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RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/14/2008 5:18:27 AM   
SayaNereida


Posts: 152
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

But then she starts bringing up some interesting points: "When we're together, you have no problem deciding what movie we should watch, and I love your choices. When you help me with school, you have little problem 'instructing me' how I should do better. Whenever we're in a group conversation and I'm stuck at the next thing to say to someone and turn to you, you have no problem getting me back on track. Wouldn't you say this translates to someone who might be dominant?"

I said I have what appears to be social dominance because I know how to interact well in group surroundings. She didn't buy it. She said that if I was truly submissive (yes, I can't tell you how many ridiculous situations have started with those words) then I should have no problem dominating her if it brought her pleasure.

So, any thoughts on this word puzzle? Aside from, "Hoo Yeah! Go for it Cartoon Stickboy!"?


littlesarbonn,

Sir has difficulty from time to time finding his focus in a conversation, and I guide him back on track.  He also has difficulty from time to time choosing and movie and I choose, and as well he has taken classes and needed some assistance, thankfully it was something I could provide.

IMO, actions do not translate to dominant or submissive, it is the person as a whole; who they are, how they handle themselves and others, how they think, and how they feel about themself and the person with whom they are interacting.

When I have been sick or hurt in the past, Sir has taken care of me (and done many of the same things I do for him day to day) and that made him no less dominant or more submissive.

Saya





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(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/14/2008 5:59:50 AM   
JDEmpath


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline 		There is no pain quite like the pain felt from the sting of disdainful laughter.

Come let us not use this thread as a vehicle for personal infighting, since the OP had asked a valid question, and deserves better than this kind of hijacking.

If I were the original poster I would have long ago ran away from what this thread has become...

But, if he has decided to stay, I will say this:

If you are new in this thing we call BDSM, and especially if your friend is also new or perhaps has never experienced it, labeling what we "are" in BDSM is a dangerous practice. I have been doing this thing for about 20 years and it has been one of the toughest things to hash out, so mostly I simply ignore any need for labels and just follow my heart. I couldn't possibly care less about what someone else thinks of me in terms of my scene orientation. I have the motherfucking self-given RIGHT to change If and when I deem it necessary. We all do. We must.

If I were you (and I am not!) I would have offer/threatened to spank her for such insolence! :)

But that is how I am put together anyway... You must be true to yourself, always.

JDE

p.s. why doesn't my spell-checker accept the word motherfucking?





(in reply to SayaNereida)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/14/2008 6:42:58 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		"Hoo Yeah! Go for it Cartoon Stickboy!"?
 
And my fav one at that!  From my POV, I do not dominate Darcy when he decides, I am topping him.  He is still in control, topping from below in the GOOD way.  Am I dominant or 'a dominant' - no - but I am submissive to him always, regardless.

I agree what if you are serving your dominant and submitting to their desires, that also included having and learning the ability to top should your dominant desire it.  It is simply another lesson or procedure to be able to do/perform/give no different to oral or cooking or any other service.
 
the.dark.


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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/14/2008 7:17:18 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Quick reply:

As a submissive person I'd never find satisfaction in dominatng my partner, it would feel wholly unnatural to me and something that would stress me out. Even knowing I was pleasing them wouldn't be enough to make up for the loss of being under their authority. As a submissive person I'd never be satisfied knowing my partner was only doing what he was doing to please me..in fact the thought gives me that nails down a chalkboard feeling and squicks me. I'd eventually be seeking a partner to dominate me who found it natural to do so. Can you be both? Sure but it should be natural and feel right to be the dominant person in that dynamic. I'm thinking if you have to be ordered to dominate someone and you are doing it from the place of being submissive...one or both parties will eventually be unsatisfied. I don't know many submissive people who would be happy long term to know their partner was truly submissive but *acting* dominant just to please them.

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(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/14/2008 7:17:31 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		You either are ok with the personality of someone you play with-or you find someone you are.

Why bother otherwise? If a woman annoys me that much, I just stop dating her-why make it so difficult?

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/14/2008 7:23:44 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		You make an awful lot of assumptions in your post Chewsie.  Relationships are two way for one, most are selfish.
Control is not lost or put away when a dominant is being topped - 'natural' and 'true' are just words to make a certain section of people seem 'better' than another.
You have NEVER had a dominant make you a coffee?  Buy you a gift?
It's fine if it doesn;t make you comfortable and you cannot serve that way - its no different to any other hard limit.  But don;t assume makes people less 'natural' or less' true'.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/14/2008 7:24:42 AM >

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/14/2008 7:39:13 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		No I didn't make any assumptions. I didn't use the word topped and I said clearly it would feel wholly unnaural to me to dominate my partner. I also said I would never be satisfied knowing my partner deep down was a submissive person just trying to please me by acting dominant. Could you point out where I said something about topping? I was discussing the OP's post which was about dominating someone while still submitting to that same someone not topping. I think there is a clear distinction between topping someone and dominating them. I'm not sure what making coffee or gift buying has to do with who holds the authority( is the dominant partner) in a dynamic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

You make an awful lot of assumptions in your post Chewsie.  Relationships are two way for one, most are selfish.
Control is not lost or put away when a dominant is being topped - 'natural' and 'true' are just words to make a certain section of people seem 'better' than another.
You have NEVER had a dominant make you a coffee?  Buy you a gift?
It's fine if it doesn;t make you comfortable and you cannot serve that way - its no different to any other hard limit.  But don;t assume makes people less 'natural' or less' true'.
 
the.dark.


_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/14/2008 7:42:08 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Doesn;t change the tone of your post - topping/dominating.
You are still suggesting that it is less natural, less true.
 
It's great to be on a pedestal until it's time to sleep.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/14/2008 11:43:05 AM   
ForMaster


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		ok...one more way to look at this is simply.....if the Dom is telling the submissive what to do & how to do it....does it matter  what it is??  So the Dom wants to be spanked or tied..and tells the sub how..does that make them sub I think not.   I don't know of any subs that tell there Master hit me here, like this or this hard..lol 
Use whatever lable you want there is one in control and one who is not...simple as that. IMO 

(in reply to fullofgrace69)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/15/2008 10:26:42 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I know many slaves who Top their masochistic Masters. So, yeah, it can happen.

Master Fire


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(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/16/2008 5:37:08 AM   
FierySlave4u


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		littlesarbon,
                Hi there! I believe there are all kinds of submissives out here and many different types of Dominants as well. I have been a submissive for all of my adult life even before I knew who or what I was I was having fantasies of being spanked and being ordered to do things that most of the time put me on my knees in some form or fashion.:-) Every relationship I have ever been in had .the dynamic of  strong power exchange with me giving all power up. However, in my ever day life I am very outspoken,opinionated and very much in control in social situations while it is true I am a submissive slave. I do not submit to everyone. Of course in social situations within my lifestyle as a submissive I show due respect and curtsie and refer to the Dominant as Sir or Ma'am but, the words Master or Mistress have only been uttered to a chosen few. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with being a strong submissive with a vivacious personality! I will tell you a secret some Dominants have told me that they prefer this type of personality. The term one of my former Master's used was an Alpha Slave and I did have to "session" the other slaves at times because I was taught how to use floggers, canes,tawses and whatever else he desired me to use to instill discipline. I bauked at first because I feared that he would view me as less of a slave but, you know what? Even though I had to session those girls I still maintained my submissive head space because I knew in doing this I was serving my Master. It has been my experience that a strong girl alot of times is asked to train others in Masters absence. I am in my fourties and married a Dominant at the age of 21 I was made to train under and serve other Masters and Mistresses. I learned so much! I believe that you are a submissive but, you probably are intelligent with a strong heart and would be considered a gem to some. If you have no personal sense of power then what do you have to give away??? What gift do you offer? Please ponder those questions...

humbly,
fiery

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/16/2008 9:13:24 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
I think I would describe your talents as "submissive competence."

Use it whenever you can.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/17/2008 1:57:24 PM   
XaviersXian


Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		greetings to all,

It is definitely possible to be a dominant submissive (no, not a switch, there is a subtle difference).

xian is able to very competently handle herself (and others) if the need arises, but in the case of her Master (and other truly dominant people) she responds as a slave.

she hopes this helps to clear things up


(in reply to fullofgrace69)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Is it possible to be a dominant submissive? - 1/17/2008 5:56:39 PM   
FierySlave4u


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		cloudboy,
              Thank you for the compliment..I think. I believe that be an excellent submivive or slave it does require competance and at times the ability to anticipate a Dom or Masters needs. What the submissive is asked to do to "Be" submissive is entirely up to the Master or Dominant. Every Dominant or Master has his own specific requirements and the key lies in the M/s being fullfilling to both parties. Just my humble opinion!

fiery

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


I think I would describe your talents as "submissive competence."

Use it whenever you can.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 54
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