Experience. Aint got much.

Experience. Aint got much. (Full Version)

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kitttty -> Experience. Aint got much. (12/12/2007 8:19:49 PM)
I want to domme a girl but I dont have much experience doing this. I suppose I have to start somewhere. I started with men, actually. Im told I am good at dominating men. Many submissives value experience. I actually don't value a lot of experience because it often implies multiple failed relationships. I certainly don't mind a Dom who had one or two subs for years though. In any case, Im not looking for a Dom. What is it about experience that is coveted and how can I make up for this considering that I don't have it now.

LittleWench -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/12/2007 8:23:34 PM)
Communication and understanding. Am about to dash out the door will write more later. My Owner is also my partner, vanilla turned BDSM, so we are both inexperienced, there are more important things [:)]

IrishMist -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/12/2007 8:26:11 PM)
quote: What is it about experience that is coveted I think...think ... that most equate 'experience' with 'expertise'; and for some; they want a certain amount of expertise in the relationship.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/12/2007 8:37:55 PM)
I don't think it's fair to equate experience with failed relationships. All relationships have cycles, and it's possible for couples to part amicably. Experience, IMO, inlcludes expertise, wisdom, common sense, and ability. But, we all start somewhere. Be honest about what you do and don't know. I know some fabulous dominas who learned and grew very quickly indeed.

CliarSiofra -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/12/2007 9:22:55 PM)
And Dominating women is like Dominating men. Just need to see what the submissive woman is looking for her in Dominant. If your needs and desires match hers Expirence and Expertise can be worked through.

lovesthekink -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/12/2007 9:51:55 PM)
There is a lot of pressure on doms to perform and to do it well. I suspect a lot of people have either had bad experiences with an inexperienced dom or have been disappointed by an inexperienced dom trying to learn the ropes so to speak. I think a lot of people use the term "experienced" to try to run off those who just bought S&M 101 and a flogger and want to try it out. Its not like we are going to put together a kink resume: Ohhh Mr. Johnson I see you have 5 years experience in anal play.. very good very good. What is your biggest weakness? I'm rather curious if everyone thinks its appropriate or inappropriate to contact these people and ask how much experience they want and in what particular field (i.e. experienced roleplay and D/s is quite differnt then experienced S&M). ~LTK

MistressNoName -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/12/2007 10:04:32 PM)
quote: What is it about experience that is coveted and how can I make up for this considering that I don't have it now. All of the above plus, a good amount of self-confidence, the willingness to learn and grow and a good portion of humility...along with the ability to take no for an answer when someone absolutely must have experience. Best, MNN

chellekitty -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/12/2007 10:21:47 PM)
can i refuse to give advice based on the posts made in the past by the OP?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 2:52:04 AM)
If experience is just a series of failed relationships, why would you want experience at all? Seems pretty negative to me. The only way to get experience is to do the practice that it takes. Check into your local community. You can learn a lot there. Master Fire

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 3:43:11 AM)
When i met my Owner. My experience was all in my head and heart. He on the other hand had YEARS of exoerience (good and bad). Due to his experience and expertise i am in a happy, safe and sane relationship with a man who knows exactly what i need and what is good for me. Everything we do is kept with my safety and health in mind and i am able to relax and put my complete faith and trust in him.

MistressMelissa -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 3:50:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty What is it about experience that is coveted and how can I make up for this considering that I don't have it now. You can make up for it by having fun! I've sat in dungeons and watch people play. Some have a rather impressive technique and others have none at all. The ones that lack technique are often the ones having the most fun. Study enough to be safe and then just go have some fun. I'm more impressed by how much enjoyment someone gains from their experience than if someone held the flogger in the proscribed manner.

Dnomyar -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 4:39:29 AM)
Since when does experience equate with failures? We learn by doing. We don't have to fail at something to get experience.

LadyLynx -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 7:01:50 AM)
We all got to start somewhere. Some pretty good advice given on this thread: Go to your local community. (ie: go to munches,play parties,classes/workshops.) talk to people, learn from them. read articles. Have fun at it!

Maya2001 -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 7:27:40 AM)
Some gain experienc/expertise through having play partners where no serious commitment was intended therefore not a sign of relationship failure just a lifestyle choice

chellekitty -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 8:20:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Since when does experience equate with failures? We learn by doing. We don't have to fail at something to get experience. pretaining to the OP...ummm just go back and read her past posts....

MisterP61 -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 8:27:19 AM)
I am One of those who are "inexperienced" in terms of length of time in lifestyle. I also know that I have much to learn. We need to remember that everyO/one starts at the beginning, not the middle and not the end. I learn from My experiences, but I also learn from asking other Dom/mes and other sub/slaves questions (with their owners permission always). Basically experience is gained, not awarded. Once I know everything and I am no longer teachable, then I would indeed become a dangerous person, and I for One hope to never get there. MP

LadyPact -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 8:46:14 AM)
Let's start here: I'm looking at the question from two different thoughts. There's relationship experience and then there's scene experience. One doesn't necessarily equate the other. Not all relationships involve BDSM and not all BDSM involves relationships. Sometimes the two co-incide, but not always. Taking those two things seperately, I whole heartedly agree with Maya. I haven't been in a committed relationship with everyone who's ever bottomed to Me. There was play. There was learning. Enough said. Best advice, get out to your local community. Chances are, you're going to find people with experience there.

Dnomyar -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 11:42:35 AM)
chellekitty Im trying to turn over a new leaf and be nice to the op's. Mabey it will change the moderators view of me.

camille65 -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 11:45:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty can i refuse to give advice based on the posts made in the past by the OP? Absolutely you can refuse to give advice, which leads me to ask why you even responded to this OP in the first place? OP experience is in the eye of the beholder. Just go for it, have fun & experiment with life. That is how IMO one gains experience, not by sitting and asking but by asking then doing.

SailingBum -> RE: Experience. Aint got much. (12/13/2007 12:07:54 PM)
Great discussion. What I look for in a relationship is not their exp level. But their willingness/ability to learn with me.

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