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Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 6:47:26 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

In the last month I have come out to both my mother and my sister about being a masochist. I was rather surprised that my mom seemed to take it better than my sister...smiles.

My mom had no comment, other than to say that young people should be erotic the way they wanted to be.

My sister on the other hand, she seems to be having a harder time digesting it. I have repeatedly explained to her the biomechanics of why it turns me on, but she is having a hard time understanding that someone can love you and demonstrate it by bruising you.

I just thought it was important that before I got serious with anyone that I tell my family about my masochistic side because if something happened to me, and i had fresh bruises I did not want the man I love to be accused of a crime. I thought it better to head that off before I get that deeply involved with someone again.

I just thought it very funny that my mom had less of an opinion than my sister, but then again my mom is pretty liberal and my sister is a stuffed shirt... so perhaps I should have expected it.

One funny line from the conversation with my sister..

She says "Its not like you have ever had a safeword or something...right?"

My response...

"Well, um, yeah!"

LOL

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

Post #: 1

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 6:50:43 PM

RosesHaveThorns

Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

I bruise easily, but luckily it comes with utter klutziness so I can say that I fell down or something.

But I wish you well, and hope that your sister learns to accept you in time. If this is not too personal, may I ask how do your sister and mother stand religiously?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 2

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 6:53:20 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

I bruise easily, but luckily it comes with utter klutziness so I can say that I fell down or something.

But I wish you well, and hope that your sister learns to accept you in time. If this is not too personal, may I ask how do your sister and mother stand religiously?

My mom considers herself a "christian" , although she respects all religions...

My sister is nonreligious and she believes in spirit guides... I guess New Age would describe her... but she used to be a Christian conservative.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)

Post #: 3

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 7:14:36 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

julia, it's great to see you back on the boards...and very good to see that you're still finding your way.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 7:24:41 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

My path is pretty clear these days... thanks for the welcome back Erin...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 5

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 7:48:48 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

You're very brave. I imagine a converstaion with my mother on the subject would be somewhat like the American Pie sex talk with Dad.

Good luck with your Sis. It's a lot to get her head around.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 7:52:01 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
julia, it's great to see you back on the boards...and very good to see that you're still finding your way.

I couldn't agree more. I've missed you and hope you get back to posting regularly. I always enjoyed what you wrote

.................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 8:04:59 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

You're very brave. I imagine a converstaion with my mother on the subject would be somewhat like the American Pie sex talk with Dad.

Good luck with your Sis. It's a lot to get her head around.

Perhaps it is unfair of me to unload on her? ... she kinda asked me some questions that led to the discussion, so I won't feel too guilty.

I suppose I am at this place of self acceptance. If I am going to say that I truly accept myself the way I am, I felt the need to not live part of my life in the dark anymore. I know everyone is different, and I respect that difference truly, I just feel this sense of self acceptance I have never possessed in my life. I have arrived at this place where I have nothing to prove anymore, and if people do not love me or like me the way that I am I just don't care.

I feel very free...smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 8

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 8:06:57 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
julia, it's great to see you back on the boards...and very good to see that you're still finding your way.

I couldn't agree more. I've missed you and hope you get back to posting regularly. I always enjoyed what you wrote.................luci

It's good to have the time to post. I have been very busy on a research project which is almost completed. I have missed many of you, and i am glad to be back Luci... it is really nice to see your screen name... feel free to email me on the other side if you like.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 9

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 8:07:26 PM

RosesHaveThorns

Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Well, maybe you pushed some limits...But I don't think that your partner will appreciate a visit from the police very much. I have NO clue how often that occurs, or the risks of it, but well...Better to be honest. And your sister's reaction isn't too bad, given that she's talking about it...Is that a sign that she is beginning to be more comfortable with it?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 8:11:43 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

Well, maybe you pushed some limits...But I don't think that your partner will appreciate a visit from the police very much. I have NO clue how often that occurs, or the risks of it, but well...Better to be honest. And your sister's reaction isn't too bad, given that she's talking about it...Is that a sign that she is beginning to be more comfortable with it?

I told her about a week ago, and we talked a while. She then brought up some of the past relationships I have been in that she considered "abusive", and asked if perhaps it was my masochistic nature that drew that to me. I do not think that this is the case. She does not understand the brain chemistry of masochism, and although I have tried to point her in that direction, she is resistant to it.

There was a video that I found online about hypnotism, pain, and the brain's ability to focus in a way where a person did not feel pain. They had brain scans on this video. The site that I found it on is gone... the owner of tvlinks was arrested... but I am looking for it still to show her, and I will post it here if I find it. I thought it relevant to masochism and subspace in general.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)

Post #: 11

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 8:26:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Hey welcome back! *hugs*hugs*hugs*hugs*hugs

(Or should I do the old AOL chat room way {{{{Julia}}}}?)

I think it's fine. She's processing at her level and that shows more openness and welcoming that you have right to hope for with most people. Just let her keep it at her level. Be supportive and above all happy. She doesn't have to "get it" she just has to know YOU get it and are ok with it. If she wants to get it, she can keep asking questions, but that's her ball to do with what she wants.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_673932/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#673940
questions about coming out

http://www.collarchat.com/m_603184/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#603237
Coming Out

http://www.collarchat.com/m_594649/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#594704
Telling Family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_552712/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#552726
real world acceptance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_500172/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#500695
So I came out...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_191844/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#192641
family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_87719/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#87743
Talking to vanilla people

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 8:46:41 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

LA, we have no right to any expectation that others will accept anything about us....You are correct about that one.

Acceptance is a gift (no I did not say submission was a gift so everyone put down your arrows

).

*hugs LA warmly back"

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 8:51:45 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

lol, welcome back hon
Your posts have always made me either smile or think, and sometimes they have done both

hugs
chrissie

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 9:12:17 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Way to be brave! It's never easy coming out to the people who raised you or you were raised with. I'm glad your mom took it well. And your sister will survive. It would be kind of creepy if she were dwelling on the subject of your sex life too much anyway. LOL.

It's funny you brought this up, though. I just outed myself to my sister a couple weeks ago, so I understand where you're coming from. She took it pretty well. I'm sure if I told my mom she would just giggle and tell me something equally outrageous. My sis and mom and I are close. I haven't told my mom yet, though, because I know the rest of the family wouldn't understand and I don't want anything to slip on accident.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 15

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 9:17:32 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Well I am not completely "out" because I decided that it might impact my career... it might not either. I will not be posting any photos of myself on this site unless they have no face because I am going to be doing some social networking for the Institute I work for via the internet. I just think that my photo being found by someone that sees my face other places might lead to odd comments or emails... not a good idea.

I am not going to go out of the way to keep my soon-not-to-be UM from finding out. As long as I am happy I do not think he cares. The closer he gets to offical unUMness, the more accepting we are of each other....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 16

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 9:20:24 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Welcome back Julia
Coming out is never easy, but being accidentally outted would have been worse. Better to deal with informing them before the fact than trying to explain it when they were actually looking at bruises. Emotions like that get in the way a bit.
I told my brother when he found out I was Dominant, that he didnt have to accept me, he just couldnt interfere. I dont tell him about things if he doesnt want ot hear it, and he knows if he asks, I am not going to sugar coat. Be gald they at least know and understand now. Very smart and very brave of you.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 17

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 9:21:51 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Thanks DV

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 18

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 9:24:12 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I totally understand. And as far as UMs being more accepting when they get older, such is the way of things. They realize how wise their parents actually were when they're finally old enough to face the possibility of making it on their own. (LOL. Just kidding about that last bit. I think it's fantastic that you and your UM get along.)

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 19

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/25/2007 10:38:50 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I feel very free...smiles

Heyyy you're baaack!!!

Happy happy!

And the part I quoted is just awesome, totally awesome (wow I sound like a valley girl).

People take time to digest things, and try to in their own time. My Mom is coming to understand me more and more....s l o w l y.....and my sister...well heck I told her I got a brazilian and she freaked out. If I told her my "real" me she'd have a coronary. One step at a time, eh?

So glad to see you again :)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 20

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