How do You decrease Humility?

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How do You decrease Humility? - 1/16/2008 7:55:06 PM

Kalista07

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Recently i was talking to a "friend" w ho mentioned that they though i needed to lose some of my humility...i was almost a little offended by this statement and explained to them that the last thing in the world i want to do is be arrogant in any area of my life...They went on to explain they didn't view that as possible with me, yadda yadda yadda yadda...Then when i was talking to Him about it (and mind You at the start of the conversation i anticipated Him taking my side and agreeing how evil and awful this other person was) He said, "they are right.".....GRRRRR...So, any ideas, tips, experiences on decreasing humility?
thanks,
Kali

< Message edited by Kalista07 -- 1/16/2008 7:57:34 PM >

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RE: How do You decrease self esteem? - 1/16/2008 7:57:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Your post doesn't correspond with your title really at all.

It's important to stay true to yourself- perhaps you need to tell them that if you followed their advice you'd just be doing what they say you need LESS of. What they really need to do is tell you to do whatever the fuck makes you happy even if it means telling them to shut the fuck up.

If you're happy in your humility, then go for it!

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RE: How do You decrease self esteem? - 1/16/2008 7:58:21 PM

Kalista07

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Sorry, LA...i just saw that...i guess that's what i get for typing and thinking at the same time...dang it anyway... :P

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/16/2008 7:59:05 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Why would you want to? If this is you, it's up to your friends to accept you or not...and up to you to be who you are.

Master Fire

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RE: How do You decrease self esteem? - 1/16/2008 8:00:31 PM

MistressNoName

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I'm confused, kalista. Can you explain why you are equating decreasing self-esteem (topic heading) with decreasing humility?

MNN

Edited to state: I'm not the fastest poster on CM, obviously, you already corrected yourself....

I think you should talk more with your Master. It would be interesting to hear why he thinks the person was right in their assessment of you.

MNN

< Message edited by MistressNoName -- 1/16/2008 8:02:56 PM >

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RE: How do You decrease Humility - 1/16/2008 8:03:21 PM

Kalista07

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MNN, i'm sorry...When i originally posted it i was thinking a lot about self esteem and that kind of stuff...i guess i accidentally put it in the topic....Now, i seem unable to erase it from history....aaaghh!!

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RE: How do You decrease Humility - 1/16/2008 8:19:35 PM

MistressNoName

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As we say here, "aw fageddabowdit." Hopefully, ppl will notice your f/u posts and get that it was just a little boo-boo.

MNN

< Message edited by MistressNoName -- 1/16/2008 8:20:24 PM >

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/16/2008 8:22:37 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear Kalista07, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am wondering (outloud in text), if what they are experiencing is a different perception of humility? I would have to wonder if they were delivering this desire of seeing less humility in jest/humor/sarcasm or sincere from the heart, to which they see a level of humility in such a way as it looks false and or forced and or a 'performance' and not from the relaxed and sincere practice of humility?

IF both your Master and friend are commenting on this area of 'humility' it might be that the depth of humility, the sincere nature of humility is coming to question but--how it is presented and or packaged for public/private consumption.

May I have your consideration on a few examples, which might be spot on or way off base and anywhere in between; hopefully it will cause internal and mental dialog within and see of this is some thoughts to use to your advantages.

Example: When someone goes overboard on selling themselves as being sweet, innocent and very humble as to be sickly sweet to which may be on the fence and people who witness such can either see someone mocking by using an 'appearance' of ultra humility or, someone who is so humble that they become attention and control, as to convince that person who is humble that they are worthy and ultra projecting themselves as a 'slave in need of rescue and or exposure to reality and life.' Could this humility come across as an 'act' or what? Is the humility coming across so strongly that it 'appears' to others that you are insulting others who might not be so humble in their service, e.g. showing up others, drawing focus how good/better slave in service you are and draw attention to yourself and over expose your service as to out shine and or out perform the Master and or friends?

Sometimes we, (in general) do not know how we project ourselves and or our image. We, (in general) don't intend things to happen but, it takes good friends to help dampen the light a bit so people aren't blinded by the brilliance of your spirit and or the 'light' of your heart and your giving nature. There might be a kindness that the Master and friend cannot put well to words, wishing only that you dim the light a bit so everybody is not blinded but, appreciate the light they can see without out shining yourself and those around you, as well as to see YOU! Perhaps if you are familiar with a 3-way lightbulb, there are three settings. The third would be much like a spotlight. Without a shade, you cannot look at the bulb (you) the lower intensity they are able to see you shine and those who glow with you and in your surrounding grace in service.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/16/2008 8:48:41 PM

catize

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LadyHugs, your post is very close to what I was thinking! I work with a woman who is falsely humble and it gets her a great deal of attention and a lot of people try to protect her ‘because she’s such a sweetie, yanno.’ As cynical is my middle name, I refer to her as the Sainted Barb. I often listen to her or watch her in action and think to myself; “Heavy is the head that wears a halo.”

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/16/2008 8:51:05 PM

Leatherist

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Humility never advertizes,It listens.

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/16/2008 9:05:55 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

So, any ideas, tips, experiences on decreasing humility?

I think you need to ask yourself what your motivation for decreasing your humility is? If your motivation is to please other people in your life and make them comfortable, then perhaps you should surround yourself with people that accept you the way that you are. On the other hand, humility that exhibits itself as being incompetent can stand in your way of acheiving the things that you desire. For example, I was writing my statement of purpose for a graduate program I am trying to get accepted into, and I had to reword and edit it over and over again because the humility projected within it was not the best approach. So, yes, one can be too humble in some circumstances.

How would I change that if I were you? For me, in my situation, my Daddy helped me change the wording over and over again until I lost the humility and came across more and more assertive. It is a fine line to walk, and if you want to lose that humility for career purposes, it takes practice. It takes being conscious of how you come across, and that takes thought. It will probably be uncomfortable at first too, because you are unused to it. And it takes finesse to beat one's drum, while still appearing not to be.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/16/2008 9:08:29 PM >

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/16/2008 9:09:03 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Recently i was talking to a "friend" w ho mentioned that they though i needed to lose some of my humility...i was almost a little offended by this statement and explained to them that the last thing in the world i want to do is be arrogant in any area of my life...They went on to explain they didn't view that as possible with me, yadda yadda yadda yadda...Then when i was talking to Him about it (and mind You at the start of the conversation i anticipated Him taking my side and agreeing how evil and awful this other person was) He said, "they are right.".....GRRRRR...So, any ideas, tips, experiences on decreasing humility?
thanks,
Kali

Hmmm if having less humility means standing up for yourself more then I agree when I first encountered you here you were a leaf in the wind trying please everyone. I have to say as you have started to become more comfortable with yourself, you have started to learn to distinguish that some people just aren't worth listening to. Then you started biting back (and I cheered). You are fine where you are now Kali, the only thing you need to learn is that there's nothing wrong with who you are and where you are today, the rest will come when it does. Keep being you and keep telling those that say you is not good enough that they are not good enough for you (even when the person saying it is you)

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 1:52:58 AM

Justme696

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mmm humility and arrogance in one sentence
There is so much ib between. I dislike both.

Can you share if they gave you examples in which way your humility shows up? Else it is so hard to judge.

ps. I look at humility as low self esteem, if this is not meant, please tell me

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 1:57:15 AM

MissMagnolia

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Fuck your "friends" opinion. BE YOU!!!

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 3:27:50 AM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Fuck your "friends" opinion. BE YOU!!!

You can't be You when there is no opinion about you. (that is deep lol )
With out an opinion, there is no definition of what you are,

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 1/17/2008 3:29:14 AM >

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 6:15:01 AM

thetammyjo

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There is a huge difference between being arrogant and feeling pride in yourself and what you can do.

Pride is my awareness and acknowledgment that I rightfully earned my PhD in ancient history.

Arrogance would be my claiming that I know everything about the ancient world -- LOL, yeah right, as though anyone could.

Pride is my sharing how things work well in my household.

Arrogance is my claiming that how it works here must work for everyone and everywhere else.

How do you go about gaining more pride?

Try starting with an objective assessment of yourself, your skills, your gifts, and your abilities. You may want to ask others to help you because being objective about ourselves can be tricky. Identify the areas that you seem to have greatest difficulty acknowledging to yourself and come up with a mantra you can try every day.

That worked wonders for me but every now and then that old abusive conditioning still rears up and I have say my mantra again. Saying it may sound arrogant to you but it really is you overcoming old training and feeling your value.

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 6:43:35 AM

Dnomyar

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My humillity is keeping me from answering this post. blush blush

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 8:25:14 AM

DesFIP

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I'm wondering if what they meant is that you don't recognize your own talents. If you bake cookies and everyone raves about them, is your response to say "Oh no, they aren't very good. I didn't put enough chocolate in them" or do you smile confidently and say "Thank you, I thought they came out really well myself. Want another?"

The ability to accept a compliment gracefully is important. If you can't, then that's a sign of insecurity.

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 8:34:41 AM

daddyncherry

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i don't know if she is speaking directly to your issue in her post (since you haven't had a chance to respond yet) but Lady Hugs' post really makes alot of sense.

This kind of goes with my thread a couple of days ago on ego (atleast in my head i can see a connection)

The only example i can think of right now with my under-caffeinated brain is years ago when i worked in clubs i would get offered drugs and alot of alcohol by the girls that i worked with, my response was always "Thanks but i don't do drugs....or drink at work" ...What i didn't realize at the time was that my tone was coming across (according to my ex) as very superior...or haughty (which was soooo not my intent)..He correlated it to the way my mother says things sometimes and i knew how that sounded and didn't want to come across like that.

So there i was thinking i was just making a statement of fact but i was possibly coming across as Miss Goody Two Shoes and "i'm better than you cause i don't do drugs."....

Other instances i see with people in my own world, and maybe i could be perceived like this sometimes for all i know ( gawd i hope not cause i try to be aware of it)....Is the snide little way some people will say things about a certain someone i know..."She would never do that....are you kidding me??? She is Miss Perfect."...

Here she is thinking that she is doing right, doing what she has always done....but since it comes off as haughty to others, since she out does so much that they do, it kinda rubs them wrong......Shedoesn't like to show her faults and won't even own up to them....she does the "martyr" thing....the all self sacrificing......People love her, but they also get annoyed because sometimes it is like she is calling attention to their shortcomings but without showing she has some of her own.

So in using Lady Hugs' analogy, if she would just turn her light switch down a bit, and realize that it is okay for her to be a bit dimmer....and knows that it's okay if one of her bulbs occasionally doesn't light up maybe her friends/family would see all of her wonderful qualities in a different light.

(not sure if i got any of that out in a comprehendable way....i'm gonna go drink more coffee now)

< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 1/17/2008 8:36:01 AM >

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 8:59:17 AM

Kalista07

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Sorry to have taken so long to respond to all Your wonderful replies....For some reason it's been a crazy night and morning...grrr...
You all gave wonderful and well thought out responses, and i'm grateful for that... i think Celeste (DesFIP) and Laurell are most on track here......i don't believe i behave in an arrogant or false humility kind of way.... i think what they were trying to say to me is basically, "it's okay to be proud of some stuff You've done" or "its okay to feel good about yourself"...
Realistically, i do understand intellectually that i have accomplished a lot in my life....Do i think i deserve some kind of praise or adoration for that? No...i mean, i was just doing what i should have been doing......Someone mentioned self esteem here, and perhaps it is more of a self esteem issue than i wanted to admit....i don't know....i'm sorry if this is confusing...

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“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

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Post #: 20

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