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Experience. Aint got much. - 12/12/2007 8:19:49 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		I want to domme a girl but I dont have much experience doing this. I suppose I have to start somewhere. I started with men, actually. Im told I am good at dominating men.

Many submissives value experience. I actually don't value a lot of experience because it often implies multiple failed relationships. I certainly don't mind a Dom who had one or two subs for years though. In any case, Im not looking for a Dom.

What is it about experience that is coveted and how can I make up for this considering that I don't have it now.
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/12/2007 8:23:34 PM   
LittleWench


Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline 		Communication and understanding.  Am about to dash out the door will write more later.  My Owner is also my partner, vanilla turned BDSM, so we are both inexperienced, there are more important things 

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/12/2007 8:26:11 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What is it about experience that is coveted

I think...think ... that most equate 'experience' with 'expertise'; and for some; they want a certain amount of expertise in the relationship.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/12/2007 8:37:55 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I don't think it's fair to equate experience with failed relationships.  All relationships have cycles, and it's possible for couples to part amicably.

Experience, IMO, inlcludes expertise, wisdom, common sense, and ability.  But, we all start somewhere.  Be honest about what you do and don't know.  I know some fabulous dominas who learned and grew very quickly indeed. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/12/2007 9:22:55 PM   
CliarSiofra


Posts: 34
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: ask
Status: offline 		And Dominating women is like Dominating men.

Just need to see what the submissive woman is looking for her in Dominant. If your needs and desires match hers Expirence and Expertise can be worked through.



_____________________________

The tragic comedy divine,
Paints the way to peace of mind.
Leaving shallow lovers far behind.
Past uncertainties combine.
Bringing tears to sleepless eyes.
Memory runs the course of time.~The Birthday Massacre

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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/12/2007 9:51:55 PM   
lovesthekink


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline 		There is a lot of pressure on doms to perform and to do it well. I suspect a lot of people have either had bad experiences with an inexperienced dom or have been disappointed by an inexperienced dom trying to learn the ropes so to speak.

I think a lot of people use the term "experienced" to try to run off those who just bought S&M 101 and a flogger and want to try it out. Its not like we are going to put together a kink resume:

Ohhh Mr. Johnson I see you have 5 years experience in anal play.. very good very good. What is your biggest weakness?

I'm rather curious if everyone thinks its appropriate or inappropriate to contact these people and ask how much experience they want and in what particular field (i.e. experienced roleplay and D/s is quite differnt then experienced S&M).

~LTK

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/12/2007 10:04:32 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

What is it about experience that is coveted and how can I make up for this considering that I don't have it now.


All of the above plus, a good amount of self-confidence, the willingness to learn and grow and a good portion of humility...along with the ability to take no for an answer when someone absolutely must have experience.

Best,

MNN

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/12/2007 10:21:47 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		can i refuse to give advice based on the posts made in the past by the OP?

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 2:52:04 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If experience is just a series of failed relationships, why would you want experience at all? Seems pretty negative to me.

The only way to get experience is to do the practice that it takes. Check into your local community. You can learn a lot there.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 3:43:11 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		When i met my Owner. My experience was all in my head and heart. He on the other hand had YEARS of exoerience (good and bad). Due to his experience and expertise i am in a happy, safe and sane relationship with a man who knows exactly what i need and what is good for me. Everything we do is kept with my safety and health in mind and i am able to relax and put my complete faith and trust in him.

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 3:50:05 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty
What is it about experience that is coveted and how can I make up for this considering that I don't have it now.


You can make up for it by having fun! I've sat in dungeons and watch people play. Some have a rather impressive technique and others have none at all. The ones that lack technique are often the ones having the most fun. Study enough to be safe and then just go have some fun. I'm more impressed by how much enjoyment someone gains from their experience than if someone held the flogger in the proscribed manner.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 4:39:29 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Since when does experience equate with failures? We learn by doing. We don't have to fail at something to get experience.

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 7:01:50 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		We all got to start somewhere.  Some pretty good advice given on this thread: Go to your local community. (ie: go to munches,play parties,classes/workshops.) talk to people, learn from them.  read articles. Have fun at it!

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 7:27:40 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Some gain experienc/expertise through having play partners where no serious commitment was intended  therefore not a  sign of relationship failure just a lifestyle choice

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 8:20:12 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Since when does experience equate with failures? We learn by doing. We don't have to fail at something to get experience.


pretaining to the OP...ummm just go back and read her past posts....


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 8:27:19 AM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am One of those who are "inexperienced" in terms of length of time in lifestyle.  I also know that I have much to learn.  We need to remember that everyO/one starts at the beginning, not the middle and not the end.  I learn from My experiences, but I also learn from asking other Dom/mes and other sub/slaves questions (with their owners permission always).  Basically experience is gained, not awarded.  Once I know everything and I am no longer teachable, then I would indeed become a dangerous person, and I for One hope to never get there.

MP


_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 8:46:14 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Let's start here:

I'm looking at the question from two different thoughts.  There's relationship experience and then there's scene experience.  One doesn't necessarily equate the other.  Not all relationships involve BDSM and not all BDSM involves relationships.  Sometimes the two co-incide, but not always. 

Taking those two things seperately, I whole heartedly agree with Maya.  I haven't been in a committed relationship with everyone who's ever bottomed to Me.  There was play.  There was learning.  Enough said.

Best advice, get out to your local community.  Chances are, you're going to find people with experience there.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MisterP61)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 11:42:35 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		chellekitty Im trying to turn over a new leaf and be nice to the op's. Mabey it will change the moderators view of me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 11:45:07 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

can i refuse to give advice based on the posts made in the past by the OP?
 Absolutely you can refuse to give advice, which leads me to ask why you even responded to this OP in the first place? OP experience is in the eye of the beholder. Just go for it, have fun & experiment with life. That is how IMO one gains experience, not by sitting and asking but by asking then doing.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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RE: Experience. Aint got much. - 12/13/2007 12:07:54 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Great discussion.  What I look for in a relationship is not their exp level.  But their willingness/ability to learn with me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 20
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