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Neglect - 12/27/2007 6:45:23 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		How long is too long before you consider talking about it with your sig/other or thinking about leaving them if you are being neglected, not noticed, nor appreciated for what you are doing.  In other words you are there but are invisible to your sig/other.




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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 6:46:29 PM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		ha! id wait about a day

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 6:48:37 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		At least fifteen minutes-to show your patience.

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 6:50:14 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Letting things that upset you fester will only cause more problems in the long run. Confront the issue immediately.

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“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 6:51:25 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		all depends on the relationship.  is this a common thing when there is a problem between you?  is this a tactic for getting one's own way?  is this a depressed person?  many variables can go into the equation, but the answer is the same.  when you decide you've had enough.

PM

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 6:57:33 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		If it's in the way you describe -that I'm feeling invisible to a partner, as in there's no reason I know of or can think of that they're not keeping in touch or are being distant with me when together- then my tolerance is very little and the time very short. 

In person it lasts about 15 minutes to be sure that I'm not misreading things or being hypersensitive that day or as soon as we can get some privacy, which ever comes first.

If it's that they're not contacting me or visiting as normal, then I give it twice (whatever that may mean to the situation... the second time they didn't show up when they were supposed to, second time they failed to call, second time when I'd've normally heard from them and didn't without some known reason behind it, basically).

I don't like things to fester or to have miscommunications or unresolved issues in the background so I wait just long enough to judge if there is actually a change going on and then I speak to them directly about it.  I prefer to be direct most of the time with things.

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 6:58:09 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

How long is too long before you consider talking about it with your sig/other or thinking about leaving them if you are being neglected, not noticed, nor appreciated for what you are doing.  In other words you are there but are invisible to your sig/other.







Re: "if you are being neglected, not noticed, nor appreciated for what you are doing..". 
 
1) is it new behavior?
2) have you discussed it...asked what is going on with them...if there is a problem?
3) have you told them how it is making you feel?

For me, those things would be very important.
I would consider talking about it as an issue when it was an issue for me...but long before I thought about leaving a relationship I would talk about it.

aJ

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:00:54 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		It must be dealt with gently, firmly, and immediately.  There may be a reason the person is so very distracted or he/she may just be an ass in need of a little tuning up.  I must also ask what your relationship is.  There are some fine and sometimes hard to discern lines between submissive/slave expectations (again with so many shades of grey between even those) and poor decorum.  You might have to ask if your partner expects this a part of your service and, therefore, would not regard it as requiring any special acknowledgement.  If so, perhaps that is not working for you and your expectations have changed.  If what you are doing is outside of what was agreed upon, it should stand to reason that your partner should adequately recognize what you have done.  If you are struggling in the relationship, it is upon you to confront and resolve the issue with your partner.  You would expect your partner to be able to do the same if the situation was reversed.  Please act responsibly and advocate for yourself in the relationship, but always with deep courtesy and respect.  You do not know what may be contributing to the problem and may find yourself embarrassed if you come out guns blazing only to find your partner is having major problems.  Wish you the best.

lovingpet

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:00:55 PM   
TheScrivener


Posts: 91
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline 		In respect to talking about it, if you feel neglected, you should bring it up ASAP.

If that doesn't work and it only gets worse, either speak with them again in respect to a change being needed, or make your way out of the relationship.

I know this can be complicated by the exact circumstances of the relationship, so adjust as necessary.  At the very least, if you feel neglected, speak with them.


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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:01:14 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		As long as it takes for me to decide that it's not healthy. That amount of time will vary from person to person.

Master Fire


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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:05:02 PM   
sweetstorm


Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		If you feel it, bring it up. What can it hurt besides opening the door to a discussion on your relationship?

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:07:32 PM   
EternalNightling


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		I have this same question.. And I have gotten a lot from all of your responses to her.. So as far as that goes, thanks..

My advice, if you can get out and you feel justified to do so, leave. I realize however that that is not always easy as I cannot seem to do it myself..
Chin up...

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:17:32 PM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EternalNightling

I have this same question.. And I have gotten a lot from all of your responses to her.. So as far as that goes, thanks..

My advice, if you can get out and you feel justified to do so, leave. I realize however that that is not always easy as I cannot seem to do it myself..
Chin up...


this is so very true...sometimes real life situations are not as easy as just leaving..often times too many other factors ie.financial reasons, UM's, etc. get in the way of what we feel we should be doing in our own best interests....in my 14 yr vanilla marriage i stayed way too long, always telling myself that it would get better..in truth it won't...unless both  people are willing to openingly discuss the problem and try to make changes to improve it, you are just prolonging the problem and giving more time for resentment to grow....my advice...talk about it..if you can fix it, try to fix it...if not..get out as soon as possible for your own sanity


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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:18:35 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Depends on the relationship itself. Since I do not know enough about yours to give a reasonable answer; that is all I can say.


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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:24:36 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		FYI...im not currently in a relationship..this was just a question for all for feedback and it seems as someone had already asked this according to a response here.



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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:26:09 PM   
EternalNightling


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you, I know it is very hard to get away, perhaps more than most..
I recently moved to an island in the middle of nowhere with a man I knew for 6 months..
As soon as I got here (having given up everything I had in the place I was before) he notified me that the relationship was not going to work.
He is distant, doesn't care to spend time with me and down right abusive when it comes to talking to me.. As a naturally Dominant person this is very awkward for me but as I have no place to go or anyone to run to, I'm pretty much stuck where I am until I can figure something else out..
(boy does it feel good to get that off my chest.. lol..)

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:33:57 PM   
EternalNightling


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		And trust me I know, First mistake was moving after only 6 months..

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:34:37 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		Ask yourself what you did wrong, to deserve it. Then straighten up and act right. Wake him up with a blowjob and see if he ignores that.

Seriously, since it wasn't a real situation, the answers you are getting, really don't matter. There is not a simple answer. It would depend on the situation, the relationship dynamics and about 15 other things.

Thanks for playing.

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"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:36:52 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EternalNightling

And trust me I know, First mistake was moving after only 6 months..


Yes i did that once too.  but much sooner than 6 months

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RE: Neglect - 12/27/2007 7:37:30 PM   
EternalNightling


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		lol, I hope this wasn't in response to me, if I were to wake him up with a blowjob he would push me off and then ask me what the hell I was doing in his bed!

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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