heart also at His disposal. We also have made a decsion always to remain friends no matter what and there are of course, as life happens, times where we share behaviours which to all intents and purposes to the outside worl, look vanilla. i don't think my friends or my family or my kids who have seen us together notice anything remarkable about how i change as a consequence of what he does in everyday situations. I am submissive, servile and enjoy bring in service to all and sundry who become guests at my home. But consensually, in privacy and in intimacy. between ourselves and others we play with, yes there are behaviours which approach, are similar to and undifferentiated from what could objectively be seen as 'abusive' were there not an element of total consensuality. But the term abuse is by defintion ab-use and is use that causes dysfunction, and maims and disrupts the other's life. Therefore it is me, myself, i, that also has a say in whether it it ab-use or not. i know i can withstand tremendous amounts of pain and humuliation and i know ful well why: this was a 'normal' part of my development and a 'normal' way in which those around me expressed thenselves. women got good-hidings. women got a good thump on a friday night. women got smacked and actually so did the little ones, when the master of the house came home. 50's lifestyle? caveman behaviour? woeking -class hierarchy? Male role models? who knows as i am not into labelling what others do......... I cannot speak for Him but i am supposing that to the extent to which He needs to use me then I am proud to be used rather than abused.

TysGalilah -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 4:11:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Paulsgirl quote: ORIGINAL: firmbutloving27 i want some opionions here on a dom and his sub. some doms feel you have to be abusive to a sub to have her respect you. i diasagree and feel that you still can be firm and authoratative when you need to and still love and pamper your sub as both are needed on a regular basis. how do you feel about this Then i agree with your feelings and would like to add that certin descriptors like 'abusive' are used in both consensual and non-consensual relatioahips. i have been abused in both types of relationships. In a non-consensual setting there was no agreement and there was no responsibility taken for the CONTROL OF THE ABUSE on behalf of my (then) dominant vanilla husbands. i knew and i sensed they had absolutely no control over what triggered their behaviours. In my primary relationship now i know absolutely that Master Paul has control over his behaviours and so i cosent to His control....not always, but sometimes, usually, mostly all the time, and how He gets my consent is part of the dynamic. But He kows exactly how to master Himseld in order to pass that control unto me. Thus i consent because i feel safe and place mtself totally at His disposal. It's like absailing (even though it feels like freefall) and i put my life, my body, my mind and heart also at His disposal. We also have made a decsion always to remain friends no matter what and there are of course, as life happens, times where we share behaviours which to all intents and purposes to the outside worl, look vanilla. i don't think my friends or my family or my kids who have seen us together notice anything remarkable about how i change as a consequence of what he does in everyday situations. I am submissive, servile and enjoy bring in service to all and sundry who become guests at my home. But consensually, in privacy and in intimacy. between ourselves and others we play with, yes there are behaviours which approach, are similar to and undifferentiated from what could objectively be seen as 'abusive' were there not an element of total consensuality. But the term abuse is by defintion ab-use and is use that causes dysfunction, and maims and disrupts the other's life. Therefore it is me, myself, i, that also has a say in whether it it ab-use or not. i know i can withstand tremendous amounts of pain and humuliation and i know ful well why: this was a 'normal' part of my development and a 'normal' way in which those around me expressed thenselves. women got good-hidings. women got a good thump on a friday night. women got smacked and actually so did the little ones, when the master of the house came home. 50's lifestyle? caveman behaviour? woeking -class hierarchy? Male role models? who knows as i am not into labelling what others do......... I cannot speak for Him but i am supposing that to the extent to which He needs to use me then I am proud to be used rather than abused. took back post...re-thought and its not my place to say. sigh

BlackPhx -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 4:19:26 PM)
Master may use me hard to the point most people would think it was abuse, save for the fact I am grinning like a Cheshire cat and whimpering for more. It's not abuse. He is not tearing me down, he is not harming me emotionally, he is dancing as hard as I can and need to. He can be firm and authoratative, demanding, gentle, and spoil me rotten while still giving me what I need pain wise. So no it is not abuse, even if it would make others blanch. Conversely if he left me sitting in misery day after day, made me feel worthless, like nothing I ever did was right, untouchable by him, and all I wanted to do was dig a hole, crawl into it and pull it in after me, that would be abuse and I would be gone. Abuse is not always physical, and all that is physical is not abuse. poenkitten "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. " George Carlin

ownedgirlie -> RE: does a dom have to be abbusive to his sub (2/17/2008 5:13:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firmbutloving27 i want some opionions here on a dom and his sub. some doms feel you have to be abusive to a sub to have her respect you. i diasagree and feel that you still can be firm and authoratative when you need to and still love and pamper your sub as both are needed on a regular basis. how do you feel about this Lacking love and/or pampering is not abuse. That's quite a stretch to make.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125