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Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 9:33:43 AM   
miladyh


Posts: 64
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline 		I am not posting this in a sub/slave forum only as I would like input from both sides. 

When I begin a search for a dominant partner I keep my options open...meaning I talk to more than just one or two persons.  I do this as I have talked to some who seem interested and then disappear off the face of the earth.  I also do not jump when told to jump simply because a dominant has told me to do so.  Until I have agreed to wear your collar my body and thoughts continue to belong to me, atleast that is how I feel.

I am not interested in on line or phone relationships, I prefer hands on personal realtionships.  When I find someone who I am truely interested in and they I...meeting to determine if chemistry is there not just on line or on the phone, anyone can click on line or on the phone, personal face to face contact tells me alot more about a person.

I also do not like to feel pressured or pushed, I believe that if a relationship is meant to be it will happen and evolve as it should.  Pushing someone, atleast with me, only serves to push them away.

I am assuming most people do this but am asking this

Do most keep more than one egg in their basket...

Also am I alone in my approach to finding the right dominant for me?

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 9:37:15 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I find that "keeping my options open" keeps my head on a little bit straighter, as I am not focusing on just one person, until I am ready to take a relationship to the level of being exclusive.

Cali

(in reply to miladyh)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 9:40:44 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Most people don't do that.  So what?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 9:43:29 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I'm impressed that you have found more than one who fit your criteria. I found only one who truly impressed me enough to exchange more than a couple of emails with. Perhaps I'm just picky as hell. I've been with him over 4 years now, btw.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 9:52:11 AM   
miladyh


Posts: 64
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Most people don't do that.  So what?


I dont have a problem with people's way of dong things either way...I was just curious as to if I am alone in my way of doing it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 9:53:32 AM   
miladyh


Posts: 64
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

I'm impressed that you have found more than one who fit your criteria. I found only one who truly impressed me enough to exchange more than a couple of emails with. Perhaps I'm just picky as hell. I've been with him over 4 years now, btw.


LOL that is why I talk to more than one person so that I can "weed out" those that dont fit, I am very particular about who I am with.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 9:56:54 AM   
miladyh


Posts: 64
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I find that "keeping my options open" keeps my head on a little bit straighter, as I am not focusing on just one person, until I am ready to take a relationship to the level of being exclusive.

Cali



I also try to keep them open so as not to focus all my attention on one person who may be a click on line then when you meet they are someone totally opposite.  I will agree with  being ready to make a relationship exclusive and for me that takes time getting to know one another personally and developing something special between the two of you.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 10:03:09 AM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		 Once i started chatting with Master i know there was no one else for me with in the first couple chats. So no i didnt use that approach.

On the other hand i have meet a few  that do and they never seem to find what they are looking for. They seem to keep thier options open always on the look out for something better  and never seem to fully commit to get to know the one that have sparked an interest  but dont fill all the high standards they have set. Later they usually  have regrets and have dozens of " what if ".

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to miladyh)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 10:08:21 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Very soon after I first met my Master (we met online), I felt his power and submission to him came naturally.  I had no desire to talk to anyone else.  Within  a month I asked if he would train me as his slave, in 2 monthswe met in person and he took ownership of me, and in 6 months I received his collar.  Upon agreeing to train me, I was requested to close any "options" with other dominants.  That was an easy one for me.  But it took awhile to earn a collar.  By some people's standards, 6 months was way too fast.  By others, it was way too long.

(in reply to miladyh)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 10:09:42 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach

Once i started chatting with Master i know there was no one else for me with in the first couple chats. So no i didnt use that approach.


There you go, getting into my head again.

(in reply to LaMspeach)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 11:07:54 AM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: miladyh

LOL that is why I talk to more than one person so that I can "weed out" those that dont fit, I am very particular about who I am with.



I imagine most of us are "particular." I think many relationships start online, develop there and over the phone, and ultimately result in a meeting and a relationship. I do that serially, though, rather than simultaneously. If one person doesn't work out, I'll move on to the next, but I try not to juggle subs online.

That's just my .02 zlotys, though. Your milage may vary....

Les (Illegitimate son of Joseph Heller and Mary Higgins Clark).

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to miladyh)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 2:30:12 PM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Miladyh, it's funny that I came across your post because i've been wondering about that myself, and was going to ask the same question.  No you are not alone in your approach, because I do the same thing.  Maybe it's because i'm a commito-phobe, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting to make sure that you are focusing on the right person.  I have had dom's as well as men in the vanilla world who weren't to happy with that, and thats unfortunate.  I am coming out of a marriage that I seriously regret and has cost me thousands of dollars so I am not trying to make the same mistake again.  Keeping your options open is definetely a good thing because you arent spending/wasting, even , your energy on someone or somethign that will not materialize to anything.  My friends (vanilla) call me a playette, I just say i'm not settling.  This is very much easy for me because I have met someone who is very understanding and mature and does nto want to put the cart before the horse, so to speak; and he's told me this..twice or so.  It makes me feel very comfortable with the way things are because He and I are both under no obligation to each other, beside honesty.  He too has the choice and I believe is keeping his options open.  You just never know how things may turn out. 
Although things do get tricky when friends ask me about my relationship with him and I say we are just friends; even though they disagree...but everyone has their own standards of what they call their relationships.
I see myself as someone who is not owned or under consideration etc (unless i'm mistaken then someone please give me some insight) therefore I am free to speak and do however I please (as long as they are within the respectful boundaries of whatever relationships I have).
Now that I know someone else is on the same boat as me, I have to ask...do you feel guilty when you are seeing more than one interest at a time? (not necessarily sexually)

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 3:28:49 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		Remember the ads that say: "When banks compete, you win!"?  Well, it's the same with dating, and with being "on the market" as a submissive... Just be subtle about it, and let people know the situation... how you feel about it. I can't imagine anyone of any worth holding it against you for wanting to "get it right."

(in reply to greenearth21)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 4:02:51 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		So what if you were, what does it matter. You do what's right for you. Others do what's right for them.
quote:

ORIGINAL: miladyh

Also am I alone in my approach to finding the right dominant for me?



(in reply to miladyh)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 4:16:09 PM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Do most keep more than one egg in their basket...
I do not know about most.. but I don't.
Then again, I have more than one basket.

_____________________________

"Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions."
~Cullen Hightower~

(in reply to miladyh)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 4:30:18 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		Considering the amount that go "poof" on here when you are under the impression that things are really going well...I think you have a very realistic approach.  I've started to adopt this myself. 

I've had more than one instance where I have passed on someone because I thought I was talking to someone serious and all of a sudden all communication stopped.

Bottom line you have to do what's best for you...just be honest and up front about it.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to miladyh)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 5:34:53 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I had almost the exact same attitude when I was looking. I talked to anyone that I might find interesting. I did not give deference to anyone, although I talked about BDSM and our mutual interests in it, for the most part I approached it from a vanilla perspective of "getting to know" people.

That changed the day I met my Daddy. I was instantly submissive to him.

That being said, I am submissive to my Dom without collaring, which I see as a commitment that goes with a wedding ring in my mind. Both are lasting symbols of commitment. I would not accept a collar unless marriage was a part of that. There are certain things I will not submit to until that deep commitment is made because I would just not feel it appropriate to.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/10/2007 5:35:24 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to miladyh)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 6:25:48 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: szobras

Do most keep more than one egg in their basket...
I do not know about most.. but I don't.
Then again, I have more than one basket.


Greetings F,
i like this  and like you, i have more than one basket as well~
j

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to szobras)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 6:44:17 PM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Hi J,
It's good to be understood, you too, and love your Sig line.

_____________________________

"Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions."
~Cullen Hightower~

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Keeping Options Open - 11/10/2007 10:27:09 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Thankyou F,
 
my sig line describes my professional and my personal philosophy  Your's is very well stated also~
 
pax et lumina,
        j

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to szobras)
Profile   Post #: 20
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