Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

submissive reflection of the Dominant?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> submissive reflection of the Dominant? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 8:42:42 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		A few threads and posts have caused me to reflect on the preceptions we have of the D/s relationships we observe and/or interact with.   I reflected on what grains of behavior these relationships demonstrate that cause me to make a positive or negative judgement and wonder briefly what do others look for.  I have often heard the concept that a submissive is a reflection of their Dominant.  Which I consider as only fragement of a truth and can even be rather miss leading.  It is my thought that everyone in the relationship is a reflection of the relationship and not necessarily a reflection of others in the relationship.  I see individuals as both a reflection of themselves and their relationship.  I don't consider it particularly accurate to judge one person by the actions of another and therefore I don't put much weight into the idea that a "submissive" is a reflection of the "Dominant".  For me it is more accurate to state that the Dominant/submissive is a reflection of themself and their relationship.

Is the submissive a reflection of the Dominant for you?  what about the Dominant a reflection of the submissive?  does it work both ways... or does it work that all? 


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 8:46:46 PM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline 		We effect each other, change the process of evolving as a person.  But I don't think that I'm a reflection of him or that he is a reflection of me.  I think our relationship is a reflection of us though.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 8:51:24 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		For me personally,  I've never bought into the whole reflection thing, I wouldn't judge someone I was with by others thoughts of them with a few exceptions.  However, I can say that if someone I was with behaved completely inappropriately it would definitely color my opinion of whether I should be with them.  I don't mean being direct or "not being submissive" (that we hear often), it should be obvious I don't think those type of standards are realistic or appropriate in my relationships.  I do mean acting in such a fashion that they alienate themselves completely from the majority of those around them.  While I would like to think I would like to help them through it, honestly, it is such a huge turn off and I ponder whether a relationship is a good idea rather than single with therapy that I personally cannot provide at that point. 

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 8:55:42 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		we both try to compliment each other by our words and our actions when dealing with others. Some say you are judged by the company that you keep.

i would think that if your sub or dom is rude, nasty, loud and obnoxious. i'm sure someone is going to think. How could she/he possibly put up with that? there must be something wrong with her/him.



_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 9:02:20 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I think in an optimal situation each party is a reflection of the other, and each wears, or reflects the relationship as it is, as their collective truth. 

This is evident in couples or triads where there is a smooth-running relationship in which everyone knows their place and everyone is comfortable in their respective place, and everyone appreciates and acknowledges the relationship through the same lens.  These kinds of relationships, I think, are very rare.  But you can always spot them because no matter which party is speaking of the relationship, you recognize it as the same animal. 

Don't know if that made any sense.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 9:04:44 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Well KOM, you have 2 lovely submissive's that are CERTAINLY a
reflection of you!

You should be proud of them!

I think we all are a reflection of those that nuture and guide us.
IF one of a Dominant's jobs is to nuture and guide his submissives, then their
behavior is a reflection of their Dominant.
 


< Message edited by MzMia -- 2/3/2008 9:05:10 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 9:08:16 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		I think a submissives behaviour is a reflection of the training they have received from their Dominant.  I also think that the Dominant is a reflection of the submissives taste in owners.  I feel that together they should be a reflection of all that they hold as honorable and of their joint integrities.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 9:17:13 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I fully believe partners are a reflection of one another, but it goes both ways. I am as much a reflection on Angel and Fox as they are of me. I woud never accept them acting out , in public or in private. They both know better than to misbehave around others be those others vanilla or lifestyle. I should never have to worry about being out with them around other people.
Likewise, I am a reflection on them. They never have to worry about me acting off either. They woud never be happy serving if they had to worry I would be barking orders or showing off all the time. I would never embarass them, and if I did everyone would question their place in our relationship.

DV



_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 9:22:26 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I fully believe partners are a reflection of one another, but it goes both ways. I am as much a reflection on Angel and Fox as they are of me. I woud never accept them acting out , in public or in private. They both know better than to misbehave around others be those others vanilla or lifestyle. I should never have to worry about being out with them around other people.
Likewise, I am a reflection on them. They never have to worry about me acting off either. They woud never be happy serving if they had to worry I would be barking orders or showing off all the time. I would never embarass them, and if I did everyone would question their place in our relationship.

DV


Well put .. that is part of what I was trying to say .. thank you for stateing it so well

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 10:02:59 PM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		 I do feel that there is a certain amount of reflection on each other both ways, in respect to who we choose to share our lives with on different levels.
I think people and their intimate connections are too complex for such a solid judgment of an individual’s whole character however, and simply based on outside observation of someone in their life.
Certainly if a relationship is to last and grow to fruition there need be more than basic compatibility, like ideals, and thinking.
 I think perhaps what is reflected about a relationship to those outside of it, are the depth of those compatibilities and connections shared by those in that relationship.

_____________________________

"Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions."
~Cullen Hightower~

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 10:07:39 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		We are all reflections of those we choose to associate with.  For me it's more a matter of choosing those people reflect your own values and priorities and what preferences you personally have in manners and social outlets.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to szobras)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 10:14:38 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Is the submissive a reflection of the Dominant for you? what about the Dominant a reflection of the submissive? does it work both ways... or does it work that all?



As I see it, the answer changes depending upon degree. How a wholly devoted servant appears or conducts herself in the company of others, her observance of protocol, of etiquette and general thoughtfulness correlates (in my mind) directly to the guidance and tutelage of her Keeper, as well it should. If the individuals in question are merely play partners, I see them simply as such, but even still—we are often noted for the company we keep in the very least and that certainly does work both ways.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 10:16:52 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		So you look in the mirror, and my reflection is gazing back. Hair raising I'm sure.

As a submissive, I find satisfaction in pleasing a Dominant, and yes, making them
proud of me. It is my own reflection, yet hopefully it shines upon, and brightens
the one before me.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 10:49:34 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I agree, partners in any relationship do reflect on eachother to degrees. The "sub is a reflection of dom" however smacks of a 'get out of accountability free' card; which I do not believe in at all.
In an ideal relationship, you want to be with someone compatible anyway, someone who enjoys you 'as you are'. So if you are already that person, why should the dom be responsible somehow for who you are? If a dom changes you somehow, then you are consenting to the change, and are still accountable for who you become.

(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 10:54:44 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Moreso in the case of M/s. to me.  As a slave often acts as an extension of the Master, acting strictly as taught, her behavior is rather telling of the Master.  So long as the slave is acting as the Master bids her, this may be characterized as the Master acting through her.

This doesn't extend to D/s so much as Dom's moreso guide as opposed to control, and sub's are ultimately responsible for themselves.

This does not work the other way around as a slave does not control her Master.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 11:00:19 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

I believe everyone reflects on each other. When I see a dominant or master/mistress making a fool of themselves, I do find myself thinking "What on earth made them decide that is a good person to submit to?" I do think better of whoever owns a particularly well-spoken slave/sub and when I see an owner/master/mistress/grand poobah who is very intelligent and well-spoken, I tend to think their property will be as well. In contrast, when someone is being an annoying twit I wonder if their owner or their sub/slave sees that part of them.

I don't think it reflects any more in either direction.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/3/2008 11:01:20 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

This does not work the other way around as a slave does not control her Master.


No but she did choose him so his behavior is probably acceptable to her, a reflection on her as a person.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/4/2008 2:00:17 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

For me it is more accurate to state that the Dominant/submissive is a reflection of themself and their relationship.


I agree.

Himself is a reflection of my personal preferences and taste in a dominant man. If I had different preferences, I'd have a different dominant. I dare say that if Himself had different taste in submissives, he, too, would have someone else.

As for the relationship, what we have built over the years is the culmination of a bit of hard work, a lot of luck, the mutual desire to stay together and, for us, sappy-syrupy heart love. I don't know if that's a reflection of the relationship or if senility is setting in as we do seem to laugh at the oddest situations, so who knows. It seems to be working thus far.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/4/2008 2:16:50 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		A submissive is not a reflection of the dominant nor visa versa.  The way we are and the way we interact is a reflection of the relationship and it's evolution.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? - 2/4/2008 3:35:55 AM   
taintedgypsy


Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		I think reflection is probably to strong a word but yes society as a whole and the people who make it up tend to judge you by your choice in friends and partners ... old saying "if you lie with dogs you get fleas" or "guilty by association" or "tarred with the same brush" there are many such sayings that represent a social judgement on who you are associated with.

If a Dominant is seen with a brat he is judged, if a sub is bratty people will question both her submissiveness and her comitment and respect for her Dominant. On a vanila side, I judge harshly by the happiness of their partners, a down trodden, unhappy wife will make me question the character of the husband? An unhappy, quick tempered man makes me wonder what kind of partner she really is? To a large degree I still tend to do this in L/s, and probably always will.

I tend to look at the consequences of the relationship and see it as a reflection of the people involved, if the relationship is bad, the people involved unhappy and unhealthy; yet the people remain in it, I wonder about what is wrong with them?

We are accountable for our own reflection no mater what orientation we have, we are the ones who look in the mirror and make the final judgement yet even in viewing our own reflection we pass judgements on ourselves when we examine who we are with, who our friends are and so to some extent they become a part of our reflection.

I am more inclined to fall into the camp that we are a reflection on our relationships and visa versa, yet can not deny that how we act also reflects on those we are with, others will judge them along with us.

_____________________________

..."Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... It is about learning to dance in the rain."

Equal Opportunity Slut (Yeah ... best of both worlds lol)

warm smiles to all

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> submissive reflection of the Dominant? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.110