RE: How do You decrease Humility?

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/20/2008 3:29:25 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I take a compliment and say thank you and move on. Those who stay and bask in it need a slap upside the back of their head and told to get over it.

But the op's problem is the opposite. She can't accept a compliment. And yes, that's a self esteem issue.

In my own way (yes twisted) of looking at things, to not accept a compliment is the same as being arrogant, a slap in the face of the one offering the compliment. A compliment is a gift and when you refuse the compliment you are insulting the giver of that gift. Is that really a humble act?

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Post #: 41

RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/20/2008 10:49:11 PM

laurell3

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If it was apparent to you that the person not able to accept the compliment was doing it because they had a hard time believing good things about themselves but were working on that, would you still consider that a "slap in the face"? If one extends compliments for the purpose of getting some reward or positive feedback from them I have to question the validity of the actually compliment personally.

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/21/2008 11:02:01 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

If it was apparent to you that the person not able to accept the compliment was doing it because they had a hard time believing good things about themselves but were working on that, would you still consider that a "slap in the face"? If one extends compliments for the purpose of getting some reward or positive feedback from them I have to question the validity of the actually compliment personally.

Never meant to infer that the "slap" was intentional, just offering a different way to veiw the inability to accept a compliment. When i give a compliment or a gift i expect nothing in return, but would feel terrible if my gift were thrown back at me unaccepted, as would most people i should think.
"Here's a birthday present!"
"Ugh! I don't want it!"
That would be an awful moment!

Self-defeating attitudes are often a way to maintain some sort of control, subconsciously. At least, i learned that about myself and frankly, that's all any of us can offer, is our own opinions and experiences. You cannot imagine how many times i have gone to see my Master or previous Dominants with the internal mantra of "it's not up to me to decide if i'm.... (pretty enough or thin enough or good enough or pleasurable enough or witty enough) By giving up the control of deciding for other people if i'm good enough, i learned to like myself more and spend less time in self-destructive thought patterns. ymmv

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/21/2008 11:29:56 AM

MercTech

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Recently i was talking to a "friend" w ho mentioned that they though i needed to lose some of my humility...i was almost a little offended by this statement and explained to them that the last thing in the world i want to do is be arrogant in any area of my life...They went on to explain they didn't view that as possible with me, yadda yadda yadda yadda...Then when i was talking to Him about it (and mind You at the start of the conversation i anticipated Him taking my side and agreeing how evil and awful this other person was) He said, "they are right.".....GRRRRR...So, any ideas, tips, experiences on decreasing humility?
thanks,
Kali

This reminded me of what I was told by my Engineering Officer way back when I was a young sailor. "You can be wrong, everyone is. But no one will take you seriously if you sound uncertain."

Stefan

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Post #: 44

RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/21/2008 5:51:52 PM

Kalista07

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
In my own way (yes twisted) of looking at things, to not accept a compliment is the same as being arrogant, a slap in the face of the one offering the compliment. A compliment is a gift and when you refuse the compliment you are insulting the giver of that gift. Is that really a humble act?

i appreciate Your willingness to share Your point of view...and my intention is certainly not to come across arguementative here...However, while i understand exactly what you are saying i don't really think that's something i do...i think externally (or outwardly) i say thank you and appear to act gracious...i think the problem for me, however, comes in when i'm expected to internalize the compliment...It just doesn't fit with my filter's....If that makes any sense...

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Post #: 45

RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/22/2008 1:40:26 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
In my own way (yes twisted) of looking at things, to not accept a compliment is the same as being arrogant, a slap in the face of the one offering the compliment. A compliment is a gift and when you refuse the compliment you are insulting the giver of that gift. Is that really a humble act?

i appreciate Your willingness to share Your point of view...and my intention is certainly not to come across arguementative here...However, while i understand exactly what you are saying i don't really think that's something i do...i think externally (or outwardly) i say thank you and appear to act gracious...i think the problem for me, however, comes in when i'm expected to internalize the compliment...It just doesn't fit with my filter's....If that makes any sense...

It makes perfect sense and please accept this with the sincerity in which it is offered. From someone who spent years in what i now see as a state of self-loathing, because i did the same thing. Someone could say "oh you are beautiful!" and i'd smile and say thanks and my internal dialog would go something like "No i'm not! You're just saying that! If you really knew me the way i know me, you'd see how horrible i am.!" If i allowed my inner voice to continue it would often include absolutes like 'never' 'always' 'everybody' and 'no one'.

One lesson i learned in my journey as submissive is that i can actually surrender my 'contol' to another. i could give up my internal dialog and simply accept that i am the vision He sees, not what i 'know' myself to be. To surrender the negative filters in exchange for positive ones. To release all the horrible playground taunts in favor of being the swan instead of the ugly duckling. For me, this wasn't decreasing humility, it was embracing it.

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Post #: 46

RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/22/2008 1:52:05 AM

Kalista07

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
One lesson i learned in my journey as submissive is that i can actually surrender my 'contol' to another. i could give up my internal dialog and simply accept that i am the vision He sees, not what i 'know' myself to be. To surrender the negative filters in exchange for positive ones. To release all the horrible playground taunts in favor of being the swan instead of the ugly duckling. For me, this wasn't decreasing humility, it was embracing it.

Wow...i'm not sure if it's simply because it's nearly 4 am and i can't sleep or what...But this makes total sense to me..i get it...really i do...In fact i may cut and paste it and email it to Him...Thank you soo much!!!

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~~Sweedish Proverb

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Post #: 47