Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect?

Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (Full Version)

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littlesarbonn -> Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:16:41 PM)
I know a lot of us have been looking for a long time, while others, of course, haven't been looking that hard, so I'm somewhat left wondering if that perhaps some of us just really weren't meant to find anyone else. You keep hearing the same "oh you'll find someone eventually because my cousin Doofy searched for 52 years until he found the woman he was...."...that kind of thing, so I often wonder if maybe it's just not meant to be. I was having this conversation with my sister the other day, and aside from the rolling eyes about the "type" of woman I seem to end up with, i.e. dominant, she made a statement that as a writer, maybe that's all I'm really supposed to be. Now, that's somewhat discouraging, but it sort of made me wonder. What if some of us were meant for solitude no matter how much work we put into trying to make a connection with someone?

Maya2001 -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:23:35 PM)
Well unless your actively searching you will never know the answer to that question, the other problem may be unrealistic views/expectations in what one seeks

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:27:24 PM)
I don't believe that there is someone for everyone. I believe that if you want something or someone, you have to put yourself out there and take some risks. That does not guarantee you will be successful. There are no guarantees in life, except that we will all leave it at some point. I search because I crave and want something. I live each day as if its my last, even though all my quests may not be complete.

Rushemery -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:27:45 PM)
I think everyone feels that way at times maybe she is using reverse psychology on you.

KatyLied -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:36:53 PM)
quote: I'm somewhat left wondering if that perhaps some of us just really weren't meant to find anyone else. This is something I've given a lot of thought to. There are many things at play here. I think that some of us set a high bar, perhaps too high and that we automatically weed out too many people who perhaps would be a good match. I think that alot of finding that other person is luck, not everyone has the same amount of luck. I personally have remedied the situation, for the time being, by deciding not to look for anything. I used to feel sad because I was not part of a couple. I now feel good about my life. I've decided to live my life for me and to make it full. That may be a hindrance to finding the right person (how will he fit in my life? how will I fit in his? do I want to have to fit into someone's life?), but I'm not going to sit around and wait for something that may not exist to show up. I think perhaps I am tired of all of it. And not in a negative way, but in a "I need to be doing other things in my life and allow things to unfold as they will or won't" sort of way.

Celeste43 -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:37:27 PM)
I'm an extreme introvert. I need a lot of alone time. But I also need to be with someone. I find ways to be alone while with him. I read a book in the same room while he's on the computer. Sometimes we sit together on the couch both reading. It's doable, but it's just one more thing you need in a long list of things.

RRafe -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:38:40 PM)
I dunno,I tend not to be very tolerant of angsty drama queens. But that's probably just shying away from things that drove me bonkers in previous women.

Missokyst -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:41:46 PM)
I do believe that some people are meant for nothing. It may be the bad space I am in at the moment but I feel like there is an uneven amount of men vs women, kinked vs nilla, dominant vs submissive if that applies in someones life. And since there is a disparity in numbers, some will be left behind by default. I have been in love twice in my life. I am still in love though they have moved on. I figure I had my years of happy and maybe that life time thing does not exist for me. I can love for life but the flip side does not happen. I am out of the loop I guess. But that doesn't mean I can't be content. My current slump will eventually pass and I can be satisfied with what I have again. I will settle for that nice peaceful land of numb and no sadness. Kyst

Lumus -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:44:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn I know a lot of us have been looking for a long time, while others, of course, haven't been looking that hard, so I'm somewhat left wondering if that perhaps some of us just really weren't meant to find anyone else. You keep hearing the same "oh you'll find someone eventually because my cousin Doofy searched for 52 years until he found the woman he was...."...that kind of thing, so I often wonder if maybe it's just not meant to be. I was having this conversation with my sister the other day, and aside from the rolling eyes about the "type" of woman I seem to end up with, i.e. dominant, she made a statement that as a writer, maybe that's all I'm really supposed to be. Now, that's somewhat discouraging, but it sort of made me wonder. What if some of us were meant for solitude no matter how much work we put into trying to make a connection with someone? Ultimately? Some people will die alone. Some die without ever getting old enough to discover love. [8D] Life happens. You can try to change your situation, and you may succeed...and there are no guarantees. So I guess the question is: Is it worth the struggle for you, grasshopper? recedes into the tall grass

MistressGayle -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:51:40 PM)
No. None of us are "supposed" to be alone. I think the problem is that we have expectations, whether right or wrong, and when those expectations aren't met, we move on, feeling let down. I have often felt I was hugely wasting My time here on this site; and every time I decided to shut the profile down, this little voice said, "wait. be patient. you will find what you seek if you just persevere." And, now, that has come true for Me. If you look at the photos on My profile, you will see that evidence. It's not easy to wait, but it is imperative that we all have excellent communication, and stop trying to live the fantasies -- no one can live up to fantasies on either side of the D/s coin. It's reality that smacks most people in the face. For Me, 24/7 reality is NOT living from scene to scene to scene. You've got to understand what the real basis is, the real foundation of the lifestyle (SERVICE) and whether you seek and can live up to a 24/7 Owner/slave situation, or a part time, scene when you want to, sub situation. I have found that the slave commitment is very high -- you've got to know yourself, what you seek, what you NEED to live a fulfulled lifestyle, and then have the courage and strength to go for it and step into it with both feet -- most cannot or will not make that commitment in reality. No one, Owner nor slave, can live this in reality if they are not strong in heart and mind. This is not a lifestyle for those weak in heart or character. Integrity is a big issue. As an Owner, I've got to be able to trust My slaves 110%, no question about it. If I can't, they don't belong in My household. If you can't give 100% of all of you and what you bring to the household -- you, your obedience, submission, material things, finances -- then it's not for you. Slaves/subs have to be able to know in their hearts that what they bring will be utilized properly, cherished and not abused -- or they will not submit and step into this with both feet. Trust, honor, integrity -- on both sides is paramount. Dominants seeking boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives -- say so! That will cut out alot of wasted time for those who aren't seeking that. The same goes for subs/slaves -- be clear and upfront with what you seek. I have also found that those who will not take the time to read My profile and journal entries, aren't who/what I am looking for anyway, so their messages are deleted without response; wasting the time of a Dominant will not get a sub or slave any brownie points. It just means they cannot follow instructions from the start, so why should we want to go further? Laziness gets them nowhere fast. [sm=noway.gif] Also, realizing that most Dominants own or manage businesses is a very good plus -- most of us have no time to just sit and chat. We have lives to live and run -- it's what we do, how we're made. Simple respect for a Dominant's time is a very good thing :) Being honest with ourselves in our search, not lying or pretending to others, will also go a long way. We have to learn to cut the liars and fakes off asap and not let them waste our time. For subs/slaves, Dominants have the responsibility to be honest about what they seek; financial slaves are fine if that's what both sides seek. I'm not here to judge -- only to seek what fulfulls Me, and My slaves. There are many types of D/s situations, just know what it is you need and want, and be realistic with yourself about it -- and honest with the Dominant or sub/slave. This site could be, and started out being, a fabulous way to connect with others in the lifestyle -- but the liars and fakes and wankers have certainly done their best to try and spoil it for the REAL lifestylers here.... yet, we are still here, persevering. So, be clear about who and what you are, then be clear in communicating what you seek and then go for it, no holding back. You will find what you seek if you are honest with yourself -- no matter which side of the D/s coin you reside on. Be careful what you wish for... you might just get it [:)]

brightspot -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 6:54:56 PM)
*I tend to think that Life is filled with lessons, our spirits must* *learn from, grow and move forward.* *I think that, that could be true, that some of us will learn our* *lesson's as being single the majority of our lives.* *And of course the lessons we learn from All our relationships* *to other human beings and animals, even the Earth.* *Is it better to move through a number of people over time to learn* *the lesson's or with one constant companion over the years?* *It's probably an individual thing and on a spectrum.* *Missy.*

LaTigresse -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 7:03:22 PM)
Sarbonn, I don't even think about this stuff. It just feels negative and defeatist for some reason. I look at it this way. I just keep busy living life, doing my thing, enjoying the people I have in my life. And stay open to whatever, whomever, comes along. Concentrate on taking care of what I need to take care of, including myself. By taking this approach, I am happy. Regardless of wether I am alone or not.

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 7:18:29 PM)
I hear some say that if we lower our standards of what we want, we could find someone. I've done that in the past. I've compromised on some wants and desires because of loneliness. That didn't work either. I don't think that what I want is unrealistic. So, I will remain open to finding that special lady, but I'm not going to become so obsesses I forget to live each day I have now. I have my kids, a few good friends, my horses and family. I've met some lovely ladies that write to me and I treasure them. If I find more, then I will be very lucky.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 7:29:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn I know a lot of us have been looking for a long time, while others, of course, haven't been looking that hard, so I'm somewhat left wondering if that perhaps some of us just really weren't meant to find anyone else. You keep hearing the same "oh you'll find someone eventually because my cousin Doofy searched for 52 years until he found the woman he was...."...that kind of thing, so I often wonder if maybe it's just not meant to be. I was having this conversation with my sister the other day, and aside from the rolling eyes about the "type" of woman I seem to end up with, i.e. dominant, she made a statement that as a writer, maybe that's all I'm really supposed to be. Now, that's somewhat discouraging, but it sort of made me wonder. What if some of us were meant for solitude no matter how much work we put into trying to make a connection with someone? As another has already said..I do not focus upon this. I simply live my life and watch unfold...ala Doris Day ,Que Sera Sera(sp).In regards to you personally Sarbonne,..I was actually discussing you with someone a few nights back, and we felt that as far as being a submissive goes, you would be a highly sought after one, mainly for your balance, intelligience, and honest desire, the only possible (if you call it that) negative was that, we thought that possibly a Domme would be somewhat intimidated by all of your wonderful aspects and feel unequal to the challenge of leading you. It will take an equally strong,intelligient,creative Domme to get the chutzpah to accept your submission....Just remember without hope there is no quality of life.....Tempting

TNstepsout -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 7:39:21 PM)
I think that "meant to be" is fluid, not static. It may be that right now it is not meant to be, but maybe tomorrow.... Maybe today there are things you need to do, to learn to finish alone before "meant to be" can find you. Maybe "meant to be" isn't ready yet. Maybe she's clinging to her marriage and trying to make it work, maybe she's finishing school so she will take that job in your town or maybe she's struggling with accepting her kinky nature.... I also don't believe that anyone is meant to be alone. Some people don't do well with relationships and perhaps within their nature they choose to be alone (maybe not consciously), but I don't believe there is some cosmic decision by God (or creator or the universe) that person x will be alone.

DiannaVesta -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 7:40:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy I don't believe that there is someone for everyone. I believe that if you want something or someone, you have to put yourself out there and take some risks. That does not guarantee you will be successful. There are no guarantees in life, except that we will all leave it at some point. I search because I crave and want something. I live each day as if its my last, even though all my quests may not be complete. Nicely said. I agree with this. Its all a risk but you never know unless you try and you stop living when you stop trying.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 7:40:51 PM)
I really try to remain positive about things, but right now I'm kind of tripping over my pouty lip. I hope there isn't just ONE person for everyone, and that I've had my happiness. I don't mind being on my own, enjoy my independence and cherish my quiet nights and peaceful life. BUT, its not what I hope for myself. Ahhman. I think I'm going to back away from the computer and go walk my dog or something, before I get all maudlin! Hang in there Littlesarbon! I plan on doing the same.

LotusSong -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 7:58:17 PM)
I think life unfolds as it should. I think the frustrations come when we expect life to unfold as WE think it should. What's that saying about happiness being like a butterfly? The more one pursues it, the more it eludes us.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/15/2007 8:18:20 PM)
I don't think there is ONE ideal person/pairing that we are destined for, and even though I often feel that I am destined for a solitary existence, I don't indulge in that feeling much. . I am just not that fatalistic. I do think that there are people that we are drawn to in our lives, but it's much easier to let those people in if we don't pre-attach labels. If I can be said to be a soulmate, it's my dear friend J, but she is not in the running for a romantic match for me. Loneliness led me into a disastrous relationship that totally disrupted my life. I gleaned a lot of good from all that, but now I know never to trust that feeling, and never to settle or compromise. I want what I want. If I never find an ideal mate, at least I can say that I have close friends and family who love me.

Dnomyar -> RE: Ever wonder if you just weren't supposed to connect? (10/16/2007 7:13:49 AM)
I have just the reverse problem. To many people. Being a people person I guess that I will live with it. As far as meeting the "right" person you need to adjust your thinking. Take the blinders off and see everything. My take is all people are the right people until they prove me wrong.

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