Is this a valid thought process?

Is this a valid thought process? (Full Version)

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flower2007 -> Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 12:52:37 PM)
I've begun to think that I'm not submissive as much as I like the idea of being "forced" to submit. Obviously (or not so obviously) this is only a bedroom type of thing, and doesn't lend itself much to 24/7. I could be mistaken there, though. I've just never really read anything like this. Anyone else care to clue me in? Do other people actually think like this?

BitaTruble -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 12:54:44 PM)
Absolutely and it's fine. Go where you want, do what you want. It's your life, you choose who lives it with you and what makes the relationship work for you. Celeste

flower2007 -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 12:55:28 PM)
I thought I would get replies like that. :-) It's just the fact that I've never seen this discussed anywhere.

Elorin -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 12:57:14 PM)
Look for information on take down scenes. ~soft smiles~ I enjoy being physically manipulated in the bedroom, and feeling like I have no choice in my submission. Obviously I have a choice, or I'd call the cops for assault. But the fantasy is lovely, and knowing that physically he is stronger than me is intoxicating.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 12:59:56 PM)
I used to feel that way, as you do. I later came to find it was because I was not yet comfortable with my own submission, and those values with which I had been raised made me feel "wrong" for wanting such "dirty" things. So, being forced felt like a safe way to experience such things without having to admit to myself how badly I wanted them. Nothing wrong with that - it was a step in my journey and what I needed to do at the time. Part of exploring what your life is about is by experimenting in different adventures that feel safe to you. Enjoy where you are, and if there is a next step, whatever it may be, it will present itself when the time is right.

AquaticSub -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 1:00:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: flower2007 I've begun to think that I'm not submissive as much as I like the idea of being "forced" to submit. Obviously (or not so obviously) this is only a bedroom type of thing, and doesn't lend itself much to 24/7. I could be mistaken there, though. I've just never really read anything like this. Anyone else care to clue me in? Do other people actually think like this? Yup. It's a perfectly acceptable way of doing this. 24/7 isn't better by any means, it's just a way of doing of things if it appeals to you.

flower2007 -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 1:03:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie I used to feel that way, as you do. I later came to find it was because I was not yet comfortable with my own submission, and those values with which I had been raised made me feel "wrong" for wanting such "dirty" things. So, being forced felt like a safe way to experience such things without having to admit to myself how badly I wanted them. And for a while, I really thought that was the explanation for it. Then I remembered how much I hated growing up in a strict family (military brat) and how much I hate when even my boss tells me to do something. I just have an anti-authority streak and just am not sure I'm "submissive". Or maybe I just haven't figured this thing out yet.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 1:07:42 PM)
I understand. I craved authority but rebelled against it for that very reason. I needed authority that made sense to me, not authority for the sake of authority, and not the kind of protective authority that comes from parents. Perhaps that is why I craved sexual power and dominance (by way of forced) before anything else. Not saying this is the case for you, but offering my own experience to consider.

bornsynner -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 2:09:21 PM)
im so glad someone posted this.. its exactly the way ive felt.. i thought there was something wrong with the way i thought about it.. i do realize that in most relationships in my life ive been very passive and i do things others call submission without even thinking about it.. for me, the difference is i dont wanna be told to do those things.. i do them out of respect, trust, and even love for the other person.. of course in the bedroom the pain aspect and being 'forced' is just fun.. and its way for me to avoid feeling shame over what others see as taboo..

DesFIP -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 2:11:23 PM)
With anything new, there is anxiety. If I'm being 'forced' to do it, then I don't have to worry about doing it wrong. After I've had enough experience to feel comfortable with the activity, then I don't need the force play as much. Which is not to say it isn't still lots of fun, because it is.

Tigrita -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 2:29:46 PM)
I feel similarly a lot of the time, especially before I have a deep connection with someone. In my own nameless, faceless fantasies, it isn't active submission that I crave, it is agressive domination. But once I experience a chemistry with someone who can take me there, it is kind of like I'm conquered in a beautiful way, and then I feel very devoted and submissive to them, and find beauty and intimacy in more actively submissive things like reverence, kneeling, service etc. I'm not saying it has to be that way with you, it is totally fine to want ony force play and sexual submission, but it can be beautiful to keep your mind open to more than you might have expected.

topcat -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 2:36:52 PM)
dear Flower, It's not at all uncommon to feel that way, and I think it's at the root of many peoples kinks. I like the take down, the 'forced' surrender, the the overwhelming of the resitance, myself- it's something very primal, very arrousing. I wouldn't worry about not feeling accurate when presenting as submissive... it's a pretty fuzzy term, IMX. Stay warm, Lawrence

sexyred1 -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 2:38:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: flower2007 I've begun to think that I'm not submissive as much as I like the idea of being "forced" to submit. Obviously (or not so obviously) this is only a bedroom type of thing, and doesn't lend itself much to 24/7. I could be mistaken there, though. I've just never really read anything like this. Anyone else care to clue me in? Do other people actually think like this? Of course, this is completely valid and totally normal and many people think like this. Why worry about something you feel?

flower2007 -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 2:43:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Of course, this is completely valid and totally normal and many people think like this. Why worry about something you feel? Because I've never read of anyone else being interested in this.:-)

AquaticSub -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 2:47:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: flower2007 quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Of course, this is completely valid and totally normal and many people think like this. Why worry about something you feel? Because I've never read of anyone else being interested in this.:-) It comes up from time to time but, in my opinion, people avoid mentioning it. Those who are only interested in bedroom play can get classified as "fakes" by those on lifestyle high horses. I think it's a damn shame personally.

sexyred1 -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 2:48:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: flower2007 quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Of course, this is completely valid and totally normal and many people think like this. Why worry about something you feel? Because I've never read of anyone else being interested in this.:-) It comes up from time to time but, in my opinion, people avoid mentioning it. Those who are only interested in bedroom play can get classified as "fakes" by those on lifestyle high horses. I think it's a damn shame personally. Really. As if you cannot be all "twue and real" if you only like it in the bedroom or don't care for 24/7.

agoodgirl4Daddy -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 3:02:31 PM)
"To thine own self be true...." period

Prinsexx -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 3:06:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: flower2007 I've begun to think that I'm not submissive as much as I like the idea of being "forced" to submit. Obviously (or not so obviously) this is only a bedroom type of thing, and doesn't lend itself much to 24/7. I could be mistaken there, though. I've just never really read anything like this. Anyone else care to clue me in? Do other people actually think like this? I love a good take down...... I love to be forced to submit.... I love His hands at my throat..... I love a good slap across the face.... I love it most when He means it because it's then that He knows I don't want to submit.... andi love it when He doesn't know how much i love it because then he wouldn't do it does that help? ed to add: and 24/7 is temporal and not just place

MsStarlett -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 3:39:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Elorin ...the fantasy is lovely, and knowing that physically he is stronger than me is intoxicating. Ditto. It's not something I want all the time... but sometimes, it's fun to be topped... but only when I say so. One of my boy toys once got carried away, picked me up by the thighs and slammed me against the wall, holding me pinned there until he tired. Just today my husband picked me up off the bed and threw me into a different position to have a better angle at what he wanted. I've said it a million times - I love a STRONG man who has the ability to best me, but chooses to submit. I think it's very much like having a huge pit bull or a tiger on a chain. It's the same rush that some people get from fire arms or fast cars. It's sexy to be in control of something or someone who has the POTENTIAL to be dangerous... but knowing that you are the one holding that destructive force in the palm of your hand. Every once in a while, it's fun for that 'danger' to slip out now and then... just as a reminder.

EponasChylde -> RE: Is this a valid thought process? (1/13/2008 3:39:48 PM)
I'm glad you posted this. This is how I feel as well...I live a life that involves me being in authority over other people, me being strong and in charge...and I LIKE being in charge.In fact, I LOVE being in charge...but that makes it all that much more fun when a strong, dominant man forces me to submit to him in the bedroom. It took me a few years of trying out M/s relationships to figure this out about me...and I always wondered why I wasn't happy. I knew I enjoyed being dominated in the bedroom, but being forced to act submissive all the time made me feel horrible and depressed...like I wasn't being "true" to myself. I was trying to fit the square peg in the round hole, as they say. Now that I've come to terms with the exact TYPE of submission I enjoy, I am ever so much happier!

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