RE: Out Of The Closet

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Out Of The Closet

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Out Of The Closet

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/26/2007 9:17:54 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

As far as coming out, it's always a risk. The risk of losing friends and family (so much worse than ever losing a job IMO) and I did lose some friends when I came out, but fair weather friends aren't a requirement, so it's all good as far as I'm concerned. My mother didn't talk to me for an entire month, then she just ignored the whole thing and that's okay, too, but my dad really blew me away by calling me a prude because I wouldn't send him a copy of the documentary about figging or needle play. He's a hoot and I've never regretted choosing to come out, be out and be me for the world to see.. well, except for dad who just doesn't need to see my naked butt. ::laughs::

I am blessed to have my mom, she has pretty much accepted me the way I am. You know, this strange very unsubmissive person has awakened inside of me lately...so I am not sure I would care if she didn't accept me. It is weird, I do not feel the need to please people anymore...maybe it is the fact I will be 40 soon or something.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/26/2007 9:21:12 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

I try to imagine my mother-in-law's reaction if we came out of the closet and I laugh way to hard over it. I think that my sister would react with couriosity and my father would be a bit jealous especially if I told him the part about the open marriage.

Oh well, in the closet I stay at least with the family. I had given some thought to showing up to my ten year class reunion with a flogger over one shoulder and a riding crop in my hand, but they didnt invite me... guess they liked me about as much as I liked them...

BTW welcome back Julia not sure if we ever had the pleasure of conversing on the forums, but I remember some insiteful posts from you, now if we can drag MasterFireMaam back to the board...

I like the high school reunion idea... my 20 year one went by last year... I was invited, but I refuse to belong to a group that will have me as a member... it is a principle thing.

Thanks for the nice words also

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Phin)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/26/2007 9:23:56 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Julia - I struggle with it too, the unsubmissive thing. It used to bother me, it no longer does. Part of that may be because I'm not in a relationship, I don't know. I sort of figure at this point (I'll be 50 next year) I am who I am, the right person will see that and get it.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/26/2007 9:26:31 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

greetings

why did you have to come out and tell them you enjoy pain? i can see the gay part but the pain. i know i made the mistake of telling some close and they have treated me different ever seen so wow, and yes your sister will be shocked for sometime so get ready to be stared at and she may have questions. please do not be hurt when and she will do this say she wants to hear nothing about it not one thing good luck

mons

I thought I explained this rather plainly.

I feel as though being a masochist is not something I needed to explain to my family... I certainly do not go into mechanics of what I am into... but I think my mom had already guessed I was a submissive anyways... she kept telling me about "shows" she had seen about beautiful, intelligent women that give their power away intentionally in relationships. She even went as far as to suggest that I seemed "submissive" like they are. So I do not think my mom was shocked at all.

My mom lives with me also.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mons)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/26/2007 9:32:27 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

LadyLynx

Welcome back julia! Glad to hear that it went (fairly.) well when you came out.

quote:

catize

Welcome back, Juliaoceania, it's been toooo long!

quote:

breathesasone

Julia, WELCOME BACK

quote:

eroticangel

it is great to see you back.....believe me when i say...you were missed!!

quote:

happypervert

Like others, it's nice to see you're back . . . and even better to see your front!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you....

and HappyPervert... I thought I a drum do a "cha-ching" when I read the above...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/26/2007 9:37:41 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Julia - I struggle with it too, the unsubmissive thing. It used to bother me, it no longer does. Part of that may be because I'm not in a relationship, I don't know. I sort of figure at this point (I'll be 50 next year) I am who I am, the right person will see that and get it.

I think I have the tendencies to give a lot to the person I love, can't help that one... just who I am. I just do not want to give myself away completely. I find it hard to function if restricted too much, and I cannot allow anyone else's opinion of me to matter more than my own. I suppose I think that being "submissive" means that you put someone else above yourself. I can't do that again. I love me more than I will ever love another person. I am selfish, proudly selfish...smiles. I feel I am important and I should get what I want just the same as anybody else...

Or as Avril Lavigne says... "I'm damn precious and a mutha fuckin' princess"

If the above line is compatible with submission... perhaps I could still swing it?...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/26/2007 10:33:25 AM

Silky918

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline

Tn,

Oh, I don't know...I *am* the mom. And my daughter and her friends, and her boyfriend even, talk openly with me about all this. Does that make me odd?

Silk

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/26/2007 11:31:26 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Julia! Welcome back!

You are fortunate that you have family members that will even listen. Most of mine are the, fingers in ears "lalalalalalaa" sort. They just don't even want to know.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/26/2007 12:32:12 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Hey Julia, big hugs to you, really good to see you back

On the telling the family bit, congrats you're way braver than me.
My Dad with explanation would probably understand.
My Mum would freak and lock me away from all human kind.
My brother would want to / attempt to kick the shit out of Sir
Soooooo i just keep it to myself.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: Out Of The Closet - 10/26/2007 4:08:44 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia
I'm a bit lost, why does anyone need to tell family and friends about their sexuality? I've never chatted with my Mum and Dad or other rellies to tell them I have sex with guys, why would I need to tell them that I'm a Domme? It's just never come up in conversation. Then again, I'm not in a position where I have bruises to explain away, either. Carry on

FOr me it was a case of pure practicality.

"Hey kid, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Oh I'm going on a date with John"

"John? Aren't you still dating Sam?"

"Oh yeah we're together"

"And you're dating John?"

"Yup"

"And they both know about eachother?"

"Oh yeah, they know completely"

Once relationships get to a certain level, it's important for them to meet my family and have their contact information in case an emergency happens when we are together. So NOT coming out as poly just wouldn't work for me.

As far as the domination/submission stuff, I've never and probably never will actually come out with it, but my mom is a smart cookie and she picks up on stuff very well. I've soft pedaled enough to let her know "this is just how we do things, he likes when I boss him around" so she can feel comfortable on HER level. ALso when she starts to ask questions, I ask her "Are you sure you want me to answer that?" Most of the time she says no.

So for me it's a matter of
1) What is the common sense way to make sure things are taken care of and everyone can handle things well in case of an emergency?
2) What do people need in order to feel secure and aware?
3) What level are THEY comfortable handling my situation?

So there you go- it's not about what goes on in my bedroom, it's about my LIFE, and my family is a big part of my life.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Profile

Post #: 50