Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

kinksters and leagues


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> kinksters and leagues Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 4:06:36 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		In the vanilla world, there is a concept of leagues. Like someone is out of someone's league because they are more socially desirable for whatever reasons.

Does this apply to kinky people you think?

Like such and such submissive or dominant is generally held as more desirable for superficial reasons and it makes them out of some people's leagues?

Strangely, I dont feel that my Master and I could be labeled with leagues. We are just right for each other because of our own individual needs and quirks. We each have some niceties and we each have characteristics that would make us undesirable to masses of people. But I dont know if everyone is like us.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 4:10:31 PM   
DommeKimberly


Posts: 73
Status: offline 		Not so much as leagues as maybe experience

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 4:15:13 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

In the vanilla world, there is a concept of leagues. Like someone is out of someone's league because they are more socially desirable for whatever reasons.

Does this apply to kinky people you think?

Like such and such submissive or dominant is generally held as more desirable for superficial reasons and it makes them out of some people's leagues?

Strangely, I dont feel that my Master and I could be labeled with leagues. We are just right for each other because of our own individual needs and quirks. We each have some niceties and we each have characteristics that would make us undesirable to masses of people. But I dont know if everyone is like us.


I believe it's the same for kinky people, because they're still people, beyond anything else.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 4:43:41 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		It's more about compatability.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 4:47:55 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		Without a doubt. The standards aren't all the same as in vanilla life, but they're certainly there. 

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 4:52:01 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		I will admit to being a bit of an intellectual elitist. I am probably out of your "league" if you just ain't that bright. I think many people in this lifestyle tend to be on the creative/intellectual side and prefer partners who are equally intelligent. I can't speak for everyone though, obviously.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 5:17:38 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I will admit to being a bit of an intellectual elitist. I am probably out of your "league" if you just ain't that bright. I think many people in this lifestyle tend to be on the creative/intellectual side and prefer partners who are equally intelligent. I can't speak for everyone though, obviously.


I too am brutal on the intelligence thing. I dont like the idea of a Dom that is less smart than me. Its not a problem. Vanilla or not, I find it fairly natural to find partners more intelligent than me, especially since I value areas of intelligence I just dont have. 4 guys I have dated have been computer scientists/engineers- not what I do with any competence at all.

Bright as Master is though, I would be surprised if there are hordes of submissive girls out there wanting to serve someone just like him simply because he's got smarts.

A few weeks ago Master asked me who I thought was smarter- me or him. I looked at him like he was asking who had a bigger penis or who was older because I couldn't believe that anyone would even debate the issue. Really, most people wouldn't. Anyways I have so many issues and I am so needy and in need of complete commitment. Surely this would make plenty of guys not want me if they were honest with themselves.



(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 5:42:47 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

It's more about compatability.


Exactly! If a submissive woman writes that she prefers Doms with lush, wavy hair, no mustache and a chiseled body, why should I bother? Doesn't matter what she looks like, she's "out of my league."

Interesting how many of us desire someone of intelligence. I suppose I'm smarter than the average bear, and consequently, I look for a female sub who has more than a modicum of intelligence. I also find it interesting that some very bright, witty women disparage the idea that they are intelligent! Both my former sub and a current sub friend in AZ -- each short on book learning but incredibly street smart -- feel they are somehow "beneath" me because I'm cortically endowed.

Maybe it's because I say stuff like "cortically endowed?"

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 5:44:15 PM   
goodgirl08


Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Strangely, I dont feel that my Master and I could be labeled with leagues. We are just right for each other because of our own individual needs and quirks. We each have some niceties and we each have characteristics that would make us undesirable to masses of people. But I dont know if everyone is like us.


Lol, you sure have a high opinion of you and your Master, huh?

I do not have a lot of experience but I do know one very important thing...if you are set on comparing yourself and your partner to other people and their relationships, you are never going to be satisfied. I think it is too bad that you think of yourself as undesirable, and too bad that you have a Master who you seem quick to cut down.

I do not usually like to be so blunt, and I am not trying to be unkind but it really bothers me that your relationship is so based on competition and is measured by factors that the outside world gives to you, like LSAT scores and social 'desirability'. I wish that you would be able to love him and yourself for who you are and to escape the cutthroat parameters you have set.

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 5:45:18 PM   
LRODANDMASTER


Posts: 161
Joined: 7/13/2005
Status: offline 		YEA SOME OF US R DUMASSES.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

I will admit to being a bit of an intellectual elitist. I am probably out of your "league" if you just ain't that bright. I think many people in this lifestyle tend to be on the creative/intellectual side and prefer partners who are equally intelligent. I can't speak for everyone though, obviously.

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 5:46:17 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Like someone is out of someone's league because they are more socially desirable for whatever reasons.

Does this apply to kinky people you think?


Of course.  Why wouldn't it?


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 5:51:53 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

I will admit to being a bit of an intellectual elitist. I am probably out of your "league" if you just ain't that bright. I think many people in this lifestyle tend to be on the creative/intellectual side and prefer partners who are equally intelligent. I can't speak for everyone though, obviously.


I think this describes me, I want someone I perceive as my intellectual equal or superior, and I do not want them to be so superior to myself intellectually as to feel I cannot keep up with them.  It is by far the hardest thing to find for me. I also want someone that is somewhat educated because I feel that we have more in common if that is part of the equation. Similar experiences and similar culture.. it is not about "league" for me, it is about what will fulfill my needs


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 6:06:09 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:


I do not usually like to be so blunt, and I am not trying to be unkind but it really bothers me that your relationship is so based on competition and is measured by factors that the outside world gives to you, like LSAT scores and social 'desirability'. I wish that you would be able to love him and yourself for who you are and to escape the cutthroat parameters you have set.


Do you see it that way?

I feel more comfortable in a relationship with someone that does not wholly reject these things. I really admire Master and I am very thankful for all the good he has brought out in me, but I don't know if many other girls would want to be held to these standards.

We both have nutty abusive parents with exacting standards of their own and I am glad to be with someone that essentially can understand where I am coming from and understands that to reject these standards is to try and reject a value system that will probably always be a part of me.

I love him for his kindness, his energy, his consistency and his belief in me which is nothing short of miraculous.

He always had social desirability but I did not want to belong to him until he made me feel that I had found my place in the world.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 6:26:09 PM   
goodgirl08


Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		Well, cool. Maybe I'm just a big commie.

It is just troubling to me that he holds you accountable for not reaching (somewhat) superficial landmarks such as a high score on the LSATs, and for making you lose weight. And that he's making you become a lawyer when you don't even know if that's what you want. It seems like he's making you a slave to societal standards more than anything else.

I'm butting in because I have a lot of experience with this attitude, I am sorry if I seem condescending.

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 6:55:29 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

It is still there regardless,  it may not make much difference for play but in a 24/7 relationship would make a lot of difference, lets say your a high level well educated business executive dom, for play, class may not matter as much as you are not likely going introducing your sub to your business associates and wives  but for a 24/7 relationship they would someone who is intelligent and has social graces and can carry on a meaningful conversation so as not to become an embarassment to the doms socially standing in their vanilla life because there may be times were the sub will be acting as hostess to business friends and associates or he would want some he can take along to socials so there needs to be a certain amount of compatibility not just in kinks but in the vanillas parts of life as well.  Even if the dom does not have a significant social life   if there is a significant social gap conversations will be limited as there is lack of similiar life experience and over the long haul he may feel like he talking down to a child which may not be a problem with a daddy dom but for others may become a problem.  

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/25/2007 11:57:09 PM   
BiteGirl


Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline 		People have standards, put it this way. I have many a time found on womens profiles saying "no fat, bald, old men".

I have also had moments myself where I think I am "too good" for someone, although this is usually an intellectual thing over a physical thing (those guys up there seem to be the same).

It depends on your preception I suppose. But Vanilla people are the masses, so they have "leagues" set to a fine art, where the superficial is conserned.

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/26/2007 12:08:32 AM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		I can't be the only one who is thinking of lots of silly "bush league" and "farm league" jokes, can I? 

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/26/2007 9:23:15 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i don't think i am out of anyone's "league," but i have found that a lot of people find my intelligence and my strict adherence to logic, and disregard of general ethics (good or bad has no influence on true or false) to be intimidating...so i have found it hard to find someone compatable...the particular area's that i have found it hard to find someone compatable...someone that matches on personal ethics and doesn't try to adhere to societal or familial ethics, that doesn't mind explaining and debating at the right time, in the right place and that needs to give as much pain as i need to recieve...is that being an elitist or just looking for someone that compliments me?  

i've done compromising myself in relationships, i'm through with it...as far as friendships go...well, i'd invite anyone to come to san antonio and ask around the BDSM community about me...if anyone has a problem with me, it is personal and very specific...nothing to do with how i treat people in general....i believe that even those that do have a problem with me would tell you so...

take care
chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to LaMistressa)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/26/2007 10:16:37 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline 		Of course there are leagues.  The cool thing is most people have no idea what league they are in and will often think someone is in or out of their league and be completely wrong.

Much like beauty, leagues are in the eye (and mind) of the beholder.

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: kinksters and leagues - 12/26/2007 10:26:29 AM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl08

quote:

. We each have some niceties and we each have characteristics that would make us undesirable to masses of people. But I dont know if everyone is like us.


Lol, you sure have a high opinion of you and your Master, huh?
I think it is too bad that you think of yourself as undesirable, and too bad that you have a Master who you seem quick to cut down.


Funny how the written word with out inflection can be taken different ways....

The way i read that part in the OP was not that she was cutting either her Master or herself down, rather that she was being honest.

i think we all have things that others would appreciate and things that others would find undesirable....i know for a fact that both my Daddy and i have these traits....all people do really. This is why we don't connect with everyone in the same way.

Just my take on it :D


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to goodgirl08)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> kinksters and leagues Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.156