Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Dealing With Frustration & Anger


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Dealing With Frustration & Anger Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 12:38:32 AM   
NotYourAverageJo


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Ladies, Gents and all those in between.

I'd like to throw out a scenario for all of you and get a little feedback.

Suppose you're angry and frustrated... not with an individual... but rather with a set of circumstances that you can do nothing to change. You haven't quite gotten to that whole... acceptance bit just yet.

For sake of argument, let's say the circumstances are... you've just found out that a friend or family member has a health condition and you can't do anything to help or fix. It's not lethal, but it's not pretty and it's pretty damned depressing.

You don't think it's right. You know that life isn't always fair, but that doesn't mean that you aren't royally pissed. And the inability to change things just makes it all the more difficult to deal with.

Still with me? Okay. One last stipulation...

The scenario presented isn't what I'm experiencing. That's a pretty personal matter, at the moment. Perhaps for a good long while.

But the sentiment is the same. That anger has been brewing. And I know it's unhealthy to let it sit... stew... growing and keeping me on edge.

If you were in my shoes, feeling so very frustrated... angry to the point of depression... what physical outlet do you think you'd use to vent? They can range from the obvious (taking up boxing, etc) to the less apparent (hacking logs apart). But it's got to be physical. I'm at the point where pounding a wall sounds ideal.

So I need some alternatives. Something where I'm a bit less likely to break fingers, please.

Lastly, please don't suggest prayer or meditation... or anything passive. It just really isn't what I need right now.

Thanks for your replies. 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 12:43:31 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I go bush and scream sometimes.

I have, on one occasion, wrecked the house, thrown tables, etc. Smashing plates and cups is also quite satisfying. You get an instant buzz from the noise and immediate devastation. But it is messy.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 12:49:11 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		lol she "goes bush"....that's australian for out in the wild I guess...

I used to run when I was angry or frustrated.  A good workout to the point of exhaustion can help clear your head alot and get out some of the energy.
I've known of people that tore up phonebooks, sparred/boxed and of course, there's the good old receiving a cathartic beating, although I wouldn't suggest giving one.
I know it's passive but there's nothing like a good friend to vent with and/or a therapist.  That's what I do now as I can't run anymore, sorry.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 12:52:59 AM   
CrescentLuna


Posts: 89
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline 		I think chopping wood sounds like a pretty productive way of it, as long as you're attentive enough to not chop yourself. Maybe stacking? Just long repetitive labor, hopefully heavy enough to tire you out. Working out is another one, sometimes the adrenaline can keep you going so long you'll regret it the next day, but it helps work it out. I also like really long rambling walks that I'm practically staggering back home from, but might be too light for you. Even just punching and hell out of pillows on the bed can be nice for a quick thing.
Just as a note, though, if you're bubbling with anger for weeks, might be time to talk to a doctor.


_____________________________

"I was her Voyager, she was my Deep Space Nine" - Ookla the Mok.

"I still have my name
I still have my face
I have not run away from home
Doesn't seem so long
If I now embrace
Every single thing I've never known" - Cruxshadows

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:00:36 AM   
NotYourAverageJo


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for your answers.

I've thought of doing a few of the things suggested. And lately I've been thinking about joining a boxing gym, since I was never huge on track and field in high school. Beating the pulp out of something just sounds a bit more satisfying.

I suppose either of them would take some of the edge off and maybe wear me out. And I think that being worn out and much too tired to even think about thinking would be nice.

As for the passive route, I'm working on that. I see a nutcracker about part of the problem. But since my therapist isn't familiar with my particular problem it's sort of a learning experience for the both of us.

The only time I feel completely at peace is when I'm writing... off in LaLa Fantasy Land. But I can't always be there. And when I haven't had time to write in a little while I get pretty worked up.

It doesn't exactly show. Sometimes I might come across as a bit distant. And on occasion my answers are clipped when I'm especially wound tight. But I'm not big on the whole... sharing my feelings bit. So I try not to let it all hang loose. Especially not with friends or family. I like being the rock that they come to... the shoulder they cry on. And I guess that's another route of escape for me. Can't possibly be thinking about my hang-ups, fuck-ups and mental quandries when I've got theirs to sort through.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:02:59 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Been there, done that....even the rock has cracks and if the rock doesn't stop being the rock sometimes to deal with their own cracks, trust me, the rock will break.  (omg I sound insane).
You get my point I'm sure.

good luck on this!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:06:21 AM   
NotYourAverageJo


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah. I got to that point actually. For two years I grinned like the Cheshire cat and helped people cope with their issues. And I never even acknowledged my own discontent. Not until the wee small hours of the night... when I'd go to bed thinking to myself... "If I don't wake up tomorrow morning... it won't be the worst thing in the world."

After a few months of being passively suicidal I had a talk with my mom... told her I thought it was about time to start seeing someone about *my* issues. You can only ignore things for so long before it all hits the fan.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:09:57 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah I hear ya.  My reality was finally accepting that I can't fix my family and when they create their own chaos I have to step back and watch them suffer rather than getting in the repeated cycle of bailing them out (both figuratively and literally).  It was hard as there were younger ones involved, but sanity was quickly escaping me from trying so hard to fix everything for everyone.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:11:43 AM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		having a damn good scream, throwing stuffed toys around, they make less mess hehe. OR good ol physical discharge running walking beating the hell out of a punching bag, journalling. and lastly having a friend you can rant to who will just listen





(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:13:22 AM   
Mastaziel


Posts: 67
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline 		It might not appeal, but from what you said about your writing maybe you should try something creative. I mean do the boxing thing etc, work off some energy, but find a hobby that you can enjoy. Instead of chopping wood, look at wood craft perhaps. Maybe look at making your own toys, or a box to keep them in. What ever you might have an interest in, model cars, boats, hell even knitting. The destructive energy you have right now needs to get vented, but if you also look at some creative means of harnessing a little of it I'd imagine you'll feel alot better.

Hugs.

_____________________________

~~~:Torment is just another word for affection:~~~

(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:21:15 AM   
NotYourAverageJo


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline 		I don't exactly have stuffed animals to throw around, but the punching bag sounds more appealing each time I think about it.

I'm not sure about keeping a journal. I've never been too great at keeping one of those up. Also, I've identified the problem quite clearly in my head. I can sum it up in just a few lines. So... I'm not entirely sure how I'd go about stretching that out into something with a bit more bulk. But I really appreciate the suggestions.

As for the friend thing... I've got one friend that I might talk to about this matter. But it sort of ends up being like the journal idea. I'm pretty to the point about the matter with my therapist... one of the only people I feel comfortable actually verbalizing all of this to. And I'm guessing it would be like that when talking to my friend about it.

Ranting can't solve the problem. And I wonder if it wouldn't actually make it worse to dwell on it. I know that when I think about it for too long I get that rising urge to punch the wall. That's why I'm pretty convinced that the only thing I can really do about it is to channel that aggression and frustration into something physically taxing.

(in reply to angelslave77)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:23:17 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Well sounds like you have a therapist you trust and that's a great start.  Good luck and good night!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:26:24 AM   
Mastaziel


Posts: 67
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm, another thought...do you play golf? I don't, ball sports aren't My thing. But DAMN, it'd be fun to go to a driving range. Grab a second hand club, take a lesson or two so you don't twist yourself into a pretzel when you swing, then whack the $#!7 out of some balls.

Or hell, you live in America right? Go to a range and shoot something, like skeet shooting or something. Lots of noise, destruction and you get to blow the snot out of clay pigeons. Fun!

_____________________________

~~~:Torment is just another word for affection:~~~

(in reply to Mastaziel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:26:34 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

(omg I sound insane).



Not only SOUND insane

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:29:29 AM   
NotYourAverageJo


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks Mastaziel for the suggestion.

I've always been fascinated with pulling things apart and putting them back together. And I've been itching to learn how to work on cars so I can do most of my own basic maintenance. Alas, there was no autoshop at my high school.

If I had a drop of drawing ability I'd be churning out artwork like no tomorrow. But unfortunately that's all gone to my sister, who plans on doing absolutely nothing with it. Crazy girl. However, down the artsy avenue, photography has been pretty neat in the past. Especially the forensic photography class I took a while ago.

I may have to work on developing my own film though, if I keep up that kind of photography. I wasn't too keen on the way the developer at Walgreens was looking at me.

I'll have to brainstorm a bit later and see about coming up with more ideas in this vein though. Sounds intriguing.

(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:31:53 AM   
NotYourAverageJo


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline 		HAH! Why didn't I think of that? I could hit the range with a few friends of mine and pick off everything in sight. My .22s are being absolutely wasted in the back of the closet. I'll have to phone a few people and round them up for a day at the range.

Might not be an ideal long-term solution... but blasting away at things does offer a certain amount of satisfaction for me.

(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:35:46 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		well once I went into a supermarket and was experiencing pent up anger which was circumstance based and everything was just pissing me off. when the 5th person banged into my trolley and really annoyed my  I just dropped the bottle of wine I was carrying, it smashed on the floor and I walked out feeling much better lol  I didnt go back there for a while but it felt good and I felt I had shared my pain, its probably not the best suggestion but it worked for me!!!
Other that that I break plates outside or I get my MP3 player , put on the loudest beatiest music on and run till I can't run anymore,
Talking is always good but if you dont want to share it with someone close to you then I'd go with any of the above
I hope you start to feel a bit less stressed soon


_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:38:44 AM   
Mastaziel


Posts: 67
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline 		ur welcome. :P

I used to have fun pulling things apart when I was a kid, spent hours pulling the inside of My toys apart. Never did get them back together again though. Doh! But that's ok, I usually used the parts for something else anyway.

What ever you choose, remember it doesn't matter if you're good at it or not, probably won't even matter if you complete what ever you're doing. What matters is if it's helping. Maybe you need a little "YOU" time, get away, burn that rage out a little and have a little fun working on what ever you decide to do.

Luck dude.
Hugs.

_____________________________

~~~:Torment is just another word for affection:~~~

(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:42:26 AM   
Mastaziel


Posts: 67
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline 		Oh god...what have I done! Um...Dirty NotYourAverageJo???...."do you feel lucky...punk?"

_____________________________

~~~:Torment is just another word for affection:~~~

(in reply to Mastaziel)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dealing With Frustration & Anger - 12/2/2007 1:44:37 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings notyouraveragejo,

i actually do fit the scenario you mentioned, except i'm the sick one ;) in my experience, the best thing to do is channel that anger or aggression into something positive. rather than sitting around feeling impotent and getting worked up about it, do something with it to help in any way you can. i know you said the situation isn't exactly the same as what you posted, but if you're caught in a situation where you feel like you can't affect change, affect change somewhere else - anything to keep yourself from being stuck in a place of powerlessness. going on the scenario you did mention - even if you can't do anything to help the sick person, maybe doing volunteerism to raise awareness about the illness, for example. but mostly just try to channel it into something constructive; not only will you be helping people, but it may give you the sense of accomplishment and ability to affect change that you are lacking.

respectfully,
annabelle.


_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to NotYourAverageJo)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Dealing With Frustration & Anger Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.062