RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship.

RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

OmegaG -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 11:12:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave I hope this posting will somehow make sense to other people. For awhile I have been going back and fourth in the thoughts about M/s relationships. Should I find somebody who wants a deep emotional loving M/s relationship or not. What messes with my mind, is that even the so called Non-Emotional relationships in fact often turn into emotional ones. I'm not looking for a wife, nor for somebody to play part time vanilla girl friend and part time bedroom submissive/slave. I've actually encountered sub/slaves that don't want to become wives nor be treated like girl friends as well. I've also encountered those who want this, along with complete exclusive only relationship. My mind is open to poly households, swinging and sharing. I find it difficult to accept being with somebody who does not at least have an equally open mind regarding such things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking or seeking a loveless relationship here either. Emotions are important to me as well. Sure, I would be committed to a long term 24/7 relationship without question. It's been a bit of a bitch for my finding the right match though. I feel like I'm in some area that's in between, those a. seeking a loveless don't care relationship or b. a very exclusive relationship. I'm not the cheater type and I'm not looking for somebody to cheat. I'm looking for a good honest relationship, were human sexuality is out in the open, lived and explored. Along with all the emotional aspects being out in the open and explored as well. Basically, I'm not looking for some unloyal run away slut that will do anybody and everybody behind my back who has no interests in emotional involvment. I'm not looking for somebody who wants to become my wife that can't deal with the thoughts of threesomes, sharing or other activities with others. I'm not looking to whore her out to everybody and their bother either. Though I have encountered a few that would love to be whored out like this. Hey Diddle Diddle, I'm having problems finding somebody who's somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. Are there other people that go back and fourth in thoughts between these two extremes? Have you been tempted in thoughts to settle for one or other, because you can't find somebody that's balanced in the middle? There is an ass for every seat, some just have to look harder to find the seat that won't be a pain in the ass. I don't believe in marriage, but I do believe that if I wake up in a good relationship every day that one day at a time I'm closer to forever-- does that make sense? I need to be emotionally invested and I'd like affection in return, but I don't require love, I really don't require vocalized love. I am monogomous by nature but don't mind sharing so long as it's done with integrety and the lines of communication are open. And today I am with someone who meshes with me. But I've been through years of dating hell where people who didn't mesh with me did their best to convert me.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 11:20:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Seriously... you have to be true to yourself. Set the parameters of what you're comfortable with. Personally, "no secrets, no lies" is one of mine. Decide what you're comfortable with and what you're not, and what you are willing to negotiate on. Then it will be easier to find what you seek. For instance, I list myself as bisexual. But having sex with women is not something on my "must have" list. It's just nice ocassionally. So if my One said, "I'm not comfortable with you having sex with women," then that would be okay with me. Oh, for the record, he said, "how can we make sure you are getting your needs met?" Cali I've been tending to lean towards bisexual woman. This is something I've been dealing with in some thought. There are some straight girls that are willing to engage in bisexual activitities, however they are not geniune attracted to other women. Then there are the bi-curious one's that are too afraid to share their thoughts. Right now, i have nothing up on my profile. I have been debating about being really blunt and more forward about BDSM activities and gloss over my vanilla side. Instead of the other way around. I was browsing profiles this week, and I noticed more women listing all the dirty kinks they are looking for, while many Dom's are expressing things in a more toned down manner? At least this is my own perception of it. I never really bothered checking out other Doms profiles until this week. I normally just browse through the slave/submissive profiles. Most of the time my search parameters are set up for BiSexual women, and I flip it over to Straight ever once in awhile for a peek at who's there.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 11:36:22 AM)
In regards to something that is optional to me, it's a committed Monogamous vs. Poly household itself. I really can't see more than three people involved in poly setting. Poly is not on my must have list though. Plus, I would want it to be an actual three way relationship or commitment of all involved. My mind has mulled it over some, and the poly options that appeal to me are... 1. Master with two sisters slaves. 2. Dom Couple with shared slave. Anyways, to make things confusing this is open for a switch type of submissive... There are women out there that want to submit to a guy and Domme another woman at the same time you know. Oh wait, did I just say that. I'm open to embracing a switch as a submissive. Yes, checked out some switches as well.

MasterMataeo -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 11:39:11 AM)
good for you,, things are looking up MM

Leatherist -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 11:39:50 AM)
I make it pretty clear that no one in the world is not ecpendable to me, except for me. And that I have no interest in a relationship involving needy codependence. I can be romantic-but it takes ages to get me interested enough in someone to feel I NEED to have them around.

OmegaG -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 11:41:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave In regards to something that is optional to me, it's a committed Monogamous vs. Poly household itself. I really can't see more than three people involved in poly setting. Poly is not on my must have list though. Plus, I would want it to be an actual three way relationship or commitment of all involved. My mind has mulled it over some, and the poly options that appeal to me are... 1. Master with two sisters slaves. 2. Dom Couple with shared slave. Anyways, to make things confusing this is open for a switch type of submissive... There are women out there that want to submit to a guy and Domme another woman at the same time you know. Oh wait, did I just say that. I'm open to embracing a switch as a submissive. Yes, checked out some switches as well. A thought-- or a clarification, I'm wired to be monogamous emotionally with the man that I am involved with. He has already made me aware that he wants a poly household and since I am bi-curious (not afraid just lacked oppurtunity to explore) I'm not opposed to being in a relationship with another woman-- to me the emotion I would share with her wouldn't conflict with my monogamous tendicy. He also would like me to play with others, again I don't see this as a conflict. So, I'm thinking that what you desire is possible, though it may take thourough screening on your part.

LadyPact -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 11:43:30 AM)
A very timely post. My thoughts on what you had to say may not be exactly what you meant, but it's where My head's at right now. When it comes to a dynamic with a submissive, I am not happy with either extreme. It doesn't work for Me if a sub is completely devoid of emotion, cold feeling, or whatever you want to call it. I'm just the type of person who prefers an emotional attachment. That doesn't work well if it's a one way street. Even the bottoms that I play with casually can tell you this. I bring affection (for lack of a better term) into any kind of scene. I care about them while they are under My control. I enjoy them feeling that bond with Me. The other extreme doesn't work for Me either. I don't want My sub head over heals for Me, thinking that My primary relationship is going to somehow change or be forgotten. That, in itself, is a hard limit for Me. The emotional attachment I share with him, isn't going to take over or replace the love I feel for My husband. There is no potential of "happily ever after" unless it's done so with the idea that My sub will always be My sub. Not a husband. Love from Me or for Me, will never negate the love that I have for other people. Yes, quite frankly, that can be a royal pain to find. Having someone accept that the kind of emotional attachment that I prefer in My BDSM dynamics of any kind, and keeping that level in the middle of the extremes, isn't always easy. Getting someone to accept that there is a kind of love that exists out there that says it doesn't have to be any more than what it is, and that's just fine, can be tough. It takes a lot to work into that so that everyone is getting what they need and want, without misunderstanding that it has to be more, or less. I love My husband. I love My sub. They aren't the same kinds of love, nor do they have the same kinds of love for Me. It doesn't mean that one is better or worse than the other. They are just different. Both are happy with the place they have in My life, just like I'm happy with each of them. Adding that element that isn't the extreme, can only enhance My life.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 12:12:23 PM)
I understand the conflict between the two extremes that you speak of...cold and desirous only of being within a D/s BDSM relationship that involves no affection but which is pretty much open to anything VERSUS a head over heels, almost-traditional-vanilla relationship leading to marriage with kink thrown in. Those two extremes are easy to define whereas it is the everything-in-between where it is hard to find a partner. I have to have romance and affection and caring and love in any long-term D/s relationship I am in along with the BDSM. I do not continue on trying to get to know someone if I don't feel like the possibility...at the very least...for something to spark romantically could be there. But, I am just as interested IN the D/s and the BDSM as I am in all the romance and caring and affection. The various kink elements...well, for me, there are not a lot of "must-haves" on my list but there again, there are not a lot of "won't do it without even trying its" either. So in all actuality, for me and my world, it comes down to how we relate to each other intellectually, conversationally (a big must), being OPEN and willing to come to me when they are having a problem with me or with something else (a BIGGER must as I cannot fix something I do not know about and definitely while it is a problem or misinterpretation that CAN be fixed or re-interpreted), interests, and capacity for giving affection, caring and romance as well as receiving it. Our thoughts on D/s should mesh very well. Someone like that isn't difficult to find at all...is it? ~grins~ But...having been in a couple of relationships that were like that, I know it can be done.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 1:10:09 PM)
I am a kindhearted and loving person, but my slaves are my slaves and my primary is my primary--whenever I get one again! I have found that there are certain things that are very essential to me, and I have to have those options open to me. It means that I have to be pretty aggressive up front about it, and it means that there are a lot of men who just don't fit the picture. Could I "settle", even temporarily? Sure. But, I form very deep attachments, and who would be hurt worse when the relationship ended? Right now, I am working on emotion-free encounters, and am happily deluding myself that some fun is better than no fun. And hey! I AM having fun. Lots of enthusiastic playing, and even some sex. You can't find the thing you want unless you are actually out looking for something.

greyangelus -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 1:15:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant I have to have romance and affection and caring and love in any long-term D/s relationship I am in along with the BDSM. I do not continue on trying to get to know someone if I don't feel like the possibility...at the very least...for something to spark romantically could be there. But, I am just as interested IN the D/s and the BDSM as I am in all the romance and caring and affection. The various kink elements...well, for me, there are not a lot of "must-haves" on my list but there again, there are not a lot of "won't do it without even trying its" either. So in all actuality, for me and my world, it comes down to how we relate to each other intellectually, conversationally (a big must), being OPEN and willing to come to me when they are having a problem with me or with something else (a BIGGER must as I cannot fix something I do not know about and definitely while it is a problem or misinterpretation that CAN be fixed or re-interpreted), interests, and capacity for giving affection, caring and romance as well as receiving it. Our thoughts on D/s should mesh very well. Wow, mind if I plagiarize this for my profile? Its weird hearing something totally unrelated to you but magically seems to fit.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 2:08:05 PM)
I want to thank everybody for the responses so far. I've encountered some really wonderul people LD from this site. However, I've found myself being the DOM that has been backing away from DOMing much of anybody. I've been keeping a lot of things on a friendship only level. There are some very people online here. Sure, there is a number of fakers, wanna be's and game players. There are actually real people here on CM. Meeting people, talking, IMing and emailing with people on here has not been much of a issue for me. It's finding somebody who is in the middle ground area and that I'm compatible with, this has been more of an issue. I seem to keep encountering a lot from two different extremes. It's been tempting to simply give in at times and settle for something less. However, I have not. There are days when I explore these two extremes in thought and fantasy, and I find both not being the satisfaction I would need in a 24/7 long term relationship. I've actually had a few friends fall for me in an emotional way, that there's been some pushing on their end for something more from me. One even said, I'm a bit like this fish that nibbles on the bait, then takes off quickly. A little difficult when the bait is in fact their own willingness to submit.

RipTyed -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 2:18:42 PM)
Have you gotten involved in your local community? Clear out your head, be a man, step up to the plate and find yourself who ever you are.

lateralist1 -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 3:16:17 PM)
Here we go again. Getting involved in your local BDSM community allows you to meet how many people? On these sites we can talk to hundreds and hundreds in the hope of finding at least one who thinks and feels the same way that you do about it. I have a very specific relationship in mind. I keep trying not to settle for less even for a night.I have never settled for less that total power exchange in a vanilla relationship so why would I in a BDSM one? But TPE sometimes takes time to develop even if both partners want it. And it seems that a lot of people are not prepared to give the relationship time to develop. Of course if I know someone is not right for me I say so but I won't know that sometimes for months maybe even years of knowing them on-line and if possible real time.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 6:30:34 PM)
Getting involved in your local community offers perspective. Sometimes, it offers the perspective that the local community sucks, but at least it shows how some people live in real time.

daddysliloneds -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 8:07:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave Have you been tempted in thoughts to settle for one or other, because you can't find somebody that's balanced in the middle? nope, i never settle for less than i want and/or deserve.

batshalom -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 8:22:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave A couple more crazy thoughts... the whole M/s dynamic if done right gives a deeper connection over a crazy half assed D/s relationship. Forgive me if I am misunderstanding ... but are you saying an M/s relationship is better / stronger / faster (the Six-Million Dollar Man version of relationships) compared to a D/s dynamic? If so, I have to tell you I've been in both and I've been in vanilla relationships in which the connections were all deep, none better than the others but all different. Perhaps your statement is true in your experience. Or, perhaps, I'm not getting what you're saying (entirely possible - been studying since 1:00 this afternoon and am fried).

Leatherist -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 8:25:18 PM)
Puff the magic slavegirl lived by the sea, and frolicked in the magic of the land of mastery! Puff was better than the rest, and knew that she was true, Cuz everybody else did not, Follow masters rules! [;)]

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 8:51:06 PM)
I think Tammy jo said it best when she stated you can not safe word emotions..yes, you want emotions in your relationship, you just do not want to experience any negative emotionality..sorry..that is like trying to find that non-existent unicorn..You want what you want and that is understandable of course..but being the intelligient man that you are, also realize that such criteria makes for an indeed, shallow pool. Many have said never settle for less...I say, compromise is never a bad thing....but realize that when emotions are involved anything is possible..even your own emotions..or I should say especially your emotions..I wonder what would happen if you met a person who you fell so deeply in love with, what you would desire then???....what kinds of emotions will be felt and expressed by you??...I guess only time possibly will tell....I wish you well Whiplash..[:)]...Tempting

ChainedExistence -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 9:57:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave A couple more crazy thoughts... the whole M/s dynamic if done right gives a deeper connection over a crazy half assed D/s relationship. Another reason why I'm not really looking for a girl friend nor wife. I suppose she could be viewed as a girl friend, however for me it's deeper compared to just bf/gf. If that makes sense to everybody. I suspect those that have not been in a deep D/s relationship yet, they can't fully make a comparison to understand where I'm coming from. If I comprehend you correctly, your comment indicates that having romantic entanglements combined with D/s is only for those with no real depth to their Master/slave relationship. If so, I beg to differ. I absolutely consider Master to be my "boyfriend" and yet at the same time, he is 100% my Master. Those two things don't have to be mutually exclusive. There are no "levels" to what we do, merely different forms of expression. If we choose to have a "conventional" romance along with our "non-conventional" lifestyle, it doesn't mean we are doing "M/s lite." If you choose not to combine the two, that's a choice you are entitled to make as well. Or perhaps you wrote this to say having a M/s relationship along with the bf/gf status is somehow superior to those who are "ONLY boyfriend/girlfriend...well, I don't believe that's true either. Many people have no M/s, or D/s connections at all and you could hardly label their love less deep or meaningful than anything you might feel. Love and passion take on many forms, and hopefully we all get a chance to find someone to share our lives with, no matter what form of expression we choose. Now, if you meant something entirely different, perhaps you might readdress the issue.

creatrix -> RE: Emotional involvement and type of relationship. (1/30/2008 10:06:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave There are actually real people here on CM. I have to agree here... And about the local community thing... I really don't know if I could just "get involved" with the local community here as I don't know how to act/dress/be at any event. but then I am too new to even think of myself as a lifestyler. It is difficult for me to ask honest questions of complete strangers face to face... (Imagine being at the local grocers and asking the person behind you if they are going to the Munch at such-and-such place tonight... what are you wearing? or Hey, do you know anything about any local BDSM activities? yah RITE!) -- but here, we are offered a plethora of diversity within the community of people all over the world who can be objective, honest and genuine. I have learned A LOT just from reading the forum threads (and the archives), getting feedback from my posted questions and talking to others. I know from past experience that the only stupid question is the one that was not asked. quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave Should I find somebody who wants a deep emotional loving M/s relationship or not. What messes with my mind, is that even the so called Non-Emotional relationships in fact often turn into emotional ones. My only M/s relationship was with someone who specifically told me, daily: "We are only role-playing... We are nothing but friends..." but proceded to contact me daily or I had to contact him... I had assignments and homework daily and I was expected to 'remain faithful' but not attached... I found myself gradually becoming resentful because I fell for him. He knew this and tried to keep distance between us... only seeing each other maybe twice a month... but daily contact and assignments continued. We are friends, but it wasn't until I moved that I was able to confront him about a lot of the things that had transpired. (I think he was a beginner, but I was never allowed to ask questions, so I still don't know... It is not meaningful to know now.) He finally admitted that he had feelings for me too... and fought it... It has been difficult to get past the emotional stuff, but I am a better person for it, I believe, today. I have been away from him due to my relocating, indefinitely... 1600 miles away, and he has found himself missing me... We do have contact at least once a week... but I am no longer under his command... no assignments... I am a free agent... quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave I'm not looking for a wife, nor for somebody to play part time vanilla girl friend and part time bedroom submissive/slave. I've actually encountered sub/slaves that don't want to become wives nor be treated like girl friends as well. I've also encountered those who want this, along with complete exclusive only relationship. My mind is open to poly households, swinging and sharing. I find it difficult to accept being with somebody who does not at least have an equally open mind regarding such things. see, and I guess my roots are still very vanilla. I would love to have a Master to serve, love, wash his socks, cook his meals, suck his cock dry as often as I can daily, kneel and do whatever... dress however... be sexy and whatever... and I want be His ONLY. That is a dream... And, I am seeing that, from what I am learning here, I am either very close-minded, or very vanilla with "lifestyle" tendancies. Perhaps I shall learn more about myself and my limitations or experiemntal curiosities when I am involved with someone who is Dom over me... but then, maybe not. I think of myself as open minded, not because I am willing to try EVERYTHING... but because I am willing to accept others for what they do, respecting them for their choices... their turn-ons and such... I know I sure have my serious kinks... [:)] I don't however believe that I am going to change the feeling I have of wanting to be an exclusive slave/sub. I don't like sharing a man. I am a very jealous type. Being a sub is awesome... but being the one who does it all for Him, that is best... priceless, if you will... and I want to at least have an opportunity to do so. On another note, Spiritually, I know and trust, that if I am to have this Man in my life He will appear... when I am ready... and not a moment sooner... and for you Owner... yours is the same. When the Universal Power of whatever-you-wanna-call-it deems fit for you or me to have that O/one, we will... Blessings to all!

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125