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Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 12:52:37 PM   
flower2007


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		I've begun to think that I'm not submissive as much as I like the idea of being "forced" to submit.  Obviously (or not so obviously) this is only a bedroom type of thing, and doesn't lend itself much to 24/7.  I could be mistaken there, though.  I've just never really read anything like this.
Anyone else care to clue me in?  Do other people actually think like this?
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 12:54:44 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Absolutely and it's fine. Go where you want, do what you want. It's your life, you choose who lives it with you and what makes the relationship work for you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to flower2007)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 12:55:28 PM   
flower2007


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		I thought I would get replies like that. :-)
It's just the fact that I've never seen this discussed anywhere.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 12:57:14 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Look for information on take down scenes. ~soft smiles~ I enjoy being physically manipulated in the bedroom, and feeling like I have no choice in my submission. Obviously I have a choice, or I'd call the cops for assault. But the fantasy is lovely, and knowing that physically he is stronger than me is intoxicating.

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 12:59:56 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I used to feel that way, as you do.  I later came to find it was because I was not yet comfortable with my own submission, and those values with which I had been raised made me feel "wrong" for wanting such "dirty" things.  So, being forced felt like a safe way to experience such things without having to admit to myself how badly I wanted them.

Nothing wrong with that - it was a step in my journey and what I needed to do at the time.  Part of exploring what your life is about is by experimenting in different adventures that feel safe to you.  Enjoy where you are, and if there is a next step, whatever it may be, it will present itself when the time is right.

(in reply to flower2007)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 1:00:01 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

I've begun to think that I'm not submissive as much as I like the idea of being "forced" to submit.  Obviously (or not so obviously) this is only a bedroom type of thing, and doesn't lend itself much to 24/7.  I could be mistaken there, though.  I've just never really read anything like this.
Anyone else care to clue me in?  Do other people actually think like this?



Yup. It's a perfectly acceptable way of doing this. 24/7 isn't better by any means, it's just a way of doing of things if it appeals to you.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to flower2007)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 1:03:49 PM   
flower2007


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I used to feel that way, as you do.  I later came to find it was because I was not yet comfortable with my own submission, and those values with which I had been raised made me feel "wrong" for wanting such "dirty" things.  So, being forced felt like a safe way to experience such things without having to admit to myself how badly I wanted them.


And for a while, I really thought that was the explanation for it.  Then I remembered how much I hated growing up in a strict family (military brat) and how much I hate when even my boss tells me to do something.  I just have an anti-authority streak and just am not sure I'm "submissive".  Or maybe I just haven't figured this thing out yet.

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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 1:07:42 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I understand.  I craved authority but rebelled against it for that very reason.  I needed authority that made sense to me, not authority for the sake of authority, and not the kind of protective authority that comes from parents.  Perhaps that is why I craved sexual power and dominance (by way of forced) before anything else.

Not saying this is the case for you, but offering my own experience to consider.

(in reply to flower2007)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 2:09:21 PM   
bornsynner


Posts: 44
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		im so glad someone posted this.. its exactly the way ive felt.. i thought there was something wrong with the way i thought about it.. i do realize that in most relationships in my life ive been very passive and i do things others call submission without even thinking about it.. for me, the difference is i dont wanna be told to do those things.. i do them out of respect, trust, and even love for the other person.. of course in the bedroom the pain aspect and being 'forced' is just fun.. and its way for me to avoid feeling shame over what others see as taboo..

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 2:11:23 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		With anything new, there is anxiety. If I'm being 'forced' to do it, then I don't have to worry about doing it wrong. After I've had enough experience to feel comfortable with the activity, then I don't need the force play as much. Which is not to say it isn't still lots of fun, because it is.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 2:29:46 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I feel similarly a lot of the time, especially before I have a deep connection with someone.  In my own nameless, faceless fantasies, it isn't active submission that I crave, it is agressive domination.  But once I experience a chemistry with someone who can take me there, it is kind of like I'm conquered in a beautiful way, and then I feel very devoted and submissive to them, and find beauty and intimacy in more actively submissive things like reverence, kneeling, service etc.  I'm not saying it has to be that way with you, it is totally fine to want ony force play and sexual submission, but it can be beautiful to keep your mind open to more than you might have expected. 

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 2:36:52 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		dear Flower,
 
It's not at all uncommon to feel that way, and I think it's at the root of many peoples kinks. I like the take down, the 'forced' surrender, the the overwhelming of the resitance, myself- it's something very primal, very arrousing.
 
I wouldn't worry about not feeling accurate when presenting as submissive... it's a pretty fuzzy term, IMX.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to flower2007)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 2:38:49 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

I've begun to think that I'm not submissive as much as I like the idea of being "forced" to submit.  Obviously (or not so obviously) this is only a bedroom type of thing, and doesn't lend itself much to 24/7.  I could be mistaken there, though.  I've just never really read anything like this.
Anyone else care to clue me in?  Do other people actually think like this?



Of course, this is completely valid and totally normal and many people think like this. Why worry about something you feel?

(in reply to flower2007)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 2:43:04 PM   
flower2007


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Of course, this is completely valid and totally normal and many people think like this. Why worry about something you feel?


Because I've never read of anyone else being interested in this.:-)

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 2:47:11 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Of course, this is completely valid and totally normal and many people think like this. Why worry about something you feel?


Because I've never read of anyone else being interested in this.:-)



It comes up from time to time but, in my opinion, people avoid mentioning it. Those who are only interested in bedroom play can get classified as "fakes" by those on lifestyle high horses. I think it's a damn shame personally.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to flower2007)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 2:48:50 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Of course, this is completely valid and totally normal and many people think like this. Why worry about something you feel?


Because I've never read of anyone else being interested in this.:-)



It comes up from time to time but, in my opinion, people avoid mentioning it. Those who are only interested in bedroom play can get classified as "fakes" by those on lifestyle high horses. I think it's a damn shame personally.


Really. As if you cannot be all "twue and real" if you only like it in the bedroom or don't care for 24/7.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 3:02:31 PM   
agoodgirl4Daddy


Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		"To thine own self be true...."

period 



_____________________________

~We do not see things as they are - we see them as we are.~ Anais Nin

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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 3:06:22 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

I've begun to think that I'm not submissive as much as I like the idea of being "forced" to submit.  Obviously (or not so obviously) this is only a bedroom type of thing, and doesn't lend itself much to 24/7.  I could be mistaken there, though.  I've just never really read anything like this.
Anyone else care to clue me in?  Do other people actually think like this?


I love a good take down......
I love to be forced to submit....
I love His hands at my throat.....
I love a good slap across the face....
I love it most when He means it
because it's then that He knows I don't want to submit....
andi love it when He doesn't know how much i love it because then he wouldn't do it
does that help?
ed to add: and 24/7 is temporal and not just place


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/13/2008 3:07:33 PM >

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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 3:39:24 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin

...the fantasy is lovely, and knowing that physically he is stronger than me is intoxicating.


Ditto.  It's not something I want all the time... but sometimes, it's fun to be topped... but only when I say so. 

One of my boy toys once got carried away, picked me up by the thighs and slammed me against the wall, holding me pinned there until he tired.  Just today my husband picked me up off the bed and threw me into a different position to have a better angle at what he wanted.

I've said it a million times - I love a STRONG man who has the ability to best me, but chooses to submit.  I think it's very much like having a huge pit bull or a tiger on a chain.  It's the same rush that some people get from fire arms or fast cars.  It's sexy to be in control of something or someone who has the POTENTIAL to be dangerous... but knowing that you are the one holding that destructive force in the palm of your hand.

Every once in a while, it's fun for that 'danger' to slip out now and then... just as a reminder. 

(in reply to Elorin)
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RE: Is this a valid thought process? - 1/13/2008 3:39:48 PM   
EponasChylde


Posts: 65
Joined: 12/31/2007
Status: offline 		I'm glad you posted this. This is how I feel as well...I live a life that involves me being in authority over other people, me being strong and in charge...and I LIKE being in charge.In fact, I LOVE being in charge...but that makes it all that much more fun when a strong, dominant man forces me to submit to him in the bedroom.

It took me a few years of trying out M/s relationships to figure this out about me...and I always wondered why I wasn't happy. I knew I enjoyed being dominated in the bedroom, but being forced to act submissive all the time made me feel horrible and depressed...like I wasn't being "true" to myself. I was trying to fit the square peg in the round hole, as they say.

Now that I've come to terms with the exact TYPE of submission I enjoy, I am ever so much happier!


_____________________________

*aka geekygirl*

(in reply to Prinsexx)
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