RE: How do You decrease Humility?

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 9:32:34 AM

Dnomyar

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What is wrong with recieving praise and adoration. Everyone likes to be told that they did something good or right.

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 9:36:23 AM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

What is wrong with recieving praise and adoration. Everyone likes to be told that they did something good or right.

Nothing at all. It gives people courage.
(but soemehow people are not used to get compliments anymore, they look weird at me when I do. They look as if I make fun)

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 9:38:19 AM

Kalista07

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Dnomyar, please forgive me if i mis-spoke and lead You to believe i think there's anything wrong with praise and adoration...Inherently, i don't believe there is......However, i'm not sure that everyone likes to be told they did something good or right....Don't get me wrong, i've grown used to and even fond of hearing it from Him.....However, anyone else....Well......it just makes me uncomfortable...

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 9:39:55 AM

Dnomyar

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I always give compliments. You never can tell you may get lucky(laid).

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 9:40:08 AM

laurell3

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Because it seems false to you? I still have a problem with compliments from many people. You have to actually be able to say it to yourself and believe it's true before you accept it from other people Kali. (and you have mail).

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 1/17/2008 9:45:48 AM >

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 9:41:53 AM

Dnomyar

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Kalista you did not misspeak. It was just a thought I had. It is better to hear that you did something right rather than you did something wrong.

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 9:44:07 AM

LdyWinter71

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I wouldn't take the advice of others to heart to much when it comes to your position, unless they are also in 'the life'; However, if your significan 'He' agrees, then it is something to be adjusted. You might want to ask 'Him' if what 'He' is talking about is a quiet confidence and grace, a humble pride in your positition as 'His' and being up to the task of pleasing 'Him'. That kind of lack of humility is appealing to many Dominants, and can make a sub/slave all the more desireable. You should be able to be secure in the fact that you are a gift, and 'His' most prized possession. Do not be humble about that, it is an honor. Just take care not to loose your demure persona, which makes you the prize that you are. All of this, providing that your 'He' agrees with my assessment. If not, ask 'Him' to clarify so that you might better fulfill 'His' wishes.
I hope I was helpful, and good luck.

-Lady Winter

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 9:45:33 AM

Dnomyar

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I take a compliment and say thank you and move on. Those who stay and bask in it need a slap upside the back of their head and told to get over it.

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 9:45:45 AM

daddyncherry

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Dnomyar, please forgive me if i mis-spoke and lead You to believe i think there's anything wrong with praise and adoration...Inherently, i don't believe there is......However, i'm not sure that everyone likes to be told they did something good or right....Don't get me wrong, i've grown used to and even fond of hearing it from Him.....However, anyone else....Well......it just makes me uncomfortable...

i get that uncomfortable feeling too alot of times....depending on the compliment and who is saying it...it makes me feel shy or squirmy...sometimes in a good way (if it is from my Daddy) and in a not good way depending on who is saying it.

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 9:46:12 AM

KinkeeCpl

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No need to decrease it, so long as one has a fair enough share of it to realize that no matter how good you are, there's always better, and that we recognize our places in the scheme of things. Don't lose it to the degree that you'd suffer hubris...shall we fiddle as Nero did as Rome burned around him? lol

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 12:43:21 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

I take a compliment and say thank you and move on. Those who stay and bask in it need a slap upside the back of their head and told to get over it.

But the op's problem is the opposite. She can't accept a compliment. And yes, that's a self esteem issue.

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 2:45:16 PM

CreativeDominant

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Ahhhhhhh...self-esteem, arrogance, humility, insecurity, pride. The fine lines that exist between those.

All I can offer you is my perspective from the years I have lived and what I have learned in life and psychology courses and therapy for myself.

I see humility as someone who does not act arrogant or superior to another. When someone compliments them, they accept the compliment graciously and do not...eventually...let the compliments go to their head. As a matter of fact, depending on what the compliment is for, they look at what they are doing and see a way to use it as a path to something...whether it be to pleasing their friends, their master/mistress, starting a business. After all...to use the cookie example...someone had to tell Mrs. Fields she made great cookies more often than she was told she made bad ones. And yet, when you see her in interviews, you can tell she is proud of what she has done but is not arrogant about it.

Self-esteem. Something overemphasized in schools today as being fragile but basically it comes down to this...when you do something good/right/worthwhile that earns praise from others or when you can honestly look at your actions and see them as being good/right most of the time, then you are entitled to self-esteem. Self-esteem comes with accomplishment and the accomplishments do not have to be big, they just have to be positive and recognized as so...even if only by yourself.

Arrogance...thinking that you really are better than everyone else. This differs from pride and self-awareness. As a healthcare provider I have to not only think I am good at what I do but know that I am good at what I do in order to help people. False humility or low self-esteem or insecurity about my gifts as a provider could prove harmful to those who come to see me. But I keep up that pride and self-awareness through regular forays into my professional publications and educational seminars, by applying what I have learned carefully and being careful each time, never NOT thinking about what I am doing. Pride and awareness and a healthy sense of ego are knowing that you are good at what you do, modesty comes in when you know that there are others who are better, and arrogance comes in when you think you are the best with no valid proof of that.

Insecurity...the mental and emotional voice that tells you within...and sometimes comes out of your mouth when a compliment is paid..."oh...you really did not do that much. you could have done it better". The beast that comes about from years of others criticizing you about your looks, your intelligence, whatever...and coming to believe what they say.

False humility. When your natural modesty becomes almost a performance. Where you take it to the extreme of saying things such as "girl tries her lowly, insufficient best to please her master and is so grateful she did so" while secretly preening inside. When you show others up by being "more" submissive than they are, by being more "compliant" than they are, etc., etc., etc...

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 4:06:25 PM

Kalista07

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CD,
Thanks so much for Your response...It was right on track...So, much so that i'm currently resisting the urge to yell, "Get out of my head!!" :P
Thanks for everything,
Kali

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 4:08:37 PM

CalifChick

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He's a little... scary... like that, isn't he Kali?

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 4:12:40 PM

Kalista07

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Scary and .......uhm............just finished reading his kissing post..............uhm..............*sweating* What the hell were we talking about? Oh yea...CD.....uh huh....Yeah, yep... :P

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 4:43:00 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Recently i was talking to a "friend" w ho mentioned that they though i needed to lose some of my humility...i was almost a little offended by this statement and explained to them that the last thing in the world i want to do is be arrogant in any area of my life...They went on to explain they didn't view that as possible with me, yadda yadda yadda yadda...Then when i was talking to Him about it (and mind You at the start of the conversation i anticipated Him taking my side and agreeing how evil and awful this other person was) He said, "they are right.".....GRRRRR...So, any ideas, tips, experiences on decreasing humility?
thanks,
Kali

lose your humility?? it's almost like saying get rid of your demeanour????
anyway I never understand what amounts to negative directions...
it's like ~don't get up~
it leaves one in a state of inbetweeness
it's an ambiguous carelees, couldn't-care-less command
sarcastic almost
it's amazing how we can language something that in reality amounts to no change and therefore means nothing
if i were you i would let it go in one ear and out the other
unless it has already done so

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/17/2008 5:25:50 PM

Kalista07

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quote:

Insecurity...the mental and emotional voice that tells you within...and sometimes comes out of your mouth when a compliment is paid..."oh...you really did not do that much. you could have done it better". The beast that comes about from years of others criticizing you about your looks, your intelligence, whatever...and coming to believe what they say.

Since i read this i've not been able to get it out of my mind...How foolish i feel for somehow having confused humility with insecurity.....GRRRRR..

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/18/2008 12:25:03 PM

Kalista07

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

But the op's problem is the opposite. She can't accept a compliment. And yes, that's a self esteem issue.

i hate to admit it, but it appears as though You are right.

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/19/2008 12:20:27 PM

SouthernSpankin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

But the op's problem is the opposite. She can't accept a compliment. And yes, that's a self esteem issue.

i hate to admit it, but it appears as though You are right.

No sweetheart, "DesFIP" is not even close to being "right." But even if you think he is, you'd still have to remember that nobody is "right." When I look back on the people I've been close to in my life, one of the most outstanding human beings that I knew was a girl who had a somewhat similiar situation to the one you are discussing in your thread here -- she also had a couple of the loved ones in her life tell her that her humility was not a virtue, much like what happened to you. And she, in her humility, did tend to believe them that she might have had a self esteem issue. But reality, like I said, was that she was one of the most outstanding human beings that I've known in person (trust me, every sane person agreed). Sure, she'd deny that she was outstanding, but only because humility is such a central virtue to her.

But remember this: we live in the USA, one of the richest nations in all of history. Our culture is not in favor of humility, especially when it comes to men (who you are listening to). I'm sure you've heard the whole "turn the other cheek" theory, right? But what would you think of a man who gets punched in the face and does not retaliate? Most here in America would think he was less of a man. These men who are poking flaws at your virtue of humility are just telling you that they don't grasp any school of thought outside their narrow-minded appreciation of the (especially male) culture of present day America that they were "inculturated" with (nothing wrong with that). In other words, all they are doing is advocating the philosophical values that they themselves were raised with -- they aren't saying that you are less of a person to them because of your own unique philosophical values, they just are just saying that they don't understand them themselves. But they still love having you as part of their lives, right? So why would you care that they don't grasp the big picture when it comes to discussing philosophical virtues that truly make a human great?

< Message edited by SouthernSpankin -- 1/19/2008 12:28:11 PM >

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RE: How do You decrease Humility? - 1/20/2008 2:43:21 AM

laurell3

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No really, she does have a problem with self-esteem that she is working on. Her posts here are pretty open about the things she is working on. I don't see any indication anyone is judging her by society's values at all. I see people that care about Kali and continue to support, applaud and encourage her to keep growing which she is doing very well. So yeah DesFIP is actually correct and by the way the OP is correct in saying she is correct (obviously) because well...she's the OP and the person we are talking about

. If she doesn't know who the hell does?

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 1/20/2008 2:44:59 AM >

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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