Plethora22
Posts: 27
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline
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Hello everyone, thank you in advance for reading what I can't help but think is going to come off as nothing more than whining. :)
I'm in a monogamous relationship which I have been in for close to six years. The two of us get along great, enjoy each others company, etc. etc. etc. In other words, this is a very happy relationship, and I genuinely do not wish to end it.
She is dominant and I am submissive, and I would consider our relationship in the bdsm sense great as well. The problem I/we are having is pretty simple. I have a pretty deep interest in involving other people in our playtimes from time to time. Not always, not even often. I've never done anything even close to it and its an idea that after six years of trying just doesn't seem to want to go away. I find myself trying to plan out ways to cheat and get away with it. I browse ads here on collarme and have various fantasies involving multiple dommes and/or multiple subs and start thinking of ways to make them come true without her knowing.
Now, we have talked about all this. I'd say one of the biggest reasons we have a good relationship is that we do communicate. She has even said she is willing to try even though its not really her thing. (Just to be specific, most of my interest lies in some of the more tame possibilities, humiliation at the hands of multiple women (possibly men too, to be honest), objectification in front of others, etc. I'm really not talking about wanting to have orgies or anything directly sexual at all).
The problem we are now having is that she says she is willing to try it "with the right person/people", but after both of us posting people on collarme, meeting people, making friends in the scene, etc, not a single person we have met or spoken with is, apparently, "the right person", and I highly suspect (in fact I am pretty sure) that whomever "the right person" is does not exist. I have, of course, told her this too. The impass, now, is that she says that this is not true and that I just need to be patient.
So of late I've just been having this somewhat irrational fear. Firstly I feel bad that this is even an issue, I'd just as soon purge myself of the desire completely and consider the problem solved, of course I'm sure others on this site understand how difficult it can often be to purge such desires, if it is even possible. Secondly, this is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, forever and always, blah blah blah, but I fear that this desire will never be met with her and thus my self discipline will eventually break down and I will cheat. That, I think, is the biggest fear of the bunch. And lastly I fear that I will have to suppress it for the rest of my life if I want to maintain a happy relationship in the long term. Not an attractive thought, but I'm sure I wouldn't be the first to take that route.
Anyway, I would sincerely like any opinions or suggestions anyone here has.
Thanks in advance.
< Message edited by Plethora22 -- 2/14/2008 11:24:58 AM >
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Oh why oh why are relationships so hard?? lol - 
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