submissive reflection of the Dominant?

submissive reflection of the Dominant? (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 8:42:42 PM)
A few threads and posts have caused me to reflect on the preceptions we have of the D/s relationships we observe and/or interact with. I reflected on what grains of behavior these relationships demonstrate that cause me to make a positive or negative judgement and wonder briefly what do others look for. I have often heard the concept that a submissive is a reflection of their Dominant. Which I consider as only fragement of a truth and can even be rather miss leading. It is my thought that everyone in the relationship is a reflection of the relationship and not necessarily a reflection of others in the relationship. I see individuals as both a reflection of themselves and their relationship. I don't consider it particularly accurate to judge one person by the actions of another and therefore I don't put much weight into the idea that a "submissive" is a reflection of the "Dominant". For me it is more accurate to state that the Dominant/submissive is a reflection of themself and their relationship. Is the submissive a reflection of the Dominant for you? what about the Dominant a reflection of the submissive? does it work both ways... or does it work that all?

TracyTaken -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 8:46:46 PM)
We effect each other, change the process of evolving as a person. But I don't think that I'm a reflection of him or that he is a reflection of me. I think our relationship is a reflection of us though.

laurell3 -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 8:51:24 PM)
For me personally, I've never bought into the whole reflection thing, I wouldn't judge someone I was with by others thoughts of them with a few exceptions. However, I can say that if someone I was with behaved completely inappropriately it would definitely color my opinion of whether I should be with them. I don't mean being direct or "not being submissive" (that we hear often), it should be obvious I don't think those type of standards are realistic or appropriate in my relationships. I do mean acting in such a fashion that they alienate themselves completely from the majority of those around them. While I would like to think I would like to help them through it, honestly, it is such a huge turn off and I ponder whether a relationship is a good idea rather than single with therapy that I personally cannot provide at that point.

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 8:55:42 PM)
we both try to compliment each other by our words and our actions when dealing with others. Some say you are judged by the company that you keep. i would think that if your sub or dom is rude, nasty, loud and obnoxious. i'm sure someone is going to think. How could she/he possibly put up with that? there must be something wrong with her/him.

marieToo -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 9:02:20 PM)
I think in an optimal situation each party is a reflection of the other, and each wears, or reflects the relationship as it is, as their collective truth. This is evident in couples or triads where there is a smooth-running relationship in which everyone knows their place and everyone is comfortable in their respective place, and everyone appreciates and acknowledges the relationship through the same lens. These kinds of relationships, I think, are very rare. But you can always spot them because no matter which party is speaking of the relationship, you recognize it as the same animal. Don't know if that made any sense.

MzMia -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 9:04:44 PM)
Well KOM, you have 2 lovely submissive's that are CERTAINLY a reflection of you! You should be proud of them! I think we all are a reflection of those that nuture and guide us. IF one of a Dominant's jobs is to nuture and guide his submissives, then their behavior is a reflection of their Dominant. [;)]

MissHarlet -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 9:08:16 PM)
I think a submissives behaviour is a reflection of the training they have received from their Dominant. I also think that the Dominant is a reflection of the submissives taste in owners. I feel that together they should be a reflection of all that they hold as honorable and of their joint integrities.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 9:17:13 PM)
I fully believe partners are a reflection of one another, but it goes both ways. I am as much a reflection on Angel and Fox as they are of me. I woud never accept them acting out , in public or in private. They both know better than to misbehave around others be those others vanilla or lifestyle. I should never have to worry about being out with them around other people. Likewise, I am a reflection on them. They never have to worry about me acting off either. They woud never be happy serving if they had to worry I would be barking orders or showing off all the time. I would never embarass them, and if I did everyone would question their place in our relationship. DV

MissHarlet -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 9:22:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire I fully believe partners are a reflection of one another, but it goes both ways. I am as much a reflection on Angel and Fox as they are of me. I woud never accept them acting out , in public or in private. They both know better than to misbehave around others be those others vanilla or lifestyle. I should never have to worry about being out with them around other people. Likewise, I am a reflection on them. They never have to worry about me acting off either. They woud never be happy serving if they had to worry I would be barking orders or showing off all the time. I would never embarass them, and if I did everyone would question their place in our relationship. DV Well put .. that is part of what I was trying to say .. thank you for stateing it so well

szobras -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 10:02:59 PM)
I do feel that there is a certain amount of reflection on each other both ways, in respect to who we choose to share our lives with on different levels. I think people and their intimate connections are too complex for such a solid judgment of an individual’s whole character however, and simply based on outside observation of someone in their life. Certainly if a relationship is to last and grow to fruition there need be more than basic compatibility, like ideals, and thinking. I think perhaps what is reflected about a relationship to those outside of it, are the depth of those compatibilities and connections shared by those in that relationship.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 10:07:39 PM)
We are all reflections of those we choose to associate with. For me it's more a matter of choosing those people reflect your own values and priorities and what preferences you personally have in manners and social outlets.

amayos -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 10:14:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists Is the submissive a reflection of the Dominant for you? what about the Dominant a reflection of the submissive? does it work both ways... or does it work that all? As I see it, the answer changes depending upon degree. How a wholly devoted servant appears or conducts herself in the company of others, her observance of protocol, of etiquette and general thoughtfulness correlates (in my mind) directly to the guidance and tutelage of her Keeper, as well it should. If the individuals in question are merely play partners, I see them simply as such, but even still—we are often noted for the company we keep in the very least and that certainly does work both ways.

chiaThePet -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 10:16:52 PM)
So you look in the mirror, and my reflection is gazing back. Hair raising I'm sure. As a submissive, I find satisfaction in pleasing a Dominant, and yes, making them proud of me. It is my own reflection, yet hopefully it shines upon, and brightens the one before me. chia* (the pet)

ProlificNeeds -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 10:49:34 PM)
I agree, partners in any relationship do reflect on eachother to degrees. The "sub is a reflection of dom" however smacks of a 'get out of accountability free' card; which I do not believe in at all. In an ideal relationship, you want to be with someone compatible anyway, someone who enjoys you 'as you are'. So if you are already that person, why should the dom be responsible somehow for who you are? If a dom changes you somehow, then you are consenting to the change, and are still accountable for who you become.

CuriousLord -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 10:54:44 PM)
Moreso in the case of M/s. to me. As a slave often acts as an extension of the Master, acting strictly as taught, her behavior is rather telling of the Master. So long as the slave is acting as the Master bids her, this may be characterized as the Master acting through her. This doesn't extend to D/s so much as Dom's moreso guide as opposed to control, and sub's are ultimately responsible for themselves. This does not work the other way around as a slave does not control her Master.

AquaticSub -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 11:00:19 PM)
~Fast Reply~ I believe everyone reflects on each other. When I see a dominant or master/mistress making a fool of themselves, I do find myself thinking "What on earth made them decide that is a good person to submit to?" I do think better of whoever owns a particularly well-spoken slave/sub and when I see an owner/master/mistress/grand poobah who is very intelligent and well-spoken, I tend to think their property will be as well. In contrast, when someone is being an annoying twit I wonder if their owner or their sub/slave sees that part of them. I don't think it reflects any more in either direction.

AquaticSub -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/3/2008 11:01:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousLord This does not work the other way around as a slave does not control her Master. No but she did choose him so his behavior is probably acceptable to her, a reflection on her as a person.

BitaTruble -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/4/2008 2:00:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists For me it is more accurate to state that the Dominant/submissive is a reflection of themself and their relationship. I agree. Himself is a reflection of my personal preferences and taste in a dominant man. If I had different preferences, I'd have a different dominant. I dare say that if Himself had different taste in submissives, he, too, would have someone else. As for the relationship, what we have built over the years is the culmination of a bit of hard work, a lot of luck, the mutual desire to stay together and, for us, sappy-syrupy heart love. I don't know if that's a reflection of the relationship or if senility is setting in as we do seem to laugh at the oddest situations, so who knows. It seems to be working thus far. [;)] Celeste

RCdc -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/4/2008 2:16:50 AM)
A submissive is not a reflection of the dominant nor visa versa. The way we are and the way we interact is a reflection of the relationship and it's evolution. the.dark.

taintedgypsy -> RE: submissive reflection of the Dominant? (2/4/2008 3:35:55 AM)
I think reflection is probably to strong a word but yes society as a whole and the people who make it up tend to judge you by your choice in friends and partners ... old saying "if you lie with dogs you get fleas" or "guilty by association" or "tarred with the same brush" there are many such sayings that represent a social judgement on who you are associated with. If a Dominant is seen with a brat he is judged, if a sub is bratty people will question both her submissiveness and her comitment and respect for her Dominant. On a vanila side, I judge harshly by the happiness of their partners, a down trodden, unhappy wife will make me question the character of the husband? An unhappy, quick tempered man makes me wonder what kind of partner she really is? To a large degree I still tend to do this in L/s, and probably always will. I tend to look at the consequences of the relationship and see it as a reflection of the people involved, if the relationship is bad, the people involved unhappy and unhealthy; yet the people remain in it, I wonder about what is wrong with them? We are accountable for our own reflection no mater what orientation we have, we are the ones who look in the mirror and make the final judgement yet even in viewing our own reflection we pass judgements on ourselves when we examine who we are with, who our friends are and so to some extent they become a part of our reflection. I am more inclined to fall into the camp that we are a reflection on our relationships and visa versa, yet can not deny that how we act also reflects on those we are with, others will judge them along with us.

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