Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Frustrated


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Frustrated Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:19:21 PM   
ladyeden


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline 		Can anyone tell Me why, after sending out so many emails to various people on this site only a very few seem to find it curtious to respond.

Over the last year of so I would say that only about less than 20% bother to reply even if to say no thank you....

Have we become so selfish and ignorant that even when asking in the email for a curtious reply 80% or so choose to just ignore.

I am becoming increasingly dispondant and visiting the sire less and less because of this.... Is anyone else finding the same thing happening or is it just Me.

Thank you all for listening to my frustrations.

Blessed Be

Lady Eden. 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:21:36 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Unfortunately the number of players on the sites tend to ruin it for everyone.  I started out with the policy of actually responding politely, however as it ends in insult, argument and harassment, I stopped that policy.  Consider no response a polite rejection and I'm sorry you're frustrated.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to ladyeden)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:22:09 PM   
childoftheshadow


Posts: 458
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: London UK
Status: offline 		Isn't this something like the 900th time this has been mentioned this week?

I, for one, respond to all polite emails.

(in reply to ladyeden)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:23:26 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		Are you sending emails that are tailored specifically to that users profile, or a generic one that you may either tweak or not? In my personal experience(and this is only mine) a letter that fits most people comes off as canned and generic sounding and I do not reply to those.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to ladyeden)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:29:14 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyeden

Can anyone tell Me why, after sending out so many emails to various people on this site only a very few seem to find it curtious to respond.

Over the last year of so I would say that only about less than 20% bother to reply even if to say no thank you....

Have we become so selfish and ignorant that even when asking in the email for a curtious reply 80% or so choose to just ignore.

I am becoming increasingly dispondant and visiting the sire less and less because of this.... Is anyone else finding the same thing happening or is it just Me.

Thank you all for listening to my frustrations.

Blessed Be

Lady Eden. 


I think that you did get your "curt-ious" reply

quote:

Definitions of curt on the Web:


  • brusque: marked by rude or peremptory shortness; "try to cultivate a less brusque manner"; "a curt reply"; "the salesgirl was very short with him"


    • I couldn't resist... and no, I am not a spelling Nazi or anything, I just thought it was a cute opening for a joke.

    I would look at your approach:

    Are you reading the profiles you email?
    Are you addressing and putting thought into the people you email, or sending them form letters?
    Are you emailing people that are looking for something different from what you have to offer?

    Because depending on the answer to the above, the problem could be with you, and not the people you email being "rude"

    And lastly, answer this, do you think that you should send replies to junk mail offers you get at home? If the answer is "no", try to remember that you may just be "junk mail" to some people... they may never see your email, it might go directly to "bulk"

    On the internet we have no right to expect anything from strangers

    _____________________________

    Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

    Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

    Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

    (in reply to ladyeden)
    Profile   Post #: 5
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:30:21 PM   
    SageFemmexx


    Posts: 240
    Joined: 1/2/2007
    Status: offline     		That's strange. I almost always get a reply even if it's a comment on my smart assed comment about their profile. However, I will not answer generic email or those from out of country. Why bother?

    Read their profiles, make a comment--even if it pisses them off, it proves you took the time to actually look at it.

    (in reply to kc692)
    Profile   Post #: 6
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:31:14 PM   
    childoftheshadow


    Posts: 458
    Joined: 8/2/2006
    From: London UK
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


    On the internet we have no right to expect anything from strangers


    What she said :)

    (in reply to juliaoceania)
    Profile   Post #: 7
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:33:40 PM   
    ladyeden


    Posts: 4
    Joined: 10/15/2005
    Status: offline     		In answer to kc962....yes I am sending specific to the profile.
    I only send emails only to to those that I believe may be a fit for all concerned

    As someone who is very specific about who I am looking for I do not send out unnecessary emails

    Also I want to thank those who do send replies and those that have found interest and time to read and or reply to this post.

    As a footnote I was not aware that this subject had already been beaten to death so my apologies if I am going over old ground.

    Blessed Be

    Lady Eden

    (in reply to ladyeden)
    Profile   Post #: 8
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:37:56 PM   
    KatyLied


    Posts: 13029
    Joined: 2/24/2005
    From: Pennsylvania
    Status: offline     		No response = not interested

    _____________________________

    “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
    - Albert Einstein

    (in reply to ladyeden)
    Profile   Post #: 9
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:40:06 PM   
    OldBastardly1


    Posts: 651
    Joined: 7/22/2006
    From: Atlanta, GA
    Status: offline     		I know nothing of you, and do not intend this to be mean.

    I have found in most situations where there are issues like this, the 1 common thing is usually the problem....in this case, it would be you. Share with us the gist of an email you would send out that doesn't get a response. That way we can give you our collective opinions.

    _____________________________

    Old Bastard

    "You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



    (in reply to ladyeden)
    Profile   Post #: 10
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:43:18 PM   
    dcnovice


    Posts: 37282
    Joined: 8/2/2006
    Status: offline
    quote:

    As a footnote I was not aware that this subject had already been beaten to death so my apologies if I am going over old ground.


    Well, it's new ground to you, so no worries.

    In other threads on this topic, folks have made two observations that may bear repeating:

    (a) Many CM folks, particularly female subs, get a blizzard of mail. Answering it all personally would be tantamount to a second career.

    (b) To deal with said blizzard, some folks use mail filters, with the result that they may not be getting your messages.

    _____________________________

    No matter how cynical you become,
    it's never enough to keep up.

    JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
    INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

    (in reply to ladyeden)
    Profile   Post #: 11
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:53:48 PM   
    kc692


    Posts: 3701
    Joined: 3/24/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: ladyeden

    In answer to kc962....yes I am sending specific to the profile.
    I only send emails only to to those that I believe may be a fit for all concerned

    As someone who is very specific about who I am looking for I do not send out unnecessary emails

    Also I want to thank those who do send replies and those that have found interest and time to read and or reply to this post.

    As a footnote I was not aware that this subject had already been beaten to death so my apologies if I am going over old ground.

    Blessed Be

    Lady Eden


    The only thing I can think of( I quickly glanced at your profile) is if you are emailing females, you may be going to their bulk folder if they have couples set to go to that location, or, they are just so inundated with emails, they see the couple coloring and only give it a cursory glance.  My sympathies are with you...but look at this way, the few that answer are possibilities whereas the others didn't take up any of your time to find that out.

    _____________________________

    Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

    This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

    (in reply to ladyeden)
    Profile   Post #: 12
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 2:58:45 PM   
    NightWindWhisper


    Posts: 143
    Joined: 5/28/2006
    Status: offline     		Occasionaly a new'ish member sends out emails to someone who looks like a good fit--except that the person has not logged in for a month--or even a year.  I don't think that's the case with you though.

    I rarely do not receive a reply, and only very rarely have had an offensive piece of mail.  It could be that I tend to read the person's profile carefully, more in an attempt to weed out those who clearly would not be a decent match.  Also I'm quite happy to "just friends," and say so. 

    Yet if you research the physchology of the internet it is clear that many people do behave in opposition to how they would in the real world.  Anonymity offers immunity to criticism--and rebuttal.  There is a small but vocal subset that are abusive to women--bullies, just like there are in the real world.  Delete and block and don't give them the time of day--and if they come back with other names--complain to a moderator.   And if a person or couple you are writing to is overtly desirable to a large group, they can receive an overwhelming pile of email, and sometimes hostile mail from females (or males pretending to be females--who did not get a resopnse to a query).  I tend to avoid new members for this reason.  Often a month or two later--after they've learned how things work, a polite, well writtten note will be responded to.

    As the good advice earlier mentioned--a well crafted, "I've read your profile," note is much more apt to be replied to.  People vary as to the response to grammatical errors or general literary sloppiness--but there is a subset that will judge you as being out of their intellectual range--and there are others who don't mind i's instead of I and u2 and un-spell-checked notes, and it may be that one subset is for you and the other is not.  At any rate your profile is well crafted--and that's what I'd pay attention.  Do you write your notes as well crafted as your profile?  This may not be a priority for either of you, but it may cost responses.

    Are you writing to submissives who indicate a willingness to serve a couple, and a willingness to relocate?  Certainly there are here that would respond to that, but there are many that do not care to be a "beta" submissive, and/or won't or cannot relocate--and a lack of indication that they are open to those terms may well get you nothing in return.    Though I am often one to recommend collarme over alt, alt may be a better place for your needs--though it would be best to become a gold member with "ordinary members" can respond.  That costs about $20@month on a year basis.  You will simply have a larger exposure there. 

    Persevere--I'd think, in time, you'll find what you seek.

    (in reply to juliaoceania)
    Profile   Post #: 13
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 3:23:27 PM   
    Griswold


    Posts: 2739
    Joined: 2/12/2007
    Status: offline     		I've always found cash to be a vigorous incentive.

    (in reply to ladyeden)
    Profile   Post #: 14
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 3:24:27 PM   
    shellzbythesea


    Posts: 120
    Joined: 5/27/2007
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: ladyeden

    Can anyone tell Me why, after sending out so many emails to various people on this site only a very few seem to find it curtious to respond.

    Over the last year of so I would say that only about less than 20% bother to reply even if to say no thank you....

    Have we become so selfish and ignorant that even when asking in the email for a curtious reply 80% or so choose to just ignore.

    I am becoming increasingly dispondant and visiting the sire less and less because of this.... Is anyone else finding the same thing happening or is it just Me.

    Thank you all for listening to my frustrations.

    Blessed Be

    Lady Eden. 


    It could be any number of things as others have mentioned.
     
    i personally *try* to respond to every *polite* email that comes my way, even if not interested.  That of course means i will not respond to anything stupid like "on your knees bitch", which i'm assuming you'd never do, anyhow (only a select few are so vulgar).   Or take for instance, the fact that less than 10 minutes ago i received a reply from someone who has already written to me and is *very* far over my age limit...before, i was nice enough to send a respectful reply noting (as though he couldn't tell from my profile) that i'm looking for someone closer to my own age but wish him the best of luck in his own search (and i meant that *sincerely*, btw)...so now he writes me again to say he's still interested.  i did not bother to reply stating that "i'm still not."  So, repeat offenders don't even merit a cursory response from me.
     
    Since you've stated that you ARE reading their ads (i.e. not sending notes to those who've no true interest in someone your age or a couple, or whathaveyou)...it could be again, they are simply inundated (or too rude) to reply.
     
    i will say that the most offending notes of all, are those who *clearly* did not read my profile (i.e. "I'm married, hey let's PLAY!)...

    (in reply to ladyeden)
    Profile   Post #: 15
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 3:56:53 PM   
    neoanimaru


    Posts: 15
    Joined: 12/1/2007
    Status: offline     		I am slightly hesitant to post this because it seems to be a touchy subject. Also, If this is deemed inappropriate for this section by a MOD I apologize and feel free to delete it. However, its intent is only to sum up my general observations and perhaps shed some new light on this subject.

    ladyeden, you are obviously not alone in this frustration of yours. Many Dom/mes seem to have it. Some of them seem not be deluding themselves regarding it. I have found on both this website and another like it that there are several things that should be kept in mind. Some of these things are often said while some not at all. What follows is just the three main points and what I feel is enough information to make what I state clear.

    -Most Dom/mes are assholes.
    There are many things that attribute to this behavior. We all have our ideas so I’ll not delve into it. However, this is a problem because it gives subs/slaves a reason to ignore people who are searching in earnest because sometimes they can no longer tell who is.

    -Most subs/slaves receive a LOT of mail.
    This is a mixed blessing for them. In many cases they have the pick of the lot. Unfortunately the lot is large and as previously stated mostly assholes. This causes the setup of mail filters which may cause potentially good Dom/mes to be left out.

    -Most subs/slaves are assholes.
    This is one of those things you never hear and I say because it is often not thought about. Among other reasons you can argue it came about because of Dom/mes being pricks. I’m not going to. It’s a chicken or egg argument. However, “no reply is a reply” is only acceptable in some cases. In my experience and it seems ladyedens experience many times even if a profile is read and mutual interest or possible match may be seen and a short message that shows you have read their profile is sent out they will still (in many cases) not reply. It is often said that they are scared of retaliation such as inappropriate response messages. I will simply point out that if retaliation is feared in circumstances of a good solid message then why read them at all? I will also say that it is true no protocol should be expected on the internet. Yet I find it incredibly hypocritical to bemoan being treated like crap by some Dom/mes then doing it to potentially good ones.

    Again, this is also assuming the Dom/me in question has a well setup profile and a well worded message. I also will not judge whether a person does in truth have well worded messages without reading them and who they pertain to. What I previously stated is a general trend I’ve noticed in my relatively fruitless search of a few months. I don’t mean to offend anyone but if anyone feels like they are and are offended by what I say and request it then I will happily provide examples of messages I have sent to show I am not deluded or misinformed about my claims.

    Edit note - This reply is mostly to ladyeden and I've no idea why it says in reply to dcnovice.

    < Message edited by neoanimaru -- 12/9/2007 4:00:20 PM >

    (in reply to dcnovice)
    Profile   Post #: 16
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 4:02:32 PM   
    laurell3


    Posts: 6577
    Joined: 5/5/2005
    Status: offline     		Yeah well neo, welcome to the forums, however, read my profile and tell me why I'm not responding at all.  It should be quite evident.

    It's not my personal philosophy that no response is a polite response, it's my reading comprehension from having read about 30 of these threads in the past two months. What you are assuming is rude behavior is in fact not what most intend.

    < Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/9/2007 4:03:03 PM >

    _____________________________

    I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

    When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

    (in reply to neoanimaru)
    Profile   Post #: 17
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 4:08:52 PM   
    juliaoceania


    Posts: 21383
    Joined: 4/19/2006
    From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
    Status: offline
    quote:

    (a) Many CM folks, particularly female subs, get a blizzard of mail. Answering it all personally would be tantamount to a second career.


    I have hired a press secretary to handle all of my fan mail



    _____________________________

    Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

    Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

    Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

    (in reply to dcnovice)
    Profile   Post #: 18
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 4:13:12 PM   
    KatyLied


    Posts: 13029
    Joined: 2/24/2005
    From: Pennsylvania
    Status: offline     		It's my personal experience, that to politely reject someone with "no, thank you, I'm not interested" sometimes produces the following behaviors:  "please reconsider"  "what's your im?"  "let's talk, you can get to know me"  "come on, give me a chance".   Along with chat requests when I'm on-line.  Easier not to start that ball rolling.

    _____________________________

    “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
    - Albert Einstein

    (in reply to juliaoceania)
    Profile   Post #: 19
    RE: Frustrated - 12/9/2007 4:22:00 PM   
    neoanimaru


    Posts: 15
    Joined: 12/1/2007
    Status: offline     		I completely agree that with your profile there is little reason to reply to anyone save a person you already know. I assume it is rude behavior because I assume the person is actually looking, has received a well written message that shows knowledge of their profile, and has actually read that message. Otherwise yes, I agree a person is completely justified in not replying or even a degrading response for wasting their time.

    (in reply to laurell3)
    Profile   Post #: 20
    Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
    All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Frustrated Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
    Jump to:





    New Messages No New Messages
    Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
    Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
     Post New Thread
     Reply to Message
     Post New Poll
     Submit Vote
     Delete My Own Post
     Delete My Own Thread
     Rate Posts




    Collarchat.com © 2025
    Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

    0.078